My 12 and 8-Year Old Love Story Equals Twenty

"I'm so sorry".  I said that with a twisted low voice to my husband when he passed by in front of me.  He softly looked at me.  Then I added in my naughtiness, "You should say sorry to me, too"  ( with some giggles...and ouch really heheheheh).  He did not do that.  Instead,  he pulled me and embraced me tightly and bent his head to mine.  Now, you could say "Best love story of all time"  (hahahha nag drama lang). 

I think this is one of the best times to share our story as a couple on how we deal with each other.  We got married really late (in our mid 30's or almost late 30s hahahha).  

For almost 12 years in the relationship, we thought we have known each other that well. But, really, a lot of unexpected behaviors can surface still when we got married.  The best parts in our relationship were not really  those fine characters that we show to each other but the not so good ones that turned out to be our challenge on how to best respond to each other.  

The thing is, we are both assertive individuals.  We say things in assertion which left us in pain sometimes taking them too personally and soooo seriously.  Sometimes petty things become serious source of fights or argument which made us realize that we were wasting so much of those energies giving in to petty ones.  

We are 8 - year old married couple.  In the first two years of our being together, we did "bungol" (not talk at all  when not so good things happen) to each other.  But we both realized, we live together in one house and felt like we had  no choice but to stay together ( walking out could be easier when you are both single).  

Then,  the behavior a little bit progressed into putting a little drama in front of our daughter such that when we argue privately, we tried to deal with our daughter as if no argument happened between us.

On and on until, our daughter saw as argue and then she saw us reconcile immediately. So it led me also to realize that our daughter has to see the realities of mama and papa arguing at times and reconciling also.  

Benedictine Monastery - Malaybalay City

You see, the one of the best gifts that I received in our married life is the gift of person of my husband.  He is such a very forgiving person and more than anything prays with me and my daughter every single day.

With our daughter Maria Mikaela

One time in the past, we agreed to still hold each other's hands even if we had a fight or argument.  I felt awkward at first when it happened.  But we got used to it.  And even when we sleep at night, we find each other holding hands until we doze off to sleep.  

All I could say is...ours may not be the best love story..(or however you would call what I have with my husband) but is best founded and anchored in the relationship that we first established with God...This happens when couples pray together and bring their families together to prayer.  That's what I and my husband did to our family.

Now, this is our 12 (when we were still single) and 8 - year Old (married life) love story...equals twenty:-).

PS...I asked my husband this morning why earthquake frequently happens lately and specifically in a particular place in Mindanao.  He simply stated "so that man will go back to God...so that they will remember that they need to pray...and go back to God."  He is simply sooo natural ...

"PERFECTION OF OBEDIENCE..."

I posted this photo on my timeline at Facebook because it led me to think hard of the journey that I had in my search for the will of God.  

My friend Vilma was right with her comment "scary".  I felt the same.  I was asking myself if I would really trust those words said by Cardinal Tagle.  

In fact, what comes first is to find out the will of God.  That alone is quite challenging.  Since his will may be hidden in those most painful experiences that we had leading us to where his will might be or where we should be.  

And there is this term "perfection of obedience".  In the process of the search, a lot of things could happen.  You could derail and go other path.  You could give up and go back.  Or, the path may be too thorny and painful that you could "die" and simply give up.  

Looking back, I have disobeyed God.  Yet, I found myself not giving up.  I found myself still back in His arms.  Really, at my end, I would rather be back to God than be somewhere else other than him.  

Perfection, by human experience, entails lots of practice, discipline and continues grilling to hone the specific skills.  Perfection is a process.  It is not an outright reaching of goal.  It is beautiful to reach the goal to be perfect but we should savor the experience of "purification"  during the process of engagements despite the pain that we experience along the way.

Yes, obedience is an ingredient towards perfection.  Are we really obeying God? Or, am I really obeying God? Am I submitting to such will of God?

God has crafted a special process for each of us.  Definitely, mine could be a lot different from yours but the goal is the same  - perfection of obedience.  Well, I may have found God's will but a lot of times, I do not understand it or not understand God himself.  All I did was to simply submit.  I truly felt helpless.  

Where would I go?  Finding other options is not an option for me.  IT IS STILL GOD that I would choose no matter the darkest clouds that I underwent or may be undergoing in my life (oh God please give me the strength).

I pray for Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle.  He is so full of wisdom.  He has the greatest treasure of all that which he found in his intimate moments with God in prayer shared to all of us.  I am so grateful to God for this beautiful servant of God.

