It's THE...CHRONICLER...

When You "Don't Like" Your Boss

http://vannuys.olx.com/sales-reps-trainers-and-managers-iid-65658541

“Liking”  is  so much associated with emotion.  Emotions  go up and down and do some twists and turns.  Working with someone should not follow that way.  Someone can mean anyone in the workplace.

Let’s be more specific and that would be working with your boss, supervisor or manager or someone in the high ladder for the company to whom you would particularly submit yourself.  Your boss expects or may expect of you a lot from you.  But does your boss meet your expectations or what you expect of him?

So what if he does not meet your set of “so called” standards?  What if you got into your workplace with the following descriptions of your leader :

1.       Very disorganized

2.      Biased with evaluation

3.      Highly emotional and seem to spill “fire” everytime he talks

4.       Hungry with going up the ladder that projects as if the department accomplishments are his and his alone

5.      Does not seem to like having a department meeting or communicating necessary information that needed to be communicated to department members

6.      Does not appreciate your effort and positive contribution to the department

7.      Always absent

...and a lot more... and so you say ...”grrrrr why is this person in the position?”.  You stretch your patience to the limit that everyday working with this person is like carrying the buckets, loads of  big trucks of rocks all placed on your shoulders.  Just joking.  But really there are those inviduals that have really suffered so much working with these behaviors of leaders.  

Sadly also, working with someone or anyone is not about ”liking”.  You are primarily hired to do your job.   If we happen to like our leaders, I would call it a”bonus”.  Also, if your intention or motive of working is clear with you such that your work achieves so much of the purpose to which you were put into this world then the character or behavior of your leader won’t shake you a bit. 

This one secret I should tell you...nobody should stop you from doing good and to positively influence and affect the lives of others.  If a teacher doing his job well led to inspiring lots of students or if a simple laborer in a company led to others to a realization of valuing their work like that of a food chain crew that sings and dances while entertaining her customers.  Then that is making a defference by itself.

 If being pist off with one leader would pull your work performance down then you have allowed yourself to be a victim to the ”tempation” of being indifferent and some other negative emotions that would deviate you from your true prupose. 

And I should say, your ultimate purpose is ”to make a difference and to positively affect lives of others wherever you are”.  One poster I saw in the past says...”Grow where you are planted”.  Quite a mouthful but does that make sense to you?

Again going back to your boss...whether you like it or not, he is your boss.  You work with him for the company.  My own sister bluntly reminded me during my first year of work ...” He does not give you your paycheck.  So go ahead continue to work.  Do not allow him to ruin your career or the purpose to which you are called to do.”

If one day you decide to leave your job, it should not be because your feel being opressed by your boss or leader.  It should be because you feel you want to move on and you are able to find a better place where you could best share yourself in service to others. 

I did experience the same thing.  And I felt at firts I had no choice but to go on working.  Everyday was like an unconscious desire for independence.  That was to pull away and perhaps submit my resignation one day.  I really did that in the end to give in to the growing restlessness in my heart.

Before I close this part, let me share with you something that caught me by surprise.  I know of someone who despite the effort of his boss ( I guess he has a good leader compared to others that I know of ) to reach out, he does not like him still.  You know why?  He sees his boss as his competitor. 

Hmmm, he is aiming to climb the ladder fast and wanted to at least do away with his boss leading him to do all types of havoc or shall I say ”commotions” of negative talks in the department just to ruin the reputation of his leader.  Wow such a brave soul to do that. 

Well...what about you?  what challenges would you be willing to face in your workplaces related to the leadership of you bosses?  

Thanks for dropping by my friends..God bless you all!!!

The Three P's

Passion, Potential and Purpose.  That's what the three P's stand for.  They are not originally mine.  I got them from a famous preacher, author and writer Bo Sanchez (great writer). He has not completed the three topics yet in his blog site (http://bosanchez.ph/category/blogs/).  But I feel I'll do my own reflection here from his writing.  I and my husband are followers to this great man because he makes so much sense in a lot of ways.  Very gifted:-)

To start with, I have written months back about Passion (soon it will come out not really in a blog form...you will know :-)).  Passion for me is really "fire".  Something that's really fiery that propels one to do something and explore.  Bo Sanchez also describe this as something that you really, really love doing.    

