DESIRE NOT TO BE KNOWN

http://www.mosta2bal.com/vb/showthread.php?t=1634

I had a chance to come across one Dominican priest through one of our Values Education books.  His name was Fr. Anthony Holfstee.  He faithfully served in a Leprosarium in Caloocan city Manila, Philippines for 37 years and refused that he would be interviewed stating “there is no use to write about my life, God knows what I did” ( I hope I translated it right…the book was written in Filipino – Sulo 1).

Let me share a little about the desire not to be known.  Hmmmm…my version… I did not like to write few years back because I did not want to be known.  I had impure thoughts.  I fear people talking about me.  I felt that if I would write, others may only find faults about me.  And I did not want that.  I want to preserve the smooth version of self….the safer side.  I felt that doing that was more appropriate and I could just remain silent all my life.

I realize from that version that it was not really the true desire not to be known but the fear of those prying eyes and opinionated individuals that will only find flaws about me.  With Fr. Holfstee, I feel it to be a holy desire.  Something that sprang from prayer, humility and more than anything a grace given my God to desire “not to be known”. 

The truth was, my selfish self wanted to be known.  I wanted so much people to know about my achievements.  When someone would set me aside or when I was not entertained in a particular office or when someone favoured more the other over me in certain life’s circumstance, I wanted to be known or shout at the top of my voice just to be heard and known that “I am not what you think I am or that I could do more than what you think I could”. 

Lo and behold…God shared me that grace…to simply desire not to be known…that is why I am shutting off this blog site.  Because I don’t want to go futher…hmmm just joking…I can see you eyes bulging and going out.  Hahahha…I will never do that.  Just the desire not to be known…that’s all…hmmm I can see you not satisfied. 

Desire not to be known.  How will I put it in my context?  I could say it is so hard given that I am keeping this blog site and it may not at all relate with that Dominican priest’s desire.  How do I resolve and meet up then with that?  When I read about that priest, I declared it to be a rare gift given the current times venues where you could easily publish yourself with different networking sites.  And I truly say it to be a Divine grace that comes only from a continuous contact and union with God.  At my end let it be me desire to slowly forget myself more so that I may continue to declare God’s goodness through the may victories I have in His name.  May my writings be centred to Him that gave me the gift to write.  May all those that drop by and read the writings in this site be more God-conscious forget more themselves….Amen…

God bless you all in your journey:-)