Monday, April 28, 2014

My Taste of the "Summer Sun" of 2014



A moment ago, I felt that I must be lost somewhere not being able to start writing for almost a month.  Uninspired …that’s how I call it.  Yet looking back, there have been moments of it that I did not dare capture.  Either I became too lazy or that I may be thinking too hard that none of them seem to matter at the thought level.  At this point, I still feel the same.  But why am I writing?  It is for the reason that, I feel empty, lost and unable to define my situation. 

Is there something wrong with me?  That was my latest question?  Did I care so less at the moment?  Since summer vacation has started, my world has become “I, my daughter and my husband” .  But I do admit, my husband has been most of the time off the picture since I feel so much weight and demand from my daughter especially during her most painful teething moments.  When she just cries or wails in the middle of the night because of the discomfort. 

I feel her pain.  I struggle seeing her that way.  While we try to comfort her and apply honey and lately the gum gel to soothe  and comfort her, I feel really challenged in terms of patience.  While my daughter was in her bouts to recover and doze off to sleep.  Sometimes she sleeps in my arms from where I find her much heavier than the previous months.  Even then, the thought of enduring it with the statement “ mothers don’t just give up, they stand up for their children”.  And I get to remind myself that one. 

Huh…I almost forgot that it is summer vacation of 2014.  If others have shed off some skin at the beach or roaming around the mall or have some vacation somewhere else, I decided to stay close with my daughter.  I only get the shades and spread of sunshine from her beautiful charming smile when she got over with her discomfort.  And a lot of times, she gives me her hugs, touch on my face with her tiny hands and sometimes she pats my back.  Hmmmm mommy getrs defeated with that.  That is my weakness.  A spark of the sunshine of relief from her face after her discomfort.  My taste of the summer sun of the year 2014…all from my daughter’s charming smile and cute way of comforting me. 

Thank you God….And thank you for my ever dearest very patient husband:-)

Perfect Match?...Made for Each Other:-)



I and my husband?  Ahhaha we are such a perfect match.?????? In that I meant that we complement each other in so many ways except that we are at par in terms of our intensity and assertiveness including temper.  And we both admit that to each other. 

When I was yet an adolescent with the dream and idea of a perfect match, I thought it exist.  Perfect match that time meant that you perfectly match in everything from character, personality, likes, dislikes, etc.  But I see it as an illusion of my younger years.  There was no such thing as that.  When I met my husband, I felt our differences and the more when we lived together in one house after the wedding. 

There was no faking.  There was only the natural day to day shedding off and of ourselves from where I felt more challenged to accept and go on loving.  Everytime I struggle with the reality of our differences and felt like giving up, I would always pray and look back to the time when I decided to marry him.  And one day, I just told him that” even if we say sorry to each other, there is no guarantee that it won’t happen again.  But i still love you despite of all the flaws that we have to each other and as a couple.  We are such a perfect match made for each other ...and especially crafted by God”. (ssshhh the last sentence is only an addition which I thought of adding for all of you and of course for my dear husband to read). 

Motherhood and the Seed of Heroism



 
http://www.hammondgower.co.uk/piano/magnet-mothers-are-super-heroes.html
It is almost mother’s day.  May right?  I thought one time “would I get to be acknowledged for my heroism?....hmmm being a mother to my daughter?”.  Mother’s heroism is unsung.  Mothers don’t shout out at the top of their voice and to the world what they did to their children or even to their husbands. 

I thought the same to my own mother.  She was a simple, mostly silent woman.  She took care of 6 of us including our father.  I remember seeing her so skinny at our eldest grade 6 graduation.  She must have struggled and sacrificed so much for us.  Furthermore, I could not recall any moment when she asked for recognition.  I just remember her one time when she angrily shouted at us while we were fighting that she was so tired already and that one day she would leave all of us and never come back.  I never thought death would one day meet that wish. Or that God may have wanted us to learn our lessons  by giving our mother the biggest break of all…that is to join Him in heaven (hmmm that was so beautiful God but not to us that time huuh).

Anyway,  now that I am a mother myself,  I understood full well the sacrifice and the most painful cry of mothers not being noticed in their sacrifices and not really being understood in those moments when even the bouts of temper are being thought of as harsh and difficult. 

I do understand now why mothers are afraid when any member of the family get sick or when some members come home late or do not give due notice when they can’t come home earlier or when they don’t eat much or when mothers become too paranoid to imagine why some members are not home yet  or when they get so angry at some things and so many more.

Mothers just want their family to be well.  You know why?  It is too much a struggle to see any member of the family suffering in any way.  It would slowly kill the mother inside.  The emotion can be too excruciating.  Mothers though may appear strong  when and in times of crises for they have to remain steadfast when the rest of the family members may be struggling.  They silently suffer inside.  There are times when and even the describing the pain cannot be defined by words.  Thus mothers stay still until such time when she feels ready to share its depth. 

You may be wondering why I am able to write this.  I went through majority of what I have written here other than what was being shared to me by mothers themselves.   And I feel the heroism of mothers and motherhood.  I feel it to its depth and the strength that I felt everytime I decide to just surrender to God  and to allow the experience to take its shape and just to undergo and let the experience be or let my daughter just feel her pain while I stay close and make her feel that I was and am there for her.

Thank you God for the strength of being a woman.  Thanks for planting that seed of heroism inside every mother’s heart.  Thank you for giving me a husband who despite his questions and not fully understanding some parts of our journey as a family  stays and firmly stood still.  Amen.