"Insist" to Stay Positive - Part 2

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Well, I haven’t really shared here yet, that when I got back here in the Philippines the first time, I left my job in the university to shift to another career – Human Resource and I was disillusioned after 3 months not finding myself fitting to the challenges of the work. I found myself a much better option to go back to the university under the assistance of 2 Jesuit priests (president and vice president themselves) but to no avail. I was heartbroken and left again for the US.

My second come back here in the country made me leap into a spiritual direction – this time with more “grilling” with Fr. Frank, SJ (the first part was by Fr. Norlan, SJ). While I continued with it, I found a job related to training employees of a company as I searched more of myself. I was ready to plunge into anything. While the Joyfully Hopeful shirts were produced I started blogging. I found myself a great past time from where I was and am still able to extend myself to others.

On and off the season for writing, I found myself going back to it (writing). When I found myself beautiful books to devour by Dr. Wayne dyer’s ( Manifest your Destiny, There is Spiritual Solution to Every Problem and The Power of Intention), the way I look at things, events, people and the insistence on being positive with life are the greatest contributions of the books.

From the title of my blog, one may get an impression of a struggle since I use the word “insist”. I used such to give emphasis on not being carried away by all the things that our mind tends to process and interpret without checking reality. And even if reality is as it is. We can still insist (deliberately) and decide not to be emotionally carried with it.

My life has been a decision every day to live most of life. I “insist” on the following positive things that I can live for on a daily basis :

1. What has happened yesterday is over, I can start again today

2. I will continue to forgive the soonest

3. I will try to as much as I can radiate love than anger and hate

4. I love surrounding myself with positive people and things such as books, songs, activities, meditation (this time with my husband…heheheh we are now becoming partners to a lot of things)

5. I create crazy things in my mind to imagine good things to happen and all beautiful possibilities just to create a new path in my brain that was conditioned to capture the negatives

I decide every day to stay on the positive side though I feel several of those tempting negative emotion (this should not be misinterpreted as suppressing emotions…you may read my other blog on this site entitled EMOTIONS AND EQ- November 11, 2010). Lately, I got so inspired also when I read about a man named Matthieu Ricard featured at Reader’s Digest Asia in January 2011 as the Happiest Man in the World. His biography states that he is an author, photographer, former molecular geneticist, researcher, and devout Buddhist monk, and translator for Dalai Lama.

How did he get such a title? The most remarkable feature of this man is the fact that he had been practicing meditation for more than 35 years now. After those years, Ricard has become proficient in controlling his mind. Let me quote Readers’ Digest – Asia (January 2011) …”Looking inward to find joy rather than relying on external conditions he believes is the way to achieve contentment and wellbeing: ‘it is quite clear that the outer conditions are not enough. The way we interpret and translate those outer conditions in our inner experience is what determines either a sense of well being or misery”.

He added further that Ego and self-centeredness ..” are the biggest threats to true happiness” (well you could check out also my blog on Ego - August 30, 2011- just type in the search box) as I quoted Dr. Wayne Dyer with how he describes how it works).

Well, I may have too many things here but as I recounted the journey to finding the right attitude, I could say right now that I am not allowing my past to define me. I have the choice at the moment to live my life not pleasing to others but to my true Source ….God himself.

At times, I was being questioned by some individuals about the behavior that I displayed such as not being able to “fight” during arguments or to go straight with harsh words in order for someone to be able to sort of realizing or see things the way I do or should be. I guess I just have to allow my silence for a while to sort things out within before I plunge into a good discussion …not turning it into an argument.

I feel even more positive seeing that each one of us has the capacity to wait for the right time to say something in order to create the greatest impact.

Even Jesus when he was questioned and cross-examined prior to crucifixion remained in His silence and needed not to defend himself in the face of the greatest turbulence and test before his perpetrators. I should say that Jesus already gave us His greatest example.

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Hey…what I am writing here my friends can be done. If a lot of peoples’ lives have changed due to a shift in mentality and mental attitude then it can happen to us…

Here… let’s toast together for much better behavior and life for all of us…

God bless us all!

