LET GO AND LET GOD

It was two years ago when I first stepped New York City. After two weeks in the city, I decided to go to Connecticut, a state near my location. I had to use the subway to find my way which I found the complete opposite. I got lost. I was carrying the map and I felt like I was just hopping from one station / stop to the next.

But then the inner drive was to find my way. As I scanned my map, a stranger just stood in front of me (so near my face) and asked me where I would want to go…He instructed me step by step and as I moved up the next level of the subway through the stairs, I decided to just check if he was still there behind me…and yes he was just there standing with his full support and tried to give me his beautiful smile as if waiting for me to settle and be on my track…

I was so amazed. There was no hint of fear that crept. Even the nearness of his face on mine brought some light and peace burning inside. I felt helpless when I got lost in the subway but, was well taken cared of by someone I do not know and from where he came from.

It did happen a lot of times when I was in the so vast and strange city of New York. I thought angels can be everywhere. I cannot assign any name to that stranger except - an ANGEL.

How come, I did not have much of those moments in the Philippines? Well I know that we would find God’s strongest intervention in our helplessness. He comes in different forms and shades of help. Helplessness of man is God’s shining moment. If we dare see it (it is by His grace that we see Him at work also).

Oh going back to the question …Philippines is my home….and so at home. I did not have to struggle a bit of finding my way. I felt at times or perhaps I exuded that sense of not needing God in a lot of ways since I didn’t ask much of His help. I felt so in control…and had so little space for God.

Really, when we feel so mighty and manage everything about our lives in a day and everyday…we forget allowing God to come in and occupy that “management” role of our lives. We plan, implement, live our day as if He does not exist (hahahah even do things as if He or no one is watching).

But you know what?... in those moments when I just felt helpless…I felt Him so strongly at work. And I am beginning to love it that way. Seeing my weakness and helplessness to make lots of space and room for my God to just move and experience lots of surprises. He does a lot of times to those that simply trust. 

For a person so in control, this is something so absurd. But I would just say…let go and let God…

…one last thing…take a look at this :

Good Morning,

This is God.

I will be handling

All your problems today

I will not need your help

So Have a miraculous day.

…beautiful isn’t it?

AT LAST

I am getting married soon (less than 2 weeks from now). After almost 12 years in the relationship, I decided to leap into the next phase (I mean...I and Mike, both decided to). During the interview with a priest, we were asked "were there tough times in the relationship? How were you able to deal with them?".

We did have lots of tough times. But then, we only had one very painful break up (one day). It took us some time to recover ( again ...one day break up ...hahhahaha). The priest wasn't able to hold his laughter with that one-day rocky, stormy, nerve wrecking, etc...day. I and Mike did laugh a lot at ourselves remembering this moment. And everytime we try to share this to anyone asking the same question, we get the same response.

So that's it...we are getting married. If you would want to know how we prepared with it... It was not that easy. We had almost 12 years of the preparation process. If others have experienced having break up and was led into having another person to be with, it never happened with us.

I was advised by a number of individuals already to try another guy to at least compare before I finalize pursuing a lifetime with Mike but I simply had that so tough and stubborn grip on us. I simply believe that tough times with mike is no venue to explore another one but to find a way to mend ours so as to grow together.

I wrote in one of my previous blogs that one carefully discerned decision is more than enough to last a lifetime. You see loving Mike made me so free to explore love in a man...only one man. I realize I did not have to do that with many. When I made my decision almost 12 years ago, I knew that I listened well to my heart. I never doubted that time my decision. And so every tough moment was my opportunity to go back to that one carefully molded decision that i made to be with him in our relationship.

Currently, the preparation is not easy. Filipino tradition pressures a couple to invite many. This one i felt at first. But I got used to simply deciding and following my heart. Mike and I share the same language in the simplest and essential. We opted to have it simple, neat, few people, intimate and focus on our vows.

What can be more beautiful than a carefully discerned process to go through a vow before God that brought us together. Hahahhaa if there is that real pressure I feel at the moment, it is God's hand already throwing to us everything and all means for this great moment to happen.

