MY YEAR 2020 REVIEW - THE CHALLENGES I HAVE ENCOUNTERED - PART 1

photo taken from :  http://smashinghub.com/the-challenges-of-designing-and-development.htm

I feel like I paused blogging in 2020.  I did not write much.  But it is the year of action in my life - from career to personal life plus the current pandemic that felt like also paused many lives specifically when going out was not possible due to lockdown.

Reviewing varied comments at social networking sites, many look at it as the worst year.  However, at my end, I would prefer looking at it as a very challenging year.  

1.  Challenge in Parenting 

I did not expect to confine my daughter most of the time in the house.  I felt her boredom.  Emotions can be very intense at times that I had to deal with myself and her confronting varied situations.  Patience is tested.  And, I need to improve myself on this.

2.  Challenge in being a teacher to my own daughter

Homeschooling was already an option we chose for her.  This time, modules provided by the school have displayed competencies not even really fit and relatable for her stage that I and my husband had to come in and do "double" time assisting her...Our daughter is slow with writing and so many modules had to be set aside for a while.  She won't answer some of them also so we had to come in again to simplify our teaching so that she can connect. Test of patience again, since a lot of times in between she would excuse and do something else.  Oh my ...patience is truly a virtue to practice:-)

3.  Challenge with Work

Early of 2020, I was on a regular work arrangement.  However, things immediately changed in March of 2020 when the pandemic has caused locked down for the whole country.  This made me do "work from home"  arrangement.  This meant that i had to handle my classes on asynchronous mode through a platform that I have been using.  This is new to many of my students so I had to simplify requirements and submissions.  Since I was designated under the office of the President of the university,  I had to engage in virtual meetings for certain office that was created by the President.  Until I finally decided to "resign" from that designation to be a fulltime faculty again so that I could have more time with the daughter for her homeschooling while doing "work from home" online /virtual teaching for my students (this time with more number of sections than when I was designated).  Really, going virtual is very tough since classes are not regular.  They are most of time provided with video discussions with quizzes, major exams and activities posted at a platform.  Oh my I really miss face to face teaching.

4.  Challenge with both Work and Family matters all done at home

At times there is no longer a  line between the two.  I do usual household chores, being a mom, teaching my students and teaching my daughter.  At times I got so exhausted that I had to pull out from the house and be at the workplace to just focus on work.  

5.  Challenge of loosing a Loved one

I lost my father later part of year 2020 (November 11, 2020).  Prior to that, there were emotional bouts at my end as I had to witness my father physically struggling.  Travels to Bukidnon and back in the city had to be done so that I could be with my father until he was hospitalized again ( twice during covid lockdown) until he peacefully passed away in November 2020.  

6.  Challenge with Dealing with Varied Personalities

As if I have not done this for years.  This keeps on like coming back to me. I constantly and regularly meet very challenging personalities at work or outside of it.  What strains me the most is to hold myself so that I will not "slip".  This means that I have set up a basic personal rule that I have lived up for years.  That is, not to say anything that I might regret or get back.  So the solution is to be SILENT.  Holding myself and WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO SPEAK OR NOT SPEAK AT ALL.  

Why did I come up with this rule?  It is what I learned on Emotional Intelligence.  And, from personal experience when I was not able to hold myself, expressed what I wanted and ruin relationships with people very close to me.  I did learn the hard way.  I do not want to go back and do it again.  That's why SILENCE and WAITING play a major role in my relating with challenging personalities.  And I learned to value KINDNESS despite circumstances.  That meant I have a choice to be kind to people who may choose not to be kind to me also.

Well, this is yet part 1.  And, they were few of those challenges that I met however, major ones that brought so much weight on me.  Pressure and stress.  However, I still ended up much better person.  I kept the faith.  I kept a good fight in the NAME OF MY LORD JESUS CHRIST.  

What I thank the Lord most is that, I am able to make a big come back in blogging.  And, I Glorify the Lord for this.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR OF 2021.

"Heart to Heart" with My Students on Nature, Purpose and Calling

https://www.amazon.co.uk/True-Nature-Exploration-Being-Human-ebook/dp/B078YDYRQB

"Nature so freely gives thanks and praise to the Creator with its beautiful display of sights, smells, and sounds, as well as through its bountiful harvests. Nature is being true to the reason it was created. What lessons of truth and faithfulness we can learn from nature!" (https://www.loyolapress.com/retreats/natures-goodness-start-retreat).  

