Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Maria Mikaela ...Home at Last - August 25, 2012



I joked with one of the nurses when I visited our daughter Mika one afternoon with the statement "we will take our daughter home since the 'taxi meter' has become so high already"  followed by the resounding giggles and laughter in the nursery.  The following day, we visited Mika's pediatrician Dr. Dennis Absin (one of the 3 specialists in  Cagayan de Oro City that handles underweight and premature babies) to inquire about our daughter's condition after almost a month under his care. We asked him if we could take our baby home by Saturday (August 25, 2012). Dr. Absin's response was like music.  I posted at Facebook that I wanted to do somersault, tumbling, etc. Instead, I went to the Blessed Sacrament at the Cathedral followed by a noontime mass to have my simple and private thanksgiving to God ...with tears ....and tears heheheh...talagang tears ...of joy. 


That night of the same day, I was so busy with my simple preparation while my husband went to and from the hospital for the breastmilk that I and our milk donor named Marsha produced everyday.  I cleaned the house (we sent our trial nanny home for a very "good" reason that I and my husband determined while we were daily observing and evaluating how she would be with Mika), unfolding a crib (with my skinny strong arms:-) ),  sorted and arranged Mika's clothes and prepared a small bag where I placed some stuffs that she could wear as she  goes home.  I slept so late but with deep joy and shouts of gladness in my heart:-) ...plus with some silent thoughts of thanksgiving to God... halleluah...

At the hospital the following day, bills were so high but we were so thankful to God for the discount given to us by Mika's pediatrician.  I and Mike  decided to focus more on the blessing of having our little girl ...a wonderful gift and addition to are small family (I could not help but shed tears everytime I remember how one year ago, we were so busy preparing for our wedding and almost one year after that, a new member of the family joined us on July 28, 2012).  

What followed after that was the march to the nursery. I and Mike ...the new parents held hands as we excitedly received our baby from the nurses that took care of her.  Mike's excitement was so evident as I had mixture of feelings such as my anxieties and fear if I would be able or capable to take care of our fragile daughter.  But seeing and hearing Mike utter some of his private marching yells "let's bring Mika home..." over and over again made me regain my courage to stand up for our little girl and my very inspired husband.


At the nursery,  we received list of instructions from the nurse in-charge followed by some photo shoots with all the nurses that took care of our little girl.  We bade goodbye with all their eyes on us we walked passed all the nurses at the station.  I did not mind anymore what they may have thought of us.  I just wanted us to be out of the hospital and start a life as a family after almost one month "life challenge"  (that's how i call what we as a family have undergone) that God threw at us (with all His mighty protection:-) ...THANK YOU GOD.

We left the hospital few minutes past 3 in the afternoon (almost the same time that Mika was born) on the 25th of August).  I carried Mika in my arms (while I saw the curious look of a woman ... that scanned by body...haha ...i really don't look like i just delivered my baby  a month ago due to the fit blouse and jeans that  I wore).  

Huh...it was a big relief when we got home.  I had some words of welcome posted on the wall for Mika.  Guests flocked in days after that while I and my husband explored and experimented random ways of taking care of Mika and making her comfortable with us.  

At this time...it just feels to so good sleeping at night (hahaha though i really don't get much of it) and waking up with someone new in the house... Looking back ...it was such a very warm welcome to the new and permanent member of our family :-)



Sunday, August 19, 2012

Out from the Incubator for the First Time - August 19, 2012

I and my husband received a txt message from the hospital yesterday informing us of the two tests that shall be performed with our daughter Mika at the nursery.  They also informed us that she is out of the incubator already which made me almost jumped out of my  chair and convinced my husband that I will visit with him that afternoon.  

When we got there, the two young nurses teased us with their statement "where is she?  She is not here anymore..." and then "tadahh"  they pointed Mika placed in a small transparent case near them.  And I was all grin and smile and immediately picked her up, smelled, touched her and embraced her body.  I also had a chance to get some photos of her through my phone...here goes...

Mike told me of the joy he felt holding Maria Mikaela for the first time...
 
Mika ...so sound asleep...:-)

tulog pa din...:-)

hmmm...daddy and mommy love her so much:-)



Thank you God:-)

God Is So Present

http://amdgmagis.blogspot.com/2009/11/god-is-present.html


Waiting for my baby to come out from the hospital was kind of unbearable for me at first.  There were nights when I was in tears until  I would doze off to sleep.  My husband knows that.  I always get his embrace though and it felt so good to be comforted by him.  

