RAISING EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT CHILDREN – Part 2 - ACTION TIME ....

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This part is very challenging since this is the ACTION TIME hmm for the parents.  Parents will have to share what they know with their own children such that  they will transfer their EQ to them.  Warning though.  As I have stated it in part 1, this is anchored on the premise that “parents with high Emotional intelligence transfer the same to their own children. “  Thus, without such skill, they may find  part 2 difficult.

But then if you read this part, even if you may find it struggling with yourself, the fact that you are reading this part may lead you to practice your knowledge.  Hmmm I am really hoping and praying for that.  I am actually glad you are reading this.  I for one while I write this is still struggling for the practice.  So don’t worry we are in the same level and…riding in the same boat.

Here goes..

1.      Self- Awareness.  Since this means naming your own feeling,  to transfer this to your child /ren, you may feed them with words or feeling – words such as – sad, happy, excited, hungry, agitated, etc. 

For our daughter I would always say “you are happy or Mikaela is happy,  you are sad, you are angry, hungry…ohhh you are excited…etc”.  In like manner, I would tell her how I feel or how daddy feels.

2.     Managing Emotion.  Let me lead give you to an example.  When my daughter cries, I try to check the cause of the cry.  We do know that when children cry, they send the message.  Whatever the message would be is for us to figure out.  That is part of the management that we need to do with children.  As we do that with vigilance, we are sending the message that we love them and that we are teaching them the same skill of responding to what they feel.  Managing their feelings involves  us their parents.  Consistency with responding to their basic needs particular their cries is teaching them to be responsive to their own feelings too. 

This is the difficult part.  We need parents to be present to respond to their cries.  The thing is not all of us will be their when they cry.  You and know the reason why.  A lot of us are not present always to be able to respond to this.  Majority of us would resort to nannies or other individuals to do that for us. 

For our daughter, I was not working for more than a year.  And since my husband did not have to be out of the house most of the time for him to earn his income to support our family (hmmm thanks be to God he earned well while most of the time he was home) we both felt so blessed to be able to provide that attention to our daughter.  I just felt that time that God really wanted us to go through the process of giving that special attention to her since no matter how hard we tried there was no available nanny nor there was anyone that could assist us in the house to do the chores for us.  No matter hard it was for us, we faced the challenge and I just feel that we are slowly reaping that harvest with our  daughter.

3.      Motivating Oneself (the Master’s aptitude).  No matter the odds I decide to go on.  No matter how hard for us with taking care of a minute human being, we cannot give up taking care of our daughter.  She sees that day in and out.  She experiences that with us.  There are so many moods swings.  Babies show their most natural self.  I feel that it is the parents that need to manage themselves and to decide to continue loving.  When Mikaela sometimes slaps the spoon during feeding time or the bottle making it land on the floor, I sometimes would want to just spank her hand or give her that hard look so that she would get the message that that I was angry, yet, I tried to hold myself state it to her that mommy is already tired and angry.  I know at times and in desperation that it may be a futile pursuit yet I would still continue to do them and continue with feeding her.  The real point is “not to give up”  with the hope that they would get the same message.

4.     Empathy.  In #2 I particularly stated reading the messages sent through crying.  It is very important to read.  The hardest part is that, babies or children do not have words or enough words to describe their emotion, that is why it is so important to read them even without words.  That is empathy.  To feel what they feel even without word.  To put ourselves in their shoes.  I deeply and truly that through this, we are teaching our own children to be responsive to themselves and the needs of others. 

I hope it will not put my husband on bad light (ohh sorry honey) but between me and him, I feel that I am the most sensitive one (hmmm sometimes too sensitive eww)  I would a lot of times utter to him “please help me out Mikaela feels this and that” and he would just say “what? Or why do you say that…etc.”   A lot of time he cannot relate but a lot of times also I feel that he is learning my way of doing it or perhaps I feel that I just easily sense any discomfort from our daughter, that is the very reason why I could easily address her needs.  Hmmm  you may be asking which is the transfer of learning part.  This is the transfer of learning…our being sensitive to their needs is making them learn to the same.  That is how powerful presence is.  That is how powerful love and attention are to our children.

5.      Social Art.  At an early age, our attention and presence to our daughter is slowly reaping some small harvest such as she is not afraid of any guest in the house.  She makes friends easily.  She is so trusting.  What was so amazing to us was when she shook hands to house guests that did block rosary that   in our house one night last October of 2013.  Moreover,  Mikaela only cries with some basic discomforts such as hunger, sleepiness, sometimes boredom.  Hmmm she does not really cry when she deficates.  She just continues to play or does things to amuse herself.   I guess she understands that we clean her up immediately when she does that.

Hey…I only have a 1 year and almost  6 month old daughter.  It is still a long way to go.  I am just sharing here what we started as a couple and what we are doing with our daughter that might help with you may be raising your own children too.  I just shared to the first batch of participants of the  PARENTING seminar that I facilitated last December of 2013 that perhaps they could lessen their involvements outside of their homes so that after work they could go home immediately to just spend time with their children.  They could do this sacrifice at least up to 5 years (my friend Amphie suggested 7 years) of their children’s life just to help build that strong foundation that can be a springboard to their emotional stability of their own children.  

Hmmm  am I making sense for you?  I pray…J

PS... Please hold on... I am on my way towards writing part 3... there is something very important that parents should do more...quite demanding ha...:-)  GOD BLESS YOU ALL:-)