And as I walk the isle...I walk towards my future husband Michael...holding hands with him before our God saying our "I do's" ...witnessed by our families and friends...

Then we can start a new journey as husband and wife...:-) Don't you think this one's worth the waiting we have made? Oh...I am so ready and so excited to take the great plunge of my life ...please join us in prayer :-)

Thank you so much! I promise you ...there will be more blogs to look forward to in here...

JUST SOME CRAZY THERAPY:-)

I went out of the office for a while just to gather myself before I plunged into the day's work. I strolled the short distance and got inside a small bookstore. I did not know what I was there for. As I approached the shelves, I saw this coloring book :

You may think this one is too childish but i just bought this coloring book anyway together with a box of crayons. As soon as I got back in the office, I spent time coloring the first page. One of my officemates that saw it picked one crayon and colored the cap of one cartoon. Another officemate that got in marked his rating with my coloring prowess. Without bias... I was given a 100% with an unfinished "business" (hahahhahahah). I was having fun while were having some brief discussion about what I did while the other one instructed me to just follow one stroke while coloring (big woooooowwww and great fun ha).

In the afternoon, our Vice president dropped by, saw the coloring book and browsed it. I told him that i just bought it for "therapy" (hahahahhaha great defense). He was not surprised at all ( i guess). He saw the natural "color" already of the kid (hahahhahaha again).

I recall joining a meeting packed with intelligent beings. All of them ready to dissect the one person presiding. I thought this has always been a pattern of each one throwing "fires" to each other and I ended up going out of the meeting room drained.

I really don't know how I got into the idea of buying coloring books but i bought more than one after that and distributed them to my seatmates during the next session. When it started, we stayed at the back, and started coloring while listening. And while the people in front were into some heated discussions, I felt the fun of my some sort of a"crazy therapy" together with my seatmates just to divert the tension. I tell you, it did pretty well that time also just holding myself and my temper.

Here is a suggestion. The next time you may be looking for diversions during some stressful situations, perhaps you would consider getting a coloring book for the simple amusement of the child in us. At this point, I would say it is not only for the kids. It is for adults, too...for the child inside each adult (hahahhaha...but please don't do it during meetings...don't follow what I did:-) )

PS : ...After I finish coloring mine, I will explore other coloring books...Join me and let us have fun, fun time :-0 hehehehhe

URGENT

For days now the priest at masses I joined focused his homilies on death. First, is on the inevitability of death and the second is that we will be all held accountable with all the things that we do here on earth.

He stressed further that we like to postpone things as if we have all the time in the world to do them later. Doing good today can be done tomorrow right? Extending help to a beggar even giving him / her few coins can be the done the next day too since we are always in a hurry. Seeing a member of the family this weekend can be postponed to the next weekend... and a lot more reasons we can create in our mind just to forgo the good we can do now.

This same priest also mentioned that Satan's role is to make us feel that hell does not exist and so we continue with life doing things as if ... he does not exist

The other day, one of the employees mentioned series of incidents of deaths. One joined a marathon race. He did not finish it since in the process, he just dropped dead. Cardiac arrest was the sited cause.

The other one was a jeepney accident that caused death to 4 people. These people were probably daily travelers that may not have any clue of the nearing end of their lives.

I would like to quote Pope John Paul VI:

"Somebody should have told us right at the start of our lives that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of everyday. Do it I say! Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows."

Let me push further by sharing my conversations with Mike earlier. From it, we were able to derive the following :

1. Our life here on earth is always a choice between life or death. Life by doing the right thing and death by committing sin.

2. Sin is a deliberate choice to turn away from God

3. When we die, we face God that is pure light and perfect

4. As His light pierces us, we are able to realize the stains we have and thus, the deliberate choices to commit sin are in effect our own judgement in the face of a perfect and pure Being in front of us

5. In shame we depart from Him heading to where we are supposed to be

6. But (i would say), in His mercy, He has the last say to giving chances to people.... to the souls. He is the ultimate judge as to our final destination.

I remember meeting someone in the monastery who discussed with me a lot of those books that he read about purgatory which we Catholics believe in. To enumerate his findings about the subject :

1. When we die there is an initial judgement. Some would immediately go to heaven, others to hell and others to purgatory.

