WHEN I REACHED MY AGE, I SEE BETTER

 

 

https://www.fabulousquotes.com/2013/08/12/ive-reached-that-age-where-happy-hour-is-a-nap/

 

I have just celebrated my 48th birthday.  I feel so grateful with friends who have greeted me at social media virtually celebrating with me on this one beautiful yearly experience.  I just feel so special when it is my birthday ( I hope you all feel the same during your birthday).

I just would like to enumerate some things that I see about myself when I reached my age.

1.  I easily get soo happy with little things.

2.  I spent lesser time at social media because I just found much better use of my time.  Please don't get me wrong.  I know many of you love so much to browse.  it is not just me anymore that is why it takes so long for me to respond to comments and private messages.

 3.  I cry a lot.  This means that I get emotional with a lot of things such as seeing my daughter accomplish even a minute thing, seeing a simple smile given to me, seeing kindness displayed in front of me by a stranger and so many more.  I cry with joy in my heart when I drive...when another driver allows me to go first in a very congested time of the day...traffic).  And, I whisper "thank you" and "God bless you" for that driver. 

4.  I spent longer time talking to my husband and my little girl.  I sometimes call it "wasting time with love" and I find it so beautiful.  In fact, I like it so much watching both of them sleep or tracing some expressions in both their faces without them noticing me do that.  And it makes me just smile.

5.  I reached the sort of "peak" of career.  I value work / teaching my college students NOT this time recognition, designation and any other venue where I could be noticed ...soowwwiii ehehe (except that the more I sort of avoid them, they always come to my face such as hosting an online program haha).

6.  I have simpler choices with clothes, type of house, furniture, etc.  I have given up a lot of clothes before house transfer and will give up a lot more.  I will keep what will only be needed including all other stuffs in the house.  What keeps me busy online at times is to search for sites where I would be trained even more on mimimalism and simplicity of life. 

7.  I focus more on paying my debts than acquiring things which will even lump and add more problems to our finances.

8.  I care less about the idea of people talking about me or simply gossips and focus more on improving my craft.   

9.  Competing with others is a huge OFF already.  Even if I seem to be not giving comments about others beautiful and huge accomplishments at social media (which I don't have much of those times spent), In my heart is joy seeing success happening with other people and praying more success for them. 

10.  I care less about pleasing others when I do something.  I don't even want others at least to know that I did them (If I can hehe).  This one truly makes me happy.  In fact this blog site was created for the purpose of reflection and realization until it became a venue to be recognized and then I simply stopped because I got lost in the first goal.  And now, I am back.  It makes me happy just to blog without also being conscious about how many people reads my writing.

In short, I want to keep my life and things simpler this time so that I could focus more on essentials.  I don't even mind repeating wearing my clothes in a week (which was not quite me years back).

A lot has to be given up at my end and will continue to BE that until I see clearly and better.

I just have to continue to pray better... How is that?

"INVESTING IN LOVE?"

https://www.istockphoto.com/vector/investing-love-gm165743185-13028120

I had a brief conversation with young people one afternoon this week.  My attention was focused with "Angel" (not her real name...our student leader... I like it so much talking with her).  She mentioned about investing in a relationship with a person.  I suddenly said "when you invest, you expect a return...an income".  

When you "invest" in a relationship with a person, the relationship will become a business transaction.  The questions would unconsciously be "How much will I be getting from this?  What possible return will my relating with this person bring me?  or When will I get a total "return" from my "capital investment".

What followed in the conversation was the fear of pain from where I responded "Pain is part of the package of living.  A lot of young people do not like it that is why some go as far as hurting themselves to stop living".

So, let's go straight to the point and illustrate.  When you invest, you get to expect that the person may return the same to  you.  You may even expect to get more from what you give.  

It is not what love is.  It is simply giving and not expecting any return. It does not yield to justification or explanation why you love.  "You just give, even if it hurts or it becomes very painful, and you give a little more"... It makes you "bleed" to the bones (hahahah gross right).  

It purifies you until you become the best version of yourself (oh divah pang beauty queen ang dating).   Until such time when loving another person becomes natural for you to do  ..until you become the expression of Love yourself.    

Just try it...you will witness it happening...in you...

What's On Your Mind : A Mental Health Awareness

"You are Not Alone"

I was surprised by a group of senior high students at our university when they got inside our office bringing a green ribbon that says "YOU ARE NOT ALONE".  This was a project that they did after they joined a seminar on Mental Health Awareness initiated by Mr Jerwin S. Borres, the Assistant Head for Non Academics and Formation of Students of the USTP - Senior High School unit. 

"What's on Your Mind".  So many thoughts, perceptions, inner dialogues could happen inside our mind.   One may believe that they are real.  Even events in the past tend to be repeated (inside our mind).  They could trigger intense emotional response which may either make or break a person.  

USTP - SHS Students with Hannah Homiguera, Students Governing Council President and Mr Jerwin S. Borres, the Asst Head for Non-Academics and Student Formation 

The participants of the seminar/workshop were the USTP senior high school students ( more than 600 of them).  This was facilitated by two (2) Registered Guidance Counselors, namely, Ms Mercelyn Tanog (Head of the USTP Guidance office and Mr Rustom Salvana, a college faculty.  It was an intense encounter as students were allowed to express how they feel about varied realities in their lives such a relationship with family members, opposite gender, studies and many more. 

USTP - SHS Students Places Green Ribbon "You Are Not Alone" to a College student 

The thing is, the struggle is real.  Some felt like giving up and the seminar has exulted them making them hope and find meaning and reason to continue living. 

