I See Them

I woke up this morning
Misty eyed and blank
Why can someone does such a thing?
Many suffer

Why oh why?
God sees man's struggle
If such calloused heart continues
Them that struggle
Will have the agony day after day

What can i do?
I feel so helpless with what i see
When my hand starts to write
They are blocked by someone's "might"
I feel so helpless

I see their eyes
I bleed inside
When must suffering end
How can i comfort these souls
I feel that i have not done enough

I thought of parting
I thought of space
I thought i should free my heart
I do suffer...
I feel so pained ...

My arms are wide open
Now...they are still but weary
I want to hold them
Nurse them in my heart
It hurts so much

If only i have much of those strength
That i could contain them in my heart
Oh my ...oh my...
I know even if i feel God's silence
He has them ...held in his Love.....

Thank you so much my God...

God's Will, My Peace

I actually got the title from my 19th Annotation Retreat. Lately, i was starting to question my situations. All the things that transpired seem to bring a lot of headache. Stressors keep on coming. I thought something has gone wrong with the way i am perceiving things. I simply decided not to get caught with it. When some situations occur...they are the reality at that moment. To accept them is simply letting go of myself and allow situations to be as they are. If i did my part ...and i did them well...and with the unfolding of events...there God is telling me something about them.

Let His will be my peace...no more struggles...:-)

A Surprise Gift

I received a beautiful Christmas card yesterday from Fr. Frank...crafted and designed by himself (super talented...). He calls its "old fashioned" but not for me. I like old ways, traditions, etc. They reminisce beautiful memories. When i was a kid, i made cards too. They were usually projects that my teachers asked us to do to be given to special people in our lives. I usually gave them to my parents, brothers, sisters and friends. Since i did not find myself artistic, some of those i made were meant only for submission, grading and kept in my "baul". But those i found attractive, i gave them. But my parents simply accepted them despite the looks and i got the most beautiful smile from them.

Nickey, my pamangkin does it more often to his parents. I appreciated him very much for doing such (though still it is a school project). But the effort of my SD Fr. Frank is something that of an extra mile...He crafted them in his own hands and intentionally give them not because it is a school project....hehehe perhaps i could do the same...hehehe thinking of it...gakalingaw nako ...:-)

This time...the artist in me is slowly waking up...:-)

Thank you Fr. Frank...such a beautiful gift you gave...Merry Christmas...hohohohohhhh

Focus on Serving...Focus on Loving

Before i start up something, i check my motivations. It usually gives me a halt when motivation-wise (hehe if there is such a word) would give me feedback that the focus is self not service. If I could not get the shape of my sincere motive of serving and ultimately, loving...i don't do it. And so waiting comes in.

There are lots of waiting. It is not a waiting for the availability of funds. Though i admit it is one of the major concerns, but, it is the waiting for Dang to shape up. Though i get frustrated at times with myself but not really with Dang. She is such a daring adventure of everything...i am trying to get to know her even more with her thoughts, desires and actions. I always forgive myself and Dang when we both falter and fail, that's why we are both so comfortable with each other (just like the way i befriend Mike).

And so we wait that service and loving be the real motive. we sift, sort, resort...Tedious but we are not giving up...joyful? yes...and hopeful? ......OHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSS!:-0 hahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahahah

In Love? yes yes yes ....hahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahaha

My "Beautiful" Project

For almost two weeks now, i started a beautiful project - my t shirt and accessories shop. With my meager budget, two generous carpenters have extended themselves giving cheaper service than the usual (and i gave them free meals,snacks and chikka interviews). The shop is almost done but i could not be totally convinced with making it a clothes shop. And so i prayed for guidance as to what to do with it. With its native and cute look i could make it something perhaps more worthwhile than a clothes shop...

And so while the construction is on going, a friend asked me to do counseling for her son and some people in the company requested for my private counseling service. And so making it a counseling room was the idea that came in. At the moment the idea is still an idea heheheh. Still, i am in the process of beautifying the shop and continuing to envision of something like pushing through with my consultancy, trainings and counseling service.

In prayer, i am like planting the seed for the idea to come to reality...the Joyfully Hopeful shirts will then be promoted during counseling...:-) How is that God huh? hehehehehehhe I simply love the idea...

Wait lang beauty ko sa Boss ko above...:-)

TRUE SPIRIT

I thought of those Christmases when i was a kid. I was highly anticipating many things such as mama's cooking (as in super lots of food plus my visits to neighbors hahahhaha namasko), caroling, Christmas parties, new clothes, gifts from classmates, and the ones a year gift pack given to kids by the neighborhood organization - a brown paper bag full of goodies such as candies, toys, paper ball, plastic balloon.

I also lit some firecrackers with my friends and the "watosee"...(oops i don't know the spelling but it is a red slender thing that when you light at one end, travels at flip and then gone).

As years advanced, i saw how my expectations of the coming of Christmas dwindled. So many realities have come forth before my eyes that my excitement became the regular day to day feeling that is ...wala lang...minsan numb...:-(

I am now looking into the real and true spirit of Christmas. Though i like so much receiving gifts and imagining that i could fill up my table with all sorts of food. But then i am seeing that i have more than enough for myself. I could try filling up someone's table (not necessarily mine:-)). Perhaps giving brings in the true spirit that i have been anticipating. Perhaps i could see Him through the eyes that don't have enough on the table. Not really perhaps... but i believe in my heart...i would see and feel HIM through them.

WINGLESS ANGELS

Last night someone called me an "Angel" to the rescue on behalf of a priest that did not show up hahahhahahah to lead the opening prayer of a program and prayer before meal:-)... That was like unexpected comment. The dominant feeling was not being worthy to be called as such. As i checked myself, I believe anyone can be an angel in disguise...Anybody can be used by God to represent Him in any situation. His representative, His messenger when any of His people needs Him. Who else but...us?

But more than anything...people are seeing me and BEYOND ME...seeing that i can do God's work and so they come for anything - do counseling for a member of the family or do counseling for them, do some introduction of a production number, write eulogy for someone that died...as in super dooper hahhahahaha (my sister was shocked when i told her this)...

They also flock for comments and assurance with how they look or the style of clothing or write a personality development program for them. And the most heartwarming of all that i had was when in some acquaintances, strangers, colleagues, or old friends open and pour out their hearts (in buckets of tears most of the time). They simply trust me. And ohhhh i feel the need to take care of them. They come because they feel that i can be trusted and more than anything they see God in me....grabe talaga na pressure ...damang dama ko yon...(dapat talaga ipagpapatuloy ang pagpapakabait hahahhahaha).

Some of them asked about my professional fee...i could not utter anything simply because i already got used to helping anyone in need that i don't really know if i could attach any fee for anything i do as a favor for others that need my help ...in anyway i can.

Anyhow, the fee can be discussed though for some special services like trainings or perhaps i could engage in a professional counseling practice in the future hahahhahahaha (now toying the brilliant idea) but not with some small favors to friends ...and there are lots of them... I guess then that being called an angel by some individuals is appropriate.

And so everyday can be a planting of small seeds of hope for others... we can do this together...we can be God's Wingless Angels...:-)

Hahay...Hunger...

Hunger is a desire to be filled in particularly with food. But hunger can mean a desire to fill up the ego. In my not so remote past, i wanted to excel to get the attention of my family. When is started working, I wanted to be noticed. But when a certain post to lead was given to me, I said no. You know why? I was one big critique to particular leaders. And so i was afraid that when i lead, i would experience the same (whahahhahahahh walay klaro noh?)

At first i don't really understand why i see a lot of bouts among leaders (almost everyone of them wants the spot on top :-) ew) and when a new ones comes out and up, the older ones are threatened (why man oi? don't they know that new ones may bring in something new that may help or refresh leadership practice?).

