Sunday, December 29, 2013

THE JOYFULLY HOPEFUL ADVOCACY

The following is a repost stating how i started with the Joyfully Hopeful Advocacy...read on please ... God bless you all:-)... this was posted in 2010 ....






I did not imagine something like this can and may happen. What i thought to be just a "simple" participation in Spiritual Direction with Fr. Frank Savadera, SJ that started last January 2010 brought out the "fruit" of an advocacy called JOYFULLY HOPEFUL... which he himself coined from the life experiences i initially shared in the earlier part of the encounter. 

Sharing my life here would be a long - long story. i would rather state the fact that from the dirt, scratch, loses, pains, etc. i learned to rise... Fr. Frank (i believe) inspired by the Spirit, suddenly stated in one of the sessions we had, "i feel hopeful for you...joyfully hopeful". 

And, that's it, i picked up the line in one of my prayer times and attached it to the "accidental talent" that i engaged in during my period of "career inactivity" hahahahha in short...walang trabahao. walang magawa sa buhay kundi mag browse ng internet - t shirt designing with the sayings that have become instrumental (in part) for me to "pick up" again from life.

And so the advocacy called JOYFULLY HOPEFUL was born on March 2010. A prayer was also composed to highlight the said advocacy. With the effort to introduce it to the public, it has slowly gained its momentum through the t shirts that were first released the recent Holy Week (2010)at the Divine Mercy Shrine and Malasag, Cagayan de Oro city. Some were also sold to particular individuals who have appreciated the messages plus the prayer uniquely attached to the shirts. Those who bought including Fr. Frank (actually his idea to attach the prayer) himself, commented that they never found such a style in a shirt. 

The recent effort of a medical doctor named Dr. Catherine Verendia (provincial hospital, cdo) who believed in such advocacy brought out a "miracle" through several doctors who have purchased the shirt with the message "DOING GOD'S BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE". She said that the message itself was a challenge to their practice at the hospital. Moreover, it surprised us to receive orders from 2 Muslim doctors who expressed their interest to wear the shirt bearing the same message. 

And so the story of the advocacy continues to unfold from the sharing of different individuals whose lives have been touched - from the seller of the shirt last holy week that stated "if not for the shirt, i would have not joined a healing session at the Divine Mercy Shrine"....to a friend that stated "thank you for bringing your spirituality to our family"

Recently, Fr. Frank included the advocacy in his homily at the Carmelite Monastery in CDO, that led to another breakthrough (charing...grabe talaga na partnership....amen!!!)of shirts being sold by bulk through the nuns. And from these the production team (another char char...hahahhah...nang Vangie, ging2, reynante, jr, my sister gina and my honey mike are into an innovative work of creating more new products by contacting suppliers for key chain, mugs, tumblers, and nang vangie doing the bags and a lot, lot more...kahit ano daw pwede pasukan for the apostolate. Amazingly, the team has so much fun creating the products despite some difficulties encountered. The same team serves as the advocacy's prayer "warriors"...amen (para battle ano? hahahhaha)

i thought then, this can't be an accident, right. Well i was presented with an idea from Fr. Frank himself, that there is no such thing as accident in life. There can be reasons for why things happen. And i believe, it just can't be anyone else's reason...but God's...


...and i can't just end this with the last statement above. i feel i can't thank Him enough for my SD Fr. Frank thathave patiently guided me towards finding Him that i miss so much all these years. And of course.. i thank Fr. Norlan Julia, SJ that started such assistance last year ...for his warmth and confidence sa akin and who initiated and introduced me to another spiritual director :-) ... 

Salamat sa inyo duha ka mga SDs nako heheh...talawan kaayo ko sa una to engage in spiritual direction. Ang galing galing ng Panginoon to send you both to me...my guardian angels dito sa lupa hehehheheh ...Amen.

RAISING EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT CHILDREN - Part 1...Let us start with the Parents:-)

I was hooked with EQ or popularly known as Emotional Intelligence when I joined a seminar in 1998 in Cebu by Dr. Liwag from the Ateneo de Manila University.  The said speaker mentioned about children’s EQ.  At that time, it did not really matter so much as it is with me and my husband today.  It has started to be our advocacy since our daughter joined us on July 28, 2012.  Since I know its scope, my husband underwent a one-on-one session with me through a powerpoint presentation that I prepared for my participants during seminars.