Two weeks ago, I gave an assignment to my college students (our topic was on the DIGITAL SELF).  I asked them to leave their cellphones at home just for a day.  I checked a week after that if they did the assignment.  Unfortunately, not one of them did it.  One young lady at the back exclaimed "it is too painful to do that".  And the others followed saying " We cannot do it", "I cannot imagine a day without it"; "I will miss my phone".  And, they generally spend 10 to 12 hours with their phones.  

Then I told them,  "your behavior implies that you have established a 'relationship' to a cellphone...to a thing".  I felt sad hearing them say that.  Young people or even us adults may have dealt with our cellphones like human being.  Most of our waking moments may be spent "establishing that type of relationship".  

Our nature calls for intimacy not for material things but to living beings - humans and nature around us.  But mostly among humans intimacy is spent in those moments with our loved ones.  Those people we want to spent time with.  If a lot of time is spent through gadgets and surfing the net, we failed in one of those  purpose for which we are made.  That is to establish connection with others.  To connect in love.  

I further stated to my students "what if in those moments of 12-hour engagement with your phones, God wanted to give you that special gift of person whom you could spend the rest of your life with and  you are not disposed to notice that person"...They all reacted "waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh".  And, they may end deciding in haste being with a person as described by their "digital and virtual world".

The course that I am teaching is UNDERSTANDING THE SELF.  My audience are adolescents.   I feel that my current purpose is to lead them into the journey inwards to understand themselves better and be in touched with their nature, purpose or calling.  And basically, they have to go back and feel that purpose of going to school first and submit to the process of discipline, focus and shaping their person.  I just feel sad some of them dropped out from school even with free education because they are more busy doing some other things other than school work).

Now am I true to my calling and nature?  Again, I sailed away and failed many times over.  But that does not mean, I won't reach out and help my dearest young ones...my very own students.  I love them so much that I cannot be otherwise being their teacher.

Breaking My Silence - My Journey to Becoming More Intimate with Life...with God

https://www.bluechairblessing.com/store/c1/Featured_Products.html

Months back my leadership to a group of young people (senior high school) ended.  I admit I was just trying to go on with the sail simply submitting to what was assigned to me at work.  There were several challenges that I encountered such as  being talked about as a "hot topic" during meal time (hahahhaha) by group of individuals, be a simple wife and mom when I get home. 

My life revolved around those themes.  People would ask "what keeps me busy at this time?";  or "Where are you assigned now?", etc.  And I would simply answer them with the new assigned tasks that I had at work (assistant of an administrator and currently still assisting the same boss moving up to a really higher and prestigious position of the university)  and teach a Psychology course at the same time.  

There were moments of "numbness and loss" however, the sail must go on.  The following are the things that I learned :

1.  Silence   

2.  Humility

3.  Simplicity

4.  Focus on the Essentials only

5.  There is no need to have the position if you want to serve

6.  Always anchor in God

7.  Faithfully do your job

8.  Create a balance (God, Family and Work)

9.  Between being right and being kind, always choose kindness

10.  Forgive everyday

11.  Learn like a sponge
12.  Laugh like there is no tomorrow 
13.  Give and give and give a little more (even to stray cats, dogs, frogs, etc... hahahhahah)

The thing is, my current disposition makes me more refined and focused.  I need not announce to everyone what has gone through me at the social media.  When life become simpler, you'll get settled with its simplest expression and the joy of having special people in your life such as family, relatives, students, friends and colleagues  who are so dear to me at this time.  

Working with people like my current boss is like serving God Himself.  You see when you get to work with God, you need not be at the limelight.  God's ways and commands will just make you obey and do things silently to get through the goals of making His goodness known to everyone.  Popularity really is not of God.  One may be popular for doing the good but that should not be the ultimate motivation why we do the good for others.  

I just feel the inspiration and joy of serving God through where I am.  The peace and joy are immense.  Even the pain is seen as a beautiful ingredient to my growth.  I am just so grateful to God for this wonderful grace...which I found in the most intimate moment in Prayer...

Thank you God...