"Heart to Heart" with My Students on Nature, Purpose and Calling

https://www.amazon.co.uk/True-Nature-Exploration-Being-Human-ebook/dp/B078YDYRQB

"Nature so freely gives thanks and praise to the Creator with its beautiful display of sights, smells, and sounds, as well as through its bountiful harvests. Nature is being true to the reason it was created. What lessons of truth and faithfulness we can learn from nature!" (https://www.loyolapress.com/retreats/natures-goodness-start-retreat).  

Two weeks ago, I gave an assignment to my college students (our topic was on the DIGITAL SELF).  I asked them to leave their cellphones at home just for a day.  I checked a week after that if they did the assignment.  Unfortunately, not one of them did it.  One young lady at the back exclaimed "it is too painful to do that".  And the others followed saying " We cannot do it", "I cannot imagine a day without it"; "I will miss my phone".  And, they generally spend 10 to 12 hours with their phones.  

Then I told them,  "your behavior implies that you have established a 'relationship' to a cellphone...to a thing".  I felt sad hearing them say that.  Young people or even us adults may have dealt with our cellphones like human being.  Most of our waking moments may be spent "establishing that type of relationship".  

Our nature calls for intimacy not for material things but to living beings - humans and nature around us.  But mostly among humans intimacy is spent in those moments with our loved ones.  Those people we want to spent time with.  If a lot of time is spent through gadgets and surfing the net, we failed in one of those  purpose for which we are made.  That is to establish connection with others.  To connect in love.  

I further stated to my students "what if in those moments of 12-hour engagement with your phones, God wanted to give you that special gift of person whom you could spend the rest of your life with and  you are not disposed to notice that person"...They all reacted "waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh".  And, they may end deciding in haste being with a person as described by their "digital and virtual world".

The course that I am teaching is UNDERSTANDING THE SELF.  My audience are adolescents.   I feel that my current purpose is to lead them into the journey inwards to understand themselves better and be in touched with their nature, purpose or calling.  And basically, they have to go back and feel that purpose of going to school first and submit to the process of discipline, focus and shaping their person.  I just feel sad some of them dropped out from school even with free education because they are more busy doing some other things other than school work).

Now am I true to my calling and nature?  Again, I sailed away and failed many times over.  But that does not mean, I won't reach out and help my dearest young ones...my very own students.  I love them so much that I cannot be otherwise being their teacher.

Breaking My Silence - My Journey to Becoming More Intimate with Life...with God

https://www.bluechairblessing.com/store/c1/Featured_Products.html

Months back my leadership to a group of young people (senior high school) ended.  I admit I was just trying to go on with the sail simply submitting to what was assigned to me at work.  There were several challenges that I encountered such as  being talked about as a "hot topic" during meal time (hahahhaha) by group of individuals, be a simple wife and mom when I get home. 

My life revolved around those themes.  People would ask "what keeps me busy at this time?";  or "Where are you assigned now?", etc.  And I would simply answer them with the new assigned tasks that I had at work (assistant of an administrator and currently still assisting the same boss moving up to a really higher and prestigious position of the university)  and teach a Psychology course at the same time.  

There were moments of "numbness and loss" however, the sail must go on.  The following are the things that I learned :

1.  Silence   

2.  Humility

3.  Simplicity

4.  Focus on the Essentials only

5.  There is no need to have the position if you want to serve

6.  Always anchor in God

7.  Faithfully do your job

8.  Create a balance (God, Family and Work)

9.  Between being right and being kind, always choose kindness

10.  Forgive everyday

11.  Learn like a sponge
12.  Laugh like there is no tomorrow 
13.  Give and give and give a little more (even to stray cats, dogs, frogs, etc... hahahhahah)

The thing is, my current disposition makes me more refined and focused.  I need not announce to everyone what has gone through me at the social media.  When life become simpler, you'll get settled with its simplest expression and the joy of having special people in your life such as family, relatives, students, friends and colleagues  who are so dear to me at this time.  

Working with people like my current boss is like serving God Himself.  You see when you get to work with God, you need not be at the limelight.  God's ways and commands will just make you obey and do things silently to get through the goals of making His goodness known to everyone.  Popularity really is not of God.  One may be popular for doing the good but that should not be the ultimate motivation why we do the good for others.  

I just feel the inspiration and joy of serving God through where I am.  The peace and joy are immense.  Even the pain is seen as a beautiful ingredient to my growth.  I am just so grateful to God for this wonderful grace...which I found in the most intimate moment in Prayer...

Thank you God...