I realized then that my baby is in a much better place and being taken cared of by professionals.  I could be afraid all the more if we would keep her at home with us not being able to provide what she physically needs in her condition.  It gives me more peace knowing that.

At my end, I had to busy myself with taking care of my health and listening to people sharing survival stories of infants similar to our baby's.  It comforts us to know that there are those infants undergoing more challenging situations than ours that have triumphed.  It reminds me of also of Mika's uncle Marco with his comment  at facebook :  "The strongest people are those who battled adversities early on in life...".  I firmly believe in this.  Mika's strength is honed as early as infancy as I and my husband are both strengthened in faith putting ourselves in total surrender to God.

Though I got to ask God "Why it has to be Mika that has to undergo such 'challenge'  at her very fresh, young age", yet I feel of a Divine hand intervening in all these for His divine purpose.  

What am I seeing at this time? 
 
1.  I have been writing for for almost three years now and I have tried to focus my writing on life and the many challenges that I have come across from where I found  God and His messages in my situations.  I have written about them and I am feeling right now that He wants me to write more through my situations just to send His message that He is very present in us in whatever circumstance in life we are into.  He is God and He is deeply engraved in the story of man.  

2.  I am seeing love in action.  God loves me and my family so much.  And that through our family's story, He is sending the message that His love for man abounds and is so infinite.  Let man not see fear in his situation instead,  see a God that is so in love with man through the love of all members of a family participated in by the bigger "family"  - Christians ...all of us ...believers of our God

3.  I see the sharing of love through outpouring of prayers and comforting words of different individuals from where I see God's comforting words through them.  God is so present in the hearts of men.  God is so present in the generosity of each one extending themselves through words of comfort and in the silence of prayers shared in their moments with God.  

4.  I see God's strength manifested in the different survival stories  shared to us.  I see God's whispers of comfort together with the message of "Hope" in our situation.  I see God as the real hope and triumph in the face of challenges.  His strength is best manifested in man.

5.  I see so much of unity through the love shared in our family.  My husband carrying his love through action everyday and my simple toiling at producing milk while I take care of my husband at home.

God is soo present.  Faith need not be complicated at all.  I just believe...so strongly believe in His presence...in everything that our family is facing at the moment.  May God's name be praised ...forever:-) Amen...


 


Friday, August 10, 2012

God's Greatest Gift...Our Greatest Joy

Our baby girl Maria Mikaela is being fed and sucked milk through a minute tube...

When my husband arrived two nights before yesterday (August 10, 2012),   he brought with him a photo of our daughter captured through his phone.  I was all joy knowing that she was so well and taken cared of by hardworking and experienced nurses.  The following night, Mike brought home another photo that pushed me to give Mika much longer visit the following day at the hospital.  When we arrived there, she was so asleep with some episodes of smiles in between.  I just touched her for much longer time compared to my previous visits and talked with her so many things  including of course the expression of my love and longing to be with her.

Mike and I took turns with our touches and I had mine over and over again.  I just can't stop looking at her with again so much love and joy seeing her so rested and sound asleep.  When the nurse fed her through a green minute tube, I was so amazed at how fast she was able consume the breast milk we regularly brought her.  

In my previous blog (Our Baby Born - Part 1 What Really Happened) that recounted my experience of delivering our baby, I mentioned of the extracting of breast milk that I am engaging in.  And seeing her consuming the milk that fast moved and inspired me to produce some more of course in partnership with a breast milk donor that kindly extended herself to us - to our daughter Mika.

And I did research on the benefits of breast milk feeding to both babies (particularly the premature ones...) and mothers.  What a bountiful "harvest" that I gathered as to how it could help both babies and moms such as immunity from illness and the passing of antibodies from mothers to the infants...and a lot more ( a link is provided below for reference) including the sense of accomplishment on my part being able to produce little by little and in increasing volume each day.  This is something that thrills me more than my other personal accomplishments combined.  And I am greatly challenged by Mika's milk donor that produce in great volume other than feeding her own baby (oh...her baby's so big at one month with the breast milk she is able to provide...haha Mika's mom is so challenged).

