FAITH, GENEROSITY AND TWENTY PESO BILL

It has been my hobby lately to pick up stories to write. It does not really happen outright for there are a lot to choose from. And so in my search for the "best" to share, I ran across two friends. One shared on an old love story and the other one that revealed an obvious manifestation of faith and sacrifice. I had my heart on the second. Here goes the story...

My second friend related of an incident that happened over the weekend. Due to a financial need of a member of the family, he withdrew everything he had from his salary and gave it up for them. Little did he know that he only had P20 bill left in his wallet. He did not even panic though...just a little worried since he had to support himself for another week (before the next salary for the month is due). But he started looking for options on where he could get such money...(i thought he would rob a bank hahahahha). But he thought of pawning his other cell phone. From where he is and the pawnshop, he spent P6 fare deducted from the P20. Just when he had to do that, a member of the family called him up informing him that she would send him P500.

Wow...Faith and P20. That's what I thought. Actually, I could not afford such small amount in my wallet. I would panic. I will not tell you how much i keep (hhahahhahaha) but ...part of my security is to have such amount (higher than P20 ...cguro P20.50 heheh joke lang) for me to satisfy my endless "what ifs".

The "what ifs" are those stuffs that I need to prepare. In case I would get sick, I have Philhealth or some extra health insurance. I have to have my food supplement or vitamins to prevent me from sickness. I have to have enough savings in case of some other emergencies. In short, i need some amount, if not sizeable to prepare me with life's contingencies. Or I need to spend overnight to prepare for a big presentation such as trainings and proposals for the company. Wow...ever ready soldier hahahha believe namo?

Well, I have not shared yet how I feel about the future...about why prepare so much. I prepare so much and really sweat it out for the following reasons :
1. I don't want really to accept responsibilities that i don't give my best...call it burning the midnight candle for certain big projects (pride is so strong ha heheh)
2. I want to relieve myself with too much of anxieties for the "what ifs" of embarrassment and failure or others would not trust me anymore
3. hehe magpa believe lang jud (bongga diva if you get the appreciation from a job well done

I am also a planner. I keep with me a notebook where i could list down all the things to be done in a day. Check at the end of the day and carry over the following day what needs to be done. I go over my work tirelessly in order to produce a good (hehe excellent diay) result. It seem to be then that I am always in command.

But hey, i forgot...this was me... I should have not used the present tenses hahahhaha. Meaning i have become aware of my own insanity. My own illusion of perfectionism that i thought i am heheh. It was an illusion for i ended up drained and tired and realizing, i work to prove something to the world. I competed with others and criticized those that is not at par my standards. I was bitter... oh my.

I appreciated my friend that shared his simple story ...displaying his strong faith and generosity. He just gave without realizing how much was left. Imagine having only P20 bill and you are staying in a city. It takes a leap of faith to transform a P20 into as huge as P500.

Well a priest shared his story during his homily last Sunday. He mentioned giving up a P500 bill for someone in dire need and only leaving $1 and P20 bill in his wallet. But he said he gave it up because he was secure of the availability of his savings through an easy access of the Automated Teller Machine (ATM). But then he felt blessed when somebody knocked at the convent and had his brand new car blessed. As a way of thanking him, he received P5,000. He stressed on the blessing he received through a gesture of generosity. Imagine a P500 bill turned into P5,000 ...that is like much more than 100% increment from a gesture of generosity ( you know what i am thinking? ...to start a business out of this...i just realized hahahha).

Thus, in this article, I am showing images of 3 people : My own image that is ...so insecure of the present that I have to secure my future (forgetting generosity...i did not mention the giving right? hehe), the priest who tried to give but at least he thought of a security of his savings and my friend who just withdrew everything, totally forgetting himself just to respond to the need.

Faith and generosity ...oh my. Those that I related about me is not totally in the past for i still forget and cling to it sometimes. Being aware with what I am and how I am makes the difference. I get reminded by situations when they hit me. I wanted so much to be in control. But faith demands letting go and not being attached so that I can give more and so I tried. I did struggle with getting over with the past but it is worth the effort.

The reason why i am braver enough to write this? It is because i learned about being faithful, generous, and to simply allow "P20 bill" moments to come just to feel and see how it is to simply trust and let go. The thing is ...it is in those moments when I don't have anything that I feel the most of God's generosity. That was how it was with my friend. With the priest, I really do not know him but for sure he has his moments too.