Actually, i was a victim myself by a threatened leader and i thought of shunning it off and not giving in to such insecurity. I have a choice as to how i would respond to the situation. I could still choose to improve myself and enjoy my beautiful moments and opportunity to lead:-). The thing is, the more i hide, work and be invisible, the more i get noticed (chuvaness hahahahha). Do I have a problem with that? At first i did. Now no more. I just have to get the job done and put in as much love as i can...

work...work...love..love... ( sa tinuod lang ga labad ako ulo sa ila oi...hahay...but pasagdan ko na lang...mas maayo i ampo ang mga katugulangan hahahahhaha)

To close this, i would like to post this qoute : "...their hunger increases as their humanity fades away". This one i don't like a bit :-(

Competitions vs Personal Growth and Joy

http://hopeforyourfamily.com/2010/01/26/tug-of-war/
Someone told me last week "you are a strong competitor to them". I was like "ouch"...what happened? I mean to some of these people. Actually, someone from the previous workplace happened to utter those words and we were both laughing at it.

For the past years, i strove not to give in to competitions but pushed myself to improve my crafts and the person that i am. Sometimes i feel threatened when i see some strong personalities or someone displaying great skills, capacities and the potential to become someone in the organization. But the more i focused on them, the more i forgot about my capacities and improving myself. I was never happy with that later. I get to loose my balance if i give in to competitions.

Though i focus on improving myself, i still strive to detach from myself and ego so that i would experience the joy of it all...:-)

Emotions and EQ

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200908/regulating-your-emotions

Through the years, i have experienced the ups and downs of emotions. And so when i came across a topic in my post graduate studies entitled Emotional Intelligence, i dove and browsed through the book, reported it in class, researched more on the topic and made a beautiful craft of Human relations skills training workshop applying its concepts.

Emotional Intelligence is presented by Goleman in one of his definitions based on Aristotle's statement as “the rare skill to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way”. It is such a rare skill since, i rarely find such kind of person (or perhaps at one point i may be able to do such and in another instance i loose the balance). I humbly admit the the difficulty i went through in dealing with myself and my emotions.


This one definition puts my nerves and temper to one of life's greatest tests (i had lots of battles with emotions for the past years...at present ...i am learning to befriend them heheheh). Emotions shift from time to time. I would like to share in this article the 5 domains that may help anyone that may have undergone such a terrible time with handling emotions and point to some outside factors or causes to blame than "looking" within and manage oneself.

The five domains by Goleman are as follows:

1. Self-awareness
For Goleman, self-awareness is being able to identify and name the emotion. Not being able to do this, ownership is not possible. This also includes being able to evenly hover or neutrally observe the emotions as they occur and to at least point to a particular trigger or cause.

2. Managing Emotion

Managing emotions call for the initial skill of self-awareness before one is able to manage it. Moreover, managing emotion is an art. One's uniqueness puts him / her in the spot of managing emotional encounters according to one's personality. Some would like to divert with sports, go to some solitary plight such as the beach or exclusive places such as retreat house. Some would prefer staying in the private confines of a bedroom. Others would prefer reading books, finishing a chore in the house, window shopping (or shopping kung may pera hahhahah), watch comedy movies, etc. But the best so far i had to divert, yet focus is prayer ( i like to linger in front of the blessed sacrament even without saying anything...). After which, i feel a great release of my soul from the entangles and attachments with anger and many other overwhelming feelings that i experienced.

3. Motivating Oneself
Despite the emotional upheavals, one is able to push through with the day. This part says that one is able to stay positive with life and keep oneself on track despite and inspite of.

4. Empathy

The popular statement that says "being able to put oneself in the shoes of another" is best translated also as pakiramdam in Filipino. Being able to sense others feelings is built on self- awareness. As one is able to sense oneself and be aware of the movement of feelings within, manage it, and life life despite of, one becomes more sensitive how others feel through facial expression, sound of voice or body language. Research says that 90% of our emotions are unexpressed and so they leave us figuring how others would feel that may lead to misinterpretations. The greatest and powerful communicator of nonverbals are our eyes. They are the windows of the soul. One may be able to insist on certain facts about oneself through words but the eyes reveal those unexpressed and those that cannot be defined by words (i'd say ...much stronger than all thunders combined hahahahhaha....based on experience po hahahhah).

5. Social Skills

The higher one is able to handle the first four domains of emotional intelligence, the more he / she becomes successful in relating with others. Who would like to be with a highly volatile personality except the one that is able to handle himself successfully in terms of emotions.

Since 2005, i facilitated a workshop applying the above concepts (to teachers, school administrators, guidance counselors in the province, graduate school students, seminarians, Church workers and recently the corporate world...and many other groups in the past)and taken from other sources also for they held me captive since the participants were greatly hit and entirely captured by it (actually their positive feedback motivated me to continue facilitating this topic). Though concepts of Goleman were used, the activities were originally designed so that they may illustrate how a participant should go about each domain for self explorations and exercises.

Recently, in my Human Resource practice, i thought i could shift to other ways of dealing with human relations concerns, yet my heart brings me back to integrate EQ and still get similar and strong responses from participants.

It has been five years since I started using the concepts in my trainings and i cant find any reason of stopping except to continue and enhance it ...The thing is, i have not yet mastered myself yet, and so i just can't call any halt. I and my future participants will work hand in hand in improving ourselves. I and them are still a work in progress:-)

The Unique DANG

When you’re just like everybody else, you’ve nothing to offer other than your conformity. - Dr. Wayne Dyer...

The statement above by Dr. Dyer led me to this writing that says... The unique child inside Glenda named dang has a lot to offer. She just sank in self pity as she was always compared with her siblings when she was a kid. Surprises of all, she began to come out during those years in college when she had all the strength to pursue what she wanted like taking up Psychology, moved up to masters, dressed up unlike the others (swift and mild style that spoke of grace), pursued singing (not really careered heheh) in college, danced so well, started to design modules and gave talks in her Catholic Christian community and many more...

As she slowly came out from herself, she just became so vibrant with life...she likes to laugh and giggle. She is soo funny and so spontaneous with jokes. She likes to animate. And she has her unique way of praying such as visualizing Jesus and the Father (heaven is visualized as a playground and where she can simply hop on the Father's huge bed or sleep at His feet or threw stones at the heavens or bite her angel's wings...chillax folks...imagination lang:-)).

Though she likes to talk, she likes to listen, too. She cries when she feels like or when listening with sad stories shared by anyone (actually when she is both happy and sad...she cries heheh odd ha).

And i tell you she feels a lot and has strong intuition with how others feel. She is so sensitive and can read feelings written on the face (that's why she can easily respond when she sees pain...in the eyes of anyone).

She can fashion and refashion different encounters. She can calm down an angry soul...simply because she listens and accepts without question. And, she is so crazy in love and humbly embraces the need to learn more in this aspect.

Oh so wonderful creature....Beautiful Dang. She is simply splendid, marvelous, awesome...And now she found more of herself through writing, designing and continues to explore her capacities. And instead of pursuing the world's fashion...she found passion...to serve in everything she does.

I would want to declare that I LOVE DANG AND I THANK GOD FOR CREATING HER...HOW WONDERFUL HE IS THAT CREATED HER...I CELEBRATE WITH THE UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL...INSIDE...GLENDA:-) AMEN!!!

P.S. GOD must be soooo BEAUTIFUL... Dang is just a glimpse of HIS BEAUTY...OMG hehhe as in Oh My God!!!!!! can i contain Him when i see Him one day?

"CARIDAD"...LIKES LABELS

I simply toy with one of those past events when i was yet in the academe and my work led me to some public schools to present ourselves to top graduating classes inviting them to take our scholarship exams. In one public school, i had such an encounter with a principal that simply gave me an idea how attaching so much with "ego" may bring such havoc to relating (hahahahhahah i hope i am not too harsh in this) and bring bad light to our image in its truest sense.

To continue, we went inside the principal's office and introduced ourselves. We were expecting that at least the principal would deal with us "properly"... with proper introductions (i guess heheh) but it made us ask if we could get her complete name for our documentation as we go back to our school. Since she opted to stay composed and keep her reserved state (to mildly put it hehe), she simply pointed to that label on top of the table that said "Caridad Baltazar, Ph.D." (not her real name...just the title hehe). And so i felt like jumping, blurting the line "Oh you are Dr. Caridad Baltazar" (i almost added Ph.D. after Baltazar hahahhahahha to pamper her ego and as in super doooper Dr. and Ph.D... my English teachers could kill me...joke lang hehehehe).