Mom in Action

She had bouts of  on and off fever last week.  There were two days that she was well thinking it could go on that way.  However, another day occurred with it again with painful stomach filled with air inside.  Her tummy was like a "balloon" and burped when I lifted her up.  She had series of tests at the hospital Thursday night with negative test results (CBC and Urinalysis with a little of viral infection).  Her vital signs were fine and is not for admission yet.  

When Saturday came,  she did not eat much at lunch and resisted to drink water.  But then I insisted that she would.  She looked pail already from where my sister advised that shed would be checked again.   I and my husband did not have second thoughts.  We decided to bring her to the hospital. 

She was for admission due to very low Blood pressure already (60/30).  By middle of the night, her vital signs were stable.  The thing was, there was no available room in the hospital for her.  We insisted that we would stay the whole night in the emergency room.  Thanks be to God, we were allowed to stay.  The following morning, we were informed of an available room.  Thanks be to God again for such provision. 

Despite not getting enough sleep, I and my husband had to stick it all.  She had bouts of coughing on Sunday from where she was nebulized.  She did not like it that way.  However, we found a way to convince her to take the series of sessions with antibiotics.  

She had discomforts with dextrose attached to her body however, she tried to contain them.  We had guests at night at the hospital.  Our family friend Vilma who prayer over Mika(ninang of Mikaela), Fr. Norlan Julia, SJ, family members Gay and Dennis and cousins of Mikaela such as ate Louise and kuya Anton.  Lolo pops and tita Mae visited and the day that the she was discharged (3rd day in the hospital).  

Consistent prayers of friends such as Fr. Xavier Olin, SJ, Fr. Oliver Verdejo, SSJV and Fr. Lino Macatol, II and Fr. Norlan Julia, SJ who prayed over her at the hospital also were said. More than anything,  God sustained us as a family in the challenge of taking care of our daughter and financially we were able to settle our financial obligations immediately.

Again, this is a "mom in action" and simply trying to share the journey with taking care of my little girl - Maria Mikaela.

"INVESTING IN LOVE?"

https://www.istockphoto.com/vector/investing-love-gm165743185-13028120

I had a brief conversation with young people one afternoon this week.  My attention was focused with "Angel" (not her real name...our student leader... I like it so much talking with her).  She mentioned about investing in a relationship with a person.  I suddenly said "when you invest, you expect a return...an income".  

When you "invest" in a relationship with a person, the relationship will become a business transaction.  The questions would unconsciously be "How much will I be getting from this?  What possible return will my relating with this person bring me?  or When will I get a total "return" from my "capital investment".

What followed in the conversation was the fear of pain from where I responded "Pain is part of the package of living.  A lot of young people do not like it that is why some go as far as hurting themselves to stop living".

So, let's go straight to the point and illustrate.  When you invest, you get to expect that the person may return the same to  you.  You may even expect to get more from what you give.  

It is not what love is.  It is simply giving and not expecting any return. It does not yield to justification or explanation why you love.  "You just give, even if it hurts or it becomes very painful, and you give a little more"... It makes you "bleed" to the bones (hahahah gross right).  

It purifies you until you become the best version of yourself (oh divah pang beauty queen ang dating).   Until such time when loving another person becomes natural for you to do  ..until you become the expression of Love yourself.    

Just try it...you will witness it happening...in you...

Knowledge Or Wisdom - Which of the Two Do You Have?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GcD33yma-8

Knowledge Or Wisdom - which of the two do you have?  I just listened from a talk (youtube video) delivered by Bishop Fulton Sheen on How to Improve Your Mind.  And the amazing thing that he mentioned at the end of the video says : "Never ask help from someone who does not live a good life...since Wisdom is a product of being good or living the good life".  

Looking at it in that perspective, Bishop Fulton Sheen pointed out... that wisdom is a product of living a life aligned with God's will and purpose for man. He gives us the message to simply do the right things for others by living the life of love for God and others.

We may have known of many learned and knowledgeable individuals in the field of professional practice (teachers, doctors, lawyers, businessmen etc.) and  the church (priests, pastors, etc).  However, the impact of sharing their knowledge does not sink deep or reach the heart.  We do not feel the depth of words that come out from their mouth.  

How do we acquire wisdom?  I happen to talk with a colleague and friend named Jerwin over lunch today and he mentioned how his mother may not have gotten that highest degree of education but is so full of wisdom in her words. Thus, she must have lived her life well remaining true to her calling as wife and mother.

More than anything, living life well is a product of a highly established union with God.  This calls for a regular time spent in prayer and worship.  There is a need to connect and reconnect everyday.  There is a need to be refueled and be refreshed since we all get tired in the journey. 