From my standpoint, I was led to explore mine through a Jesuit priest named Fr. Frank Savadera, SJ.  He had this sort of subtle way of telling me to start blogging.  Over and over again I resisted the idea.  

Since my college years, I was into giving talks and facilitating trainings and workshops.  I wrote and prepared lots of them too.  I started to get the hint that when I see a need, I can readily respond to it by designing something that would facilitate learning.  Can you imagine having that "third eye" that sees beyond the physical?  That is what I have.  

One time in college I joined a seminar with Fr. Bulatao, SJ from Ateneo de Manila.  He just sort of mentioned "Look at your hand (with its movement)....it says 'I am a teacher'. "   In my mind, I ran the question "How can that be? "...I am not a teacher."  What I really meant that time was my course was BS Psychology not BS Education ( wisdom crept on me later that I don't have to be a BS Education graduate to be a teacher).

You see, I love standing before an audience (though at first i get cold knees and feet hehehe).   But I seem to have a grip of my audience and I felt that I can easily come across and be "lost" with them.  I laugh, cry with them, listen to their stories and talk to them even after the seminars, workshops or trainings.  I just feel soooo passionate being with them.  

Then time came that I did not much of those opportunities to give trainings.  Still the desire to reach out was so "alive".  I just felt so lost not being able to do what I used to be doing.  And when Fr. Frank sort of invited me to write, I slowly responded to it.  I felt something ....somewhere within has found a new path to reach out.  And I love it....I like so much writing that when I touch the keyboard on my computer, it would lead me to write and write and write...and write (hahaha OO nga write...:-). 

Oh the second P...for Potential.  Yes, I do have the potential. Though I underestimated myself over and over again when I was in high school that I was a bad writer and so insecure with myself that I could hardly find words...heavy ones that I thought writing should be that hard.  I did not know then that the use of heavy words won't be very attractive to a whole wide audiences.  Hmmm realizing that was my redemtion.  

That's why right now I am still writing.  And don't get to pressure myself to produce articles with overflowing heavy words that a reader need to have on his side a dictionary or thesaurus.  Hahaha I don't want to burden my audience in that.  Those who are really great writers and editors may say that I write so free and spontaneous that a lot of editors may perhaps give up on editing my work:-(.  But thanks be to God...if someone would really come and truly commit doing the "forest-like" (if there is such a word) writing that I have...hahahha...

One day in a not so remote past, I thought I could compile my notes and publish a book.  One thing also that grew with my writing was faith.  Faith that anything is possible with God.  I just sort of feeling it that I am slowly aligning myself to my own calling - my Purpose .  

I know in my heart that there is NO OTHER PURPOSE that OUR GOD designed for all of us (endowed with varied gifts and capacities) but to GLORIFY HIM IN ALL THAT WE DO.  Other than that would be an interplay or shall I say the game of the ego and self - glorification.

Who among us does not want to be acknowledged anyway.  I love it.  In fact my facebook account sometimes or a lot of times is my venue to be acknowledged and I am able to do the same acknowledgement to my friends.  Again, I love the attention.  But my gift...my core gift that is writing...always bring me back to the TRUE message that is...to let God be known sometimes with subtle shades to the most honest to goodness messages that I realize may not be so attractive to those that may still want to stay in grey areas.

I am not perfect in my craft.  But I keep on improving.  I keep my own "editing" carrying only one standard through the question "Am I truly sending the message?".  

Did I fail in sending "the MESSAGE".  A lot of times I did.  But I did try to send even in the subtlest article I write to send HIS MESSAGE.

PS.  One time in the past, I was so anxious at the thought that maybe only few will read my book or books...hahah but I then I shun it off saying and as simple as ..."It does not matter...I will just send the MESSAGE:-)"     

Hey...I am posting below Bo Sanchez blogs site on the following topics: (just click the links)

1.  Passion :  http://bosanchez.ph/are-you-aligned-with-your-passion/

2.  Potential :  http://bosanchez.ph/what-is-your-special-gift/

3.  Purpose...we will all wait for the third piece :-)

From a Neophyte Leader

grabbed from : linked2leadership.com

I had a beautiful phone conversation with Mike this morning. He stressed the difference between two types of employees. One is an average guy in terms of intelligence and skills. He just got in the the company fresh from a four-year course in college. Feeling the lack of experience, he maintains an open disposition. In fact, he considers every encounter in the workplace as a learning experience. Other than that also, he values relationship with people in the workplace side by side with learning the job.