I was simply blown away by the strongest "air" that passed us. It left us (ni Faith, a friend and former colleague), looking at each others' eyes in silence ...actually MU kami ...mutual understanding ...and super dooper tawa ...to the max).


In my lifetime, i met lots of "Caridads". I got to be like them too at times. Like, I preferred being called as ma'am or madam than dang or my real name. Perhaps too, if i had just finished my Ph.D., i would prefer being called the title of Caridad hehehheeheh.

Truly, I liked (with emphasis on the past tense hahahha) being called by titles, it threw certain color and smell in the air allowing others to see and smell me too. With that i felt getting their respect. I liked also decorating myself with good and power dressed clothes when i go to work. (Aside from the fact that they are proper attire for work:-) They give me the sense of respect and they initially covered up my insecurities.

But just that encounter with Caridad shifted my heart and mentality to 180 degrees. It made me ask "is there a much better way of getting respect than what this lady is doing?". Again, I was simply blown away and realized her approach is NOT the "one" i should be doing.

On the other hand, it amazes me how other countries like the United States' professionals call each other by first names. I thought when I got to listen how they did it to each other, "if this thing works out in this country...it is possible at mine".

The latter, strongly supported the previous that made me really like being called by my name. And it sounds so good. This time when others mention my name, it reminds me of my openness to anyone that comes or join my life's "crazy and passionate" quests (hahahhaha). It reminds me of unity than division - professional or non prof alike, rich or poor, Christians or not, etc.

Titles or positions should not define us. They are just trappings and labels. What is the difference anyway, between me and the beggar i happen to pass by everyday. Perhaps the clothes or that i get to sleep a better bed or eat better food. But what humbles me is the fact and truth that ONE DAY I AND THAT BEGGAR WILL DIE. And we are not even sure if we get that special spot in heaven (me i like the flower garden and the green grass of the heavens hehehhe). That one beggar that i pass by everyday may get that much better place... who knows? we don't really know...who's who or who would be in the final list (wait until i get to make kulit with my friend Peter hahahhahah).

We do panic ourselves with getting too many things and too much of the "trappings" that they become heavy for us to travel freely and unattached. I say, we travel light or perhaps choose to travel with nothing and simply unattached. Let us not argue with the "nothing"...for i feel i need not expound this further. I have that confidence in my heart that you know better (heheh I could not underestimate yours and my capacities).

Lastly, i am not saying that accomplishments, achievements, success or anything related to that would not bring us closer to our "destination". I would say we strive and continue to build ourselves up but decide to be unattached with anything. When we die, we don't bring our titles, cars, houses, bank accounts etc. We will be judged according to one measure only - LOVE...and as such our real identity and image is not of this world. We are all meant to reach heaven...labels would soon become...dust...



A quote from Pope John Paul VI:

"Somebody should have told us right at the start of our lives that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of everyday. Do it I say! Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows."

Waking Up With a Purpose

I happen to run through a coffee advertisement that says "kanino ka ba gumigising?". It did not really ring a bell at first except when my eyes were no longer glued on the screen. My heart simply felt and "captured" the sound of it (as in wow ...super beautiful question... at ganon ka tindi ang dating ng tanong).

And so i related it with these lines from Pedro Arrupe, a Jesuit that lived a very passionate life saying ...“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”

Arrupe's statements sweep it all. They summarize some fundamental and basic ways of motivating towards living our lives. Starting a day ...falling so deeply in love in quite absolute final way..." (as in woowww) i just feel that there is nothing beyond the point of the absolute (but if there is something beyond this, this space can't be owned by anyone else but MY GOD). But this has to be captured by action. Love in Action... everyday...

I happen to see a video of a very ...ohh so frustrating incident of a suicide put on video via internet by the person himself that committed it. He was trying to announce to everyone what he was about to do (suicide live via webcam). It was so sad to see someone loosing hope to live and decide to end his life that way by hanging himself. I saw the struggle and transition of color with his face from pale to becoming so dark until breathing stopped in a matter of less than 1 minute. Well just like that. As fast as that and it really broke my heart yet, i bravely witnessed such on video just to see and feel what this person might be feeling...it drained me... I just wanted to cry and cry after that.

Loosing hope and reason to live. Not having any reason to fire up the day or start the day can be one of those that we may be experiencing. I had lots of those actually in the many years of facing life's battles and struggles. The latest incident happened immediately after my 19th annotation retreat. After such arduous spiritual exercises, i was then so certain about what i loved doing and i was like pressuring myself not to pursue doing the rest other than my passion (ash in heheh). Yet, I remained and stood still for i might be entertaining the wrong voice. The days were discolored with the lack of motivation and drive to wake up. I found my energy dwindling. I wasn't able to associate low motivation with loosing the spirit to continue "serving God" in anything and everything about the mission.

Having no reason to wake up or not finding meaning with daily undertakings can affect everything in our lives. And so every time I run through Arrupe's lines, they refresh me in terms of committing myself everyday to continue to live and make each day my "fly day" - that is soar high and live life to the fullest.

I do find my purpose now much better and finer than before. I see more of challenges than making situations a problem. When i meet some really questionable behaviors of individuals:-), i ask "what can i learn from this person" so that i could improve my way of relating the next time.

Though I love talking so much, i usually take some halts to listen. In fact, i take more time to listen this time and simply enjoy each person i meet everyday (perhaps they feel it too and enjoy my company at the same time...well you might as well try me hahahhahah char lang).

I am more conscious as to responding (not reacting ...Mike taught me well in this in our moments of encounter) to questions and just trying to check personal motives and flow of conversation if they are simply discussion of facts - which can be very deceiving and may click the arrow leading to gossips.

I get to check myself when i feel dissatisfied and starts to complain. I see to it that i get the job done and more(which means passionately putting my heart in my work).

In short (which is rather long hhahhahah), i am starting to be more in touch with myself so that i could manifest and be more effective with everything that i do everyday.

But do i really get "sick" and scared waking up in a day. Well it does happen sometimes. And that is only when i start to entertain some negative thoughts so swooosh they come real fast and i felt that i cause and attract them. I tell you it is such a tedious job to pick "me" up when i allowed them to come in.

At this time i wake up and consciously declare "THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY, I LOVE DANG AND SHE WILL MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE" ( heheh with shouts of joooooooooooy). Simply because, i know what makes me happy...that is making others happy...help them find meaning and purpose everyday...so that ultimately, I make HIM happy up there...:-)From this i am declaring ...I HAVE A CHOICE AS TO HOW I SHOULD WAKE UP AND PERK MY DAY:-)

From Politics to Sports

Char lang...this time, Joyfully Hopeful is invading the world of sports...hahahah i mean kids sports. Yesterday, i was offered by my sister to co sponsor the uniform of another soccer team. Since they are forming two different age groups of players, she was asking me to "adopt" the other kids group such that naming them THE JOYFULLY HOPEFUL KIDS soccer team...

I excitedly printed shirts for their uniform and of course showcase the shirts plus the streamer of the Joyfully Hopeful during their soccer game this weekend...whitweewww...

At this point, i guess, we need to look for other sponsors to support their needs (ug sugdan ko na hahahahhah). I need not act as the coach hahahaha over to the max...Dennis, my sis husband will do that for us...Amen...

...so how is that? ...from politics to the invasion of kids' sports - soccer ...Doing God's business ha...:-) At my end, i am slowly toying with the idea of giving them formation .....hahahahhaha ...pinaparaket ako ni God ngayon ...free raket hahahahahha

Coffee Time

The Ignatian Pedagogical Paradigm of Jesuit Education (char lang grabe ka serious ang introduction) gives 5 steps to introducing an experiential learning cycle made available for students facilitated by trained educators...Such steps are as follows : Context, Experience, Reflection, Action, and Evaluation.

Wait lang...as in super doooper waahhhhahahahah...so how does my coffee time connect with the Ignatian Pedagogy? It is just that context defines how something is being applied to a particular or actual situation. It is like that of an operational definition in research. And so Coffee time in my context refers to my moments of love - spending time with loved ones and talk about anything (the rest of the pedagogy shall be explained in some future time when new context would arise and the drive of the Spirit and that of my friend Iggy...este St. Ignatius would bring it further to an inspiration of expounding it more in my other life's context hahahha kasabot mo? hahahah nag nose bleed ko ...hahahhahahah).