Hello there...I have my Green Ribbon, too

From the seminar/workshop, the students wanted to share such hope to other students who may be experiencing similar struggles.  They distributed green ribbons to college students sending the message of emotional support to them.  

At my end, being a Principal of the Senior High and having observed varied emotional upheavals of adolescents, I support and say "YOU ARE NOT ALONE".   

Ms Hannah Homiguera, USTP - SHS -
Governing Council President 

PS.  I thank our active student Leader Hannah Homiguera and the team of students leaders for supporting Mr Jerwin S. Borres in his initiative to implement this cause for young people. 

 

Simplify...Simplify...And Refocus

Why the repetition of the title?  That is a cry from inside.  That is my greatest desire at this time.  I have so many things to do...being a wife (hmmm most neglected part...forgive me hon), mom (consumes most of my day), work (summer is almost ending and we are asked to report to work to do some cleaning and planning in school), my comprehensive exam in my post graduates studies which will happen this weekend and the following week and the writing of the dissertation research soon with perhaps some teaching load in the graduate school.  

Am I crazy? hmmm crazier? I feel choked at times.  We don't have anyone to assist us in the house and now I am doing so many things at the same time.  I remember one time when i fed my daughter, i just allowed myself to cry while she was watching her ABCD and number videos.  She might have felt my sobs in between  that she checked on me and gave me that cute grin while i stopped my sobbed and dramatically changed my facial expression into a huge grin as if nothing happened.  

I told my husband about it after that.  And i just told him that i just wanted to cry to ease out that emptiness and tiredness that i felt. within.  

While writing this, i am in the middle of the great plunge of digging my notes for my comprehensive exam.  But since writing is theraphy for me, i hop from my notes to writing.  And it SIMPLY made me relaxed...

Why am I into these things? I really trim down my engagements.  Perhaps i could postpone dissertation or just write slowly while i enjoy the greatest part of my joy and happiness...MY FAMILY.  I love my family so much.  When things get complicated, i could always trace my eyes to that part of my life that gives a lot of meaning to what i am doing at the moment.  A great inspiration at that.  I could value less the others, desire to simplify and do something about it because i have a family to take care of.  I want my heart to refocus.  And that all others in my life are just decors.  They don't really define me.  I am just me...and I have a family to go home to.  That is what I am thanking God for at the moment:-)

When You "Don't Like" Your Boss

http://vannuys.olx.com/sales-reps-trainers-and-managers-iid-65658541

“Liking”  is  so much associated with emotion.  Emotions  go up and down and do some twists and turns.  Working with someone should not follow that way.  Someone can mean anyone in the workplace.

Let’s be more specific and that would be working with your boss, supervisor or manager or someone in the high ladder for the company to whom you would particularly submit yourself.  Your boss expects or may expect of you a lot from you.  But does your boss meet your expectations or what you expect of him?

So what if he does not meet your set of “so called” standards?  What if you got into your workplace with the following descriptions of your leader :

1.       Very disorganized

2.      Biased with evaluation

3.      Highly emotional and seem to spill “fire” everytime he talks

4.       Hungry with going up the ladder that projects as if the department accomplishments are his and his alone

5.      Does not seem to like having a department meeting or communicating necessary information that needed to be communicated to department members

6.      Does not appreciate your effort and positive contribution to the department

7.      Always absent

...and a lot more... and so you say ...”grrrrr why is this person in the position?”.  You stretch your patience to the limit that everyday working with this person is like carrying the buckets, loads of  big trucks of rocks all placed on your shoulders.  Just joking.  But really there are those inviduals that have really suffered so much working with these behaviors of leaders.  

Sadly also, working with someone or anyone is not about ”liking”.  You are primarily hired to do your job.   If we happen to like our leaders, I would call it a”bonus”.  Also, if your intention or motive of working is clear with you such that your work achieves so much of the purpose to which you were put into this world then the character or behavior of your leader won’t shake you a bit. 

This one secret I should tell you...nobody should stop you from doing good and to positively influence and affect the lives of others.  If a teacher doing his job well led to inspiring lots of students or if a simple laborer in a company led to others to a realization of valuing their work like that of a food chain crew that sings and dances while entertaining her customers.  Then that is making a defference by itself.

 If being pist off with one leader would pull your work performance down then you have allowed yourself to be a victim to the ”tempation” of being indifferent and some other negative emotions that would deviate you from your true prupose. 

And I should say, your ultimate purpose is ”to make a difference and to positively affect lives of others wherever you are”.  One poster I saw in the past says...”Grow where you are planted”.  Quite a mouthful but does that make sense to you?

Again going back to your boss...whether you like it or not, he is your boss.  You work with him for the company.  My own sister bluntly reminded me during my first year of work ...” He does not give you your paycheck.  So go ahead continue to work.  Do not allow him to ruin your career or the purpose to which you are called to do.”

If one day you decide to leave your job, it should not be because your feel being opressed by your boss or leader.  It should be because you feel you want to move on and you are able to find a better place where you could best share yourself in service to others. 

I did experience the same thing.  And I felt at firts I had no choice but to go on working.  Everyday was like an unconscious desire for independence.  That was to pull away and perhaps submit my resignation one day.  I really did that in the end to give in to the growing restlessness in my heart.

Before I close this part, let me share with you something that caught me by surprise.  I know of someone who despite the effort of his boss ( I guess he has a good leader compared to others that I know of ) to reach out, he does not like him still.  You know why?  He sees his boss as his competitor. 

Hmmm, he is aiming to climb the ladder fast and wanted to at least do away with his boss leading him to do all types of havoc or shall I say ”commotions” of negative talks in the department just to ruin the reputation of his leader.  Wow such a brave soul to do that. 

