Why the repetition of the title? That is a cry from inside. That is my greatest desire at this time. I have so many things to do...being a wife (hmmm most neglected part...forgive me hon), mom (consumes most of my day), work (summer is almost ending and we are asked to report to work to do some cleaning and planning in school), my comprehensive exam in my post graduates studies which will happen this weekend and the following week and the writing of the dissertation research soon with perhaps some teaching load in the graduate school.
Am I crazy? hmmm crazier? I feel choked at times. We don't have anyone to assist us in the house and now I am doing so many things at the same time. I remember one time when i fed my daughter, i just allowed myself to cry while she was watching her ABCD and number videos. She might have felt my sobs in between that she checked on me and gave me that cute grin while i stopped my sobbed and dramatically changed my facial expression into a huge grin as if nothing happened.
I told my husband about it after that. And i just told him that i just wanted to cry to ease out that emptiness and tiredness that i felt. within.
While writing this, i am in the middle of the great plunge of digging my notes for my comprehensive exam. But since writing is theraphy for me, i hop from my notes to writing. And it SIMPLY made me relaxed...
Why am I into these things? I really trim down my engagements. Perhaps i could postpone dissertation or just write slowly while i enjoy the greatest part of my joy and happiness...MY FAMILY. I love my family so much. When things get complicated, i could always trace my eyes to that part of my life that gives a lot of meaning to what i am doing at the moment. A great inspiration at that. I could value less the others, desire to simplify and do something about it because i have a family to take care of. I want my heart to refocus. And that all others in my life are just decors. They don't really define me. I am just me...and I have a family to go home to. That is what I am thanking God for at the moment:-)
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