So coffee time, loved ones, and talking about anything. The first real life authors of this one (in my life) were my own parents. Papa and mama (many years back) would wake up early dawn to pray the rosary together. After which papa would play his "antique" Tom Jones songs (that were pleasing to my ears though) and mama would prepare coffee for both of them to discuss about anything. Still wrapped in my sheets, i could hear both of them in the dining table savoring the mornings together (they simply love the morning talks).

My other siblings do that too with their husbands or wives...the legacy handed down to us by our parents. At my end (though not yet "tied"), i have my own intimate times with coffee such as spending it with my sibling's family over hot pandesal during mornings that we are not rushing to do anything ( i want to savor this moment), or spend it with Mike, or with friends ( i just miss many of them now) or during spiritual encounter with my SD in the last 19th annotation retreat.

I would like to note that i am not stressing or focusing on coffee here...i am stressing on the TIME ...that special time spent for such moments of soft voices, eye to eye contacts, silence, simple conversations, intimate topics, plans presented and unfolded. Where, i could just be myself with the other person, tears sometimes flow, laughter shared, savoring the taste of the coffee while sipping the moments of joy ...of intimacy...of true and real selves revealed...

I love so much this family legacy...i love so much this intimacy of time...I simply love the people i was and am with...close to my heart...soooo close...:-)

At this point...(hahahah balik gihapon Ignatian paradigm)...the Iganatian Pedagogical Paradigm teaches a lot...but those moments of encounter with loved ones are simply one bit and piece of that paradigm...Context ...this one is Love in the moment...Coffee Time...made so special... :-)

Evangelizing Politics

A friend named Mitch approached me for a request of printing campaign - shirts for his father who is running for "Kagawad" in the upcoming Barangay election - October 25, 2010. I have not really tried printing other than the Joyfully Hopeful Designs but this one may be a venue for evangelization. I did not really know how to come in as to putting in the JH advocacy prayer but when Mitch requested that the prayer be attached, my soul leaped for joy hahahhahah ..a new way of evangelizing politics...and our people...Amen ....


- The Candidate -



- The Joyfully Hopeful Advocacy prayer printed at the back of the shirt -



Note :

Kindly refer to this Invitation to Pray the Joyfully Hopeful Advocacy Prayer :
http://dang-joyfullyhopeful.blogspot.com/2010/10/invitation.html

Career Path VS. Life Path

I intentionally browse the net to check on a particular blogger that has captured my interest for several months already. The name is Toni Tiu (Fit to Post blog at yahoo).

Yesterday (October 19, 2010) she blogged on the topic "What is your life path?" She stressed on some career paths that we choose but added further that life path is much bigger than that for it involves finding out what one really wants, that is finding one's passion. She defines career path as "how you progress in your job, position by position". While she considers life path "...as how you want to live your life. It’s about working towards your dreams and aspirations. More than that, it’s finding meaning and purpose in your life".

I could recall how my high school years was encroached with lots of uncertainties and fears about the future. Though some speakers have been invited by the school to talk about the different professions and careers through the courses offered by a particular university, i was still not certain with anything yet.

I may like writing at the moment but Mathematics was really my strength among all the subjects in high school (even in college). I could easily inch my pen to and juggle with formulas ...in short hehe i play with numbers. That was the passion. And i could spend long hours solving Mathematical problems. This brought me to win in Math Olympiad and at least won second in our region (hahahha actually team effort yon hahahah chillax ayaw ug panic ba).

So I thought I could pursue a career related to Math. But I liked computers too that even my term paper in fourth year (high school)was all about it. The graduation yearbook mentioned of my profession related to Computer or something related to Math (hehe i forgot already).

Due to my lack of knowledge with the different professions, i hopped with BS Accountancy which made me excel in the course but my performance dwindled and plummeted as i neared the the middle of my Junior year. It was a strong twist after a series of questionings and the encounter with a friend that studied BS Psychology. I loved so much everything about what she said. It was like simply defining an interest that was long buried.

With BS Psychology, it was such a natural way of going out from my shell. It was like slowly studying myself, my world and that of others. And so my graduation was a well deserved end of my college years (getting the "most friendly" award in the batch este ___________ fill in the blank na lang hahahhah). Thanks be to God for that...

But, another concern presented itself for it posted the question "which particular area of Psychology to tread". I was caught between two things - earn immediately and get any employer that would call me first or simply wait for what an employer that would call me for human resource work (which was my top preference after graduation).

The academe responded first. And everything happened so fast that i forgot about Human Resource for 11 long years of my work life. After which, i gave myself the chance to try the job which is what i am currently doing.

But still the question continues (thanks to Toni Tiu for her article). Since my 19th Annotation, I am being challenged by Fr. Frank to look into and consider a life-time employment... this time following my passion...and what i really, really love doing at the moment aside from my regular employment:-) (and while it consumes the 8- hour part of the day or more), i love designing shirts (for the Joyfully Hopeful advocacy - http://dang-joyfullyhopeful.blogspot.com/ ), shirt printing, create and re-create products, writing blogs, writing training modules and programs and expanding my visual power and energy (by and through God's grace) to what more i could possibly do to improve my craft for others to have more life and reason to live.



...and there is one beautiful thing that i would soon do...nurture another human being or beings (char lang)...One day i would just be a free soul that's free enough to tread on my life's passion - do God's work through the shirt, write and write and nurture ...this will be another one beautiful exciting thing that will soon happen...

Career path vs Life's path... ( a shift from I to We) if we just listen to our heart, it will take its shape and define us as the heart is being manifested through its choices. The latter surpasses career path and i could equal this to a Divine Calling...nothing lesser than the lifetime employment posted as a challenge by Fr. Frank...:-)

COURAGE...I AM WITH YOU

As frightened as i was in my childhood years with horror movies, my interest was its exact opposite. I like watching them even when i was alone. The Sunday's big event on television made me a lone "ranger" in the face of an ohh so frightening movie. I was just simply reminded with this when Princess, one of the Human Resource's staff sent me this communication via chat which i saw after some minutes that i was out from me table...take a look :



And so with that message ...i replied "oh...yah nag talk nami...whehehehhehe".

I thought growing older would make me braver. I still watch this kind of movies and i would lift my legs (sinehan na ni ha) and shout in the movie house like i am alone watching and sometimes even if everyone has rested ...everyone would hear my only "golden" voice in the air....(as in super dooper ikahihiya mo ang beauty ko...mike would usually say..."tama na hon" ....ouuuuuuuchhh that was during our anniversary movie date ...hahahh grosssssss and went out hiding in behind the cinema curtain that made mike look for me the rest of the movie ...sukol paka? Ang anniversary movie date namo kay watch mi JEEPERS CREEPERS hahahahha!!!!!!!!!! Mabuang ko bayot!!!

Really, i was such a crazy and anxious soul myself imagining ghosts to be somewhere near me when i hear stories about them. Well the funniest experience i had was during an 8-day retreat under Fr. Balchand, SJ's direction at the Jesuit Retreat house in Malaybalay.

It was an amazing 8-day silent retreat with each of us assigned to our individual room (as in super dooper matunog na walang kasama and walang lusot dahil naka post na names namin sa doorrrrrrrrrr whaaaaaaahhh). I had no idea whatsoever with room histories but ghost stories were popular that time during retreat with students.

And so alone in my room, i had my regular rituals of prayer and Bible reading prior to sleeping. Then the "new" attached rituals such as - placed my rosary beads as bracelet, held my st. Benedict medal, opened psalm 91 from the Bible and placed it beside my pillow, lights on and the last...wore my bonnet to protect my head from cold...este... to cover my head down to my eyes so i could pull it up from time to time to peep and check if there are really ghosts...hahahhahahahaha nabuang na gyud sana gi video ni nga scene noh? hahahhahah (wait lang...can't stop laughing...).