Well...what about you?  what challenges would you be willing to face in your workplaces related to the leadership of you bosses?  

Thanks for dropping by my friends..God bless you all!!!

The Space In Between Stimulus and Reaction

http://farrymind.blogspot.com/2011/02/nature.html

There is that space in between stimulus and reaction. I call it a sacred space. You know why? It is a space where processing of information and weighing how to react happen. In Psychology, stimulus is that which triggers reaction. It is the basis and source of action. Sometimes blame is thrown at it after action or reaction. Reaction on the other hand, is defined in this article as an after effect to something or any circumstance in our life that did not pass through the process of thinking, processing and weighing. Reaction is manifested in action.

Why am I sharing this? I had an encounter last night with someone from whom I claimed something that was mine. I left it under his care for more than a month and it was gone. We had negotiations. I pulled out and felt anger creeping inside. Good thing I and my husband decided just to stroll a little to sort things out. I was still furious.

I wanted to go back and really fight for it. I was imagining all sorts of things to say in anger. I was rehearsing in my mind…all the “if he will say this, I will ask or say this” sort of things. But then I realize it may be too much for me to bear for the night. I was so angry while my husband discussed all possible options. I was not listening. I pulled out and went on “silent mode” that I felt I may be misinterpreted by my husband already. I did not want that to happen. I decided to discuss with him what happened with me …on and on.

And so…the space…that sacred space I am talking about in this blog. If this is not considered, this can ruin relationships and may lead to gross consequences. Based on readings and experiences, a lot of damages have happened related to this.

Space is just that moment to stop, wait, ponder, relax, not do anything, perhaps stop thinking for a while, breath life to its best, pray, and come up with the best action…I would say the most loving action in order to respond to the situation. Response is a product of a well thought of decision. Reaction is the opposite.

I have seen different facets of downfall in this regard. Let’s journey together and grow in this area… I tell you...last night, I asked God’s big dozes of His grace to keep me intact. I had His strength…nothing beats our God..:-) And then I realize that in those moments when I lost my hold, I might have forgotten to ask His help…

Can you relate with me in this?:-)

HOLD ON.. STAY POSITIVE

We get misinterpreted a lot of times and sometimes we do the same to others. When we don't reply to text messages. When a person does not show up to agreed appointments. When someone seem not to comply or fulfill obligations ... etc...These things may make us feel hurt and somehow rejected by the silence of others.

The past months brought me painful lessons in dealing with my emotional reactions and responses to situations related to this. It led to a realization that I may not have gotten the response that I desired to get from a particular person but then I made a decision as to how I would deal with it or deal with the silence from the other end ...and more than anything...deal with myself:-)

Take this as an example...

1. Send the text message
2. No response from the other end
3. Mind may roam around possible reasons why the person is not replying
4. Mind may go as far as entertaining all the negatives including the feeling of rejection

You see when you get as far as number 4, just stop. There should be a deliberate attempt to really stop thinking all the gross things that you could imagine about the person. Base on experience, it eats up a lot of your bountiful source of positive energy. If this one consumes you, you loose sight of the beauty that can happen right before your eyes. You have to decide to stop.

A beautiful man named Ignatius of Loyola - a great saint stated something like this thought "when a situation is in doubt, give it your best interpretation".

What can be a possible best interpretation to these situation? At my end, i like toying with ideas. This time includes the choice to be positive with life. The shift to this mindset really helped. What did I do? I ran and roam around in my mind all the beautiful things that the person did to me including all possible things that he / she can do to others during those times when I expected his / her replies to my communications. This way of doing relieved me from many more "paranoid" and stressful thinking. It is a deliberate resistance to think ill of anyone. I find it more helpful and hopeful (...and do you know that to be kind to others strengthens the immune system? hahahha now you know).

Miscommunication can happen. Even the sincerest intent to reach out can be misinterpreted. What counts a lot is that we stay positive with life. We don't limit ourselves to the bounds of technology or the unspoken. We continue living our day despite the mysterious unfathomable silence of others.

We live life ...fully and to the fullest...:-)

JUST SOME CRAZY THERAPY:-)

I went out of the office for a while just to gather myself before I plunged into the day's work. I strolled the short distance and got inside a small bookstore. I did not know what I was there for. As I approached the shelves, I saw this coloring book :

You may think this one is too childish but i just bought this coloring book anyway together with a box of crayons. As soon as I got back in the office, I spent time coloring the first page. One of my officemates that saw it picked one crayon and colored the cap of one cartoon. Another officemate that got in marked his rating with my coloring prowess. Without bias... I was given a 100% with an unfinished "business" (hahahhahahah). I was having fun while were having some brief discussion about what I did while the other one instructed me to just follow one stroke while coloring (big woooooowwww and great fun ha).

In the afternoon, our Vice president dropped by, saw the coloring book and browsed it. I told him that i just bought it for "therapy" (hahahahhaha great defense). He was not surprised at all ( i guess). He saw the natural "color" already of the kid (hahahhahaha again).

I recall joining a meeting packed with intelligent beings. All of them ready to dissect the one person presiding. I thought this has always been a pattern of each one throwing "fires" to each other and I ended up going out of the meeting room drained.

I really don't know how I got into the idea of buying coloring books but i bought more than one after that and distributed them to my seatmates during the next session. When it started, we stayed at the back, and started coloring while listening. And while the people in front were into some heated discussions, I felt the fun of my some sort of a"crazy therapy" together with my seatmates just to divert the tension. I tell you, it did pretty well that time also just holding myself and my temper.