"Insist" to Stay Positive - Part 1

If there is something that you want yourself to insist on it is to stay positive in all and whatever circumstance/s there is and are with life. When I took a leave from my 10-year very stable job as a Guidance counselor of high school students in a university, I thought of the beautiful life I could start with in the United States. I went there as tourist after I got a 10-year multiple entry. I felt so blessed since I never had a chance to travel to the other side of the globe.

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It felt so good being given such chance. But then it was in that place also where I learned the hardest and humblest lessons of all. Since I did menial jobs as start up, I thought I left my most comfortable life to be in that strange land. I cried at the first housekeeping job I landed (though I earned $130 per day and left after a week hahahah). I also experienced being a nanny, part time in an employment agency owned by Filipinos, and also did caregiving jobs.

It was not an easy life. I felt I traded my profession, career advancement and all other opportunities I had just to earn dollars. I knew of Filipinos who were in the upper class here in the Philippines and are professionals (doctors, lawyers, CPA, teachers, guidance counselor like me, nurses, radio news scooper and a lot more) who take the kinds of jobs I were into all for the comfortable lives and luxuries they could extend to their families (great sacrifice ha).

Well I did the best I can to at least be noticed in those kinds of jobs but to no avail. I rarely, got to last in one job. I would then transfer to another one until before the end of 6^th month ( I did not plan to overstay).

All for the sake of an adventure and the search for that “ better life” that I thought I could have if I would stay longer in US (which did not materialize). But then the desire to stay on course was the strongest weapon I had.

Let me put it this way. I was blessed by friends who are not only generous but beautiful souls as well. I had a regular bonding with a ex-nun who happened to be my “surrogate” mother while I was there. I call her ate Ann. Oh, she was such a beautiful person though at times I got a little motherly “spanking” from her which did well as to taming my character. It was from her also that I got to know (shared by her to me from the magazine she read) about a mother that never said anything negative with any of their family’s experiences. Ate Ann stressed further that when this family didn’t have money, the mother would just say something like …”oh we won’t have headache with budgeting…” so on and so forth. This woman … as I understood it always had a way of looking at things the positive way.

So when I got back here in the Philippines, I was so armed with such great armor of strength to go on… The first beautiful response to being positive is the coming of a Jesuit priest named Fr. Frank Savadera (as referred by my first spiritual director Fr. Norlan Julia, SJ) that gave me spiritual direction. Piece by piece I was strengthened even more realizing that that I was broken down as to see the brighter and the brightest side of things. I held on to the challenge to sticking to the little daily “fights” to life….

And so to continue…

The above design is specifically for couples carrying the message WE NOURISH EACH OTHER

While I was in process by my spiritual director, I tried to produce shirts that send the positive messages. They were products of the joy (Joyfully Hopeful) that I have experienced from the “long sleep”. The shirts sold a lot with the help of many individuals that did the distribution themselves including my SD of course Fr. Frank. Though today I kind of suppress a little the marketing side since I and my husband are into innovating it a little and searching for the right people that can help us produce through machine printing. We also opt to finding a supplier that can give us a reasonable costs of shirts so as we could sell a cheap shirt to be able to “market” the messages.

…trying to leap to the second piece of this blog…

Becoming The RIGHT WOMAN

Hello again...I guess my friend Jake led me to produce again another piece of blog. Since I was writing in my previous blog my suggestions for men's preparation to becoming Mr. Right that the ladies may be "running after" someday. I guess i should deal with my own gender.

Let me start with myself. When I was in grade school, my sisters Gina and Grace were my greatest influence in my formation. They both studied in a Catholic high school and they were both so involved with Marian club organization in school. This club strongly exemplifies praying and apostolate combined. As I was able to join them in their formation (while i was in grade school), I told myself, that I would be like them too, one day.

As I reached high school, I thought i could prepare myself for the convent life and be a nun / sister (hahahhaha i wanted so much to become one...that time). But even if i thought of that, i had countless crushes. I cry over crushes that did not notice me (hahahha with my insecurities, i know now that perhaps they saw more of that than my shining smile and beauty hahahahha na naman).

