Thursday, May 31, 2012

Grandma's Love at First Sight


 http://www.picturesof.net/pages/090802-141119-064042.html

I was with a proud young grandma the other night.  She went so ecstatic describing how she journeyed with her daughter from pregnancy, delivery, and up to the present when her grandson is already 1 year old.  I saw the bliss in her eyes up until she declared..."what i had was a love at first sight with my grandson" (wow so there is such a love at first sight with grandchildren).  I wonder how it was with my own mother with my nephews and nieces.  

While she continued with her story i was laughing with her plus the giggles in between. Wow again, that's how it would be with a grandmother.  And, I could recall my dream of my own mother the previous night holding my baby with that big beautiful smile on her face.   I was almost in tears recalling that brief dream and the encounter I had with that beautiful young grandmother leading to the message that I got...my own mother is as happy and proud as that grandmother in front of me. 

Oh I miss my own mama (that's how i called her) so much.  She must have felt the joy of a grandma while I and my husband joyfully waited for our own "love at first sight" moment with our baby come September of this year.


Hmmm....grandmothers...they are just simply lovely and adorable, too:-)... (I still miss my mama).

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Precious Words for My Dearest and Most Special

I scribbled some words the other night until i reached with some small pieces of writing that i would want to tell my baby while he / she is in my womb.  As I read each piece to my husband, i saw him just smile with that look of awe in his eyes.  Here goes...

Facing Challenges Head On Through Meditation


http://www.google.com.ph/imgres



I read one blogger a while ago and I saw how she struggled with expectations of others while she insisted on strongly affirming with life listening to the movements of her heart.  I do admire her for that.  At times i get to stumble with expectations even when I was a child up to the present.  From within, I see the strength at battling against expectations despite that it weakens me sometimes.

I cry at the truth that i strongly uphold.  The truth,  that i carry within me such strength of a woman that is so ready to face challenges.  I don't want to say "i do not know where I get this" since i know full well at how i go back from time to time to my Source - God.  Fueling and re-fueling myself.  

One of the latest influences I had in facing challenges head-on is my husband.  He shared with the latest book he browsed on meditation and tried it himself.  He discovered how the precious 10-minute venture he had in it revitalized his energy.  This one precious 10 - minute did create miracle and I did try it myself.  It helped me to refocus and clean up some mess and clutters including the influx of perceived expectations from others in all sorts.  Huh... I just want some breather. 

I wanted so much to go back to it from time to time to re-fuel. Thank you dear husband...Thank you God.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

My Mothers' Day - May 13, 2012

http://media.photobucket.com/image/mothers day


I woke up today not really expecting so much. I just told my husband to accompany me in (the latest) daily routine walk around the subdivision.  I even forgot that it is mothers’ day.  After we had our hot drinks and pandesal,  I blurted the greeting “happy mothers’ day to myself hon”…to my husband’s shock…  He forgot just like me and he was all laughing about it.

Of course he greeted me after that.  I admit this is so new to me and to him, too.  Not even formally and officially a mom since my baby has not come out yet.  But I do feel like I am a mom, mama or nanay already.  It may be a little awkward for both of us to declare that but life is growing in my womb and there’s the three of us already.  Again, I feel like a mom, already.  Seriously, this being a mom thing has not really sank deep yet. 

But as months passed and I became used to having someone within me everyday, I feel like I am bringing with me a part of me and my husband.  Someone so special and fresh that I / we need to introduce to the world that we are in.   And so when we decided to hear mass at the mall, I felt like the entire family’s going there.  What I usually do is to get to talk to my baby in my womb with anything including the plans for the day.

At mass I got to meet my old classmate and friend Nina with her daughter.  We sat beside each other…I mean in between us was her beautiful daughter and I got a  glimpse of both of them and the growing excitement within me.  I felt the beauty of motherhood during the celebration as the priest acknowledged moms to go the front for a blessing.  I and Nina did not go though but I felt the blessing from God as I caressed my tummy imagining God blessing us also with my baby and my husband.  But wow, my country value so much family and roles of parents. 

As I searched around for moms with their sons and daughters - babies,  kids and older ones.  I saw so much of the strength of the women delivering all these children.  There were families that had more than one kids and I realized how God had chosen women to bring out these  children to the earth. 