And our Mika ...with her photo above is greatly picking up...  Prior to leaving the nursery in her deep sleep and dream-like state she gave us such one big smile (while we bade goodbye) that made us laugh and giggle.  Hmmmm such as simple and pure joy that one innocent little girl is able to extend to the world in that moment... to her own parents...  

THANK YOU ...our  MARIA MIKAELA:-)...  THANKS TO YOU ALL OUR PRAYER PARTNERS:-) THANK YOU  GOD:-)


 



Monday, August 6, 2012

God's Perfect Timing


http://heisalwaysontime.blogspot.com/


By medical opinion, my OB-GYNE, Dr. Joeva Yap,  called the delivery of my baby  a PERFECT TIMING since I arrived in the hospital just in time to save my baby.  Had there been slight delay would endanger the life of my baby.   I could affirm that through the following ( as I and my husband looked back at the whole situation):

1.        First blood flow was when my husband was about to leave the house for some errand in the city and so he was not able to leave the house yet and was there to attend with me immediately by bringing me to the hospital  (note :  my husband travels a lot and he was there that time in the house with transportation made available for me).
2.       Though there was no available incubator at the first branch of Polymedic (Velez),  it was a perfect timing that there was  one at the second branch where my OB-GYNE was stationed that morning
3.       I had profuse bleeding when I reached the emergency room.  If it did not come out, it may have endangered the life of my baby.  Thus, such was a perfect time so that I could be attended immediately with my condition. ( I was told also that I had internal bleeding already earlier that day but it just did not come out yet).
4.       The team of doctors were immediately formed  and arrived on time to handle the Cesarean operation
5.       When my husband was asked to procure 3 bags of type O+ blood, the hospital made it at perfect time as they were able to provide immediately  3 bags (my blood type only left that time)
6.       My sister Gay was allowed to leave her company planning session to attend with us at the hospital putting in the initial payment on time as my husband could not leave me to withdraw the required amount.
7.       Our baby Mika was born at exactly 3:00pm on July 28, 2012. Thirty minute earlier than that, my husband was in deep  3 o'clock prayer to the Divine Mercy, our special devotion as a couple to prayer every day ... the same time that our daughter was born. 
8.       Mika’s tito Marco (husband’s brother) who has not been home for years (currently working in Manila) has arrived that day (pm) from Manila to reunite with my in-laws.  Though he reached me and Mika in that condition, it was still a perfect time for Mika’s tito to be with us / her ( though she was incubated…).
9.       It was timely also that my husband’s sister  – Mika’s Tita Mae – was also there with cousins Andrea and Aethan also arrived with Tito Marco from Manila (they’ve been there for 3 days for US embassy appearance before they go back to US).
10.   My sisters  Gay and Gina's perfect availability together with their families also were able to join us.  Gina made herself available the whole day of Sunday to attend with my needs at the hospital.  And Gay made herself available by bringing me home after my 3 – day stay at the hospital
11.   My Catholic Christian Community members were all support with their presence, prayers and other forms of help like looking for breast milk for Mika that was provided in time during the first night when the pediatrician requested that it would be made available until the next  2 to 3 days of her stay inside the incubator.
12.   My husband was able produce on time  the amount  needed to pay the hospital before I was discharged.
13.   The going home from the hospital (July 31, 2012) was such a perfect time in a way since it was the feast day of one of my  favorite Catholic Saints, St. Ignatius of Loyola Until this time, this one great saint of God never stops protecting me and now my most beloved family:-)
14.  A breast milk donor named Marsha  "arrived" on time when there was no other breast milk available other than the little amount I am able to produce each day until this time...
15.   Naming my daughter Maria Mikaela was such a perfect name for her since her fragile coming into this world needed that divine protection of the Blessed Mother Mary and the strength and might of the leader angel – St. Michael the Archangel.

Everything that happened came in God’s perfect timing.  Any split of second, minutes, hours missed may have brought danger to the lives of my baby and myself.  At this time I could lead you by asking “who holds time anyway?” …It is still God right?  I could say that everything that runs in this world runs in His own hands and will. 