But hey, i was not the regular adolescent jamming with friends going night out in bars. I thought i was so laid back considering i had my group of friends who where also like me in college. I tell you...we were not boring idiots so naive about what were happening in the world. We were crazy talking individuals who liked discussing about many things going on around us, ourselves and others, too (kungting chikka daw).

When I was in college, I had friends who stayed in the library with me, joined charismatic group at the cathedral with me, ate out with me, drank liquor with me (only after our graduation day hahahahah so drunk with my sister gay ...vomited at the toilet bowl and slept beside and basin filled with our " intestinal venom" hahahahhaha crazy ha). I experienced smoking a little (was curious how it tasted). I got drunk also when i stayed and cried with a friend whose brother died in a very serious circumstance (this one i cannot reveal you how he died).

And so going back...How did I really prepare myself to be worthy for a guy someday? Well I can still recall way back in college when and even if I was a little wayward with my ways, I prayed everyday for a man if in case i was for married life. But in any way God has another plan for me such as to join the convent or be single for the rest of my life, I was also so open to any of it.

I did not really expect such dedication to praying for a man or for a vocation would lead me to Mike. I admit i had crushes but my husband had different impact on me. I was so afraid to get near him despite my feelings. I did not also expect him to be my boyfriend. The feeling was more than enough for me to realize that I liked if not...really loved him (and still love him hehehe with a big smile).

So what would i tell the ladies? I would like to go straight this time (based from experience and that of others) :

1. Pray

You may want to argue with me but a lot of us have experienced praying and we reaped good harvest from it. This time i would tell you to pray for man that would come in your life and in like manner also, you would be able to identify him when he comes (i know this because i experienced it myself heheheh).

2. Search for your man in the right place.

You see I belong to a small Catholic Christian community (Sowers Field Community). A lot of those that got married married in my small community they met them there. Though I did not meet my husband there, the eyes of my heart was sharpened to look for qualities in a man. If you want God-fearing men, go to places where you would be able to encounter men worshiping God (so sorry guys but i have to go straight again related to this...i want you to know your God too). I heard a lot of those who expressed their hearts with me and who got broken... met men in places where God was not acknowledged. Of course i respect their choices but i am just dropping a strong bomb of a hint here. Mike started his courtship with me by joining me at daily masses. He saw me praying the rosary now he is leading it himself for both of us.

3. Do something wonderful while you wait.

I have seen ladies who are so desperate with the search that they forgot to take care of themselves. Grow yourself. Do something wonderful while you wait. I did a lot of good things. I served my Christian community by giving talks and workshops. I did higher studies, too. I plunged into writing. I traveled. I worked so hard at doing my crafts. I found my passions. I discovered a lot of hobbies to enjoy. Of course, I joined worships every Sunday at masses (though at this time i rarely join my Christian community).

4. Always maintain a positive attitude.

We are exposed to innumerable "negatives"everyday. But it is always a choice to stay on course and never be carried by anxiety. Stay faithful to your desire to meet your man. I learned from Dr. Dyer that if you have positive mindset you attract the same....and i believe there would be a very positive man that would meet you half way ...not really a perfect man...but who can match up with you. Believe me ...God is a perfect matchmaker...Don't ever doubt that.

5. Hopping from one guy to another

The above won't help. It is not a trial and error thing. Again, going from one guy to another won't help. I am so sorry to tell you this but this is based from my experience and from those beautiful books i read about creating not really perfect relationships but ...Oh my..so beautiful ones. You see, part of the package is to really wait. While you wait you sharpen your ability to discern before making a decision to say yes to a guy. It is just so sad that decision as made in haste (through txting perhaps heheh i know a lot of them) and based on the highs of emotions. It was St. Augustine that said something like... not making a decision when you are at the height of emotion (or its opposite low). Love is not seen automatically in those heights though it can be a fertile ground where love can grow. Hehe i think i would be very unfair to you if i would just stop from here. If you have painfully gone through series of relationships, you can stop now ( hahaha i would rather say it straight)...if you want to have that kind of relationship that's worth the journey and waiting you had.