Joking aside, I did ask my husband many times why it has to be women that has to carry the child and why not them.  He really took me seriously with his answer that genetically it is not possible and that our bodies from the very beginning was really designed for such purpose. 

It was such a wonderful celebration.  The Eucharist was like a refreshment for me – for my soul, my relationship to God and my husband and oh ..i will never forget … our beautiful innocent baby in my womb. 

Before the mass ended, I had some small talks with Nina updating a little of each others lives.  After which, I and my husband just roam around the mall.  After lunch I noticed some rehearsals going on with kids’ doing some ballet dancing.  I lingered a little while I waited for my husband doing something.  I was curious of kids and their behaviour on stage. 

Meanwhile, I also saw parents particularly moms proudly looking at them performing.  And I had lots of those thoughts going on such as :  What talents would my children have?  Would I expose them  to something like this?  There are so many of them on stage…  Would I want my children to be like them? 

Until,  I reached the question… Would I want my children to be like everyone else?  …and… Will this be the kind of exposure that they may have to make a difference in the world? (very odd mom that I am...right?).   Silently, I was in tears with this question leading me to pull out at one side to sit, think and feel the moment as I watched my husband trying to finish some forms to fill up at a counter. 

I admit that growing up with five other siblings in the house was quite a “cumbersome” childhood for  me.  I felt not much of attention was given to any of us seeing our parents so engrossed with providing us financially.  It was a childhood filled with experiments of everything at my end since I realize that “no one was really watching”.   

I had to try on clothes that would best fit with me, chose my style of shoes, sang any song,  tried sketching,  tried dancing and imitating some students doing ballet at a ballet class in our place (I guess mama would rather save up for our tuition in school than sending us to ballet class).  

I read books.  I tried writing too but when I saw someone writing beautifully with some words I could not really understand, I got discouraged (good writer for me that time meant having heavy words to say not understandable by many …huh …and whoa…I got to say wowwww if I read writings done in that manner). 

I tried imitating but that led me nowhere.  When I started something, I would stop and tried new one.  Until I realized that I had to be “me” in order to find myself.  And there is no other way that I would be able to reach out to my future children except by being themselves. 

Since from my search and journey towards “home” …that is myself…I realized …there are a whole lot of resources and gifts that needed to be out in the open, I feel the same to my future children.  They can go where they want to go.  But there is one thing that I would tell them in the earliest part of the lives… that I listened to my heart and I was guided by it.  I was guided by God’s voice in it.  

And so they can do the same…explore their passion, listen to their hearts…to that Voice that would lead them to where they should be.  And all we could do as a couple is to support them and pray for them.

Really, there were times when I got to laugh with my husband how we argued on how we would raise them and I would cut it by saying…”what about focus on nurturing them with our love than arguing right now on things that are not there yet”.  Because I do believe that if we start with nurturing them with our love the earliest years, they will find their own way by themselves.  Love will find its way when children are led by it in the earliest part of their lives.

Did I say so much?   Here's to close.... My mothers’ day ended beautifully with a beautiful gift from my husband (aside from his material gifts to me for the day and doing some chores in the house…great husband) – with the realization -  my strength as a woman is being complimented by the strength of character of my dear husband

HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY TO ALL MOTHERS AND ASPIRING MOTHERS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD…MY PRAYERS GO WITH YOU ALL:-)




Monday, May 7, 2012

I Call this "Somewhere In Time" with My Beautiful Friends At Work

With Albert, Emmylou "Micmic, Evelyn and Allan
 
The year was 1997.  I was a fresh graduate then in college and barely learning proper methods of teaching. I was not trained to teach.  My course was BS Psychology and i felt at the first sight of my first job that it may lead me to where i should be ( I was hoping it would despite of ).  I was told by my employer to do counseling for students yet, the same "put" me in teaching six sections of  fourth year students. 

I was groping in the dark.  I needed so much of help related to the job assigned to me  but had not much of it except the consoling and beautiful individuals that became my solace in my desolate and frustrating situation. This was rather heavy or shall i say "harsh" description of that situation.  But i was like a crawling turtle everyday, dragging myself every morning to perform the tasks of  a teacher. 

So how was it with friendship?  I met few individuals who were being hired the same year that i got in as a teacher.  Emmylou, Rizza, Albert, Maurice and Hazel...  That's their names.  We lived in the same boarding house except Albert who was / is a resident of Cagayan de Oro.  