Here is a suggestion. The next time you may be looking for diversions during some stressful situations, perhaps you would consider getting a coloring book for the simple amusement of the child in us. At this point, I would say it is not only for the kids. It is for adults, too...for the child inside each adult (hahahhaha...but please don't do it during meetings...don't follow what I did:-) )

PS : ...After I finish coloring mine, I will explore other coloring books...Join me and let us have fun, fun time :-0 hehehehhe

A ONE PESO INCIDENT

I talked with someone today that got kicked out from work este...asked to resign after she "slipped" from her job. One day she was attending a customer and that she shortchanged her by one peso resulting to heavy bouts of words between them. They became too personal already. The sad thing was that...it was that one peso shortchanged that triggered the incident.

She carried such guilt and regret since it took much toll and weight on her shoulder loosing the money to support her child. Her meager salary prior to the dismissal made her buy milk, provided small allowance to her husband that does the sending and fetching of her little boy to and from school and food for the family.

It really broke my heart listening to the story. I saw the pain in her eyes and helplessness. It has happened already and her employer considered it a grave mistake (i did not further comment on the company's decision). Still, she was given the consideration by making her submit a resignation to give her at least clean slate to apply to another company.

I would like to further illustrate a similar situation. Not so long ago, I happened to visit a jail and was able to mingle with prisoners. Most cases committed by the inmates were related to loosing temper causing them to land in jail.

Emotional intelligence by Goleman (1995) defines it as being able to reign in emotional impulse. Furthermore, it also means being aware of one emotional impulses and that of others and use this knowledge in responding to a particular situation. Goleman however, states that when there is a sudden upsurge of emotion causing one to be overwhelmed and react not commensurate to the challenging situation points to emotional hijacking.

EQ stresses further that the most seductive of all emotions is anger. Many of us fall short in the aspect of managing anger. Let me derail a little my discussion to citing a particular company trainer that facilitated a training on personal leadership that presupposes leading others effectively. And as I understand it, if we fail to atleast manage our temper (emotions), we fail to shape an intense emotional outburst of anger from others (or any extreme display of emotions).

One small thing may bring one person to grievous mistake leading to a lifetime of regret if not properly dealt with or managed. We normally feel emotions. In fact they are natural. Yet, we have the final say as to how long we would allow it to linger and last and how we creatively deal with it.

One peso can be too small a reason to loose a job, right?...

Let the Reason be Love

As i browsed the web this morning, I suddenly heard the painful cry of a dog...just in front of the building. It gave me a shriek sound and cry. With all honesty I don't want to hear or see anyone or any animal in pain. I don't want to hear anyone or see on television anyone get hungry. In short, i just don't want to see anyone suffer. That's why my small gesture of feeding stray dogs and cats and make them drink water everyday is like my unconscious desire to at least alleviate suffering even with animals.

The other day, i browsed through the web and read through blog / news in Korea that mentioned of the cancellation of a dog meat festival. The cancellation was due to an outcry of an animal rights movement in the same country. I was like "what the heck are these people thinking?". And someone commented in that blog post that these dogs innocently trust their masters so much but they don't know that they're going to be "converted" (hahaha what a word) into meat.

As a dog / animal lover, i could not really grapple such act of killing particularly dogs. Or I heard of a massive killing of dogs in Canada after the last winter Olympic. I just don't like it when anyone would kill dogs or cats...period (double heheh)and gross...humans.

Checking myself on this, I am throwing the question "how do you find yourself and your acts causing pain to anyone not only physical but emotional?".

I have met varied personalities and it surprises me how some of them just naturally inflict pain to others. And the worst is that, they are not aware that they caused it. At times it surprises me. But a lot of times I bring myself to the consciousness that they come from different backgrounds. But calloused as they are they continue living the life of insensitivity.

Anyone may punch me on the face for being so honest with my comment that causing others to suffer is not at all the plan God has for all of us. I admit there are times when pain is necessary. When we have to confront someone for them to know that what they did was not right. In fact i find this very challenging. And so it is always my prayer that I would be very honest and stick on facts and base them on love. That is - God's love.

God's grace led me to ask "if God is in this situation what would He do?". Imperfect as I am, I had difficulty asking the same question since it would demand - doing. I would say also that when we are not ready to confront that question, it would be very hard just even to state it. That's why i call it ...grace.

This blog will just post one challenge... LET YOURSELF BE NOT THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING OF OTHERS...if in case it does happen, let it be a necessary pain of correcting someone ...and let it be done in LOVE...


May GOD'S LOVE be with us always...Amen

PS...Wherever you are planted / assigned by God through the practice of your profession or full time mother, father etc....be GOD'S representative, His image in such an ailing world...just do it..God's grace be with you everyone...

Life's Test and Love

Sometimes we see that situations come over and over again. We throw the question "Why do they keep on happening? Why do they keep on coming back? Perhaps we are not getting the whole point. They have to come back for us to see again and again ... more and more ...

Perhaps if situations could just talk...it would tell us..."you are not getting the whole point. I had to come back for you ...to see more...I am told to do that." (and i would shout at the top of my voice WHO TOLD YOU? whaaaaaaaaahhhhhahahhah?)

I hope we all learn together ...Life's style of learning...This is the real test. And the score is based on Love...nothing else. God can't settle for less. He is perfect. He wants the same from us. Call Him demanding. He has too...He is perfect...He is Love...He gives the ultimate measure...

So...we stick around Him ... and learn...His ways of doing things...not ours (pok pok heheh that's for the head hahahhahahhaha)

God at work through Emotions

Have your tried talking to yourself? I do it a lot of times. I get to check myself from time to time. This happens when certain experiences trigger intense emotions such as happiness, sadness, loneliness and sometimes even when things are settled and smooth.