As in ...recalling that incident or even sharing it during trainings, seminars or a simple talks soared laughter in the audience and from me din. But at least i was able to recover from that sort of insanity with ghosts...Thanks be to God... The rosary that I prayed everyday (even as much as doing the 15 mysteries) did heal me from that thing and i got the assurance from a dream...which i shared to Fr. Pen Abuan, SJ one morning during retreat with students.

Let me recall that "story of assurance" (heheh chikka to the max). I prayed 15 mysteries of the rosary the night before that and I've never been so relaxed at Jesuit Retreat House except for that night. And the grace-filled encounter happened in my sleep when ...(i thought i was already awake)a man came near my bed. He wore a glaring white shirt (plus blue jeans ahahahhaha) with a little longer hair like that of Antonio Banderas (ahahahha nangdamay pa) ...as in super dooper gwapo...but you know what he said "dang mata naka kay mag hear naka ug mass"... as in super dooper at peace ako beauty and he was like telling me before he went out of the room that he was just standing outside the whole night to guard me....(ay security guard siya hahahha)....

...unlikely Conclusion (hahhahah)

Akong angel si Antonio Banderas....hahahha joookkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeee....i mean i was just assured by God that HE IS WITH ME...through my super doooper cute angel....whhhhaaaaaaaaahhh gwapo niya hahahhaha...and i had the feeling that the Blessed Mother requested him to manifest his presence that night for the ultimate "assurance" of God's presence.

PAPA

I had a beautiful chat this morning with an old friend that stated about his visit to his father in a far place Naga to see him after 22 years. This aspect of his life when we were classmates in the Graduate school at XU was part of the discussions that we had which he related to have culminated last week in the visit. The experience did not really move him a bit to tears during the encounter but was slowly eating him from the inside and broke in a bucket of tears on his bus ride back to Manila.

He also related how his father's absence had paved way to a financial concern of the family but made them leap higher to strive to finish studies, get married, employed with XU and now he is about to defend his thesis in his masters degree in Guidance and Counseling.

The meeting with his father has been the most awaited and unexpected part of his life. He was hinted by a friend that gave him the address. And so when he was joining a seminar in Manila, he intentionally traveled 14 hours to meet his father. This though came as a big surprise to his father who is now old and suffering from some illness.

The situation according to him made him more confident to face his responsibilities as a father which to this day, he makes it his top priority. He also focuses his thesis study on students with broken homes and the latter's effect to their academic performance. His findings according to him are really indicative of the situation that they are into such that there is high level of anxiety and lack of confidence from these students based on the survey he conducted.

While listening, i felt like breaking down but held up to continue with the story. (At this point i would say...this is how it is with me when i listen to life's breaking stories).

Making family as top priority. This is something that is presented to my face this morning. I have not seen too, my father for months already. I don't know what has transpired at his end but i have not really grown to be attached to him except with my mother. Though i find my father a friend other than being that of a father but i admit i lack that special attachment with him. Perhaps because i have not really felt the warmth or perhaps series of painful encounters in the past led me farther emotionally.

If my friend was desperately searching for his own father for 22 years, my very own father is at my reach ...just in Bukidnon...and i am like feeling all along that he will just always be there when i need him...but talking with my friend early this morning made that difference...i have to reach out to my own father...I feel even blessed to just have him near. I should not wait though, for certain illness or whatever incident to happen to push me to pay him the visit. I love my father and i know in my heart that this situation is leading me to do something to be with him... If i had not felt that warmth...maybe perhaps, i only saw that i needed to be filled and satisfied by that love...but i missed the real point...TO SIMPLY LOVE HIM.

I LOVE YOU PAPA. SEE YOU SOON..:-)

I am Calling it a Halt

I went to Davao recently to join a seminar facilitated by someone from the national office of our company. I had such a great time except for the 2 incidents of encounters of 2 cab drivers. The first one appeared not knowledgeable of the address that we gave him and so went a different route twice which led us to call for a halt for us to go down for he seemed to be not getting our instructions. The second one requested for an add on from the amount reflected in the cab meter.

I was greatly dismayed by the incidents. Though we found a way to joke with the experience but the reality is kind of painful as to how public violation of charging or confusing passengers has been taking its toll already. I am presuming no formal complaint has yet been forwarded to seriously address the concern (meron na ba?).


My arrival in Cagayan de Oro was another incident. The sad thing was, another plane passenger ( a foreigner UN peacekeeper) requested for my assistance to get a cab and another shameful strategy was presented by cab drivers - pushing forth a certain price other than using a taxi / cab meter.

Moreover, another incident was when i went back to the office after a whole day training. The cab driver made me choose which way to go (actually similar incident happened many times already). From this I immediately thought that he was testing me if i knew my way. I simply decided to find another cab for he was insisting that we would take the longer route since he knew better. This incident really put me to test as to handling and composing myself despite the emotional struggle with these encounters.


Last summer, when I arrived at our very own airport here in Cagayan de Oro, i was sort of "captive" to this same practice. I did not want to give in to such high "patong" to actual price. The good thing was this cab driver (that according to him was "not part of the association") gave me the ride after my sort of "discussion" about this practice.

On one hand, I did understand his explanation as to trying to make up with the high rental of the cab. I did understand him also with supplying for the needs of his family. He must be doing his best to provide for them well. But what i could not totally understand is that how this situation has been tolerated in our Cities (CDO, Davao, Cebu, Manila, etc...dami pang ibang places).


Well, I ended my conversation with that cab driver by saying " you know what manong, ang kwarta nga nakuha sa dili maayo nga pama-agi dali ra mawala. Sometimes ipa agi sa mga incidente nga dili nato gina expect sama sa mga sakit ug uban pa nga mga sitwasyon hangtud nga mahurot ato kwarta. Ug sometimes makapangutang pata (intawon naghinuktok si manong heheh)...". This one thing i learned from life. We always reap what we sow and life will always give back what we put into it. We don't expect for a bad quality seed to bring forth a good harvest right?


I thought i would just simply write something for my RANDOM THOUGHTS blog site (just like a brief "scribble" of notes) but as i run through the keys, there seem to another issue coming out - my visit in a government office for the processing of a business permit. The following were my observations :

1. there were lots of working tables at the city hall
2. a lot of them have no employees in place (perhaps...more vacancies? ...but not they are talking with other employees in another table, some eating, chatting, simply laughing and having fun...during office hours
3. as i approached someone to help me with the processing, i was readily served ( i was so glad to be received well) and thought i would finish faster( which i did). It was just that before finalizing the entire process i and the one that attended with me were interrupted by a group of friends that brought in some "goodies" of information for the processor's "consumption" and so she handed my paper to another processor who was so free to attend with me. As i held my eyes away from them, i heard the laughter and fun that they had (they must be so happy working so free in that kind of environment...huh? sad gyud oi).

Another last thing which i found a little funny but so true was the story related by my honey (hehe). He went to the city planning office looking for a particular office head. As he got in, he was met with a dimly lit office with people just whispering as they conversed with each other. And so he was like almost on his breaking laughter when he realized that people have nothing to do and so they just have to settle with such amount of light since they don't need much anyway.

At my end, i do feel helpless with such realities, for a lot of varied ways of stealing, cheating, etc have been going on around us. In many different forms, they manifest and i am hoping, in this writing, i would be able to reach out to more or a wider audience not really and solely for the purpose of making people aware but to invite us to DO SOMETHING to positively respond to these issues and concerns by making a difference ourselves.

What i mean can be the following :

1. not joining the "patong" style (for cab drivers) or giving in to their request
2. simply do your job - even and despite your boss is not around ( i work in
a private company ...and my experience is a constant following up, grilling and
prodding to produce an excellent output for each working day)


Truly, our actions have consequences - good or bad. We all know that human-made rules can be bent anytime but there are rules manned by the UNSEEN... GOD Himself. The Bible clearly states this (unfortunately, not everyone is attracted to reading it).


Thus, and perhaps, God, even without the Bible, from the very beginning marked His law in the hearts of men. When we sin we know and when we do otherwise, we feel His peace (for a calloused conscience...this one i say might be hard to "see" through the heart).