Still it leads me to say,  man is helpless in a lot of ways.  God runs from the smallest to the biggest “show” of our lives… as man is asked to submit to His own orchestration and crafting of the events of our lives.  His will be done…



A Special Note :

When I would hear others doubting God’s presence in their lives or if He exists… at this time, I could lead you through this… think of how life started inside the womb of a mother…Science calls it fertilization when there is the meeting of the egg and the sperm…but think of this and keep it in your heart…it is only God that can blow and give that life… that soul to the fertilized ovum.  It is such a mystery how that one soul propels movements of growing and shaping you into what you are now.

I as a mom only participated in the first part of the pro creation process but I felt l helpless as to how my baby would look like when she came out.  That alone is a mystery for me. Day in and out I would think how she would look like and how God would fashion her into what my daughter is today.  That alone should be more than enough for man to say that there is a God …trying to orchestrate everything there is in the world including His most beautiful masterpiece… MAN…

Friday, August 3, 2012

Our Daughter Maria Mikaela - What's in Her Name

Just this afternoon, I was asked by my husband to run through the birth certificate of our daughter before finalizing it with the civil registry.  I felt like dreaming holding a birth certificate of our daughter.  Seeing her name MARIA MIKAELA, I said "now our daughter has her identity..through her name"..  

What's in her name... you might ask...:-)

Months back i was praying for a name to call her.  I know that it would not just be any other name of some popular TV - local and foreign personalities.  First I looked at the month that she was expected to be born which would be September and asked what's in it.  Since our family is very Catholic and so devoted to praying the rosary, we got MARIA to carry the name of  our blessed Mother Mary that would celebrate her birthday on September 8.  

Second, my husband's name is Michaelangelo and I know that St. Michael the Archangel's feast day falls on September 29.  So I felt the strength of that name be included in our daughter's name only that she would be called Mikaela. 

And so when she was born on July 28, 2012 so close to the feast day of St. Ignatius (hehehe) I was almost tempted to change her name to anything that would sound like Ignatius but it was my husband that told me not to do that anymore since for the past months during my pregnancy, we kept on calling already our daughter inside my womb - Mika...

And so the name MARIA MIKAELA was born with our baby on July 28, 2012 at 3:00p.m.  Welcome to our world our beautiful daughter :-)

Our Baby Born - Part 2 - More Facts and Reflection

I could not totally understand the mystery of the whole experience.  During the second night, while my husband and my other "assistant" were asleep, I was asking so many questions to God in prayer. I almost drowned in self pity until I realize that I had to remain strong for my baby and husband.  I love them so much and it was an awakening for me to realize that my world and the way I look at things has changed so much.   I am so in and into love at work in my situation.  

As I was on my first day of recovering at home, I tried to cheer myself through a Jesuit CD when I heard the following song that made me shiver and moved me to buckets of tears...a song of prayer by St. Rupert Mayer ...

Lord, what You will let it be so
Where You will there we will go
What is Your will help us to know

Lord,
when You will the time is right
In You there's joy in strife
For Your will I'll give my life

To ease Your burden brings no pain

To forego all for You is gain
As long as I in You remain

REFRAIN:

Because You will it, it is best

Because You will it, we are blest

Till in Your hands our hearts find rest
Till in Your hands our hearts find rest

The song was like an answer to the endless questioning I threw to God in that hospital bed.  It silenced my heart and put me back to ease I was just led by God to simply embrace the experience. Until this time, this same song, I keep on playing to remind me of submission to His will.  To stay with Him... through my experience...

From that I was opened in the following:

1.  Courage to stand up for my loved ones
2.  That the greatest gift of a mother and wife is to give her / offer her life as a sacrifice for her loved ones
3.  Planning does help but it is always God that has the last say.  He was actually sending the message "I am in control"
4.  To fully surrender to Him is the most security we can have ...none else..
5.  To allow others to take care of me in my physical helplessness
6.  That I felt the strongest of family from mine and my husband's family members and my Catholic Christian Community - The Sowers Field..
7.  That there are people willing to do action - sacrifice like my sisters Gay, Gina, Ronnie (brother in law),Joy, Herme, Jinky and Vilma (SFC), Father- In- Law Atty. Poy Libed that brought us our assistant at the hospital - Rose plus the prayer support of many individuals such as Fr. Roy, Fr. Frank,  Fr. Lester,  Sowers Field Community (also presence - Elmer, Vilma, Nagac Family, Norlyn, Joy, Annie and  to pray over me - Kuya Fredo, Bro Eugene, Mara, Jinky, Joy,  family members, hospital discount through sis. Herme Maandig, and those that provided us breast milk - two unknown breast feeding moms, Vilma's sister and someone named Margie, nurses that took care of me and my daughter, Dr. Absin her pediatrician, my OB Dr. Joeva Yap, and my anesthesiologist (i forgot his name ...so sorry) and a whole lot more.  Our family feels so much of their love... I call them God's presence in our trying and challenging moment.