I Felt Like That Puppy Who Needed the Most Comfort...When I almost lost my daughter at the Mall...

An Old April 2016 photo with Mikaela

I could not contain my heart today...tonight.  On our way to the mall, I and my husband saw a rolling puppy by the road...struggling for its life.  It was such a painful sight.  Not just that but I felt emotional by it that really brought me to tears even while I am tinkering the keyboard. When we reached the mall, we had our dinner but took turns with taking care of our daughter who chose to run around than taking her dinner.  

When it was my turn to take care of her, I brought her to a bookstore.  I allowed her to touch everything she wanted to and take with her.  I simply observed her at a distance when all of a sudden I lost sight of her.  My heart really pumped so hard.  I was trying to check all parts of the store from where I realized she was not inside.  I tried to talk to all the saleslady inside and the guard who did not notice her going out of the store.  

I was not just worried.  I was frightened imagining all sorts of horrible things already.  One saleslady told me to ask for assistance from the guard of the mall and make some announcements which I did. That moment I thought of telling my husband what happened and asked for help (he was eating alone since we decided to take turns).  But still I decided to go back to the bookstore to take one last look.  But a guy wearing white shirt called me form outside of the store and pointed the back of the lined up display of Christmas trees describing a little girl with a pink shirt at the back of it.  I ran towards  that direction and true enough my daughter was there running away from the Christmas trees towards the door of the mall bringing with her three red marker pens.  

A date at a hotel with our little lady

It was a mixture of joy and anger at the same time.  But the anger was due to the fear or rather fright that I felt losing her that way.  I could not describe it but I strongly held her arms. and brought her straight to the bookstore asking her to return the pens.  We went straight ahead to my husband who had no knowledge about what happened.  

I told him of course what happened with a  little tremble in my voice.  I knew then also that we had to cut our date short.  We had to go home.  My daughter gave me that innocent look but still wanted to still explore the mall.  I knew how it was like losing her in that short moment.  I knew how and what it was like not having her beside me nor being uncertain at what might happen next.  I was already forewarned at the gut level before entering that bookstore to keep watch and stay close but I still wanted to go with the adventure of allowing her to explore and let her be and it ended up realizing that the challenge was for me and not for my daughter.

...it will always be books, magazines...passion

It is kind of a very difficult realization ...letting go...giving her that much space and freedom at a very young age.  Still I am her mom...and at her age...I knew better.  I told my daughter on our way home " I was not worried Mikaela...I was frightened...you will only understand this when you become a mom someday"  (well when I talk to her that way ...I will not really expect for her to fully understand but that is  how communicate with her).  And I hugged her tight and kissed her head over and over again and while I did that I felt such an innocent spirit so fresh and free. 

Well there was a sense of relief riding home with her in my arms.  She hugged me so tight while she turned her gaze upon the lights of the night.  I even forgot about the struggling puppy beside the road.  Early that night, I thought it was just the puppy that I was like that puppy that needed the most comfort. It turned out that I felt the need of the greatest comfort of the struggle of almost losing my girl at the mall.

PS: My daughter is so sound asleep in bed now.  I am forever grateful for God's angel wearing white shirt tonight directing my path towards my girl..I just hope and pray for God's angel also to take care of that puppy beside the road...please dear God...with tears...Good night..

...and I never thought such situation could bring me back to writing which brings a lot of comfort to my heart so very much...

Balancing Work and Family Life

Meetings at work ...and reading session and play time at home with my daughter

My current work designation is Head/ Principal (that is how it's commonly called)  of Senior High School of a State University.   The work assignment was given to me last April, 2016.  I was up for the challenge.  The months of April and May were spent preparing for the opening of a new school year 2016 - 2017 - hiring new faculty, facilitating orientation - the senior high school program, manual for operations, designating faculty members for subject area coordinator.  I also ran meetings, big assemblies, extended training with a team of speakers/ facilitator to the state university external campus, monitoring implementation, wrote many letters requesting for approvals, faced interview in a television network, joining meeting called by the mayor's office and so many more.

The main point is, my life changed as fast as that from a university professor in the field of psychology (though I am still handling the subject) to the nitty gritty of leading the senior high school.  Thus, the usual, going home from work has changed from leaving home so early to coming home at night.  The pressures at work has consumed me that at one point I had to decide to be off from work for a day just to take a rest and just be with my little girl.  