The second guy is highly skilled, intelligent and has enough experience to make him thrive in his work in the company. Sadly, he has gone as far as overvaluing his capacities that he has closed himself to learning. Not only that, because of the drive to get to the top, he disregards people and relationships to get his way up.

Mike stressed further that, no matter how knowledgeable and intelligent one may be without virtues would fail him to complete the entire package of a successful employee in an organization.

Someone once told me that IQ (Intelligent Quotient)would make one get the job, EQ (Emotional Quotient / Intelligence) will make him thrive in the job and AQ (Adversity Quotient) will get him (amidst the turbulent water of competition and organizational politics) to the top of the job (he gets promoted).

True enough, one of the major exams that job applicants take is mental ability test or IQ. Lots of companies also include in the package Emotional intelligence exam. I have not really seen an AQ standardized exam yet, the results of these exams provide a very important feedback for management in hiring an employee.

What's my point in tackling this? i have such a challenging situation at work related to the kinds of employees i described above. I can call it a real problem to deal with and i felt that I fell short of anticipation for the future regarding previous decisions I made on hiring employees.

I would say at this time that it is with the second type of employee that i described above that I had the most difficulty dealing with. You know why? This employee can be too ambitious disregarding company policies by digging underground while creating a beautiful front. I tell you, this employee can ruin an entire department through intrigues and malicious talks.

Imagine many of this kind of employee...simple lang...well the organization will rot if not squarely attended with. Sometimes they have the art of telling you that they are not aware and tales of lies will be accounted by them to cover up and appear clean and manipulate others to the level of emotions...hehehe i always remind myself to focus on the behavior so that i could deal with kind objectively.

Lastly, I have just been a victim...verrrrrrrrry painful...I am a neophyte leader...I learned the hardest way...I just gave my trust and it led to betrayal...but the experience won't stop me from trusting...:-) I just need to be smarter the next time around...

At this point...i have a special note for the younger ones (naks tanda ko na)...just go slow...learn as much as you can...there is no hurry...if you want to get to the top... learn as many basics skills at the bottom. Learn the beautiful art of Emotional Intelligence. Be sincere and honest with your dealings and more than anything...even if you have learned many things...it is still good to be humble.

Mike told me the art of scientists. If they want to gain knowledge and wisdom they EMPTY their minds and hearts...they claim they know nothing...and so in this realm, they discover the wonder of not knowing through the bountiful revelations and unlimited supply of that knowledge (hehe baka pupunta na ako sa topics ng science stop na muna hahahahha).

Young ones...pakiusap lang...let's keep our feet flat on the ground if not... the most the we can do ...Let's bend and embrace humility...and don't forget hahhhaha God honors the older ones just like the way He honors you.... I promise you...you will see more of what you are looking for ...:-)

Lastly, I am a neophyte leader and i am painfully relating this ...from my OUCH!!! experience.

The Challenge of "Going Back"

http://www.dorana-studios.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Travel-2.jpg

I am currently doing a part time job being a Psychologist in a Medical laboratory.  Actually it is a consultancy thing.  The company has its own Psychometrician that runs  the Psychological testing.  Test interpretations are already built in the computer system.  My role is to check on clients that display behaviors that are not in the norm of the the test takers' population. So I get to write reports based on forwarded facts - odd behaviors displayed during testing, test results,  initial interviews, etc.  

Oh I like preparing Psychological reports.  I get to bring out what I learned in my years of formation and training. However, I find it more challenging to pursue and really finish my doctorate in Clinical / Counseling Psychology this time with a clear and humane motive of helping (that I get to delve deeply and checked myself so I may not just fall into the temptation of just getting a degree for "title"- sake).

When my friend Rodel started dropping by the house last June and the succeeding ones a week visits to share with me how he was doing with his volunteer work at a Rehabilitation Center for Drug Dependents, I saw how his own effort, sacrifice and venture had reaped series of  life-changing programs in his place.  Because of that and being a part-time Psychologist - consultant in a  medical laboratory has led me to seriously consider going back into the field.  