And with me? I am still a work in progress...got lots of "doing" to be done...:-)

IT IS ALL BY CHOICE

How would I describe my regular days lately? I start my day with prayer (char lang hehe). Actually, still wrapped with my blanket...i would start to pray ...hehe until i would doze back to sleep ( i could imagine how my guardian angel struggles with me haaaaaaaaahhh). At times i would jump out of bed with the shock of the time on the wall...getting late...but I tried to pray...(that's what i thought huhuhuhu did I really pray?). What follows would be bath, iron clothes ( if i need to), breakfast, magpagwapa, feed Tobby ( akong iro nga feeling imported hahahahaha askal baya but eating dog food hahahahhahhah). Then the traffic. And ayha pako mag pray talaga .....aray ko po (got my daily assignments in my 19th annotation retretat)!!!!

I don't want to go farther from my point. I have to go straight by saying... I am actually stressing here all the complains that i hear from people everyday including myself. These are the usual ones :

1. grabe ka traffic

2. ka init ba oi

3. hahay late na pud ko

4. wala pako nag breakfast

5. gamay kaayo ko sweldo

6. ngano tambok man ko oi

7. ngano niwang man ko oi

8. gamay kaayo ako baon ba

9. mahal kaayo palaliton

10. cge lang ko ug kaon ug utan kulang money to buy classy food (char!)

11. ngano mao man ni ako trabaho oi

12. katulgon pa kaayo ko

13. ngano dili ma ako na promote

14. ngano isog man kaayo ako boss

15. wala man ni klaro ako bana / asawa

16. kabadlungon ba sa ako mga anak

17. gamay ra kaayo ako pagkaon

18. dili na jud ko kapalit para sa ako kaugalingon kay paingon sa ako mga anak tanan

19. ka bati ba ug batasan nga pari oi cge man lang pangasaba

20. kagubot ba jud sa kalibutan...

...well the list can go on and on and on... in fact you and I may add as many as we can. And we would be able to enumerate all and endless items to include just to express our dissatisfaction with life. A lot of these situations that we are complaining...they happen... we see them or perhaps we create or fabricate them ourselves creating endless misery in our lives.

The fact and truth is , we cannot do magic by changing the situation. But we can do something with our character.

I would like to share with you a kind of awfully painful statement that brings in a lot of truth about us written by Dr. Wayne Dyer, a Psychologist from New York (from the book MANIFEST YOUR DESTINY).

"The complainer always feels shortchanged and deprived, and consequently becomes envious and bitter toward those who seem to have been blessed with what is missing in his or her own life. The complainer feels isolated and separate from goodness and joyfulness. Because the fullness of life seems to be occurring elsewhere, the complainer is full of ingratitude.

...Complaining is an expression of the absence of love in your inner world. When you feel love, there is no room for being upset with God for not delivering your ego's demands.

The ego constantly instructs you to need and to want more, and tells you that complaining helps. The problem with this is that the ego is never satisfied. No matter how much you feed the ego, it will give you a new list of demands almost immediately after being satisfied. If you give it alcohol until it buzzes, and sex until it collapses in ecstasy and drugs until it is flying high and money and cars and anything else that you can think of, the next morning it will have an even longer list of demands. The egos is never satisfied and lives with the slogan 'the more is always better', and more does not arrive precisely, when the ego is feeling the need, then you have every right to complain."

And so complaining reflects our not having seen blessings that we have and allowing deprivation to dominate leaving the feeling of bitterness when others seem to be blessed ("nganong sila haskang datu-a ug ako wala jud ...ka malas ko ba gayod").

EXPLAINING...is something that we need to deal with also. Sometimes when we are asked about why things are the way they are in our life or when asked about something that we missed to do, we tend to enumerate ...explain our side or point. But I realize from experience that explaining reveals the following:

1. rationalizing certain actions to make "palusot" and so they would appear to be right to temporarily relieve us from guilt

2. sometimes would include some information that are not really us and so we appear as if we are that (leaving us again guilty after why we said them)

3. just to get in the circle of friends and be accepted, we keep on explaining something about us to blend with the group

4. reality wise...it can be tiresome to keep on explaining to everyone we meet about us

Dr. Dyer's book has been one of the bests collections I had in years. There are painful truths that he stated that brought me ...I mean pushed me hard to see things the way he presents them in his book. According to him he uses the motto DO NOT COMPLAIN, DO NOT EXPLAIN to help him overcome the obstacle to an attitude of gratitude (being grateful or thankful to everything about life).