God does answers prayers.  A lot of times I get to worry about my husband coming home from the hospital late at night.  Yet in prayer I feel God's protection and presence through the drizzle of "angel" stories that my husband related in his trips to and from the hospital.  

It pains me not to be able to visit Mika yet with my condition.  I feel at times helpless but it comforts me to realize also that polymedic has an excellent team extending excellent services to its patients.  Really I needed not have to worry about my "watcher" being able to sleep at night since they do the active monitoring themselves through their nurses .

I do feel God's outpouring of graces... through them ...and my husband and I are forever grateful...while we await for our little girl to come out from the hospital soon...

Please continue to pray with us:-)   My love and prayers are with you:-)  Be blessed always as God strongly showered our family His blessings:-)...Amen...



Our Baby Born - Part 1 - What Really Happened

Let me start my writing this month of August with a shocking news that I just delivered my little girl  - Maria Mikaela  on July 28, 2012 (premature) at exactly 3 pm. - at Polymedic Medical Plaza - Cagayan de Oro City.  She was born - 3.6 lbs.,  7.5 mos old. She is currently placed in an incubator to make her lungs mature for her to breath by herself.

What really happened?  I will try as much as I can to share and link back how it happened

On the 6th month of my pregnancy - June 6, 2012, a fist - size myoma was seen in my uterus during the fetal scan growing side by side with my daughter Mika.  I was not strongly alarmed nor threatened by it as I was told by my doctor not to worry  since a lot of it that appear during pregnancy may also be gone after delivery.  But if I deliver my baby cesarean, my OB can automatically take it out with the baby ( i totally rejected the idea in my mind as I wanted so much a normal delivery).  I never felt any pressure from my OB.  I just found her so cool about things making me just relaxed and go through the normal stage of my pregnancy for which I was so thankful to God.

However... on July 28, 2011 :

1:00am -  I felt the numbness and pain at my right lower side of my tummy.  I applied mint flavored liquid on top of it thinking that it may be just a "kabag" (trapped air) so i could just let it out. The pain continued like that of a dysmmenorrhea up to 3:30am.  Then i went back to sleep. 

At 7:00am during breakfast, the pain was back and I thought I could just bear with it by going back to bed.  As my husband was busy preparing for some errands to attend with in the city,  I felt a flowing liquid rushing from my vagina.  As I checked it, there I found the little amount of blood.  Good thing my husband was still home and he rushed me to the hospital - polymedic - Velez from where I heard the doctor's secretary relating all the details of my condition as she was stationed at Polimedic - Plaza that morning.  I already heard her secretary mentioned of unavailable incubator at the Velez- branch and so we had to go to the other branch Polymedic Plaza.

Everything was so fast.  I was given dextrose, blood test, ultrasound and IE.  From where results was positive that I would deliver my baby at 34 - week old.  I and my husband were so shocked (we knew full well that the earliest date of my delivery will be September 10 and the latest would September 23). 

We both prayed together while waiting for me to be delivered to the operating room.  I prayed hard, remained calm for my baby and my husband and held on to my faith in God that everything shall be well for all of us.  While in the labor room, I was contacting some family members - Gay (who had a company planning that time, Ronnie my brother in law and my sister Gina).  I mentioned my condition and of course everyone was shocked.  Gay with her kindness put in the down payment since my husband could not leave to withdraw the required amount for the clearance prior to the operation.

A nurse placed a circle pad on my belly to monitor the heart rate of my baby.  I would call their attention if it lowers down to the normal rate while waiting for the team of doctors that would attend with me.  My husband who was warning me months back that he can't be present during my delivery was there cheering me up.  I knew that he was just trying his best not to appear in panic just to be there for me.  I knew that he was struggling within but could not just utter it outright.  