  

I believe there is no accident.   These exposures and encounters just came unexpectedly and I thought "why go back to it?"....  I love what I am doing right now -  assessing and preparing Psychological reports (while I prepare to become a mom soon)  Oh so beautiful...:-) 

...And looking forward to going back to school ... part time :-) 

Taking An Unpopular Path

It has been almost two weeks since I practically stopped working from my full time job as Training Officer in a company.   It was not an easy exit though but I had to as agreed  upon (between me and my husband).   My resignation was supposed to be effective on  May 31,  but I was requested by the top management to extend by the end of June.  

 But then again, I could no longer hold myself over some situations (hehe)  that I had to  request for my doctor’s intervention regarding this matter (good thing my doctor understood me full well) and I gloriously got my full term’s rest…that would mean, until I deliver my baby (but that doesn’t mean going back to my previous company). 

What’s for me at this time?  Being alone in the house lately and having a lot of time to figure out how things would be at my end,  gives me the most of freedom to explore where I am.  I tried looking back and counted my blessings of the past 4 years that I was out in the academe (which I thought at first I would regret for the rest of my life :-) ). 

Blessings such as :

1.       Went to US twice, met people (different kinds of people) and got so exposed with a of things

2.      Worked in the corporate twice

3.      Had the opportunity to lead at least for the majority of the four years ( at last I was able to conquer my fear in leading)

4.      Had the privilege of being assisted by two great Jesuit priests  (Fr. Norlan and Fr. Frank) who opened my doors  to my life’s passion (writing)

5.      Opened this blog site as my self expressions and was able to extend myself at least and in the little wisdom I gathered from experience to friends and even to beautiful guests from throughout the world that hop into my blog site (thanks so much to all of you…I feel so honored and humbled at such gesture and initiative of your visits).

6.      Started an Advocacy called Joyfully Hopeful supported by a Jesuit priest Fr. Frank now shared between me and my husband through the shirts and other products (though this one has not really moved forward yet at this time yet…I can see its future:-) )

7.      Explored and started to venture into business 

8.      Got married  last year (at last hahahahah) despite the many challenges

9.      Now nearing my 7^th month of pregnancy ( a little girl due by September)

10. Miracle of all miracles, I have started compiling some of my most read blogs – from the funniest to ….what would you say…the most heart breaking moments of my journey and put it into a book (actually I did not really think of these until some readers have noticed its impact and have started “tempting” me to publish them:-) ….this one keeps me really "crazy" on top of my keyboard lately putting things together plus another book on career taken from my journey with different employers).

11. I have intruded lives two probable editors …you see I have the tendency to overwrite.  I need that doze of downsizing with words.  I really want it sound conversational and with personal touch’

12. It is by grace that I do not worry if people will buy it or not.  I could worry less of that.  You see, when you get to receive an invitation to write from the heavens (I hope I listened right hehehe), you could worry less or not worry at all about people buying it.  I consider it already a grace to be able to share myself:-) )… 

I just don’t want to live  a life with regret in the future carrying the thoughts “what if I published it?  What if I had done this…so many what ifs”…I don’t want or need that anymore (and I could worry less about what people would think of it”.  That thing is …I just want to go crazy with letting it out and have fun that my books are out there… with the thought that “at least there may be one soul today that may be touched…that is heaven for me already”…  there is no hurry at all…(life is just too beautiful to rush right? :-)

13. A confession though…  I am not really totally unemployed, as I was taken by a Medical laboratory as Psychologist working part time  so  I need not be in the office unless special cases would require my presence.  All other things such as test administrations are done by a  Psychometrician and I love the freedom that this job is giving me.  

14.  Now a wife and soon – to – be mom,  I have a husband that is so “obsessed” with taking good care of “us”  -  I and the  little girl in my tummy.  I just feel sometimes like having a bodyguard keeping watch with what I eat, vitamins that I take in and the daily routine walk that we do take together (I mean the three of us hehehe).  