We “join hands” realizing that it could help so well our family particularly the parents in raising children with high EQ.  Our simple premise rests on the statement “parents with high Emotional intelligence passes on the same to their own children”.  Thus, it starts nowhere else but through the parents. 

This is now our advocacy.  And, I am going to describe its scope that parents could practice first for themselves.  Though I have described this in my previous blogs, yet it is just at this time that I am going to make parents own them so as to be able to join us in our advocacy.
1.      Self-awareness.  This means that parents should know how to identify and name their own feelings.  Together with this is to be able to neutrally observe its intensity, thoughts that accompany it or be able to identify, face head on the cause of such feeling.  This should be done like a fulltime job such that, there is a full time awareness of the existence of the feeling without being carried by it.

I and my husband learned to assert ourselves from our own families.  What do I mean by asserting.  We are so expressive as individuals.  We express how we feel to each other even to the last detail of how and why we feel the way we feel.  When this happens, it is kind of tough and I find us both so intense.  We don’t hide emotion from each other no matter how painful it can get when it is expressed and we both reaped acceptance and understanding from each other.

2.     Managing Emotion.  This part makes points to our own unique individuality such that we have our own way of diverting for a while our attention to some other activities such as reading a good book, listening to comforting music, eating good food, any form of exercise, etc.  all for the reason of not really directly reacting to the emotion as soon as it strikes.  Overwhelming emotion may blur our “vision” such that finding alternative courses of actions may not be possible at its height.  Intense emotion passes with time so when it happens it starts to settle down which follows proper thinking, discernment and decision making.

I do admit I have lots of those moments when I get so angry with my husband.  Anger is so tempting.  I felt like it is pursuing me and that it wants to be expressed outright thus, giving the false belief that it can be satisfied when expressed “loudly”.  It is not true. 

At my end it helped when I just decided to pull out.  My own daughter helped me well.  Without her knowing it, she has become my motivation not to answer back most especially when she is with us.  I did not want her to hear us express our anger to each other.  Not just yet and not in the manner we wanted it.  I learned my lesson when we underestimated her capacity when she was 5 month old.  I and my husband were in a heated discussion when we realized our daughter has been for a while moving her eyes from me to my husband and vise versa.  In an instant we both stopped and pulled out from her sight.  From then on, we agreed to remind each other during the same challenging moment as husband and wife.
 
3.     Motivating Oneself (The Master’s aptitude).  This means that as parents we are able to pursue whatever it is that we are doing or still decide to go to work, or decide to continue living and loving our spouse or each other despite the struggle of emotion.  We feel positive and continue to hope despite our circumstances.  We continue to be patient with our children despite our struggles with them. 

Despite being young as a couple, I could say that we have gone through several tough times including our relationship.  Would you believe that I have decided to give up our relationships many times everytime I feel that my husband was not participative enough in the relationship and in some moments that need us both to decide.  Yet, he made me feel that he was not giving up and everytime I challenged him, he would openly tell me about what he could do.  I have told him not to assume so much that things are well when things seem to be smooth.  There are times when we had to dive into many situations and emotions in order for us to see more.  I know I am not making things easy for him.  But I admire my husband so much when I see him willing to learn the things that I know even when it calls for him to bend hard. 

Hmmm one thing though.  I did not really make him bend hard to change his values since, he values the good that I saw.  The only thing was, he felt that I am too sensitive and that at times he is not seeing immediately what I saw.  Please don’t get me wrong, I get a lot of “spanking” too from him.  He reminds me so much that life is not really that smooth and we have to continue with our partnership no matter what.  Oohhh thank you dear God for giving me such a husband despite the many ggrrrrrrr moments with him hahahhaah.

4.      Empathy.  My dear parents, this would mean that if you have learned the previous three, you are able to sense well others – husband family and children in terms of nonverbal expressions.  Non verbals could mean eyes, facial expression, tone of voice and body movements.  And so you are able to decide on perfect time to talk to any member of your family since you can see by the facial expression, movement, tone of voice, eyes, etc. if  it is safe to approach any member of your family after certain emotional challenges.

Now between me and my husband. Hmm I have known him for almost 15 years now.  What I see in him is a man that can express himself  so most of the time, I don’t really have to read or interpret his non verbal expression.  I find it so easy to approach and ask him about how he feels too since he tells me about it.  And I find myself very comfortable at expressing myself feelings to him.  Hehehehe too comfortable that a lot of times  overdo it (super doooper ouch).