He made his readers do something like that of an assignment. The activity is to try a day without complaining. To be watchful and assess at the end of the day how we feel about the whole thing. Then we can extend another day or 2 until it reaches a week and see how we feel or how our attitude changes and how we affect others in this manner. We need to be conscious and watchful. If we like the result then perhaps we can operate on the same motto "DO NOT COMPLAIN, DO NOT EXPLAIN"

Kindly check the conversation below as an example on not explaining...

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Sample Conversation :

Boss : why are you late again today?

You : I am sorry...i will do better next time... (you no longer explain ...the traffic, my kids are sick, my husband had diarrhea, i had fever last night...i needed extra rest, I had dysmenorrhea etc....etc.)

Note : your boss may lecture you with so many things about what you have been doing. When we were young we hear some of our parents lecture us with so many things ...heheh this can be it.. You start responding with your silence...and really listen hard. Even if the approach used by your boss may not be that pleasing...this can be your moment of insights and learning...Listen and you will learn ...no matter the pain... :-)

_________________________________________________

When Dr. Dyer stressed his point regarding DO NOT COMPLAIN, DO NOT EXPLAIN, he mentioned further on how he dealt with it himself. Shutting up...not saying anything...silencing the self from all these noises and internal clutters prove to be the best.

In silence we hear more of us...and Someone's voice speak. In silence...we would even see more and that the more we let things pass as they occur..in silence...we get the answer... (I am having the feeling at this time that i need to stress further some important points here such as tackling the topic on SILENCE next time and a lot more).

Lastly, I would like to bring Bishop Fulton Sheen in the picture, in his book The Angel's Blackboard. He stressed that others make happiness apart from them.

Happiness is a very personal decision of choosing such everyday and do things that make us or other people happy. But, there can be also situations that may call us to sacrifice our own happiness in order for others to be happy. It is all BY CHOICE. Whether we continue to complain everyday (and keep on explaining our lives to many) or strive to be happy despite life's painful realities or else one day we would be like those persons that are overcome by bitterness and anger until death overtakes them (Bishop Fulton Sheen)... Kind of sad huh...:-(

It is all by choice friends...:-)

White Cow, Old Tire, Stick and Life's Big Blows

This happened many years back with my cousin Ruel (thanks to Orvi for starting the white cow story hhahahhahah). My family was tending a small coffee farm attended by my Tiyoy Elias on our behalf. Yet there are some weekends that we had to visit it and them. One of those days, was when I was brought by my Tiyoy from home to the farm.

And so I and my cousin Ruel had all the time to play near the pineapple field bringing with us the old tire with the stick to maneuver its movements. Seeing some cows at a distance, we were frightened to move forward. So in the effort of pushing the cows away, we repeatedly threw some stones at them. Then the unexpected thing happened. Gigukod mi sa anak nga baka hahahhahahha...... waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...we were running like lost and crazy cows too. And we ran all over the place leaving behind the tire and stick. Facing each other to pause was like facing or seeing the red eyes of frightened cows hahahhahaha.

We could not imagine that time the "big blow" such experience made to both of us. We went home loosing all the energies to play. I am not sure if Ruel remembers everything I relate here (i wish he would read this...he is far, far away outside of the country and I have no way of contacting him - phone or email at the moment hehe) but I am certain that he would lose his breath laughing at this story.

Well, let's take a look at life's BIG BLOWS in this article not the white cow, old tire and stick (hahahhahah chillax friends).

We may be presented with events in our lives that can be considered big blows. I see big blows to be those that are really breath-takingly (if there is such a word) so big that the effect overwhelms us. Events such as deaths, loosing job, break-ups, friendships wasted and many others (my latest was my plane ride last July 2010 - terrible air pocket... which I thought was my last). But, sometimes what we consider small ones may be really big to some. All I know is, we have our own way of perceiving how "big" a situation can be.