Lastly, being honed in a Catholic university run by the Jesuits, made me more conscious of the of valuing honesty, sincerity, respect of human dignity, giving justice, giving without counting the cost, making a difference and many more. Before, i felt more of the burden of the knowledge that i gained for they pushed me even more to propagate that consciousness of engaging in others' lives. At the moment, i feel the challenge of not considering it as such but an expression of Love emanating from the experience of being loved (hehe drama effect but i sincerely bow to this...fresh talaga from my 19th annotation retreat hehe).


To give this writing a strong push...hahay ...may i go straight to the point...we can never experience the peace of God when we run contrary to His work. Thus, putting "patong" to actual fare, not giving justice to task assigned or other forms of stealing that we know of that we feel we are putting on gray areas for they appear light (lytch lang hehe), we tolerate the ill of sin to slowly creep in our society, in our system. This one i say springs from a heart that allowed the contamination of sin. Thus, i am suggesting a halt!!!!... to do what's right and to sin no more... (grabe ka strong hehe)

This is for all of us...God bless us all!


________________________________________________________

P.S. One day in the past, i hoped and prayed that there will be some kind of massive entrapment operations for taxi drivers... and office managers will wholeheartedly respond to this. But sana there will be no such incident to happen before change will take place. My prayer now is...that this will not fall on deaf ears and hearts...:-) I feel God will move us ...i feel positive and hopeful for all of us...Amen...:-)

CARLA - lelex:-)

She hailed from my place in Bukidnon. I heard of her name lots of times when we were kids since she garnered (many times i guess:-) ) the championship award at Del Monte, Bukidnon singing competition. I should say ...matunog ang pangalan nya when we were kids. When she transferred to our apartment in college, I was a little apprehensive dahil baka sosyal nga siya (hahahahaha sorry Carl..that was just then...). But of course, it was a lot different knowing her to be so down-to-earth with all our chikkas and open forums in the apartment, the praying together of rosary, the watching together of late night movies and many others pa. I admired her also with how she was able to balance her time with studies, BF Dennis and her talented group that regularly sang at a bar. I was also a little jealous that she was regularly visited by her mom at the apartment. Unlike us ni gay that we got only visited by our mama in our dreams (hahahhahaha kalag na bitaw dead-bol na baya mama).

Our college years ran swiftly with almost the entire apartment "team" (char lang) graduated together in college including of course Carla. After graduation, I rarely heard of her except when I heard that she already got married and sadly also when I heard that she fell ill and her younger daughter Robin Faith. I was not really there in every major and minor events of Carla's life but my chikka sister gay updated me with everything and honestly broke my heart every step of that painful journey (every time i read Carla's account, i couldn't stop crying...why man oi huhuhuhu). And, in our random meetings at the mall, i was able to get some glimpses of her story and how she struggled especially when Robin was brought to the states for treatment without her at her side but had to bear all that for her daughter to be well ( We always had such "short and sweet" emotional sharings...actually not really sweet...painful talaga).

I felt deeply overwhelmed by the whole thing imagining the process of how God was able to fashion each experience or experiences we have to fit in to our "formation" here on earth. I keep on wondering and tearfully recalling how such experience be placed in a package given to one person named Carla. I mean I only got to know her as a friend way back in college but I did not know such strength of a woman to come out due to such painful experience of being ill and losing someone so dear to her.

I really prodded her to write. Since I started this Little Heroes column, she always came in my thoughts and heart. Perhaps God was really pushing me to invite Carla to write her story which she just did (heheh lipay ayo ko ...ako ra man gihapon cge hilak). She just crafted a beautiful story of her life which you can check in this site - http://mygoodiebox.blogspot.com/p/about-me.html -.

When I invited her to write her story, she said "di balo ngano hero ko oi" (bitaw lingaw ko kang Carla..i hope she is aware that she is that brave:-)). But I just want to announce to the world that there is such great strength in each of us. And they are best tested when situation presents itself just like that of Carla's.

Carla is a hero with regards to strength and plight to stand up for life - for daughter Robin, for her love for Dennis and Maia, her love for herself to continue living despite her illness and I believe her deep and immeasurable love for God as she and the entire family continues to thrive in God's business through their plan of putting up a foundation for Robin. Who would ever think in the past, I mean when we were still in college...we may have laughed this whole idea heheheh that one day one of us would ever decide to engage in such beautiful experience of starting such a project.

Robin is truly such an angel that moved the entire family to be able to do beautiful works to the community. Or, to lead her mom to be more passionately involved and engaged with life. And lastly, to be able to find that real and true strength of a woman, mom, and a wife - A REAL AND TRUE HERO OF LIFE.

God bless you Carl. May you continue to flourish and extend your boundaries with Dennis and Maia.:-) ...with your angel Robin hehe imagine nako siya dula sa langit haskang biboha...:-)

RAISING, NOT JUST GROWING THEM

I came across an old book at an SM sale accounted by a teacher author regarding a man in Texas named George Dawson that only learned how to read in his later life (80's... ay sori po 90's diay ..98 years old). This man simply lived a simple and uncomplicated life. He said "Life is good just the way it is". He also added "these days are growing children not raising them".

I guess growing is being associated with just simply providing them with stuffs that support physical growth such as food, clothing, shelter, medicines, etc. But raising would lead to a total engagement of parents to the life of their children particularly on emotional, social, spiritual (etc.) and developing other skills that may make them a positive contribution not only to themselves but to the society.

This is one thing though that bothers me. With the introduction of varied technologies from the western world and our parents embracing those stuffs to entertain our children, we allow some time to pass for such activities that make the children "idle" with things that are more life giving.

I may sound like an expert parent. I am not. I am not claiming any of such authority on this earth (char lang ...basin inyo ko labayon bato da hahhahahha). The thing is, i am a single, a little older lady (hahahahhaha soon to get married though) that sees many things from experiences in the academe and engagements with family, my life as a child and lives of children that i play with in the neighborhood (at my age i still play a group of children ...and i love to keep it that way).

There is one common thing with them. They like to have your attention. Anything goes with children - play, stories, toys (even hand made ones). They flock with you if they feel you give them "A" - as in attention. They get your attention when they see you listening to someone else stories. When you ask them to do things, they do it just to get it, too, such as dancing for you or tell you stories.





Some neighbor's children - would flock at the house while I cook, play on the computer (not really play but we take pictures together over the camera...too bad I lost it when I had my computer reformatted.) We listen to music together or we just bring plastic chairs together so that we could gather and talk about anything.

They flock when you give them time. On and on and until this time, they look for me shouting outside of the gate for the hug. Though I rarely get their hugs at the moment, but when I get them during weekends, I sure feel that i still have their love (to uriel, mayre, justine, tintin, andrew, ann2x, and many more kids ...thanks for the time and the fun, fun time we had).

Parents can tell more with how they have struggled toward growing and raising their children. A lot of parents, despite with their daily workloads always have the time to let go of work just to be present at school meetings, school affairs, social activities, etc.

My sister Gay and husband Dennis for example support their kids girl2 and Anton by organizing a soccer team for both to engage and the entire family to participate. They have made other kids join providing them with food, uniform, transportation, lodging (they also invite sponsors :-)).

My friends Carla and Dennis are so fully engage with their family that they give their full attention to their daughters Maia Frances and Robin that died years ago due to an illness. Their love for their family particularly their daughters led them to doing some community works of distributing food and medicines in the cardiac unit of NMMC hospital last August, 2010 (and more surprises to come from Carla and family. Carla is now being featured in my LITTLE HEROES blog site).

My sister Gina and husband Ronnie do spend their simple time lying in bed together with Alfie and Nickey (grabe ka full pack ang bed heheh) and talk about anything including lots of laughter. They go to Church together (though sometimes they struggle to keep Nickey with them). One thing that's popular with their family is "laughter" (plus I join them from time to time).

My other sister Grace and husband Jun (hehe i mean Avelino bitaw ...Junior siya actually), spend their time as a couple with AG and Rock2. They join Couples' for Christ and support both their kids at kids camp with Kids for Christ. They are both such hands-on parents such as giving them tutorials and hold regular family dates, too (sometime they do laundry for them when help is not available).

Sadly other parents, may find it painful to being able provide such presence since they work outside of the country or work takes them outside of their place of residence or make them spend longer hours in the office. I do not judge them either for such for I experienced interacting with them, too.