I do throw the following questions to check and assess myself before I continue to chart the course :

1. What happened to me?
2. What triggered my anger, happiness, loneliness, etc.?
3. What happened to me today?
4. Did i do the right thing or say the right words?
5. Did i hurt anyone today? or myself?
6. What can i do to help myself?
7. What did i do to help?
8. Do / did i have a choice?
9. How can i let go?

Recently, i have experienced the influx of challenging situations - my niece, subdivision developer miscommunication, and work related concerns. I believe, i passed the test of emotions with my previous losses - puppy and wallet but this time it's different. I seem to simply submit myself to the crippling negative emotions that i resorted emotional support from my sister and again my honey.

I asked God in prayer, "how and where to start?". I learned to pick one stick at a time and let go when i have done the best to each concern. But the weight of emotions is heavy. This time it's the dealing of the self through emotions that brought the most of challenge.

I sought for help and i found it the most in prayer. I got to talk to myself and I felt God is telling me this time to simply open my hand and ...let go...

From humility of the previous week...God wants me to focus on letting go... And so talking to myself to check and assess is really talking to my God that makes Himself present through my emotions.

God is truly at work...through my emotions...

Language of the Heart

I thought of those times when i wanted to give writing a big shot. When i started to scribble and frame my thoughts, what i got was a product of intellectual discourse of some "inner dialogue" of rationalization. The mind worked. But it never really reached as far as the heart. You know why? I crafted my words and line but it did not bring me to my destination that is...making my words salable to my readers and really touch their hearts.

Time came when experiences were quite overwhelming. And so, words just came out pure, raw, swift and natural that sometimes editing was equivalent to loosing the feeling and essence that accompanied the experiences. I did not have to use thesaurus or find heavy words to compete writers of the "old" (i meant - the greats and experts:-). I realize that i just have to craft my heart through my pen, heheh este computer's keyboard. And then, what I thought to be natural and simple, captured my audience. I realize that it is in the simplest of words that is most appreciated.

Undoubtedly, this is why Bo Sanchez is currently the second highest seller at National Bookstore (latest survey release February 2011). He uses simple language and reaches a whole wide audiences.

You know why? Because the heart uses simple words - its real and true language.

Emotions and EQ

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200908/regulating-your-emotions

Through the years, i have experienced the ups and downs of emotions. And so when i came across a topic in my post graduate studies entitled Emotional Intelligence, i dove and browsed through the book, reported it in class, researched more on the topic and made a beautiful craft of Human relations skills training workshop applying its concepts.

Emotional Intelligence is presented by Goleman in one of his definitions based on Aristotle's statement as “the rare skill to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way”. It is such a rare skill since, i rarely find such kind of person (or perhaps at one point i may be able to do such and in another instance i loose the balance). I humbly admit the the difficulty i went through in dealing with myself and my emotions.


This one definition puts my nerves and temper to one of life's greatest tests (i had lots of battles with emotions for the past years...at present ...i am learning to befriend them heheheh). Emotions shift from time to time. I would like to share in this article the 5 domains that may help anyone that may have undergone such a terrible time with handling emotions and point to some outside factors or causes to blame than "looking" within and manage oneself.

The five domains by Goleman are as follows:

1. Self-awareness
For Goleman, self-awareness is being able to identify and name the emotion. Not being able to do this, ownership is not possible. This also includes being able to evenly hover or neutrally observe the emotions as they occur and to at least point to a particular trigger or cause.

2. Managing Emotion

Managing emotions call for the initial skill of self-awareness before one is able to manage it. Moreover, managing emotion is an art. One's uniqueness puts him / her in the spot of managing emotional encounters according to one's personality. Some would like to divert with sports, go to some solitary plight such as the beach or exclusive places such as retreat house. Some would prefer staying in the private confines of a bedroom. Others would prefer reading books, finishing a chore in the house, window shopping (or shopping kung may pera hahhahah), watch comedy movies, etc. But the best so far i had to divert, yet focus is prayer ( i like to linger in front of the blessed sacrament even without saying anything...). After which, i feel a great release of my soul from the entangles and attachments with anger and many other overwhelming feelings that i experienced.

3. Motivating Oneself
Despite the emotional upheavals, one is able to push through with the day. This part says that one is able to stay positive with life and keep oneself on track despite and inspite of.

4. Empathy

The popular statement that says "being able to put oneself in the shoes of another" is best translated also as pakiramdam in Filipino. Being able to sense others feelings is built on self- awareness. As one is able to sense oneself and be aware of the movement of feelings within, manage it, and life life despite of, one becomes more sensitive how others feel through facial expression, sound of voice or body language. Research says that 90% of our emotions are unexpressed and so they leave us figuring how others would feel that may lead to misinterpretations. The greatest and powerful communicator of nonverbals are our eyes. They are the windows of the soul. One may be able to insist on certain facts about oneself through words but the eyes reveal those unexpressed and those that cannot be defined by words (i'd say ...much stronger than all thunders combined hahahahhaha....based on experience po hahahhah).

5. Social Skills

The higher one is able to handle the first four domains of emotional intelligence, the more he / she becomes successful in relating with others. Who would like to be with a highly volatile personality except the one that is able to handle himself successfully in terms of emotions.

Since 2005, i facilitated a workshop applying the above concepts (to teachers, school administrators, guidance counselors in the province, graduate school students, seminarians, Church workers and recently the corporate world...and many other groups in the past)and taken from other sources also for they held me captive since the participants were greatly hit and entirely captured by it (actually their positive feedback motivated me to continue facilitating this topic). Though concepts of Goleman were used, the activities were originally designed so that they may illustrate how a participant should go about each domain for self explorations and exercises.

