Emotions and EQ

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200908/regulating-your-emotions

Through the years, i have experienced the ups and downs of emotions. And so when i came across a topic in my post graduate studies entitled Emotional Intelligence, i dove and browsed through the book, reported it in class, researched more on the topic and made a beautiful craft of Human relations skills training workshop applying its concepts.

Emotional Intelligence is presented by Goleman in one of his definitions based on Aristotle's statement as “the rare skill to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way”. It is such a rare skill since, i rarely find such kind of person (or perhaps at one point i may be able to do such and in another instance i loose the balance). I humbly admit the the difficulty i went through in dealing with myself and my emotions.


This one definition puts my nerves and temper to one of life's greatest tests (i had lots of battles with emotions for the past years...at present ...i am learning to befriend them heheheh). Emotions shift from time to time. I would like to share in this article the 5 domains that may help anyone that may have undergone such a terrible time with handling emotions and point to some outside factors or causes to blame than "looking" within and manage oneself.

The five domains by Goleman are as follows:

1. Self-awareness
For Goleman, self-awareness is being able to identify and name the emotion. Not being able to do this, ownership is not possible. This also includes being able to evenly hover or neutrally observe the emotions as they occur and to at least point to a particular trigger or cause.

2. Managing Emotion

Managing emotions call for the initial skill of self-awareness before one is able to manage it. Moreover, managing emotion is an art. One's uniqueness puts him / her in the spot of managing emotional encounters according to one's personality. Some would like to divert with sports, go to some solitary plight such as the beach or exclusive places such as retreat house. Some would prefer staying in the private confines of a bedroom. Others would prefer reading books, finishing a chore in the house, window shopping (or shopping kung may pera hahhahah), watch comedy movies, etc. But the best so far i had to divert, yet focus is prayer ( i like to linger in front of the blessed sacrament even without saying anything...). After which, i feel a great release of my soul from the entangles and attachments with anger and many other overwhelming feelings that i experienced.

3. Motivating Oneself
Despite the emotional upheavals, one is able to push through with the day. This part says that one is able to stay positive with life and keep oneself on track despite and inspite of.

4. Empathy

The popular statement that says "being able to put oneself in the shoes of another" is best translated also as pakiramdam in Filipino. Being able to sense others feelings is built on self- awareness. As one is able to sense oneself and be aware of the movement of feelings within, manage it, and life life despite of, one becomes more sensitive how others feel through facial expression, sound of voice or body language. Research says that 90% of our emotions are unexpressed and so they leave us figuring how others would feel that may lead to misinterpretations. The greatest and powerful communicator of nonverbals are our eyes. They are the windows of the soul. One may be able to insist on certain facts about oneself through words but the eyes reveal those unexpressed and those that cannot be defined by words (i'd say ...much stronger than all thunders combined hahahahhaha....based on experience po hahahhah).

5. Social Skills

The higher one is able to handle the first four domains of emotional intelligence, the more he / she becomes successful in relating with others. Who would like to be with a highly volatile personality except the one that is able to handle himself successfully in terms of emotions.

Since 2005, i facilitated a workshop applying the above concepts (to teachers, school administrators, guidance counselors in the province, graduate school students, seminarians, Church workers and recently the corporate world...and many other groups in the past)and taken from other sources also for they held me captive since the participants were greatly hit and entirely captured by it (actually their positive feedback motivated me to continue facilitating this topic). Though concepts of Goleman were used, the activities were originally designed so that they may illustrate how a participant should go about each domain for self explorations and exercises.

Recently, in my Human Resource practice, i thought i could shift to other ways of dealing with human relations concerns, yet my heart brings me back to integrate EQ and still get similar and strong responses from participants.

It has been five years since I started using the concepts in my trainings and i cant find any reason of stopping except to continue and enhance it ...The thing is, i have not yet mastered myself yet, and so i just can't call any halt. I and my future participants will work hand in hand in improving ourselves. I and them are still a work in progress:-)