At my end, I was in the TOTAL SURRENDER phase.  I had no courage to ask "why" to God.  I knew that I just had to go through the entire process without question.  I still felt the calmness all over me.  I pushed through with praying despite the struggle to focus since I was all eyes on everything around me including that time when it was declared that they are going to perform a Cesarean operation with me.  In my condition under those tubes and oxygen, i was still signing papers signifying my consent to what the team of doctors are going to do with me.  

As I was wheeled to the operating room, I was still able to ride with some jokes with nurses making us all giggle and laugh.  The anesthesiologist came in first  explaining to me that I would be sedated first which would lead me to become unconscious.  He mentioned further that he would monitor the machine all throughout while the operation is conducted and that I would not worry because he will be able to determine if I would be in deep sleep which of course he would not want me to.  

As he sedated me by injecting me through the tube in my dextrose, I was already very unconscious that I was not able to feel or see what happened after that.  I was only awakened by my anesthesiologist that it was finished, my myoma was removed and my dear baby already placed in the incubator.

I was slowly wheeled to my room (the memorable 301 of Polymedic plaza) from where I vomited and vomited.  I heard the voice of my husband first while he touched my shoulder to welcome me in my room.  And everyone was there - both mine and his family members.   Though I was not allowed to talk, I could not contain the joy of having family to be present to support me / us (with my husband and our baby Maria Mikaela) in our most unexpected moment of our journey as a family.

The funny thing was that, I was not allowed to talk yet I did (very talkative me).  I was welcoming guests in that condition lying so flat on my bed while I vomited from time to time. My dear older sister Gina was my "traffic" so that I would stop talking.  

The following day was like entertaining lots of guests.  I informed Vilma - a sister in our Christian Community - Sowers Field - about my condition together with the prayer requests.  And then a lot of them really flocked at night which gave me and my husband such joy.  I knew then that a lot of them are praying for us.  I could not contain and be overwhelmed by their presence as I felt the strongest of family from them with the initiative of my dear friend Vilma.

That second night in the hospital was different.  My husband visited our daughter Mika at the nursery and took some photos.  When I saw it, I could not hold myself from tears.  I was asking myself where would i get the courage to get near my daughter seeing her in that condition.  I prayed so hard to God that He would give me such.  I did talk to myself with the statement "I am the mother...i need to be strong for my daughter...I need to stand up for her no matter what...in her fragile condition she needs me...etc."  

I woke up the following morning receiving the announcement from the nurse that my catheter would be taken out.  And so I bravely announced to my husband that we would visit our daughter.  I had the mixture of feelings but more than anything was the courage to be brave for our daughter.  It was such a beautiful morning for us united as a family in that odd condition but so full of love for each other and our dear baby.  As I got near her incubator, I was in tears while stating "Hello Mika...mommy here... everything will be alright...God is with you...you are a  brave girl and yes you can make it...daddy and mommy are waiting for you...we are here for you...we love you so much"  We did touch her incubator.  

She was so fragile in her condition.  The good thing was, her Pediatrician announced that she is doing well, so mobile and they have decreased her oxygen by 40% that time and all her organs are healthy except that she has to have the oxygen until her lungs can fully function by itself since she lacked the number of days required for her to fully develop.  I and my husband were so happy of course.

But then another challenge was thrown at us to produce breast milk for her.  In her condition it is highly advised to have the breast milk.  And so the search started.  I am most indebted to my sisters in the christian community -  Joy, Jinky and Herme who accompanied my husband during the first night of search.  Vilma for the second and the following day's supply of milk.  My sister Gina for the succeeding 2 days.  

Well you may be asking if I did my toil too.  Yes I did.  I had all those full gear of breast pump with tears in between thinking that if Mika did not have this premature birth I would not dare work so hard at producing milk.  I had it on my first day of  toiling. Prior to that, I was asking my Mika's pediatrician and the assigned nurses if I it is really possible to produce breast milk.  And they unanimously said that all women that has delivered babies can.  You just have to stimulate it.  That was my inspiration until this time why i keep on working so hard providing that milk for my daughter from my own and from some kind donors.

Prior to going home for which I alone can since Mika has to stay for her to fully function through an incubator,  my husband took care of the high bills from where he joked "seeing the bills, you would literally want to cry..."  (from where I realized...it was not a joke...)  It was really that high excluding the baby's bills.  But truly my husband was such a committed and dedicated man that he took care of everything telling me not to worry about it.  He just wanted me to fully recover physically.