Coping can be another thing. When I lost mama in an accident. I was lost too. The coping was the most difficult part. I almost stopped my studies, spent time alone and I hardly opened up. I wanted to shut off my world and perhaps die. I had difficulty putting them into words. There were lots of friends that gave me advices (as what they usually did that time - 1994). But I needed more of silent presence. Those who made themselves available even without saying anything.
Anyways...these are some of those that I learned given situations of life's "BIG BLOWS" :

1. Not to make haste decisions when they occur (except with the white cow race hahahahha. I needed to run).
2. Maintain an open disposition. Listen from most trusted friends for advice. I found having spiritual director (thanks to Fr. Frank Savadera, SJ) to be the best so far heheh (well with my SD...most of the time was like making me explore of myself side by side with my journey of friendship with Jesus)
3. I decided to get up and live each single day doing the usual stuff like brushing my teeth (hahahhah), take a bath, iron clothes, eat the right kind of food, exercise, go to Church, regular work, go to school on weekends ...the point is just to continue living ...
4. Letting our feelings out through a real good cry (made me get a good sleep after) relieves intense feelings of sadness, shock...whatever......as in super dooper relieving (but too much of this makes one sick heheh...this is from my experience ...more notes on this later)
5. I took a doze of rest and pulled out from the place, took some short vacations to take a fresh look and perspectives.
6. I prayed and prayed... really hard and harder and with all my might and begging for God's grace (actually ang hirap to be honest). And in those situations when I did not really feel like praying, it was when I decided to really push harder. But when I got really drained and tired, I rested but did not really quit... (sometimes I hear myself complaining to God.. i find it a privilege when I face MY FRIEND...)
7. My Spiritual director , Fr. Frank, surprisingly said, "stay ...just stay and feel the pain". This is one of the options that I am challenged to do. He added that there was a time when even with someone he did not like to be with, he tried doing it (to stay with the person) and saw how it changed him and the other ( i would like to stress on this further in another article).

Feeling it. Really feeling it shakes me to death. In the past, running away was the easiest and safest. And I was like struck with the idea of running away through the years just to ... feel safe and secure. Oh I love so much my "comfort zones".

But with something very new posted by Fr. Frank, i felt the challenge of doing it. I just started. It still frightens me, shakes me, consumes a lot of my energies. But mind you... I was conscious of the strength that comes with the courage of staying ...of the grace brought by the decision to "stay".
There can be lots of unknowns when I focus on feelings but when Fr. Frank told me about staying and lingering and feeling them. I thought what can be better than knowing myself more through this. Though I lost mama a long time ago but learning new things each day led me not to panic at all. To stay still and feel .... in it I found new wisdom such as the realization that all will come to pass including struggles and sufferings (the truth is...i am still struggling on this yet I am not stopping)

Lastly, to "stay still" is not only to learn more of myself but to learn more with how my God works in my most painful "BIG BLOWS" . White cows do not have to trigger me though or leave my old tire and stick because of fright. With BIG BLOWS...I JUST HAVE TO STAY STILL ...TO JUST... BE STILL:-)


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"KINUTIL - TUBA AT ITLOG"

I had a great brief chat with a friend - John this morning. He got sick the previous day so in my attempt to joke with him, I suggested "why would you drink - kinutil - tuba and itlog?". And his reply was "halaka mao na ang amo bonding with my lola". And he had it when he was in grade 4.

Well i am much older than John. I had my share too when i was a kid. A "kinutil" is a combination of "tuba", a native alcoholic (mild yata to) drink that is an extract from coconut tree. Combined with egg and orange soda drink would be such a great therapy plus crackers hahahhahha.

That was how my mama took care of me when i got sick...back in my childhood years. In fact, i fooled mama many times that i was sick to get the treatment of "kinutil". "Kinutil" was equaled to getting my mother's care and love.

When i was a kid i loved getting sick because i got all her attention hahahha naughty kid. But she passed away more than 10 years ago. It was like loosing "kinutil" too. I am not addicted to it ...only from my mother's affection... i miss her badly:-(

Inhaler vs Push Pop

Mommy Lyleen (my friend and colleague) tells a story of her son Nico. One day, with mommy Ly's clogged nose, she was using inhaler to ease out the discomfort. She then called her son to make him smell too but an unexpected and unlikely response was made by her son. He let out his tongue....hahahahha what was that about? He thought that it was a push pop (a push pop is a candy ...my friendships).

What do you think oldies? hahahhahhaha

A child is a child and he/she responds according to what he/she sees. My point here is spontaneity. In this site i have all the freedom to explore. Thanks to mommy Ly and Nico for bringing in the material for me to write today. Innocence and spontaneity. This is what this article is all about.