When I was in US I heard stories of their sacrifices to leave their families to provide them financially. And, the parents that can't have such sufficient and satisfying time with their children due to work. But you would always hear them say "I do this because, I love them and I have to provide all their needs" (sadly, a lot of their children or adolescents for that matter do not really appreciate this).

A child does not totally understand this. But when a "balikbayan box" (for OFWs) comes containing all the toys and fancies that can materially provide a child, he / she forgets momentarily. He can't even totally utter what he misses but i am pretty sure he feels the lack even without fully understanding it.

My experience as a high school counselor for 10 years (before i had my detour in human resource hehe)made me see all these stuffs. Parents out of pure motive of providing for their children merits the consequences of not really being "known" by them. Parents would express their pains of the "loss" but painful as it is, they just "reap" what they sow.

One story that broke my heart was shared by a friend over an incident of a child that did her family drawing without the mother in it. You know why? The mother has been in the States (US)working as a nurse since she was 3 years old (now she is 8). And the mom comes home one's a year (she is still blessed to have her ones a year...others won't see their parent for 5 to 10 years) but excluding the mother in that drawing would tear my world and break me apart ...ohhh so, so...downright paaiiinnfulll if i am the mother.

Other instance was when somebody close to me joined a mother and daughter camp for a a little girl whose mother works in US ,too. Wow...if only the mom had known that she missed a lot of her daughter's stories and growing up ( ako kung pwede lang i will watch every moment of growing of my "future" child hehehe...i would love to do that for him or her).

Presence is so important with children. We may have provided them with the basic needs but a lot of them crave for attention. One TV ad that i have seen recently mentions of a teenage girl that mentions to her parents at dinner time that her friend got pregnant and shared how she feels with her friend. I should say she is blessed to have the opportunity to be able to share her feelings and agony to her parents over of her friend's situation simply because her parents are with her in the house when she comes home.

As Filipinos, we value so much our families and our children. The strength of our families can outweigh any hardship that each one may encounter. Though we say that adolescents' life is the most crucial stage of all the stages but from experience, the first five years and the entire childhood years should be the planting of the seeds and building up of the strong foundation of child's character that can and may withstand challenges of the future.

And so, I hope and pray that we all strive to both grow and raise our children ...for the future (char lang...murag kanta hahhahahh)...God bless us all!

"MARIE"

Marie works at Dunkin Donuts, Cagayan de Oro as a service crew. She is now 24 years old but earlier in life...when she was 12, she had to forcibly work her way from Lingating, Bukidnon to the city to work at the market earning P50 per day just to support the family in lieu of her father that got paralyzed at that time. Such was her initiative to bring income to the family that sent 7 other siblings to school.

During the Values formation seminar she had an emotional "outbreak" of her life story that moved everyone to tears. You know why? With her very minimal salary, she was able to make 2 other siblings (from among 7)to finish high school and is still sending the others in the elementary school. (What a big slap to my face that earned only for myself and Tobby - hahahhaha my puppy-dog).

She also broke the news that she will soon get married and was asking me as to where she could have a free wedding by a priest. Ouch!!!!! if only I am a priest, I would give her that (any priest out there who deliver such free service? heheh). When I asked her of the budget of her wedding, she uttered "P10,000". And it broke my heart again ...huhuhuhuh...You know why? I am quite ambitious in the past with how i imagined my wedding to be. I wanted such a grand wedding with all the entourage and video coverage perhaps so that i could post at facebook (joke lang...wala koy facebook). And here comes this lady that only wanted such a simple wedding taken from her and fiance's savings.

During our sessions, she may have cried for the years she had not enjoyed well her childhood years but the great fulfillment was how she had labored so hard for the family members to get the education they need (I see you now crying and i am while writing this). Added to that, she stated that it makes her happy to be able to give P1,000 for the family and buy them food from her meager income.

One more thing...this is what I learned with Marie...instead of complaining with her meager income, she even focused with her gratefulness that she has the job to support the family (for i hear a lot of people complaining and "crying" for an increment...on and on and that they are never satisfied with the amount added).

Really, the generosity of this lady named "Marie" is never outdone by what I have just started...I "woke up" much later than her. If i had not, I and Marie will not be able to meet in heaven...huhuhu (ay char lang sure nako malangit? hahahahhaha) Thank you God :-)

_________________________________________________

Note : this is also featured in my LITTLE HEROES blog site :

http://dang-littleheroes.blogspot.com/2010/09/marie.html

"CHARLIE"

"Charlie". That's his name. He is not the regular service crew that you see at Dunkin Donuts that does the work according to job descriptions. He does more than that. He goes out of his way to really entertain people. I first got to know him in an initial interview last August (2010). He was a little formal with me ...of course with the first getting -to- know- each- other meeting. But when he got to join us in the first-batch of the three-day values formation series, he was all out with his participation in all activities and sharings. And he kept on throwing humor and jokes that led everyone to enjoy the entire process. I tell you...he can well compete with Poo, Pokwang and all other stand-up comedians we have in the Philippines.

Let me give you samples (though it would be more fun if you can relate with the context):

1. Someone shared of a childhood experience that started with "when i was a ked"...and so Charlie uttered, "ked? past tense of kid?"

2. in the culminating drama, he portrayed the role of a son that wanted to bring his sister to an audition that may bring some family fortune (or misfortune hahahahha) bitaw he just wanted to buy medicines for his sick mother and so he forced his sister to just audition for a singing contest. They were both crying profusely for desperation to get the medicines. And so with the sister's exasperation, she was asking her kuya "unsa man diay sakit ni mama?"...Charlie (with his impromptu style of delivery uttered "hmmmmmmmmm...sip-on"...

3. Charlie is so positive with life and so he mentioned in one of his visits in the office "...the future is so bright...and so let's begin the first step with the 'heel' (what he meant was high heels hahahhahahahha simply...crazzzzyy).

I tell you ...if you get to meet him ...you will go crazy laughing. With the seminar almost ending on the third day, i had an inkling that he wanted so much my attention and care "ngano wala man ko nimo duuli mam ...sana nag whisper ka encouraging words...can i come visit you at work"....of course i said my yes.

Charlie was just one of those that participated in the seminar that may be carrying some heavy loads but was able to choose to be joyful and happy... despite of.

STARTING AND ENDING IT RIGHT

I was so busy last week. With the straight 4 - day training, I thought I would not survive until the end but I did. Given the daily work schedule, 90% of the day is spent with the regular demands of the job. Well let me tell you what I did last Sunday after my Saturday's last day session of training...

1. I woke up 6 am (usually wake up 4 or 5 am)
2. Said a "short but sweet" prayer (i prefer longer ...love wasting time with Jessuuuus)
3. Changed clothes and went out of the house walking 5 rounds around the neighborhood block (said my rosary short cut hahahah can you imagine that while i did my walking rounds - contact me...i'll teach you how)
4. bought my hefty sized pandesal (char lang pa hefty effect)
5. Turned on my computer and put on some music (while Nicky my pamangkin was still sleeping hehe no prob he wears "ear plugs" with his loud music)
6. prepared my delicious Linzhi coffee (sori dili brewed ga palpitate imo iyaan ug ga tinigulang hahahahahha)
7. tearfully wrote my journal for the day while enjoying my coffee and hot pandesal (oopps i almost forgot...i prepared some for Tobby too - my "puppy - dog" - hehehe actually askal nga dog nakalimot lang gibati ug ka imported hahahhahahahha).
8. Prepared our simple meal ni nickey
9. Took a bath
10. Changed clothes for the Sunday mass (i chose my clothes well to look good for my Sunday date with Jesus and Mike ...as in super dooper gwapa si lola)
11. Did some small grocery with Mike
12. Got a surprised invitation by a new found friend in the neighborhood for a lunch (heheh good thing we did not have to prepare or eat somewhere)
13. Had some fun, fun conversation with some touching topics
14. Brought shirts to Fr. Frank for our apostolate advocacy Joyfully Hopeful (from where i learned that some Jesuits from Manila sent txt messages teasing him of his "negosyo" shirts in Mindanao "nagnenegosyo ka na pala jan frank" hahahhahaha nag panic ako SD ...joke lang fr. Frank..actually the shirts were brought by Fr. Rogel so that he would give them as gifts when he goes back to Vatican - Rome ba...bongga...)
14. Joined my SD fr. Frank for our last meeting before my "graduation" next weekend ...(yeheeeeeeyyy excited ako with my one on one mass...i mean with some priest friends and madres : Frs Dimly, Julius, Butch, Sister Dayday ...and my sister gay pud)
15. Prepared dinner with Michael and some "coffee time" conversations with him.
16. Said my prayers and hopped in bed with lots of "Thank Yous" to God ...for the blessings of the day...

