I See Them

I woke up this morning
Misty eyed and blank
Why can someone does such a thing?
Many suffer

Why oh why?
God sees man's struggle
If such calloused heart continues
Them that struggle
Will have the agony day after day

What can i do?
I feel so helpless with what i see
When my hand starts to write
They are blocked by someone's "might"
I feel so helpless

I see their eyes
I bleed inside
When must suffering end
How can i comfort these souls
I feel that i have not done enough

I thought of parting
I thought of space
I thought i should free my heart
I do suffer...
I feel so pained ...

My arms are wide open
Now...they are still but weary
I want to hold them
Nurse them in my heart
It hurts so much

If only i have much of those strength
That i could contain them in my heart
Oh my ...oh my...
I know even if i feel God's silence
He has them ...held in his Love.....

Thank you so much my God...

God's Will, My Peace

I actually got the title from my 19th Annotation Retreat. Lately, i was starting to question my situations. All the things that transpired seem to bring a lot of headache. Stressors keep on coming. I thought something has gone wrong with the way i am perceiving things. I simply decided not to get caught with it. When some situations occur...they are the reality at that moment. To accept them is simply letting go of myself and allow situations to be as they are. If i did my part ...and i did them well...and with the unfolding of events...there God is telling me something about them.

Let His will be my peace...no more struggles...:-)

A Surprise Gift

I received a beautiful Christmas card yesterday from Fr. Frank...crafted and designed by himself (super talented...). He calls its "old fashioned" but not for me. I like old ways, traditions, etc. They reminisce beautiful memories. When i was a kid, i made cards too. They were usually projects that my teachers asked us to do to be given to special people in our lives. I usually gave them to my parents, brothers, sisters and friends. Since i did not find myself artistic, some of those i made were meant only for submission, grading and kept in my "baul". But those i found attractive, i gave them. But my parents simply accepted them despite the looks and i got the most beautiful smile from them.

Nickey, my pamangkin does it more often to his parents. I appreciated him very much for doing such (though still it is a school project). But the effort of my SD Fr. Frank is something that of an extra mile...He crafted them in his own hands and intentionally give them not because it is a school project....hehehe perhaps i could do the same...hehehe thinking of it...gakalingaw nako ...:-)

This time...the artist in me is slowly waking up...:-)

Thank you Fr. Frank...such a beautiful gift you gave...Merry Christmas...hohohohohhhh

Focus on Serving...Focus on Loving

Before i start up something, i check my motivations. It usually gives me a halt when motivation-wise (hehe if there is such a word) would give me feedback that the focus is self not service. If I could not get the shape of my sincere motive of serving and ultimately, loving...i don't do it. And so waiting comes in.

There are lots of waiting. It is not a waiting for the availability of funds. Though i admit it is one of the major concerns, but, it is the waiting for Dang to shape up. Though i get frustrated at times with myself but not really with Dang. She is such a daring adventure of everything...i am trying to get to know her even more with her thoughts, desires and actions. I always forgive myself and Dang when we both falter and fail, that's why we are both so comfortable with each other (just like the way i befriend Mike).

And so we wait that service and loving be the real motive. we sift, sort, resort...Tedious but we are not giving up...joyful? yes...and hopeful? ......OHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSS!:-0 hahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahahah

In Love? yes yes yes ....hahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahaha

My "Beautiful" Project

For almost two weeks now, i started a beautiful project - my t shirt and accessories shop. With my meager budget, two generous carpenters have extended themselves giving cheaper service than the usual (and i gave them free meals,snacks and chikka interviews). The shop is almost done but i could not be totally convinced with making it a clothes shop. And so i prayed for guidance as to what to do with it. With its native and cute look i could make it something perhaps more worthwhile than a clothes shop...

And so while the construction is on going, a friend asked me to do counseling for her son and some people in the company requested for my private counseling service. And so making it a counseling room was the idea that came in. At the moment the idea is still an idea heheheh. Still, i am in the process of beautifying the shop and continuing to envision of something like pushing through with my consultancy, trainings and counseling service.

In prayer, i am like planting the seed for the idea to come to reality...the Joyfully Hopeful shirts will then be promoted during counseling...:-) How is that God huh? hehehehehehhe I simply love the idea...

Wait lang beauty ko sa Boss ko above...:-)

TRUE SPIRIT

I thought of those Christmases when i was a kid. I was highly anticipating many things such as mama's cooking (as in super lots of food plus my visits to neighbors hahahhaha namasko), caroling, Christmas parties, new clothes, gifts from classmates, and the ones a year gift pack given to kids by the neighborhood organization - a brown paper bag full of goodies such as candies, toys, paper ball, plastic balloon.

I also lit some firecrackers with my friends and the "watosee"...(oops i don't know the spelling but it is a red slender thing that when you light at one end, travels at flip and then gone).

As years advanced, i saw how my expectations of the coming of Christmas dwindled. So many realities have come forth before my eyes that my excitement became the regular day to day feeling that is ...wala lang...minsan numb...:-(

I am now looking into the real and true spirit of Christmas. Though i like so much receiving gifts and imagining that i could fill up my table with all sorts of food. But then i am seeing that i have more than enough for myself. I could try filling up someone's table (not necessarily mine:-)). Perhaps giving brings in the true spirit that i have been anticipating. Perhaps i could see Him through the eyes that don't have enough on the table. Not really perhaps... but i believe in my heart...i would see and feel HIM through them.

WINGLESS ANGELS

Last night someone called me an "Angel" to the rescue on behalf of a priest that did not show up hahahhahahah to lead the opening prayer of a program and prayer before meal:-)... That was like unexpected comment. The dominant feeling was not being worthy to be called as such. As i checked myself, I believe anyone can be an angel in disguise...Anybody can be used by God to represent Him in any situation. His representative, His messenger when any of His people needs Him. Who else but...us?

But more than anything...people are seeing me and BEYOND ME...seeing that i can do God's work and so they come for anything - do counseling for a member of the family or do counseling for them, do some introduction of a production number, write eulogy for someone that died...as in super dooper hahhahahaha (my sister was shocked when i told her this)...

They also flock for comments and assurance with how they look or the style of clothing or write a personality development program for them. And the most heartwarming of all that i had was when in some acquaintances, strangers, colleagues, or old friends open and pour out their hearts (in buckets of tears most of the time). They simply trust me. And ohhhh i feel the need to take care of them. They come because they feel that i can be trusted and more than anything they see God in me....grabe talaga na pressure ...damang dama ko yon...(dapat talaga ipagpapatuloy ang pagpapakabait hahahhahaha).

Some of them asked about my professional fee...i could not utter anything simply because i already got used to helping anyone in need that i don't really know if i could attach any fee for anything i do as a favor for others that need my help ...in anyway i can.

Anyhow, the fee can be discussed though for some special services like trainings or perhaps i could engage in a professional counseling practice in the future hahahhahahaha (now toying the brilliant idea) but not with some small favors to friends ...and there are lots of them... I guess then that being called an angel by some individuals is appropriate.

And so everyday can be a planting of small seeds of hope for others... we can do this together...we can be God's Wingless Angels...:-)