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This part is very challenging since this is the
ACTION TIME hmm for the parents. Parents will have to share
what they know with their own children such that they will transfer their EQ to them. Warning though. As I have stated it in part 1, this is
anchored on the premise that “parents with high Emotional intelligence transfer
the same to their own children. “ Thus,
without such skill, they may find part 2 difficult.
But then if you read this part, even if you may
find it struggling with yourself, the fact that you are reading this part may
lead you to practice your knowledge.
Hmmm I am really hoping and praying for that. I am actually glad you are reading this. I for one while I write this is still
struggling for the practice. So don’t
worry we are in the same level and…riding in the same boat.
Here goes..
1.
Self- Awareness. Since this means naming your own
feeling, to transfer this to your child
/ren, you may feed them with words or feeling – words such as – sad, happy,
excited, hungry, agitated, etc.
For
our daughter I would always say “you are happy or Mikaela is happy, you are sad, you are angry, hungry…ohhh you
are excited…etc”. In like manner, I
would tell her how I feel or how daddy feels.
2.
Managing
Emotion.
Let me lead give you to an example.
When my daughter cries, I try to check the cause of the cry. We do know that when children cry, they send
the message. Whatever the message would
be is for us to figure out. That is part
of the management that we need to do with children. As we do that with vigilance, we are sending
the message that we love them and that we are teaching them the same skill of
responding to what they feel. Managing
their feelings involves us their
parents. Consistency with responding to
their basic needs particular their cries is teaching them to be responsive to
their own feelings too.
This
is the difficult part. We need parents
to be present to respond to their cries.
The thing is not all of us will be their when they cry. You and know the reason why. A lot of us are not present always to be able
to respond to this. Majority of us would
resort to nannies or other individuals to do that for us.
For
our daughter, I was not working for more than a year. And since my husband did not have to be out
of the house most of the time for him to earn his income to support our family (hmmm thanks be to God he earned well while most of the time he was home) we both felt so blessed to be able to provide that attention to our
daughter. I just felt that time that God
really wanted us to go through the process of giving that special attention to her since no matter how hard we tried there was no available nanny nor
there was anyone that could assist us in the house to do the chores for
us. No matter hard it was for us, we
faced the challenge and I just feel that we are slowly reaping that harvest
with our daughter.
3.
Motivating
Oneself (the Master’s aptitude). No
matter the odds I decide to go on. No
matter how hard for us with taking care of a minute human being, we cannot give
up taking care of our daughter. She sees
that day in and out. She experiences
that with us. There are so many moods
swings. Babies show their most natural
self. I feel that it is the parents that
need to manage themselves and to decide to continue loving. When Mikaela sometimes slaps the spoon during
feeding time or the bottle making it land on the floor, I sometimes would want
to just spank her hand or give her that hard look so that she would get the
message that that I was angry, yet, I tried to hold myself state it to her that
mommy is already tired and angry. I know
at times and in desperation that it may be a futile pursuit yet I would still
continue to do them and continue with feeding her. The real point is “not to give up” with the hope that they would get the same
message.
4.
Empathy. In #2 I
particularly stated reading the messages sent through crying. It is very important to read. The hardest part is that, babies or children
do not have words or enough words to describe their emotion, that is why it is
so important to read them even without words.
That is empathy. To feel what
they feel even without word. To put
ourselves in their shoes. I deeply and
truly that through this, we are teaching our own children to be responsive to
themselves and the needs of others.
I
hope it will not put my husband on bad light (ohh sorry honey) but between me
and him, I feel that I am the most sensitive one (hmmm sometimes too sensitive eww) I would a lot of times utter to him “please
help me out Mikaela feels this and that” and he would just say “what? Or why do
you say that…etc.” A lot of time he
cannot relate but a lot of times also I feel that he is learning my way of
doing it or perhaps I feel that I just easily sense any discomfort from our
daughter, that is the very reason why I could easily address her needs. Hmmm
you may be asking which is the transfer of learning part. This is the transfer of learning…our being
sensitive to their needs is making them learn to the same. That is how powerful presence is. That is how powerful love and attention are
to our children.
5.
Social Art. At an early age, our attention and presence
to our daughter is slowly reaping some small harvest such as she is not afraid
of any guest in the house. She makes
friends easily. She is so trusting. What was so amazing to us was when she shook
hands to house guests that did block rosary that in our house one night last
October of 2013. Moreover, Mikaela only cries with
some basic discomforts such as hunger, sleepiness, sometimes boredom. Hmmm she does not really cry when she
deficates. She just continues to play or
does things to amuse herself. I guess
she understands that we clean her up immediately when she does that.
Hey…I only have a 1 year and almost 6
month old daughter. It is still a long
way to go. I am just sharing here what
we started as a couple and what we are doing with our daughter that might help
with you may be raising your own children too.
I just shared to the first batch of participants of the PARENTING seminar that I facilitated last
December of 2013 that perhaps they could lessen their involvements outside of
their homes so that after work they could go home immediately to just spend
time with their children. They could do
this sacrifice at least up to 5 years (my friend Amphie suggested 7 years) of their children’s life just to help
build that strong foundation that can be a springboard to their emotional stability
of their own children.
Hmmm am I making sense for you? I pray…J
PS... Please hold on... I am on my way towards writing part 3... there is something very important that parents should do more...quite demanding ha...:-) GOD BLESS YOU ALL:-)