But really, I found my day so full and filled up but thinking that i started my day right and so relaxed made a lot of difference. Putting the foundation of the day through prayer makes it lyt-chhh (hehe i have my unique pronunciation of this taken from my own dictionary hahahha) and full of grace and meaning.

Though my days will not always be like this - the "in-betweens" - ...but starting and ending it right protects and seals the package of the day.

Prayer ...prayer ...prayer...Amen :-)

KEEP THE CUP EMPTY

I conversed with one supervisor this morning and he shared with his experience being young in the position and learning new things everyday ( I can see the drive and the passion in his eyes). From it I simply uttered, "yes it is always good to keep the cup empty so that we would continue to learn everyday"... And wow, this one perked me to write. I hopped excitedly in the computer hahahahaha...here goes.

Of course you know what i mean with emptying the cup. It is just simply pouring out its content so that you will have available space for the next round of ...coffee, tea, or me ( hahahhah joke lang). I would like to associate the cup's "space" to our capacity to absorb things. Let's start with coffee ..

1. Coffee

Coffee is basically bitter. Others find it delicious to have at that, while others want it mixed with creamer and sugar or they use other ways of doing it to come up with other flavors such as cappuccino, latte and the like (hahahaha "the like" na lang ako gamiton kay wala nko kabalo sa uban). And so the cup of life may contain such bitter experiences that can be managed by putting in some life's "creamer and sugar" such as the decision to make things lighter despite the pains and struggles. Taken at that, the pain may have its way of consuming us like if we fully drink it in its entirety. But my SD finds brewed coffee really delicious. Wow...it may be that life can be taken in full even without the creamer or sugar. Pain has its way of creating miracles such that best learnings can come from it, if not, life's greatest wisdom.

2. Tea

Tea varies in flavor - green, mint, etc. and the like (na naman hahahahaha). These are the different flavors of experiences that may be poured in the "cup" of our life. Some we find delicious and others not really pleasing or delicious. I am not really such expert in associating things but this thing i see...life offers varieties of experiences and opportunities. We are free to pick according to our taste and flavor. Sometimes, we tend to experiment. Forest Gump's film played by Tom Hanks, associate life to "a box of chocolate and so you never know what you get". Well call that surprises, since life does not always give us what we expect or as simple as choosing what flavor of tea to drink.

Also, there are always first times with tea, right? Sso with life. But are we going to taste everything for us to be fully knowledgeable with life? Experience teaches lessons and the best teachers are those that have fully engaged themselves with life. Though I don't really agree full well that we engage with things that may harm us such as drugs to be a credible counselor of drug dependents or to get pregnant at a young age to be more effective in dealing with teen pregnancy. But that is how it is. If we fully engage...we extract the best of lessons that we may be able to give. Those that have experienced the most of pain are able to relate well with those that are really struggling (Emotional intelligence can support more on this).

3. ME

Actually, this one started as a joke which just came out as I nibbled my thoughts (remember the running old joke with service in the restaurant "coffee, tea or me?" ...that's just it ...hahahaha) but well I thought of me as the "ME" - GOD Himself. The Me being poured in our cup. Fully emptying the cup allows everything coming from our God to flow in. Imagine drinking from the cup of God. If you can recall the "cup" that Jesus went through...Yah right , the sufferings that He went through. Can you do the same? (hahhaha i see you face...I have 6th sense...i can see dead people walking like real people joke lang hahahhahahahahah...)...

Well everything is a choice though. We can either put in coffee, tea, or / and ultimately ...and one day choose to empty our cup for the ME. I bet ...we will definitely shine when resurrection comes. We may think that learning will just be limited to the size of our cup...There is more than "magic" with God's cup...And yes, there is nothing more to learning about God's cup that contains His unlimited supply of wisdom...just like what He has continually poured on me...try nato:-) go.. go.. nata... hehehe...

JUST SAY IT

For me it is good to write when they are fresh (hehe). I just happen to lose a minor thing...my hair clip. this one brings my hair to order the entire day so I won't really have to focus on it and just get things done for the entire day. But then, again, I lost it. Big problem ha for i would not want to scare anyone away. I am not vain either to go to the parlor to get hair relax...since college, i do my hair pony or pouched. hahhaha what a term.

I had three options though : to go out of the office and buy one, let my hair down and simple or simply say it to someone in the office hoping she would be the one to help and provide me with the clip (hahahhaha that big deal ha). And I got it(thanks to Princess). You may say " Hey men hahahah it is just a clip"... (char !!!) But i would say ...it is not the clip...it is when you say that you need something so that others would know what you lack that help would be made available for you.

But nah nah..it is not really like that always in real life. Reality bites and hits hard. When you ask for something or anything ...you do not really get everything. In prayer, when you enumerate things that you need or want from God, you don't really get everything.

Why is that? Kind of unfair ha. I did it many times and over and over again. In my not so remote past, when i was still a fresh graduate and freshly baked. Hahahhahahah...I thought i started out writing everything i wanted through my personal vision and mission and so i itemized everything and kept on fulfilling them year after year. It is like having a checklist in my drawer and just simply pull them out when i needed to check if I have accomplished my plans. And i did them all (?) ...wait ...except one...getting control of when and the time of getting married. Hhahahhahaha as the years passed, it became an image of someone standing beside the road allowing things to pass by and helplessly mumble words like "ay...tua ra sila..milabay na" hahahhahahha.

Really, i could easily laugh at all these now, but, before? Well it was like joining a desperate race of single women getting married one at a time and i felt so left out and lost. I kept such one hard question in my heart "why me?'' and ...would you allow me to describe it? Just a simple lady crawling and begging for her to be allowed to get married...she muttered, complained, threw stones at the heavens gate, bit her angel's wing, threw stone at the Father's throne (hahahha) and would you believe that i included a joke of kidnapping the Blessed Mother? (this came out from an electronic chat with another single friend hahahhahahh)...kidnap for ransom. We both believed Jesus will not be able to say NO to us (hahahhahahhahah muligid ta katawa bai).

But really and seriously, why is it that a generous God who owns everything can afford to say NO to such request or to any of our requests? Everyone would be rich, get a good job, have a perfect family, great vacation, great house, eating good food, poverty eliminated. Everyone is simply H-A-P-P-Y.

Why is it that God Himself, the great author of generosity is not able to dispense everything in just a simple push of the buttons of the machine? Wow...you read me...making God as a machine...at our own disposal and control.

But we do ask...we say it ... but we are not outright given...This is kind a hard to answer but you know what? As time passed by...I thought choosing to be bitter because I did not get what I wanted would make God grant me what I demanded but He made me wait even more...Gross ha. The waiting paid so well for in His right time someone just came and broke the silence on God's behalf - my Spiritual Director - Fr. Frank, SJ.

It was when I stopped the chase, and started to stop asking and allowed myself to simply submit that I slowly got the pieces back. It was in those times of simply not asking and not doing anything when He came and dug hard. It was like His hand had punched a deep hole and cleaned up all the mess inside planting a new seed of hope.

I simply said it many times in the past...and I thought I wouldn't find it. He came...He did answer...not the way I wanted Him. I could not reverse the process ...me being God and He does what I wanted. It has to be Him and only Him as the God..

Listen up...He is our God...It has to be that and no reverse whatsoever.

And so why can't we just simply stop the chase and let go... When we do that, we just simply wait...His time...the perfect time. No sweat ha...(come dance with me hahahahhahahah).

So when you JUST simply SAY IT ...it has to be ...."I WILL WAIT".