Well did I mention already a negotiation that took place between me and my husband?  At least with his support, he promised that I could get back on course including my Post graduate studies.  But even then, I am very open to whatever movements and direction that the decision I made  would take me.  I feel confident of the promise that I took before God as to taking care of my family  ....balancing it with career… I just want our beautiful gift – little girl (hopefully by the name of Maria Mikaela) be taken cared of in the next 3 months in my womb and have her come out by September.

Huwwwooooosh…I need that doooze of breath and strength to push hahahhaha …God is with us:-)

The Word "Discernment"

http://healing.about.com/b/2010/07/14/discernment.htm

I have been consulted by some friends with many things (great privilege...i dont know what they see in me....lie...i know what they see hahahhahhaha). The more when they make major decisions. Major decisions include taking a new route such as getting married, accepting job offer, breaking up with a boyfriend, saying yes to a new guy, buying that house, contents of speech to deliver, etc.

Why did they come for assistance? I see one common thing. They are confused with varied options displayed before them. The more when options are all good, pleasing, exciting, beneficial... anything that brings in good "tidings" to the self or loved ones.

"Discernment" is my word for this blog. From an online dictionary (thinkexist.com) it means "The power or faculty of the mind by which it distinguishes one thing from another; power of viewing differences in objects, and their relations and tendencies; penetrative and discriminate mental vision; acuteness; sagacity; insight; as, the errors of youth often proceed from the want of discernment.

Huh, I get to "nose bleed" with the definition above. But again it is a mental faculty that does the discernment. Every thinking and its corresponding emotional response happen in the mind. What the heart feels is actually the mind's dictate from rational to emotional impact (EQ). This is a special faculty that sends the "twinkling" signal to the heart.

Here's an illustration. My friend asked for my assistance yesterday regarding which to pick between two jobs. Actually, he is still "in" with his 10-year job. Another opportunity came with a higher pay and benefits. When his employer learned about his intention to leave the company, they did all they can to convince him to stay. Well and good, they did it well and he decided to turn down the new offer. He then informed his boss about his decision to stay in the company.

The new company representative gave him a call when they learned about his decision and arranged a meeting with him to still convince him to take the offer. This made him more confused. That time I felt the sense of urgency for him.

Anyone in a middle of an urgent situation is restless. The person needs an answer and ultimately come up with the decision. With my friend, he put me in that hot spot of making me state my opinion.

Since opinion was asked, I did not give it outright. I asked him what he really wanted with his situation. In the first place he made his decision already to stay with the company. If he would alter that, that would be a question of "word of honor". That was my first challenge while I checked with his facial reaction and eyes while I said that. He was stunned with my answer.

Actually of course, he could still continue with meeting the new employer but again holding on to his decision which I thought may have not really been strongly founded since he kept on swinging given the motive why he still wanted to meet the prospective new employer (of course i did not want to curtail my friend from getting more information...but he could have arranged that meeting prior to making his decision for him to have complete details).

Ultimately, I told him, that what he was using was all analysis and that in discernment, even with complete information and he is still confused. That makes discernment not completed. He needed to listen to his heart (emotional mind - EQ). I led him into deciding where he would be best be comfortable, happy or where he could find himself extend the most of service. Or perhaps create that most difference and impact. And outright he mentioned, his old job. This time I already asked him to scrap and set aside all the benefits of both sides and to just look into this area alone.

I also mentioned that in life we will not be getting perfect answers in the process of searching. We will be tested as to the readiness of our hearts in taking all the challenges. Fear should not be a hindrance for deciding. When everything is taken and considered as learning and growing, fear is totally eliminated. I ended it with "i tell you...after you decide, there is still no assurance of a perfect answer, but i can assure you that you will grow as a person"... hahahah I took it from my own experience. Without regret realizing that my world became bigger, wider, and I grew so much in all aspects (except weight).

I guess my friend just opted to follow his heart. Which I felt to be such a strong foundation of his decision. And so that's it. The discernment was used not using plainly the rational mind, as defined in emotional intelligence. Rather, tapping the emotional mind in getting that "heart level" decision not really totally understood by the rational mind.

That's why one book i read just simply advised the readers to simply stop the thinking for a while and to address the emotional impact of the experience. Sometimes we just have to stop thinking to allow the process and weight of emotion to sink in and send its message. The heart / emotional mind is simply where the weight of soulful decision lies. Decisions that may be questionable or certain actions or practices in question but may truly led us to our true calling.