Recently, in my Human Resource practice, i thought i could shift to other ways of dealing with human relations concerns, yet my heart brings me back to integrate EQ and still get similar and strong responses from participants.

It has been five years since I started using the concepts in my trainings and i cant find any reason of stopping except to continue and enhance it ...The thing is, i have not yet mastered myself yet, and so i just can't call any halt. I and my future participants will work hand in hand in improving ourselves. I and them are still a work in progress:-)

COURAGE...I AM WITH YOU

As frightened as i was in my childhood years with horror movies, my interest was its exact opposite. I like watching them even when i was alone. The Sunday's big event on television made me a lone "ranger" in the face of an ohh so frightening movie. I was just simply reminded with this when Princess, one of the Human Resource's staff sent me this communication via chat which i saw after some minutes that i was out from me table...take a look :



And so with that message ...i replied "oh...yah nag talk nami...whehehehhehe".

I thought growing older would make me braver. I still watch this kind of movies and i would lift my legs (sinehan na ni ha) and shout in the movie house like i am alone watching and sometimes even if everyone has rested ...everyone would hear my only "golden" voice in the air....(as in super dooper ikahihiya mo ang beauty ko...mike would usually say..."tama na hon" ....ouuuuuuuchhh that was during our anniversary movie date ...hahahh grosssssss and went out hiding in behind the cinema curtain that made mike look for me the rest of the movie ...sukol paka? Ang anniversary movie date namo kay watch mi JEEPERS CREEPERS hahahahha!!!!!!!!!! Mabuang ko bayot!!!

Really, i was such a crazy and anxious soul myself imagining ghosts to be somewhere near me when i hear stories about them. Well the funniest experience i had was during an 8-day retreat under Fr. Balchand, SJ's direction at the Jesuit Retreat house in Malaybalay.

It was an amazing 8-day silent retreat with each of us assigned to our individual room (as in super dooper matunog na walang kasama and walang lusot dahil naka post na names namin sa doorrrrrrrrrr whaaaaaaahhh). I had no idea whatsoever with room histories but ghost stories were popular that time during retreat with students.

And so alone in my room, i had my regular rituals of prayer and Bible reading prior to sleeping. Then the "new" attached rituals such as - placed my rosary beads as bracelet, held my st. Benedict medal, opened psalm 91 from the Bible and placed it beside my pillow, lights on and the last...wore my bonnet to protect my head from cold...este... to cover my head down to my eyes so i could pull it up from time to time to peep and check if there are really ghosts...hahahhahahahaha nabuang na gyud sana gi video ni nga scene noh? hahahhahah (wait lang...can't stop laughing...).

As in ...recalling that incident or even sharing it during trainings, seminars or a simple talks soared laughter in the audience and from me din. But at least i was able to recover from that sort of insanity with ghosts...Thanks be to God... The rosary that I prayed everyday (even as much as doing the 15 mysteries) did heal me from that thing and i got the assurance from a dream...which i shared to Fr. Pen Abuan, SJ one morning during retreat with students.

Let me recall that "story of assurance" (heheh chikka to the max). I prayed 15 mysteries of the rosary the night before that and I've never been so relaxed at Jesuit Retreat House except for that night. And the grace-filled encounter happened in my sleep when ...(i thought i was already awake)a man came near my bed. He wore a glaring white shirt (plus blue jeans ahahahhaha) with a little longer hair like that of Antonio Banderas (ahahahha nangdamay pa) ...as in super dooper gwapo...but you know what he said "dang mata naka kay mag hear naka ug mass"... as in super dooper at peace ako beauty and he was like telling me before he went out of the room that he was just standing outside the whole night to guard me....(ay security guard siya hahahha)....

...unlikely Conclusion (hahhahah)

Akong angel si Antonio Banderas....hahahha joookkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeee....i mean i was just assured by God that HE IS WITH ME...through my super doooper cute angel....whhhhaaaaaaaaahhh gwapo niya hahahhaha...and i had the feeling that the Blessed Mother requested him to manifest his presence that night for the ultimate "assurance" of God's presence.

"UNGGOY - UNGGOY ...BULAK BULAK"

There were this 2 card games that I usually played as a kid. They were called "unggoy-unggoy" (unggoy- monkey) and "bulak bulak" (bulak-flower). The first one is played by hiding one card and distribute the rest to all the players. Then the players will choose pairs and throw them at the center until the unpaired ones are left. The players will then pull out cards from each other to pair with the unpaired ones. Until the thrill of who would get the partner card of the one that was hidden would be the "Unggoy".

The second card game "bulak-bulak" is played in this manner. Five (or more)cards are given to each player and then 1 card is placed at the center. The players will throw card with the same design to that card. The higher value gets to throw the next card at his / her own choice of design and number.

What is common with these two card games is that, they are both easier, if not, the easiest to play among all other card games (or perhaps there are those easier pa hehe)

For the past years, I did not learn anything new about card games. Just these two. I tried to learn the others or my friends taught me other styles of playing but I found myself not interested and not really learning new ways just because I was not really open to other ways of doing it.

The first Friday mass (September 2010) I just joined, mentioned of the gospel on the "new wine skin". The new wine poured into the old wine skin will cause it to burst. The priest mentioned then of new things, strategies, teachings or new ways of doing things. Theology is teaching particularly on "listening to the signs of times" (char murag theologian). The signs of times can mean the current trends in our society : kind of government, types of people, the existing culture, ways of doing things, existing issues and concerns (and many more). And that responding according to the signs of times would mean a lot of seeing and evaluating and more than anything praying.