There are sacrifices to do.  I have to always remind myself to balance work and family life.  At my end, I feel that when I am home, it means really home and not touch any of my work.  There are weekends when I just have to linger with my husband and daughter ...mostly with my daughter.  Though I have time with my husband sometimes watch movie together and eat out.  But I always think bringing along my daughter and of course really doing it.  

I had to make time.  To consciously make time for my family.  My daughter is such a sweet girl and I feel her when she just wraps her arms around me, clings for few minutes and totally feel her longing of my presences.  The brief moment we have and my husband is such a beautiful ...so wonderful time that I could simply be lost and forget about work. Thank you God for the simple love and gift of family.

Truly balancing entails conscious effort but it is never such a struggled stride.  Just a transition from the busy work to the most comforting loving home you gave me and my family.:-)

My 41st Birthday

I never made any announcement nor remind anyone about my birthday.  I just simply wanted to feel what it would be like when anything about my person will not be really given attention to or focused on. At first I felt strange.  Yet, I guess i wanted to tame myself more and be away from "limelight".  The grace to be silent and insignificant was what I remember I asked from God before my birthday.

My family members knew about it already so I never made any extra effort for that. And of course they remember me ...always.  And a friend priest - Fr. Roger Gabac, SSJV sent his private message at facebook.  

Before I loved so much the attention.  Sssshhh wait... I still like it now but not really giving it much attention so that I would forget simplicity and "insignificance".  

I appreciate so much "silence".  It gives me more time to forming and reforming how I was shaped by my ego from the previous years.  I loved being acknowledged with my achievements.  Yet, I love it even better when others will not give me importance or treat me kindly because of my achievements.  I know that well in my heart.  

Now for my birthday -  January 8, 2015,  I woke up with the feeling that it was special for me whispering prayers of thanksgiving before God and prepared breakfast. When my husband woke up, he gave me the warmest hug and kiss (hmmm I love it so much being wrapped in his arms).

He wanted us to have a dinner date with our daughter but I suggested that we will just buy food and have it at home shared with my neighbor's sister's family.  When I arrived at school, nobody knew about it so I kept my silence and went ahead with preparing and teaching my students (  I always have fun with my students).

At lunch time, I had a date at mass with the Lord.  That was the highlight of my day, celebrating it in prayer to God with glitters of thanksgiving.  Hmmm now the question is "did ask for a gift?".  I did.  I told Him about it the day before my birthday.  Another question..."do I have enough faith to believe that He will grant it?".  Hmmmm that is one of the most difficult part.  I need God's grace to strengthen my faith so that I will just simply believe and let go.  Hmmm my last question..."what if what I asked for is not really for me?"....My answer..."It will never stop my friendship with God:-)"

The night simply ended with the regular walking with my daughter and husband.  I love the sound of my daughter's giggles when she's brought out of the house. ( I was just worried when we realized that my daughter was no longer wearing one shoe and we had to look for it before we went back to our house.)  The excitement with just being us...rather the excitement of having both of them is the greatest birthday gift of all. 

Thank you God.  Thank you God for another year of my life.  Thank you God for your generosity, for your blessings, abundance, patience ....hmmm etcetera hehehehe.  I love you sooooo much...:-) ...Hmmm i get that ...you made me feel that first...:-0

  

Teach Yourself Humility

Let me share with you first a story of a boy who aspired to join a football team in school.  He joined a try out several times over to no avail. When he reached high school,  a coach gave him a chance on a reserve, always sitting on the bench while the rest of team went in and out of the field for the game. He never complained about his situation. Instead, he focused on harnessing his skill on the field joining practices.

Well, at your end you might as well suggest for him to give up on his dream.  Yet and still...again and again he never missed to join the practices. When he reached college, still he was taken in by the football coach but on the same position, that is a bench player.  

On the last year of his college life, his father died during the time when their team was  playing the championship game over the weekend.  His coach allowed him to go home for the funeral yet was just shocked to see him coming back so soon willing and eager to join his team for the game.  