Let us first explore the world of a child. Char!!!! (just an expression) i don't really have the command of everything or knowing everything of a child but i was once a child - a naughty one. A child responds according to what he / she sees. When you ask him/ her to say something contrary to what he / she observes, he would automatically repute and say ..."no that is not what i saw...etc.". Oh diva bongga...you would be left embarrassed.

An adult, acts contrary to the world of a child(though some of us may be child like pareha nako bwaaaaaaaaahhhaahahhaha kill me hahahhah) . Through the many conditionings and influences through the years we have put up a "new image" of ourselves. Perhaps something that may be acceptable to our own circle or what the world expects us to be. And if we dig deeper, they leave a gnawing cry inside. The real child wants so much to come out. To be free. To be real. To be accepted as he / she is. We all want to be "out". But we all want to be "clean". To edit things about us so that the world will receive us.

From experience, i became tired of that. I just cried out one of my beautiful days in the past...THIS IS IT ...I WANT FREEDOM.........charing ....char char and charot.

Well perhaps we can decide to be like Nico's spontaneity and innocence. I love children. And i like to be child-like... spontaneous, trusting and perhaps i could have their innocence and wisdom...:-) How is that?

On Facing Fear

A friend shared to me today a "wakwak" story. "Wakwak" is "aswang" in tagalog. Just like that myth of witches stories. He told me that he once went to a friend way back in college to get something and that he had to pass by some darkest part of the road with only his cellphone to use to light his way. And so going back home he felt something white was following him and he had to rush since he felt like he was goose-skinned already. But when fear was unbearably consuming him, he felt he had to face it. And so thought for that perhaps for the first time he would see "wakwak" or perhaps a floating lady. But when he faced what he thought would have been a worst nightmare...it was a white cow!!!!!!!!!!!! shock of my life hahahahahhaha. While he was recalling, we were wildly laughing at the story.

How real are things that we fear? Fear is an intense negative feeling that may consume or overwhelm us. It takes over automatically as a response to a stimulus perceived as frightening. Mostly from experience, fear becomes exaggerated through imagination. And they become so big that even the small thing becomes so gross.

Facing fear takes a lot of courage. It has to come out from awareness of the feeling and the decision to really face it. And when you are face to face with the thing you fear, and you gather more details of what you think you fear, in just some "magic" of the moment or perhaps we may say...when you begin to get more information and you get to understand, fear dissipates and you realize some of it or most of it are not real.

Courage is very much part of us. My friend showed so much of that in that "wakwak" incident. Though we laughed so hard at it but really the point of facing one's fear surfaced and dominated.

There can be a lot of situations though that would invite us to be more courageous. Thus, we could say that the measure of courage is when situation presents itself inviting us to be such.

This is something that i could ponder more...and share more later...and i thank my friend ...Orvi...for sharing it with me today:-)

A REFLECTION ON "THE PASSION"

How does one normally feel about being surrounded by many people and questioned about one’s person, the kind of work that he / she is doing and subjected to criticisms, doubts, and the worst – physical torture. This can be very tormenting facing the horror of shame and death.

This being done to Jesus, I was told that He felt like any healthy human being. But He had a choice though not to be subjected to it. He, being God would have chosen to be in His peaceful mode, as the article I read expressed its idea. But again …it was all by choice. To face death or stay safe and not being able to fulfill the mission.

How is that with me?

Hahahhahahha great challenge for my character. This 19th annotation retreat has been posting one of the heaviest challenges of a lifetime – facing myself (considering my strong nature to “run away” at the sight of a difficult task or even something unknown). But I do have two choices though - stay in my comfort zone or face my “death” in order to find more and “extend” my life…this time with God.

Before the 19th annotation retreat…I had my first choice…to live the “comforts” of my preferred comfortable life - finish college, land a job, fell in love, proceeded to take my masters studies and ph.d., engaged in the world of fashion (clothes), went out of the country (feeling mayaman hahahhaha)…or can I just put it this way --- I lived my life the way I wanted it to. ‘yon na lang.

The one good thing?…I still go to mass almost everyday (and on Sundays with my only boyfriend hahhahahah) joined my Catholic Christian community, stayed very committed to my job (10 strong and long years of counseling practice with high school students), kept some apostolate such as facilitating seminars- workshops to young people, kids and professionals (most of time I get stipend but did not really matter or bother me a bit if wala hahhahahahhaha).