We need God in our life.  Not connecting with God, and embracing a life centered on the self will make the self as the only reference to making decisions, excessive self love and self centered perspectives.  The "I" becomes the center.  Dr. Wayne Dyer shares of the "EGO" which stands for "Edging God Out".

This time, we are being challenged to consider and look straight into the eyes of this respectable man of the Catholic Church who was known for his WISDOM in his teachings during his time.  We can truly learn so much from him. 

At this point, we can assess ourselves as to whether we are at the knowledge level or we have transcended to having wisdom in our state of life.

To quote :  

"Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen (1895-1979) is arguably this century's most widely acclaimed and best-loved Roman Catholic prelate. A master of the media, spiritual leader, and witty, literate, urbane teacher, Sheen had a far-ranging impact on American culture. There remains in his spoken and written words a keen insight into the universal human condition, and the universal quest for the Divine in the ordinary".

Reference :

Sheen, F.  From the Angel's Blackboard: The Best of Fulton J. Sheen.  Retrieved from the web : 

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/731524.From_the_Angel_s_Blackboard

The Rescue for Cats and Kittens

the Mother Cat "Zola"  adopted by Ms. Lovely Adanza delivered 5 beautiful kittens

I thought of myself not being able to hold back my attachment for cats.  I questioned myself many times over.  How I wish i could just simply vanish the feeling. But when I see them neglected and not being taken cared of, the pain is unbearable. Yes, I cry seeing them hurt.  

When I was a kid, I and my sister Gay brought cats and kittens to bed.  They sleep with us.  We always heard mama with her high pitched voice trying to stop us from doing that.  Sometimes I brought home stray cats to mama's dismay.  But how can I stop a "child" within from feeling such compassion for cats or dogs?

Last year, before transferring to a new residence, I fed stray cats in the neighborhood.  They just come morning and night to be fed (more than 12 of them).  I and another kind neighbor shared in the responsibility of feeding all of them (including a stray dog that come with us to Church when we heard mass during Sundays).  

Where I currently work, I still do the same.  I feed them with cat food and some milk.  And, it reached at rescuing them and finding "adoptive parents" for them (crazy ha).  In this blog, I would like to honor some generous individuals who have such huge hearts who came to take care of them.  

1. Cutie (Ms. Nora Gerasmeo) is a teacher and sooo soo loves cats.  She came to the office with the two kittens below.  Sadly one did not make it.  She calls the other one "Mao" which luckily had her adoptive mother cat at Cutie's home.  Actually, "Mao" sleeps with them (on the bed...wwooow) together with all their cats in the house. What a grand, grand time!!!:-) 

Ms. Nora "Cutie" Gerasmeo ..adopted two kittens

2. Vin Theodore Gerebise is the son of my friend Ms. Lyleen Fabria.  They came to office full pack (as a family) to pick up "Orange" (the name of the kitten).  They had "Orange" checked up immediately at the nearby Veterinary clinic after picking her up which gladdened my heart at how concerned they are as a family to the kitten.

Vin Theodore Gerebise's "Orange"

3.  Leah Carcueva is a Senior High School teacher who volunteered to take home one of the kittens too.  And oh don't be shocked...the kitten below likes to sleep anywhere in the house ( that is why the photo below)  She is simply having the grandest time sleeping and so well fed:-) 

4. Truly, I was anxious of mother cat.  She got pregnant immediately. Everyday that she visits me at the office, I felt the tension within with her bulging tummy ready to deliver her kittens. I was just so glad that my Professional Education student Ms. Lovely Adanza volunteered to take her home.  And voila!!! after two days she delivered her 5 lovely kittens.  Lovely's kids love them so much that they did not want them given away.  

Ms. Lovely Adanza as in super dooper adopted the mother cat 

'The Mother Cat named now "Zola" 

And, just this afternoon (June 7, 2019), I was informed that there are three (3) kittens running around without their mother cat anymore (mother cat is "missing").  And so, my heart for kittens popped up.  The kittens below really, really need a home.  Anyone can message me if you are interested.  

the three new kittens with already "missing" mom

I will not stop finding them a home.  I have slowly embraced my role.  It is my heart that I cannot stop.  It is without question.  I am just simply submitting to it.  

I do believe there a lot of individuals out there who so love cats.  And, I am soo grateful that through Facebook, I was able to find them -  To Ms. Cutie, Vin Theodore and Ms. Lyleen, Ms. Leah and Ms. Lovely...  Thank you very much.  God will continually bless you with your generosity.  My love and prayers for all of you.