In the middle of the game, 3 players were already injured.  There was an urgent need for replacement such that his coach was forced to allow him to get in.  And soon enough and with all his might, he raced through the field, running like the best player that has ever stepped on the field. The audience went wild.  His teammates were stunned as they saw him run, glide and managed to get through barriers until he shot the ball at the goal.

His coach approached him at one corner after the game so silent and asked about his silence with praises with what he displayed during the game.  And he said that he did it for his father that will only get to see him for the first time play since all the while he was blind when he was alive and his death may mean that he could see him play..

My point is ...humility.  The very player that was suspected to have not possessed the skill to be able to compete and play has become the best player ever that brought the win for the team during the championship game.

Humility from experience would invite us to keep and practice the following :

1. Silence

Being humble would entail a lot of silence. Like that of the football player that never complained about not being given yet the chance to get into the field. He waited in silence.  He waited for his time.

There are situations when we will be challenged to practice humility.  I remember when I was asked to give a talk to  a group of counselors in a region.  I was seated beside someone I know who was complaining about the factsheets prepared by the speaker.  All the while that she was so vocal about this,  she did not know that I was the one assigned for that talk.  I just simply commented " I will just discuss further each point".  So she realized that I was the next speaker.  I will not discuss further how she looked at me when I started my discussion.   

Silence entails a lot of listening.  It means more than excitedly blurting out complains or responses to people like what I did.   It would entail waiting for the right time to speak or the right time to be allowed to play, or waiting for the right opportunity for promotions,  etc. ....Silence entails a lot of waiting...for another person in your life to see the truth, to realize, to grow ... 

It also means being like a "Sponge".  When you silence yourself  you  absorb a lot such as feedback from others (positive or not). Learning and wisdom come easily to those who are willing to learn in silence and be like that of a sponge.

2. Acceptance

We desire so many things such as getting some brand new stuffs, a house and lot, latest brand of car, clothes, shoes, gadgets like cellphone, television, etc. and we feel frustrated at times when we don't get them.  Or when situations are not the way we want them.... You want to know what would happen if we fail to accept? We get discouraged or frustrated.  Some would lose the motivation to move on.    It will become a personal issue.  And when it becomes that, we would become bitter at not having the things we want so much. 

But, for a humble person, acceptance is a delight. It means letting go and move on.  It means looking at what you've got to thank for.  It means settling down and delighting with what life is offering him at the moment.  It means embracing life, being joyful while he is hopeful for so many wonderful things ...blessings to come in his life.  It means respecting God's will while staying faithful with what has to be done.  It means leaving them in the hands of God and the wisdom behind why things have to happen without even knowing why at the moment.  Acceptance according to Dr. Wayne Dyer means "YOU DO NOTHING".

3. Prayer

Prayer is the most wasted part of us being human.  At my end, I see it as an opportunity to submit...a real opportunity to be humble.  In fact prayer is an act of humility.  A person that prays is a person that embraces Someone higher than himself.  It means presenting myself and consulting  that Someone,- God himself in everything. 

It is difficult for a proud person to be silent, be like a sponge, accept and pray.  One can get into trouble easily especially when he or she is in front of proud people for they may get into proving and disproving each other.  But when he is with the humble ones, he is safe except that he may realize later that he or she may need to straighten or polish himself a bit.  

You see...prayer is the most important part.  You know why?  Silence and acceptance are its fruits.  Ultimately, if we want to learn humility we start with stretching our arms before God...kneel down ...and pray... so you can just waste your time...with God...in prayer...He loves company...and he loves the humbles ones.

What do you think?  Can you relate with it? 

The Sacrament of Waiting (By: Fr. James Donelan, S.J.)

The following was one of my favorites...hmmm when I was single.  I happen to browse the net for it since I was so desperate when I tried to look for the book that had it but to no avail.  Please devour:-) 

http://www.irisys.co.uk/blog/bid/58260/8-ways-to-reduce-queuing-time-in-retail-stores

The English poet John Milton wrote that those who serve only also stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts that all the greatest deeds of deering-do go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery – a natural sacrament of life – there is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting (testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in self-control.) We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend to call or show up for a date. We wait in line at cinemas and theaters, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations and bus depots are great temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one – or wait in sadness to say goodbye and give the last wave of hand. We wait for springs to come – or autumn – for the rains to begin and stop.

And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next stop.