One author mentioned that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result is the new definition of INSANITY. We can be this actually in some ways such as the following:

1. sticking to the same lifestyle (keeping up to fads and fashions or buying things which others have to prove that we can also afford them) when ...the same is giving us financial burden.
2. sticking to the same approach of relating with husband / wife, boyfriend / girlfriend, officemate/co-employee, etc. when the same is not even effective or creating more problems
3. sticking to the same way of disciplining children when the same does not even bring in better result.
4. Using the same teaching style that does not maximize learning of students
5. Sticking to the style of praying that get stuck up the style of only 'ASKING FOR THE SELF" (as mentioned by Fr. Fermin Tan in his homily)
6. Sticking to the same leadership strategy that does not lead to real and true change

...The list can be endless. We all have our own experiences of sticking to "unggoy -ungggoy" or "bulak-bulak" comfort zones. Exploration to new ways does not guarantee though immediate success or perhaps immediate relief. That is why for example making a decision to transfer to another job that one desperately desires for so many years can be frightening since the current job assures the security and undisturbed stature.

Exploration thus, involves a great leap. It involves deciding to respond to an inner movement or restlessness. And so one searches and searches for answers. Searching would also mean going out from a comfortable situation - such as place where we are staying, leaving family for those who would want to respond to a calling, leave a job that has been for several years, leaving an unhealthy relationship and many more. But would you believe that man's restlessness in his heart has been part of the His plan? The heart(in the context of prayer), if man listens full well, will guide him towards a decision that may be for him/ his becomes his life's mission.

Our fear of the unknown also supports the idea why we do not explore other options. We are so contained with protecting ourselves from danger, possible pain (if I do this?, what if I fail?...what would people say? where would I be?...etc.). Also, this has something to do with saving ourselves (the ego) from embarrassment (well for me i just grew tired of entertaining..."what would people say"...i just would want to seize the moment hehe....

The challenge is thus, being posted here that is to open ourselves to new ways of doing things such as (for example) :

1. trying to trim down expenses by focusing more on what we need than wants (so that we can give more)
2. Trying another way of relating to people by reaching out more than waiting for others to make their first move (hehe Fr. Fermin gave an example such as "if you are still single and you are used to waiting for a guy to make the first move ...why not do it yourself first hahahha kind of frightening my dear single friends? Well contact me if you must hahahah I might be of help :-) )
3. Finding some best ways of relating with children or disciplining by loving them even more (there can be specifics on this which i may try to expound later).
4. Finding or researching some new ways of teaching or facilitating learning of students...perhaps something that would make them enjoy learning than making it a burden (well i saw a kinder pupil rolling a very heavy bag full of books and slept all throughout the jeepney ride in the arms of his lola...really my heart was torn into pieces...did he have so much fun reading all those books?)
5. Starting to include others in our prayers or perhaps starting to pray by mentioning others first (and ultimately stop asking for ourselves and focus on what others need...well ...i see your face now twisting hahahaha...hard ha)
6. Trying a kind of leadership that is compassionate and making love the armor ( I encourage you to read Heroic Leadership by Christ Lowney a - a former Jesuit)

Delaying for change to occur is tantamount to delaying all other beautiful possibilities for us Humans. We are not meant to get stuck up somewhere and not grow. We have a God that constantly builds and rebuilds directing our path to His. And the only way of finding His path is to continually search for Him in our daily interactions.

We have a God who is so dynamic and so alive. Each moment can be a moment and revelation of His truth. We do not just stop the search and stay within our comforts. Though we struggle in the process...We are assured that life is not just that of "unggoy - unggoy and bulak -bulak" routines ...Life is very dynamic ...each moment unfolds its truth just like OUR GOD.

White Cow, Old Tire, Stick and Life's Big Blows

This happened many years back with my cousin Ruel (thanks to Orvi for starting the white cow story hhahahhahah). My family was tending a small coffee farm attended by my Tiyoy Elias on our behalf. Yet there are some weekends that we had to visit it and them. One of those days, was when I was brought by my Tiyoy from home to the farm.

And so I and my cousin Ruel had all the time to play near the pineapple field bringing with us the old tire with the stick to maneuver its movements. Seeing some cows at a distance, we were frightened to move forward. So in the effort of pushing the cows away, we repeatedly threw some stones at them. Then the unexpected thing happened. Gigukod mi sa anak nga baka hahahhahahha...... waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...we were running like lost and crazy cows too. And we ran all over the place leaving behind the tire and stick. Facing each other to pause was like facing or seeing the red eyes of frightened cows hahahhahaha.

We could not imagine that time the "big blow" such experience made to both of us. We went home loosing all the energies to play. I am not sure if Ruel remembers everything I relate here (i wish he would read this...he is far, far away outside of the country and I have no way of contacting him - phone or email at the moment hehe) but I am certain that he would lose his breath laughing at this story.

Well, let's take a look at life's BIG BLOWS in this article not the white cow, old tire and stick (hahahhahah chillax friends).

We may be presented with events in our lives that can be considered big blows. I see big blows to be those that are really breath-takingly (if there is such a word) so big that the effect overwhelms us. Events such as deaths, loosing job, break-ups, friendships wasted and many others (my latest was my plane ride last July 2010 - terrible air pocket... which I thought was my last). But, sometimes what we consider small ones may be really big to some. All I know is, we have our own way of perceiving how "big" a situation can be.