In school, we had our separate departments (Emmylou and Hazel with Science, Albert with Social studies, Rizza with English and Maurice and myself with Values Education department) but at home we were bunch of inseparable people filled with colorful life stories.  We shed off  lots of ourselves from beautiful to worst.  We spent some late nights out of the house, cried over desires and painful love stories of each other, traveled to Camiguin to just be "lost" for a while, got drunk with myself being helplessly assisted by one of us (plus i rolled on the floor laughing). 

Added to that, i think it would add up more meat if i would describe the "jewels" of each one:

1.  Emmylou was the petite "chinita" pretty face, intelligent (magna cum laude in Education) with a wonderful singing voice, straight white legs  and a handsome boyfriend.   She was a great Science teacher too..this one i won't miss to include (this one cannot be refuted being awarded in her current job in Texas as an Outstanding teacher and competed in her district too in the same state...so proud of her with tears and tears heheeh):-)

2.  Rizza was the disk jockey of the group. She was my roommate and i discovered how in old cassette recorder, she just mumbled words like that of a DJ which made me realize how smart she was at being fast at capturing right English words to say.  Well i won't forget that she graduated Magna Cum laude too..:-) and she had that golden heart.  I felt how her beliefs and faith has formed her conscience so well that she feared committing sin or mistakes.  I was an eyewitness to how she knelt down on the floor in remorse for something she did and i learned a lot seeing her that way ...such faithfulness to God.

3.  Hazel was the "motherly" figure of the group.  She can wake up very early to prepare for everyone's food which made me ashamed at how she was able to manage being a great eldest sister in her own family and acted the same to all of us.  I was just so heart broken when i had to witness her shedding buckets of tears over a beautiful love "wasted".  But she rose up strong with the decision to move on with life.

4.  Albert may have not lived with us in the house but he had that soft heart too when i shared my painful and lost stories with my "love affair".  What was most unforgettable was when he wrote in several pages of yellow paper his own desires and dreams for my and Mike (my husband) who he knew way back in college.  My strong attachment with him is beyond compare too, owing to the fact that everything that he desired for me and Mike came true (i could cry and cry for this).

5.  Maurice ohh...this one may be a shock.  When he expressed his "like" ...hmmm i mean...admiration with me, it did not change a bit at how i looked at him and our friendship and my high regard and respect with him.  In fact Maurice with his emotional overture and support with me as his friend really led to a beautiful friendship that made me support his courtship with another woman who became his better half.  I hope i did my "job" well at pointing him to his "true north" (char lang...).

I could call that,  a one package of a school year and the last grip that i had with our friendship was the memory of a meeting with two of them ...Emmylou whom i (and all of us friends) now call "micmic" cute heheh and Albert last April 29, 2012.  Micmic came back for her mom that passed away due to cancer (so sorry for that friendship) and Albert joined us with two of their friends and colleagues in the same school Allan and Evelyn.  It was such a wonderful brief looking back and "how's life" with each one.  Wow.  I felt that was so short a time to spend together but better than not seeing her and Albert for years.

At present:

With Pretty and Cute Emmylou "Micmic"
1.  Emmylou "micmic" is married and so stable with her job being a Science department teacher and head in one of Texas' high school. Still cute and pretty, sings and now desiring to have kids with her husband Bembot ( You have my love and support friendship...way to go with our herbal therapy and prayers).  I couldn't desire anything less than the desire of micmic to have their "little ones" someday which i deeply believe in my heart God sees that too. 

More than anything with micmic, there is just one thing that so much admire with her.  She has gone high and far with her achievements as a person but has never put so much of that "ego" with herself.  She emulates humility and simplicity through the years.   When I met her last April 29, 2012, she was still the person that i knew - giggles, laughs loud with me ( i guess gakatakdan lang siya sa ako ahahha), and no air of anything from where she came from.  

She connects with us friends from friendster to facebook and even long night talks when i was in US.  She was the same from the tone of her voice to meeting her personally.  It was always from her initiative to gather us friends which started during her wedding and up to the succeeding years when she comes back here in the Philippines.  She never forgets her friends.  That's one of the bests she has (thanks so much mic:-)).