We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success and recognition. We wait to grow up – to reach the stage where we make our own decisions. We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is a part of the tapestry of living – the fabric in which the threads are woven to tell the story of our lives.

Yet current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait “grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America’s greatest beer ads get it now! Instant pleasure, instant transcendence. Do not wait for anything. Life is short – eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow you will die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom – pre-marital sex and extra marital affairs – they warn against attachments and commitments – against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us – against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure – but even that is fleeting and doubtful – what was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure – “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Not if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, soul as well as heart, we have to learn to wait. For if we never learn to wait, we will never learn to love someone other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery, brushing by our face everyday like a stray wind of leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has loved knows how much waiting goes into it – how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this? Why can we not have it right now what we so desperately want and need? Why must we wait – two years, three years – and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit – the seed to flower – carbon to change to diamond.

There is no simple answer – no more than there is to life’s other demands -having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have made other commitments; or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives – having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your own path – good-byes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth – the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other a time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting – of being present without asking demands and rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It truly tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other – until they can see things the same way or let each other freely see things in quite different ways.

There are times when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance of intimacy of the way they were. They have to wait – in silence but still present to each other – until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait; when we try to find shortcuts through life – when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of truly loving or of being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature – isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with this strange but common mystery – that waiting is part of the substance – the basic fabric against which the story of that true love is written.

How can we ever find either life or true love if we are too impatient to

wait for it?

***********************************

Waiting is a good thing only if something is worth waiting for.

How will you know if it’s worth it? Gut feel.

What if you don’t trust your gut? Pray. You will be enlightened. Trust me.

Is it wrong to expect while waiting? It’s not wrong, but it will increase your chances of heartbreak and disappointment if things don’t work out in the end.

Is it good to expect while waiting? It is better to HOPE.

What’s the difference between hoping and expecting? HOPING means you’re open to either side of the coin landing though you’re more inclined to believe that things will turn out well. EXPECTING means you’re thinking single-track…which won’t do you much good at all.

What’s the difference between waiting and expecting? EXPECTING is waiting for something TO DEFINITELY HAPPEN. WAITING is staying where you are, but not necessarily expecting something to happen definitely.

Do you need assurance from someone you’re waiting for while you’re waiting? Ideally, yes. But realistically, do you really want assurance from this person? It’s so easy to just point at something and make that the reason why you’re waiting (“Because she said…” “Because he told me that…”).

With WAITING, all you really can rely on are 3 things: your gut feel, your heart and mind. Just YOURSELF, not anyone else.

So should you wait? What does your gut say? How does your heart feel? What does your mind think? If they’re saying different things, keep asking yourself these 3 questions (and pray!) until you get a solid answer.

THEN you’ll know if he or she is worth waiting for.

A Morning Of Awakening

http://kevinplarson.com/category/articles/theology/

I brought my daughter out of the house this morning just to get some early morning fresh air and sunshine.  I rarely do this on a weekend yet it was something that I needed to do since she was not really such in a good mood that I had to bring her out of the house.  I felt though a sudden shift of mood as she gave me that excited shout and giggle while she traced her steps on the street slowly until we reached the end of the street.

From there, I was a bit bothered by what I saw…3 kids collecting garbage. The other one is of the same age as my daughter.  I was throwing them questions like “from where are you, where is your mother, etc.”.  I then tried to ignore them as I decided to focus on my daughter.  I was ushering my daughter to come with me so that we could take the stroller this time.  We decided to again pass by them.  This time I saw the little boy of Mikaela’s age placed inside the box like that of a dog.  What was so disturbing for me was that the boy was so dirty and without pants.  I took a deep breath and held myself while we passed by them.  I tried to focus and entertain my daughter and again we passed by them so that we could finally go home this time. 

When I reached the gate, I finally declared that I will at least do something to help in anyway I can.  I brought in my daughter, placed her inside her crib and requested my husband to take over for a while.  I then announced what I would do and that it won’t take long. 

I thought since they were collecting garbage, I could gather all the empty water containers and give it to them.  The desire to help progressed such that I went to my bag and got some cash.  I wanted to give the money to the eldest.  Yet when I got near them, the baby was crying which made me ask if they had breakfast.  I got a negative answer at that so brought them to the carenderia across the street and requested that the three kids be allowed to sit and be served. 