Husbands and wives should learn to read nonverbal but this will not be needed if  both know how to express emotions to each other.  One need not interpret or read between the lines when both are so free to express themselves. 
5.      Handling Relationship / Social Art.  This means that when each parent knows the first four of the domains of EQ, it won’t be hard the 5th one.  This part involves a lot of listening from the other person.  Listening dissipates negative energies from the other person.  When a husband or a wife knows how to listen from each other, it makes the other feel comfort and acceptance.  Let me stress that listening is a lot different from hearing.  Hearing just involves the ears allowing information to come into the ears.  Listening involves the emotion.  You feel, journey, empathize with the other person.  And for that, you send the message “I feel you”  with your own two eyes and heart fully glued and attentive to the other person – husband or wife.

When I and my husband decides to really talk and express really emotional information, we decide to be invisible.  We lock each other inside the room and give each other time to express until the intense emotions starts to settle until we become ready to listen.  Most of the time we decide what to do with what happened and how we felt.  And rarely were those moments when we cannot pursue yet with the decision since we allow more thinking and emotional relaxation for us to come up with a decision. 

I just feel right now that what I am sharing here is never easy since intense emotion is so tiring.  But they have to be expressed and not just express them.  They have to be expressed the right way.  That is the challenge of EQ.  if this one is the family’s constant practice.  Children will get the message that it is fine to express emotions. That they are allowed to express them yet they can learn the proper way of doing it from their own parents.  We parents can model.  It is such a challenge to become a parents at this age where technology seem to surpass and take over parental presence and control. 

Moreover, it would make it all the more hard if the family sets aside prayer.  If parents don’t pray, their children won’t.  It is impossible for a parent to dictate to their children to pray when they are not seen doing it.  I shared to the participants in the first Parenting seminar I ever gave that “our mission is to pray for our children”.  Parents should pray for their children. .. for our children.  There is something in this life that moves and creeps in silence.  It can be God’s grace or the evil one.  Let’s make right for our children…for their bright future. 

One father consulted me about what he must do for his 7 year old child that has been bullying and stealing his classmates.  I told him to give her time.  To wake up for her and join her at breakfast.  I was just so glad her wife interrupted and suggested that her husband could bathe or change her clothes in the morning.  He could go back to sleep when he is done.  Actually he comes home late at night and her daughter leaves for school when he is still asleep so they don’t practically see each other during the  week.  When they see each other during the weekend, they just watch videos and that is it.  That is bonding for them. 

Lastly, my dear parents, our children don’t come to us by accident.  They are given to us to be taken cared of.  We cannot allow someone or television or any other form of technology to demean our capacity to form our own children.  It should be us that should be giving the formation.  And we need GOD to do that.  Despite our so called knowledge and expertise, without God’s grace, all else shall be useless.   God works wonders and miracles.

My daughter at her age joins family rosary every night and can sustain the length of time prayer at her very young age 1 year and 5 month old.  God works wonders and miracles for us each day through her.  And so we continue to form her in our own neophyte  capacity.  The rest is God’s.

May God’s grace be with us as we continue to form our children to become emotionally intelligent and God-fearing.  Amen.

So how do we apply it to our children?...way to go for part 2 dear friends...:-)


Saturday, December 28, 2013

Maria Mikaela's Diet

Let me share with you my daughter’s diet.  First few months with us from the day she was born, she was just drinking her milk. Six to 7 months after that, we gave her a little of cereals (Cerelac) from ones, twice until it became thrice a day.  From the 8th month we tried to give her some blended vegetables that I especially prepared composed of squash, carrots, potato, beans,  rice, sometimes cauli flower or broccoli, mongo and many other vegetables when they are available.  The process goes this way:





Rinse the vegetables  thoroughly with water and cut the vegetables into small pieces






Put the vegetables in a pot and just cook them for few minutes until it is enough for the blending















Place the strained vegetables inside the blender

Vegetables are now ready for blending












Put ground rice in a pot with water and heat until it becomes a little sticky



 Let the cooked ground rice cool
down on a basin with water












Mix the cooked ground rice to the cooked vegetables in the blender…now ready for blending











 Blend thoroughly…until…it becomes…




…texture becomes fine…











Now ready to be served:-=)












 For my daughter, I pound a little spirulina (green color) and mix it to her food …check the green fine powder on food as shown in the photo








It was February of this year since she started eating  this food.  But if she starts to feel jittery due the repetitive eating of this type of food, we vary it with the different varieties of cereals for babies.  With the above diet and the milk and other vitamins that she getting including the use of Virgin coconut oil mixed to her milk each meal, I and my husband are very confident that she is getting more than enough nutrients needed to sustain her physical needs for physical growth and wellbeing.