We Are All Angels In Disguise

https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/3787233-angels-in-disguise

I was driving one afternoon out of the university.  The traffic was so tight that I felt like I had no way to go further than go back to the parking lot of the university.  Despite of that I whispered silent prayer to just make go through it when suddenly i saw the traffic flow stopped in front of me.  A saw a man in white shirt riding a motorcycle blocked the two lanes.  Looked at me sharply and signaled me through his eyes conversing through mine giving me a "Go" signal. 

I was like a child, obeying to that signal.  I swerved forward...goose skinned.  I was checking on him while he moved away so fast without looking back at where the car that I'm driving is located.  Well, I thought of an angel again.  And that week, I had lots of those encounters such as when I left my wallet at the grocery cart at the parking lot when someone called me up and raised in the air ...mmmmyyyy waallllettt  (ooohhhhh) with everything in it including my intestines, lungs and heart (just joking). 

And then, I left my ATM card at a cashier in one department store.  I realized the next day only that I don't have it when i was about to purchase some items in the grocery at another mall.  I still got it full and complete given to me by that beautiful supervisor of the grocery store information counter (SM uptown). Thank you Lord with shouts of Joy and Gladness... 

But gadanghag lang gyud ko  ( I was just very careless)  hahahhahaha.  Yet, the message.   I was being reminded by God with the presence of His angels in many different forms.  That HE IS ALIVE humans disguised as angels.  

And, my story did not end that way.  I returned the same favor to a driver who hit my car.  An old driver from Maramag Bukidnon carrying heavy loads.  He did not look at his mirror and suddenly turned his direction towards me (driver's side).  All those that ride with him "chorused" with their shouts of shock and "horroooor".  At my end  i was "hoorrrored" (hahhahaha) by what happened.  I don't want to make this story long.  I forgave him which I think shocked him "to the max".  I stated "  manong, let us solve this problem.  I will contact my insurance. Just pray that everything will be covered".  I asked for his number and in matter of less than 10 minutes, we were both back on the road.  

I'm sure it made him happy.  At my end, it felt more than that. PEACE.   I felt so at peace.  At that time, I was not certain with how much insurance would cover. The most important thing was that, I did not make life difficult for that man.  Did I suffer?  A little bit when i was questioned related to money by someone.  But i found my peace again...with the realization - Money is not everything.  My relationship with God is what I value the most.  

God will take care of me...I am sure of that...In fact He makes Himself so busy attending with me and my needs now ...:-)

Amen to that...

A toast to everyone who work it out to become ANGELS IN DISGUISE for others. I tell you ...Angels...they manifest their presence by letting us "loose" from our difficulties.  By making life easier for others (without question).  We can do the same...:-) 

Suddenly I feel The Need To "Rekindle" Blogging

Wives, Mothers and friends on Life's True Journey ( naa diay false? hahahahha)

I felt the many opportunities to write again for my blog site.  Yet, I did not.  It is not that i lost the motivation to write.  It is the fear of being judged.  I thought of varied reactions from people.  I thought how best intentions could be misinterpreted.  I admit I allowed myself to be carried away.  I simply hid myself from prying eyes.  Instead, I posted messages already crafted by creative individuals.  I chose images and messages that could define my heart.  Or simply define my values (not really with the intention to hurt anyone).

Then, suddenly someone today,  my long time friend and prayer partner Vilma reminded me that.  It was like a subtle yet strong invitation to write again.  I felt the grace  when we conversed.  We were sharing our stories of struggles and victories with life.  We were sharing how encounters with challenging individuals that have become the "acid test"  with our character,  values, faith and beliefs.  We were recalling how our friendship has found its strong ground in our service to God previously when we were active in our Catholic Christian community, our workplaces and community (like Church involvement).   We were sharing our life as wives and mothers and the prayers that we've said to God over and over again for our loved ones and other people who may be needing prayers.

It was a brief yet rich encounter.  It was that special moment that made me realize to recount God's blessings again and not focus on life's tragedies.  To decide to grow, embrace life, and  my faith in God who can only define and redefine my daily journey.

Truly, I needed the push, the affirmation to simply go through the breeze and say yes to writing again.  And, I thank my dear friend and prayer partner Vilma ...my "soulmate" in my Christian journey so that I will able to bravely traverse life again in the spirit of openness and total surrender to whatever there is to come...

To God be the Glory...Halleluiah!!!

PS :  To go back blogging is like "New Year"  ...so shall I say "Happy New Year in May" for me ...and everyone...