Discernment rests in our highest mental faculty that sends message to the human heart. What should I say? Ultimately, we follow our hearts:-)

Handling Difficult People in the Workplace

http://www.mccneb.edu/HMRL/

I grew up having to deal with a very strict and disciplinarian father. He was so tight with us going home late in the afternoon or at night, doing household assignment and chores, leaving home for any family rendezvous, going to Church, to the beach (as if an urgent thing to do on some Sundays), etc. I grew up keeping my anger inside me. More so when I experienced being hit by his belt due to my naughtiness (toinks…had lots of spanking when I was child).

I guess the eldest in the family copied the same strategy that my father imposed (I experienced the same fate from my own brother). The other members of the family were fine though, including my own mother. When I asked my own father about his style of disciplining us when I got a little older and braver to face him, he sadly said that he got the same treatment from his own father too, stating that perhaps he sort of learned the “style” from him.

When I started school – elementary, high school and college, I met difficult individuals too. But then, I found the greatest of challenge with my father.

When I started working, I thought I would skip having to meet people like them . Though they don’t beat me with belt ahhahaah), they sort of beat me or some others with words…harsh ones that I started to also notice they themselves seem to just say them without really being totally conscious at first with the words that came out from their mouth.

THE DESCRIPTIONS

Let me first describe some of them based on my direct encounters and sharings from colleagues and friends :

The "Complainer". This individuals seem to catch up or perceive everything around them as negative. From the weather, salary, co workers, type of work they are doing, attitude of people they associate with, family members, company operation, including themselves, etc. You seem to be getting that freshly baked smoke of negative “aura” everytime they talk and complain just about anything around and within them.

The "Gossip". Well these are individuals who seem to be so updated with everything about lives of people, fashion, lifestyle, and the latest from show business, etc. They laugh, criticize, question, appreciate so less, picking stories with ohhs and ahhs creating a festive atmosphere of the lives of others more than anything.

The “Reactive”. These are individuals who seem to have difficulty getting the whole point and details of the story and so give their immediate judgment, assessment, reaction, etc. They exude immediate and “fiery” comments. These are individuals who seem to be low at patience moving into action at the site of any stimulating information. They may even interrupt discussion giving uncalled for comments. During meetings, they can monopolize the discussion with their exaggerated reactions over certain issues and concerns focusing more the discussions on argument rather than on alterative actions and solutions.

The “Credit Grabber” ( http://careerplanning.about.com). These are individuals who tend to monopolize the credit of success of certain projects. They like the “limelight”. Even the project was a product of a concerted effort, they like their names particularly mentioned. These individuals seem to not have the consciousness of team effort. They are the ambitious ones who want to be on top. In fact a lot of them want to go up fast regardless of how they would get to the top.

The ”Crabs”. Actually these individuals more or less seem to complement a lot to the “credit grabber”. Crabs by its nature, would pull each other down when the start climbing up. The “crabs” equally associating it to jealousy over another being given better opportunities, privileges, success, achievements, etc. They seem to project that image of claiming what they too deserve such that they would either consciously or unconsciously do things that my pull the other person down. They send the message that “you don’t deserve where you are so I would rather put you back to where you should be”.

Those I described above are the most common ones. As a child I thought the spanking from my father were the most difficult ones but as I was engaging myself with my workaday life, I thought of the many challenges of dealing with them.

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Here was how I dealt with these kinds of people though at first I felt infuriated by them most especially, the “gossip”, the “credit grabber”, the “crab” and the “reactive”.

Self- awareness (applying EQ by Goleman)

I dealt with myself in terms a full awareness with how these individuals emotionally affect me. I had to be consciously aware with my emotion so that I would be able to properly do something that would directly and properly respond with the situation. No matter how difficult I see to it that I get focused with what I should do to respond to the behavior shown to me even when I had to deliberately employ my SILENCE due to interest to listen or resistance.

The "Complainer"

I mostly listen. Though at times, I would agree with things being complained about but I would do my best not to add up anything to fuel or reinforce the person. When I listen, I feel more of understanding and compassion why they seem to have those complains. From my background being a guidance counselor, I could ask anything about background of the person so that I would understand better from where the person seem to get the sort of causes and “energy” that fuel the complaints.