Coping can be another thing. When I lost mama in an accident. I was lost too. The coping was the most difficult part. I almost stopped my studies, spent time alone and I hardly opened up. I wanted to shut off my world and perhaps die. I had difficulty putting them into words. There were lots of friends that gave me advices (as what they usually did that time - 1994). But I needed more of silent presence. Those who made themselves available even without saying anything.
Anyways...these are some of those that I learned given situations of life's "BIG BLOWS" :

1. Not to make haste decisions when they occur (except with the white cow race hahahahha. I needed to run).
2. Maintain an open disposition. Listen from most trusted friends for advice. I found having spiritual director (thanks to Fr. Frank Savadera, SJ) to be the best so far heheh (well with my SD...most of the time was like making me explore of myself side by side with my journey of friendship with Jesus)
3. I decided to get up and live each single day doing the usual stuff like brushing my teeth (hahahhah), take a bath, iron clothes, eat the right kind of food, exercise, go to Church, regular work, go to school on weekends ...the point is just to continue living ...
4. Letting our feelings out through a real good cry (made me get a good sleep after) relieves intense feelings of sadness, shock...whatever......as in super dooper relieving (but too much of this makes one sick heheh...this is from my experience ...more notes on this later)
5. I took a doze of rest and pulled out from the place, took some short vacations to take a fresh look and perspectives.
6. I prayed and prayed... really hard and harder and with all my might and begging for God's grace (actually ang hirap to be honest). And in those situations when I did not really feel like praying, it was when I decided to really push harder. But when I got really drained and tired, I rested but did not really quit... (sometimes I hear myself complaining to God.. i find it a privilege when I face MY FRIEND...)
7. My Spiritual director , Fr. Frank, surprisingly said, "stay ...just stay and feel the pain". This is one of the options that I am challenged to do. He added that there was a time when even with someone he did not like to be with, he tried doing it (to stay with the person) and saw how it changed him and the other ( i would like to stress on this further in another article).

Feeling it. Really feeling it shakes me to death. In the past, running away was the easiest and safest. And I was like struck with the idea of running away through the years just to ... feel safe and secure. Oh I love so much my "comfort zones".

But with something very new posted by Fr. Frank, i felt the challenge of doing it. I just started. It still frightens me, shakes me, consumes a lot of my energies. But mind you... I was conscious of the strength that comes with the courage of staying ...of the grace brought by the decision to "stay".
There can be lots of unknowns when I focus on feelings but when Fr. Frank told me about staying and lingering and feeling them. I thought what can be better than knowing myself more through this. Though I lost mama a long time ago but learning new things each day led me not to panic at all. To stay still and feel .... in it I found new wisdom such as the realization that all will come to pass including struggles and sufferings (the truth is...i am still struggling on this yet I am not stopping)

Lastly, to "stay still" is not only to learn more of myself but to learn more with how my God works in my most painful "BIG BLOWS" . White cows do not have to trigger me though or leave my old tire and stick because of fright. With BIG BLOWS...I JUST HAVE TO STAY STILL ...TO JUST... BE STILL:-)


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"KINUTIL - TUBA AT ITLOG"

I had a great brief chat with a friend - John this morning. He got sick the previous day so in my attempt to joke with him, I suggested "why would you drink - kinutil - tuba and itlog?". And his reply was "halaka mao na ang amo bonding with my lola". And he had it when he was in grade 4.

Well i am much older than John. I had my share too when i was a kid. A "kinutil" is a combination of "tuba", a native alcoholic (mild yata to) drink that is an extract from coconut tree. Combined with egg and orange soda drink would be such a great therapy plus crackers hahahhahha.

That was how my mama took care of me when i got sick...back in my childhood years. In fact, i fooled mama many times that i was sick to get the treatment of "kinutil". "Kinutil" was equaled to getting my mother's care and love.

When i was a kid i loved getting sick because i got all her attention hahahha naughty kid. But she passed away more than 10 years ago. It was like loosing "kinutil" too. I am not addicted to it ...only from my mother's affection... i miss her badly:-(

On Facing Fear

A friend shared to me today a "wakwak" story. "Wakwak" is "aswang" in tagalog. Just like that myth of witches stories. He told me that he once went to a friend way back in college to get something and that he had to pass by some darkest part of the road with only his cellphone to use to light his way. And so going back home he felt something white was following him and he had to rush since he felt like he was goose-skinned already. But when fear was unbearably consuming him, he felt he had to face it. And so thought for that perhaps for the first time he would see "wakwak" or perhaps a floating lady. But when he faced what he thought would have been a worst nightmare...it was a white cow!!!!!!!!!!!! shock of my life hahahahahhaha. While he was recalling, we were wildly laughing at the story.

How real are things that we fear? Fear is an intense negative feeling that may consume or overwhelm us. It takes over automatically as a response to a stimulus perceived as frightening. Mostly from experience, fear becomes exaggerated through imagination. And they become so big that even the small thing becomes so gross.

Facing fear takes a lot of courage. It has to come out from awareness of the feeling and the decision to really face it. And when you are face to face with the thing you fear, and you gather more details of what you think you fear, in just some "magic" of the moment or perhaps we may say...when you begin to get more information and you get to understand, fear dissipates and you realize some of it or most of it are not real.

Courage is very much part of us. My friend showed so much of that in that "wakwak" incident. Though we laughed so hard at it but really the point of facing one's fear surfaced and dominated.

There can be a lot of situations though that would invite us to be more courageous. Thus, we could say that the measure of courage is when situation presents itself inviting us to be such.

This is something that i could ponder more...and share more later...and i thank my friend ...Orvi...for sharing it with me today:-)