2. Those who go to hell deliberately made their decision to turn away from God in varied forms reflected in their choices

3. Those that go to heaven definitely lived ordinary lives in an extra ordinary way such as those saints declared by the Church ( but there are those undeclared ones living silently and faithfully living life as they should pure and obedient to God).

4. Those that do not qualify heaven (hahahha feeling expert to discuss about this...please... I am a neophyte just trying to discuss the best i could hoping I would be able to give justice to the topic) and are not totally for hell are given chances to be purified and so they go to purgatory. They undergo purgation or the purification process

5. Purgatory is like hell. There is fire and all painful things that the souls undergo for the purification process. One day in it is like hundreds and thousands of days of pain on earth.

6. Thus, anyone of us here on earth should opt to choose purification (enduring the pains and sufferings and offer them to God for the purpose of cleansing and purification) while alive than having them multiple at death.

If those things shared by my friend are true...there is that urgent call then for conversion of hearts. An urgent and deliberate decision to do what's right and proper and seriously prepare for the next life.

A homily shared by another priest mentions that it is not enough to live the good life by ourselves. There is a need to reach out and involve ourselves in the lives of others. Salvation is communal. We seem to think that this life we have is all that we have forgetting beyond.

Going back to a friend that I met in the monastery, he stressed further (which I thought was a joke) that in the book on the accounts of the souls in purgatory, there are souls unexpectedly placed in there including priest and nuns. And not only that, a lot of them go to hell too. In fact, there is such great expectations from them from God Himself that called them toward Himself to function on His behalf.

St. Faustina ( the strong advocate of the Divine Mercy), in her diary, stated how in one of her visions, she was given the chance to visit hell. And she described an oh so frightening experience that agonized her. This same experience led her to take great effort (I should say) to dedicate the Divine Mercy devotion for the sufferings of men and the souls in purgatory.

Again, Satan has his way of making us feel that hell does not exist (and so we just have fun and enjoy while we are still alive). If we don't make such deliberate and revolutionary choice to live our lives pleasing to God, then in the end our action shall be our own judge before Him.

I hope this one merits our URGENT response. It has to be NOW...:-)

__________________________________

PS. : I just realized that I am meant to post this exactly today - September 11, 2011...I started writing this days ago...just can't finish it until this date - the 1oth year of the bombing of the Twin Towers at New York, New York.

Perhaps a lot of those that died in that tragic event may not have really foreseen that they would die in that manner. My heart goes to them...Please join me in prayer...

Eternal Rest grant unto them oh Lord....And let perpetual light shine upon them... May their souls rest in peace ...Amen

NOT A RACE

http://www.marathon-photos.com

Life is not a race. That's what I always remind myself. That's why i felt sad listening to a group of young people that underwent management training. They were dreamers (not really bad ha). They've got great energies, aspirations, desires, ambitions, etc. They want more, and so much from life. Hahahhahaha when I was their age, I was lost. I did not know what to do or what i wanted. They must have gotten great guidance from their formators in school. Haven't they?:-(

During self introduction, one said, "my friends landed in great jobs and were paid well. I felt left out already. At my age (he is 21 years old), I know I need to do something for my future (I was shocked...again i was nowhere to be found at 21:-( ) ".

The other trainee added "I worked in a call center. I found my job boring. Having this job now seems like a great opportunity to lead people. I find this challenging. But you see I have other options, too (prior to that I told them that they have to clean the CR and do undercover work as crew)" The next 2 days, both of them are gone. They did not report anymore to the training.

A month ago, one management trainee left in the middle of her training since she was offered higher pay on a lower position given to her by another company (but note : the pay was higher). Her supposed company saw her potential to lead but she chose a lower position since it would pay her well.

Sadly also, a lot of fresh graduates demand higher pay even without experience. They go by the number than getting the experience first. A lot of them want to move up higher fast. How did they ever get that mentality? They want more money for the so called ideal life that they dreamed for themselves and their families or future families of their own.