Actually listening dissipates the energy of the complainer. Soon this person gets the balance and relaxes. When I project understanding, the person gets to relax. What if they come back? That’s the thing. Some of them keep on coming back because the positive feeling you radiate with them is so tempting and comforting to them. You give the positive vibes and they get attracted to it. Just give them the time. (One thing I see in me is that…I like to listen … as much as I like talking hahahhaha).

The “Gossip”.

This is the hard part. I admit it is so tempting. I sometimes buy the information they carry. But I get to throw questions to validate leading them to check the reality of their statement. Even if we both find the validity and truth of the gossip, I tend to ask in fact and a lot of times in a joke “what good will it do to us if we will know”. And we both laugh it out diverting the discussion to some topics more nourishing to us.

Total silence will not send a “supportive” message. Supporting would mean … the silence that projects understanding with the person’s behavior even when we know that with what he / she did there is no merit at all for his / her growth (though some really get to learn from experience). For all you know the person just needs someone to listen to him / her and just wanted to get your attention by starting with a gossip.

The information that this individual brought may not be “the exact message”. This person may be sending you the real “message” in between. That is why we need to be sharper to read beyond what is.

The “Reactive” 

 

This is like talking to myself prior to learning from experience. Having experienced a very “reactive” home environment. I became one too. But the same environment brought a great learning also in handling the same and like my own when I got to any workplace only that I went to the extreme passivity at first. When my father got so angry at home. I tend to be silent and let it cross over my head to the other side of my ears and off it goes without even recalling them. When I met the same individuals at work at first I used the same strategy just letting it pass the same way. And so anyone that would resemble any member of my family would get the same response – passivity and detachment.

 

Now, I am improving and learning better. I truly listen and select that most important ones or the good things I could use to help myself. I could choose now to set aside the non useful information despite the pain that I may be undergoing during the experience. During those moments that these individuals brought out things not well thought of, I still listen despite the emotional struggle. Of course I still tend to detach after but I get to rewind the things that I could use to learn from the experience.

 

I also send the message that… “I am not leveling of with your anger or buying any of your temper”… by being silent during the encounter but with a disposition that listens to the end. The greatest challenge for me is to thank the person after which I could hardly do but still I did try anyway.

 

Really difficult but still the listening part eases the tension and sort of relaxes the mood of the other sending still the message that I understand even with the displaced mood and anger.

The “Credit Grabber”

I applaud of course when these individuals are acknowledged despite the questioning in my mind. I shake their hands and sincerely bring the conversations to asking who work with them in that project, etc. to bring them to their consciousness sort of thing (hahahhaha). Fortunately there are those that are brought to light after that. But there are those that seem to can’t just wake up. So sad ha.

When I got to work with this kind of person, I decided not to work with him / her anymore. But when you work in the same department, you have no choice but to cooperate. I decided to leave him/ her to his / her glory and I keep my peace. Better at that than being tormented with getting noticed (hahhahaha).

The “Crabs”

Oh a lot of times, I did not know that I was being pulled down already. I was already victim to pulling down due to jealousy but I decided to keep my peace and focus on the job. This is a better way for me than keep fighting and grabbing individuals to their elbows to fight and defend oneself.

Internal office politics is kind of hurting. I have heard several individuals already held captives to this type of employees. I heard pains shed off but I found them helpless not being able to confront the culprits.

Sadly, from experience, the “crabs” won’t last. They always get back what they sow. And so, to deal with them I just focused on the job and worked as sincerely as I can (an advise already). With that, I could get noticed or may be not. I need not get the spotlight. I don't want either to get back on them such as finding a way to pull them down.

My suggestion would be...If there is a way that you could confront these individuals properly, the better. This one I support to be the best way at the same time move on to working our way towards accomplishing what we are expected to do.

 

And so this blog is like a full package of learning from my own home environment leading to the challenge of dealing with people in the workplace.

At the moment, I keep on learning the best way I could. But when all else is done with these individuals … I don’t do hands up. I continue relating.

My motto is …”not to give up on anyone” (including myself).

PS: My father and I are great friends now. I could easily talk to him about anything including how he dealt with us. With papa's age came growth also and wonderful realization being our father...