The second choice then was like a “forced choice” (sorry for the terms hahahahhah). I have been experiencing restlessness in between while working which ended with the filing of a leave of absence for 6 months to go to US. Then came back to resign and be employed in another company which only lasted for 3 months, invaded the life of a Jesuit, Fr. NOrlan Julia to help me in Spiritual direction which helped a lot my emotional and spiritual needs. Since he expressed that he would be leaving the Philippines soon (middle of 2009) for his studies in London, I felt threatened by the idea. So the decision to leave the Philippines again was the last recourse for me. This time I thought US would be my last and to stay there perhaps forever (?). But the restlessness is like my “twin” wherever I go. Facing myself on the mirror one day was like facing the feelings behind my eyes that have been there for a while but were not listened to or addressed with.

Wow…what a realization…this time I felt I needed the help. One day in my most sincere prayers ever addressed to my God, I placed my lost heart in front of Him …begging …asking…and I fell flat…stating that I NEEDED HELP. I emailed Fr. Norlan and he graciously proposed to continue with spiritual direction this time to another Jesuit priest that took over his assignment in St. John Vianney Seminary …”…if you are ready I could introduce you to Fr. Frank Savadera..” Woooowww…that was the most beautiful invitation so far I heard in my lifetime. I did not understand that at that time but it gave my life’s biggest rescue and the start of my soul’s long awaited relief…

I did not know Fr. Frank and how the process would go with him but the excitement just crept…I did not want to entertain any anxiety of the “what ifs..with another spiritual director”…I just wanted to go through the experience and be helped. I was like a dry…weary…thirsty land… I was ready to plunge with a new experience and perhaps absorb a lot of those “water” I needed to survive (if you could imagine a hungry and thirsty citizen of the poorest of Africa hahahhahahhaha …that was me that time - the hungriest, thirstiest and poorest of the souls and if you have seen a dog deprived of water for days ..months …years…hahahahahahah (buhay pa kaya ang aso niyan hahahhahahahahha aray ko po... well just any gross things you can imagine of a lifeless being).

This time I realize…it will no longer be “MY WAY” but submitting in spiritual direction would be “GOD’S WAY”. And that would mean …DEATH. Oh my…Death… true enough …with Fr. Frank…I experienced a lot of those…he, not only have the expertise but the spirituality like that of Fr. Norlan …to make me face my issues. There were moments of temptations like the thought of not coming back…hahaahhhaha Fr. Frank knows…I told him about it… but still despite of…I managed to come back…call it grace? Yes it is…for if my choice would go above me…I opted not to come back…and be lost again huhuhuhuhu.

Hahhaahha I may be presenting this second choice as a “forced choice” but I see this as again, a “grace” itself …. Forced choice being the grace from God to face myself squarely … so as to “live” the longest (hahahhahahha) and more intimately with God…The “forced choice” foreseeing multiple deaths can be kind of frightening but seeing the grace of God’s life in it is redemption for me – the one …once lost soul.

So if there is a parallelism with Jesus’ death … and my death …it is that, we both made a choice to die (yon nga lang ang tagal kong nag decide) … in order to have more life (oh diva friendship level na kami hahahahha) … yon nga lang again heheh …He had to push me hard on and against the wall hahahhaha for me to see that I NEEDED HIM…Ang galling ni God !!!!!!!!!!( at ng mga SDs ko!!!!!!!!) … perhaps He can do it more often..I kind of like it na …despite the pain hahahhahahhaha…Amen.

Note :

But still I could say, He suffered more than I do..His is public…mine is a little private…hahay sad pa rin ako for Jesus… and…and …He died for many…me? I only died for myself…I still want to know more…of that dying thing 