One day soon when she would have enough teeth to chew more solid food, then we would again find another type of food that would be nutritious for her growing body.  

As a mom, I am doing my research to from different mothers how they have prepared and tried to know the different types of food that can be served and safe to their age.  I am so thankful for the help of those mothers also that are so conscious with their children’s diet.  Yet I was also learning from those not so conscious ones as they allow they children to eat all the food that they are eating.  Hmmmm I am still thinking about that approach since, I, my husband and our baby maybe facing more risk than helping her with her nutritional needs.

It really needs a lot of weighing and …hmmm discernment which is better and appropriate for our daughter.



A Simple Expression of Maria Mikaela ...:-)

I was not so motivated last month decorate the house.  My mind was somewhere else.  Hmmm just work and my family.  Two weeks before Christmas, I thought I just had to put on some red curtains.  I wanted so much to have the Christmas tree but we lost the pack inside the stock room.  So I thought I would have it simple.   I placed everything. And soon enough the day before Christmas, I thought I just have to dive into the stock room and look for that pack of decors.  Lo and behold, we found them. 

So we started putting them up.  Our tall slender Christmas tree was done.  When little girl went out of the room after her afternoon sleep, I was stunned at how her loud giggle filled the entire house as she saw the Christmas tree standing tall.  She came back and forth.  Kept on looking at it with much excitement.  And I was just so happy that I made such simple effort of going into that dusty stock room that reaped such simple happiness of my little girl this Christmas.
 My husband already stopped me from taking so much effort.  He just wanted me to rest in that afternoon.  Yet I told him that kids have a different taste of Christmas.  I just want to do it for our daughter MIkaela. 

During family prayer, she kept on going back to it.  And I told her after that,  that I did it for her.  And she listened so intently giving me that cutest and most wonderful smile.  Though she did not wait and join us at Noche Buena, I know in my heart my little girl carried that wonder and awe with that simple Christmas tree. 


Oh what a simple joy …a simple gift of a Christmas tree to my little girl Maria Mikaela this Christmas of 2013…her second Christmas with our familyJ

A Plunge Into My Neophyte Parenting Skills


Yes... I just gave a parenting seminar to a group of employees of a particular company here in Cagayan de Oro City.  Well those that know me would not be able to believe it since I was and am  only married for 2 years and 2 months with a 1 year and 5 month old baby.   So I am just a parent for the latters span of time. 

Now I can imagine what your next question would be.  "How could a 1 year old parent give parenting training to employees who are older in parenting years than her?"  But please just spare me for a while for such curiosity.  Just allow me to stress that when I met ate Joy, a friend and at same time the Parenting seminar organizer of their company, I declare that it was never an accident.  I just felt that time that with my course, background in giving trainings and my advocacy of raising emotionally intelligent children, God wanted me to share what I’ve got.  How could I say NO to Someone whose strength and confidence I felt to have commissioned me to go and do the formation. 

During the seminar, of course the introduction sounded like “  I am not here as an expert.  I am here to facilitate, share,  listen and learn from you”  (hahaha such a great armor of defense).   Young as I am in parenting would mean that there are a lot of things that I can learn from the participants themselves ( hmmm i liked so much listening from the 'older' ones' stories).  I felt so confident with that.   And then I just felt that the participants were so alive, participative and we had so much fun during the sessions.

Though there was not much time allocated with so many things that I wanted so much to share, I felt that I have maximized and shared what the participants deserved to get.  I was just so amazed that after the seminar, the committee evaluation favoured my delivery that they wanted me to handle the future batches. 


God is so good… God is so great…AmenJ ... 

PS...for the next batches...i hope to share and strengthen ...family spirituality...this is one thing that i regretted that i slightly touched:-)  way to go dearest God :-)