I guess I shocked the entire “workforce” at that.  One of them (one of my friends in the area)  joked to the other customer stating that I am the manager of DSWD starting to pick up some kids in the street.  Hmmm I joined them in that joke yet we all continued with choosing food for them and so they ate.  I paid the bills and gave the change to the eldest.

I went back home and met my husband that was asking me about what happened.  I could not give him all the details yet not until I was done.  Again, I shocked my husband when I got a one of Mikaela’s, short pants and a white clothe which I damped with water, squeezed and gave it to the eldest instructing her to clean up her brothers after they eat and let the youngest wear the pants. 

I decided to leave that carenderia with that simple joy in my heart yet so sad realizing how poverty can be so devastating and disturbing.  When I got I home narrated everything to my husband.  And I told him, it was the realization and an awakening when my eyes travelled from them to Mikaela and back to them.  The realization that we have taken good care of our daughter.  And this Saturday morning,  she went out of the house fresh from bath, wore fresh clothes, ate her breakfast and drank her milk and vitamins and that seeing those kids without their mother or father or parents taking care of them.  I was made to ask the  following questions :  where are their parents?  Why are they looking for food at an early morning?  Why do they have to work for themselves so that they can eat?  Again…where are their parents? ohhhhh huhuh.

When I did some short interview, the eldest told me that their mother is also out on the other subdivision to get some garbage.  There are 5 of them children that do not go to school since their parents could not afford it.  I was so heartbroken.  When I became a mother, I started to feel  the pain of children not being taken cared of by their parents.  I feel the pain of children being  abandoned due to parents’ selfishness and immaturity.  I feels so much that I realize, I could do something in my own little way.  And I could do some trickles of kindness in my own state.

After all the narrating that I did to my husband, he said "that’s why corrupt government officials have to go to jail".  And I said…that is a big OUCH!!!

DESIRE NOT TO BE KNOWN

http://www.mosta2bal.com/vb/showthread.php?t=1634

I had a chance to come across one Dominican priest through one of our Values Education books.  His name was Fr. Anthony Holfstee.  He faithfully served in a Leprosarium in Caloocan city Manila, Philippines for 37 years and refused that he would be interviewed stating “there is no use to write about my life, God knows what I did” ( I hope I translated it right…the book was written in Filipino – Sulo 1).

Let me share a little about the desire not to be known.  Hmmmm…my version… I did not like to write few years back because I did not want to be known.  I had impure thoughts.  I fear people talking about me.  I felt that if I would write, others may only find faults about me.  And I did not want that.  I want to preserve the smooth version of self….the safer side.  I felt that doing that was more appropriate and I could just remain silent all my life.

I realize from that version that it was not really the true desire not to be known but the fear of those prying eyes and opinionated individuals that will only find flaws about me.  With Fr. Holfstee, I feel it to be a holy desire.  Something that sprang from prayer, humility and more than anything a grace given my God to desire “not to be known”. 

The truth was, my selfish self wanted to be known.  I wanted so much people to know about my achievements.  When someone would set me aside or when I was not entertained in a particular office or when someone favoured more the other over me in certain life’s circumstance, I wanted to be known or shout at the top of my voice just to be heard and known that “I am not what you think I am or that I could do more than what you think I could”. 

Lo and behold…God shared me that grace…to simply desire not to be known…that is why I am shutting off this blog site.  Because I don’t want to go futher…hmmm just joking…I can see you eyes bulging and going out.  Hahahha…I will never do that.  Just the desire not to be known…that’s all…hmmm I can see you not satisfied. 

Desire not to be known.  How will I put it in my context?  I could say it is so hard given that I am keeping this blog site and it may not at all relate with that Dominican priest’s desire.  How do I resolve and meet up then with that?  When I read about that priest, I declared it to be a rare gift given the current times venues where you could easily publish yourself with different networking sites.  And I truly say it to be a Divine grace that comes only from a continuous contact and union with God.  At my end let it be me desire to slowly forget myself more so that I may continue to declare God’s goodness through the may victories I have in His name.  May my writings be centred to Him that gave me the gift to write.  May all those that drop by and read the writings in this site be more God-conscious forget more themselves….Amen…

God bless you all in your journey:-)