2.  Hazel is now a Principal in a charter school in California.  I couldn't really write much in here as we have no any direct communication except that of Micmic's update that she is so into her career and has set aside getting too personal with her life including getting married (i hope one day she will find her man:-)..miss her so much too). 
3.  Albert finished his law school and as far as i know works as history department chairperson of the school where we worked together years back.  I guess he is still figuring out if he stays in the country or seriously consider going out.  That one i learned during our last date with Mic2.   He stressed that a lot of people pushed him to do that already. I believe he will have his place wherever he is meant to go.
4.  I have no any update with Maurice except that one day in the past, he gave me that treat for dinner with the announcement that he was getting married and he was doing well with his work in the pharmaceutical company as medical representative (No news at present with his whereabouts...asa na man ka ga tago tago mau mau?).

5.  And of Rizza...este Zardings...she got married of course with her beautiful hubby and baby.  Really when i saw how beautiful her family was / is, I had that growing desire to build mine in partnership with my husband.  She inspires me so much.  And i guess she has finished her doctorate too (rights bako zards? heheh).  

And so at my end, I may not be able to totally fathom God's mystery of crafting and shaping certain experiences of bringing people together  leaving a beautiful, memorable imprint.  Such one school year bathed with the grace and wonderful friendship will forever be in my heart.  To Emmylou "micmic", Rizza "Zardings", Albert, Hazel "Asyang", Maurice "Maumau" ... Thank you for the beautiful friendship we had... You just don't know how much I miss US together...:-) My prayers and love go with all of you wherever you are:-) 



with Evelyn, Albert and Allan at Starbucks, CDO

With Albert, Emmylou "Micmic", Evelyn, Meeh Baby (check my pointer finger hahahah)









Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Kids' Stuff Site Coming So Alive


After the longest wait of longing and desire in my former single life, to be a mom someday, the opportunity just came last January of 2012.  God's wonderful opening of the year for me and my husband is the gift of "new life" in my womb.  The photo at the left side was my evidence when i was teased by some officemates as "ambisyosa".  I just giggled and laughed with them though but hoped in my heart when i ran the initial test of my pregnancy.  
( continue reading in my KIDS STUFF BLOG SITE...:   http://dang-kidsstuff.blogspot.com/2012/05/kids-stuff-site-coming-so-alive.html )


A Short Recall On My "Passion" History

 
I could put much of the credit to finding my passion to the late Mrs. Maritza Taleon.  She was our department head way back in college when I plunged into the course BS Psychology after that long bout to "free" myself from the expectations of my parents.  While i was engaging myself with the course, Mrs. Taleon gave me that opportunity to facilitate a workshop to / with college students from another school on her behalf.  Well she was supposed to give that workshop but i did not know what gotten through her when she just entrusted such task to a college student like me that time.  I guess she saw something in me that might have thrived  with training when perked.  Thanks to my "guru" of trust.    

What then after that?  I found myself giving talks to my Catholic Christian community, college students to the university where i graduated, workshops to many groups after that.  Since I was employed in the same university where i graduated particularly doing counseling with high school students, the "mission" kept pushing me in that direction - facilitating trainings.  I felt that it was no longer by chance that the invitations to facilitate came.  I felt some hand guiding me in that direction and when I was in it, I felt that soaring fire, excitement, feeling "lost" in the process of just engaging myself without being conscious of who my participants were. 

Looking back, I could not really imagine at a much younger age that i would be giving trainings to deans of colleges, school administrators or to give training side by side in a hotel conference room with the country's president of the organization of Guidance Counselors.  

Looking back, I thought of the courage I mustered within me and the grace to inspire many participants as I received positive feedback from the participants during evaluation time.  Time came when I became restless  being contained in a counseling job for 10 years.  I left it with thought of vague possibilities ahead.  I just felt that i had to do that for something else unknown but with certainty that there was something "more" for me.  

And i was right.  At present, I am into my most passionate tasks of putting that passion together.  First I landed a job in Human Resource which led me to another job being a Training Officer.  What I was putting together for the past years in training is slowly in shape through this job and I am currently expanding my horizon that is pushing the consultancy business that I conceptualized in 2009 called Triune Consultancy, Trainings and Counseling.

With the skill to facilitate side by side with it was and is the skill to write training modules particularly suited to the needs of my clients.   I have accumulated a lot already and these have become my "buckets" to stay on "fire"  with Training whether i would stay with my current position or pull out later for wider and bigger field to till.