One of our talented trainers told me the other week "you know what ma'am?, I have been applying for months already and it took me a while before i got this job. I went to a job fair and lined up from 8am to 4 pm. It was just then that I got interviewed. There were lots of us. And so when I was hired for this job, I looked back and appreciated well what I have now."

The fact is, it is not easy to get a job at this time. When you are in a job fare, you would realize the great need and high rate of unemployment. You get to appreciate also having the job that you have (really, the least is to complain).

One time in the past, I was aspiring for a position without any experience. The interviewer told me "get the experience first". I was hurt. I knew I could do the job but still he had every right to say NO to me. Because, I had no experience.

But then, let me deviate a little. Still, I believe any employer could give that first experience to anyone interested to get a start up with his / her career. With the trust and basis of seeing the potential for growth and development.

Sadly, a lot of fresh graduates (those with high potential for leadership) look at numbers than getting the experience. They just want to run the race and be on top...short cut ha...:-(

This would be my special address to the young graduates :

"I appreciate so much YOU ...having those goals early in your life. You started so early realizing these things. But life is not a race. If you want to prepare long term, it has to be a preparation of skills and character combined grounding yourself everyday regardless of what others say.

There are no shortcuts to learning. Do not trade getting good trainings over immediate higher pay (though you can get both at the same time). When you start to feel bored with your job, it means you stopped learning. Even the most routinary job has always something to learn in it.

We can't hop from one job to another when we don't feel like doing it. We tame ourselves, stick with the job and develop commitment, loyalty, patience, etc. Just like in a relationship. You don't just leave a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband because you are bored. Or hop from one relationship to another (one carefully discerned decision is enough even to last a lifetime...char lang). Moments of boredom are fine in any state or circumstances of our lives. There are moments of stillness. Moments when we just allow ourselves to be bored and learn from them.

Lastly, I know full well that you cannot be forced to go into something you don't see yourself doing ( I feel the same too). Just choose wisely. Follow your heart. And go where you feel your skills and capacities are best needed. Lastly, say YES to a job or a career path where you could best make a difference".

I read from somewhere the following statement : "True leaders grab opportunities to lead regardless of the pay". I hope we get reminded with quality, not with with any amount or quantity.

I hope this one helps:-)

EGO, PAIN AND REDEMPTION

Honest to goodness people? Yes, they frighten me. You know why? They tell the truth. And would say, they hurt me in a lot of ways but it is from them that I learned the most and the most painful truth about me.

I heard goodies about me. I appreciated them also. It boosted my self esteem but then still, i find the challenge with managing, coping, getting over, forgiveness with these "honest to goodness " individuals. Through the years I met many of them in varied shades and styles of approach but the one common thing was PAIN.

Ahh let me talk about it more. I have been digging a book that led me to check my ego and its yearnings and deceiving schemes. I cannot just simply dismiss what I found out. If it bothered me, perhaps, it may bother you also and so we can altogether check ourselves.

Let me just quote this man whose writing slowly tore my ego into small pieces and from whom i was challenged to do better. Though it is kinnndddda hard but if in this manner that i would transcend from a people pleaser person to simply just being me and true to my inner calling then so be it.

The author is still Dr. Wayne Dyer (hahaha if I am so desperate to meet this beautiful man....this beautiful author). He simply stressed on the need to re-align ourselves with our Source (for me ...no less than God Himself). For us to do that is to get hold of the ego and all its demands that bring insanity to the world. Wow...so our egos meeting together is really bringing such big imbalance to the world. For nature has its own course including our very own. What we are doing is that, we are putting "poison" to the world through our egos (hahahha great realization).

So what is that so-called "poison" and imbalance are we bringing? Self-importance...tsks tsk...according to him quoting another author " self-importance is man's greatest enemy". We all want to feel special right? In fact I believe that I am special and important. A lot of people made me feel that. But I got caught up with my bloating ego and I realize and as I craved for more in my life in everything, I became unhappy.

According to him though, " it is essential that you have a strong self-concept and that you feel unique. The problem is when you misidentify who you truly are by identifying yourself as your body, your achievements, and your possessions. Then you identify people who have less as inferior, and your self-important superiority causes you to be constantly offended in one way or another."