Joyfully Hopeful

Last night I met 2 friends at Dunkin Donuts, Divisoria. I had not met them for months already and so went straight with talks and laughing (actually I dominated the conversation…they interviewed me hahhaha...where I work …blah blah blah…). What was something that struck me was that the comment “ wala jud ka natigulang dang…”…hahhaahha I guess so…with my light spirit and lots of laughter. I guess it was that choice that I made after the terrible series of losses in my life that pulled me down under “six feet below the ground”…a real death from myself …the self that was so self-contained, defensive, hiding …the self that was seeking for assurance of love …security from others or from my boyfriend. I thought that can be it. Thanks be to God there is a God…that pushed me against the wall to be awakened again.
Hahahha grabe ka long introduction…the choice was just to choose happiness and being hopeful rather than grope or complain with the realities of life. Here are the realizations that brought me to where I am:
1. I need not complain about situations…I just have to simply accept them at the moment they occur.
2. to struggle adds more stress. I would rather let go. Besides I have my friend Jesus to take care of things when doing does not even guarantee solving the problem at that moment.
3. I don’t really have to explain myself to every friend that ask about why things are or my choices are the way they are or where I work or anything about my life.
4. simple things make me happy such as walking, riding jeepney and smile at children or offering help to an old woman; ride motorela than cab, eat at simple turo turo kainan, wear slippers than high heeled shoes, eat at home than go to malls and enjoy homemade food I cook or by my sister or bro in law, spend time with children in the neighborhood, hear mass at a chapel, print shirts, write, talk and talk and most of all spend some time in silence and prayer (as in daghan pa jud).
5. go to work earlier to avoid traffic and stress
6. go to mass everyday as my therapy ( hahahhahah…God knows that)
7. have a Spiritual director to guide me in my journey (I feel blessed to have one…thanks to my FRIEND JESUS)
8. Spend time with someone you love (hehe I have Michael to waste time with. Added to that linger with my loved ones – for me family members and close friends are the bests
10. pray for everyone
11. enjoy life each day…just decide to do any good deed or simply make someone happy
12. do your work as if your boss is there looking at you ( Actually it is not for them but it is for me). The more honest you would be with yourself, the more it boosts a lot of good energies. Others will feel your honesty and sincerity
13. Appreciate other’s efforts. Doing that, does not really make you lesser than them. I saw how competitions ruin relationships and waste those good ones. This really boosted me more even without others’ affirmation. The more I do this, the more I make a bigger world of myself extending my territories all the more without me being conscious of it. And..
14. The most joyful and hopeful people are those that are generous in love, forgiving at the wrongs of others, surrendering at all times, listening to the movements of their hearts, staying humble in the midst of life success and accepting in those trying moments… waiting with an eager heart for grace to unfold in God’s appointed time.


In the end ..life is not perfect …we all know that. But…God makes way for us to right the wrongs and to live the life pleasing to Him. We are not made to please others…it is only for Him and Him alone…
Amen…

THE UNSUNG HERO

I only have an hour lunch break at work. I have to rush out of the office and hear the noontime mass at a nearby university chapel. Then, I would take a haste (eat and run hahahha) lunch after. Just when I had to rush to reach the office, I was met with a big smile from a man i could hardly identify at first.

Wow!!!!!! it has been a long time that i haven't seen or met him - Dr. Paquito Woo, our family doctor and a real good friend. We talked fast but it seem to be that i couldn't resist anything that comes out from his mouth. This i thought to be a rush meeting led us to sit at one corner to discuss many things about his whereabouts and latest engagements. And wow again. He told me that he is going to deliver again his speech at the Manila Hotel (other than his upcoming travels to US and Europe) for the Pro life convention of doctors and church workers. He related the content of his speech which led me to tears. He was much sought after in medical ethics ( also taught for 10 years at XU med school). But again the tears. I rarely hear contents as wise as his and as sharp and honest as his words. They strike like sword, i should say. They hit the heart and would tear you apart. That was how the meeting wss with him.

Dr. Woo is no mere doctor. His simplicity and heroic act of saving lives of many in the province of Bukidnon led him to be featured in the Daily Inquirer as the UNSUNG HERO FROM THE BARRIO years back. After that he remained in the service for the poor until the present. Before he bade goodbye he uttered the line "simplicity is beauty glen". And i replied..."you are that beauty doc".

And so i watched him leave seeing him also carrying a piece of wood he brought with him as a sample for his simple home renovation in Bukidnon. What a sight. I could hardly gather myself back when i got in the office. In an overwhelmed state i wrote in my shout out (at Yahoo messenger) "it is soo good to see someone so real and true...on the ground".

I thank the Lord for reminding me of His simplicity through this doctor. Dr. Woo is "Big" but he remained "small" and unassuming. While i for some times in the past became proud and stubborn. Well "Big" doctor that appeared small and reminded me of being that. Big challenge ha...:-)