There must be something that I should do. I was searching for answers and it was through Dr. Dyer's book that I got the answers such that he gave Seven Steps for Overcoming Ego's Hold on You.

1. Stop being offended
2. Let go of your need to win
3. Let go of your need to be right
4. Let go of your need to be superior
5. Let go of your need to have more
6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of achievements
7. Let go of your reputation

So great job of a man that has dealt with himself working so hard detaching from his ego and so free in interacting with people regardless of what they say. In one of my previous blogs entitled JUST ONE PERSON, I mentioned that it only takes one person to learn character and values and I call them my "teachers". Teaching me to be strong, to detach from myself, to listen intently to what they say regardless of content so that I may be able to harvest something of value for my person.

Ahhhhhhhh ...ego...man's ego. I did not really mind about this before. But when they led me to restlessness and questioning, I was able to find out something of value to me and may be to you?

How is it as a starter this week? Hahhahahahhahaaaaaaa Can we all slowly learn together from this? Let's journey together. And even if we stumble and fall, let's bolt in, REDEEM and help each other up.

We can understand and resonate for we are all standing in the same ground...:-)

THE MIRROR

One of the activities in my Self – awareness and Values Exploration Workshop would lead one to use a mirror. Though I only gave it to the participants as an assignment, I led them to face the mirror and look at their face squarely, most particularly the eyes.

Why the eyes? I was in college in when I was given the opportunity to give my first talk to college students in the Freshmen Formation (FFP) Program. I was invited by one of the Philosophy teachers who entrusted to me a particular topic. I was so frightened. I was imagining all sorts of bad things that could happen.

One day , prior to the appointed date for such talk, I was combing my hair in front of the mirror. As I was looking at myself straight to the eyes, I captured that moment of fear so clearly displayed before my eyes from my own two pairs of eyes (hahahhaha).

And so I started talking to myself. The conversations went like this :

G : what happened Dang? You seem to be very afraid

Dang : yes I am. You should have not said yes to that invitation

G : why? I believe you can do that

Dang : Who told you I can do that

G : I did and I know … I know you…your capacity…everything about. We’ve been together Dang for years…

Dang : And what does that mean? That doesn’t give you the license to dictate me or decide for me.

G: Oh I am sorry…I should have consulted you first. What do you like now? Do you want to back out?

Dang : why ? Do you want me to do that?

G: Well I am not going to force you if you are not comfortable. But the fact that you know full well about the topic and that you might be able to contribute something good to these students…that would be something worthwhile to do right?

Dang : I believe you. But I am still afraid

G : Oh that…hehe it is fine…I understand you..but we will prepare right?

Dang : You will help me

G: Of course I would…we have been doing things together

Dang : Not when you decided

G : Oh that…again , I am so sorry…

On and on...so on and so forth. That’s how it is with me. I get to apply the same process with the participants in my workshops. It did well to me and it was with them, too. It boosted my and their self-esteem in the process (hehe as far as I know from the sharings of the participants).

And so everytime I get to feel any of the extremes of emotions (except in public hehehe I can't use my face powder mirror), I allow and waste time with myself on the mirror.

The eyes are the windows of the soul. The seat of the most honest of emotions. One may be able to say that he or she is happy but when you get to check the eyes, a lot of times, it displays the contrary (except may be to some of those with eye defects). The eyes cannot lie.

“Mirror …mirror…on the wall…who is the fairest of them all”. Remember this fairytale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs? The mirror with its real and true capacity and nature displayed the true answer to the question of the ugly, deceiver and thief of identity , the wicked Queen.

Amidst that part of us trying to inch and forward the lies about us. Yet the whole truth can come out when we are brave enough to deal with ourselves squarely on – THE MIRROR.


An exercise :

Find yourself a comfortable room where you could do the exercise above. Just give yourself this break with any of your emotional experiences. Do it alone. After the exercise, give yourself a big hug and perhaps you can bombard yourself with all positive things you can say such us "I love you", " I believe in you", " I am proud of you", etc.

God bless everyone...strive always to be your own best friend :-) and be Joyfully hopeful:-)