6. Physical intimacies

The above is never a guarantee of expressing love. You will be hurting each other or yourself even more. If you have experienced it, you can at least decide to stop with the decision to start being chaste again. I would suggest you read the book "I kissed Dating Goodbye" (by Joshua Harris). Oh so beautiful book. It is a good book for those that would want to start all over again with their dating life.

You might think that I now have the perfect man. Mike is not perfect but God brought me to the right man...my right match... I am not perfect too but i guess God is just an artist that beautifully crafted our hearts on a stone giving us that grace to be the right match for each other despite imperfections.

I would lastly suggest...don't do it your way...do it God's way...though our friends or anyone may serve as the instrument that would lead us to the right man...IT IS ONLY GOD THAT DOES THE PERFECT MATCHMAKING...:-) ... just strive to be the RIGHT WOMAN ...:-) ...don't watch for your man to come and just do do nothing...because HE WILL REALLY COME:-)

PS. Thanks to my friend Jake...he is such a facilitator hehehhe mwah:-)

Be the RIGHT MAN

My friend Jake commented in one of my blogs “I want to tell you how lucky you are to be blessed with such calling. I know of some friends who cried in front of me, longing to get to what you are experiencing right now” (actually what he meant was my getting into the married life state). Added to this comment, I have lots of single friends, too. They want to get married, nevertheless, they are still in the process of searching. They can’t just plunge into the next phase …married life.

When I was single, I shared the same sentiment. I understood them so well. A lot of them also are not just searching for the sake of having someone to marry. They want to have the right man to be with for the rest of their lives.

Listening from their stories, I knew what they meant. They want to entrust themselves with someone that they can truly be with. The challenge of the search continues. I would want to help them. …so badly. I love my friends and I want to see them to be happily married with a beautiful man. In my heart I would cry not seeing them in peace with the right man.

To all the gentlemen who may be thinking to get married. Here is a challenge to make an extra effort to be that right man and worthy of the great plunge for the right woman in your life (don’t worry I will write a separate article here for the ladies' preparation hehehhe…fair enough for both ha).

Here goes…

I watched a film entitled THE NATIVITY. It was then that I got to appreciate the character of Joseph. In the Bible, nothing much was said about him except in the role that he assumed prior to the birth and of course during the birth of Jesus. But nothing much was said thereafter.

At this point, I will highlight his beautiful characteristics. He was portrayed in the film as a carpenter, a very simple man with a piercing confident look in his eyes in a scene where his eyes locked on Mary's. He was a strong willed man. He knew what he wanted. He was sure of himself and his heart. I knew at the sight of his character that he was sure of his attraction (?) if not,... love for Mary.

Since, he knew himself, he knew also when to make his move of asking her hand through Joachim, the father of Mary. He did not give up at the sight of resistance or indifference from Mary. He was confident with presenting himself to her father telling him that he can afford to raise a family and that he can take care of his daughter. He also waited for Mary for months when she went to visit her cousin Elizabeth.

He was no super human. He was in pain when he learned that she was pregnant. He was honest with himself to withdraw his proposal. But his faithfulness and obedience to God overpowered when angel Gabriel announced about the truth of Mary’s pregnancy.

From what I observed in the film, he was known in the village to be responsible and honorable man. But the decision to marry Mary made a bad impression on him with people thinking that he caused her pregnancy.

He was also a man of simple humor and Mary appreciated this. An example was his comment when they passed by villagers on their way to Bethlehem “they will be missing us for days without us being their topic to talk about”.

Added to that, he was very sacrificing when in the journey, they almost ran out of food. What was left was a small amount of unleavened bread that he cut into half. He gave Mary one piece, ate a little a very small portion of his share, hid it and gave it to the donkey. This one even to this writing moved me to tears.

Mary never missed a thing of the goodness of Joseph. This beauty of one man was concluded by Mary's statement during Joseph’s sleep and while she was wiping his dirty and calloused feet, stated “my child is blessed to have a responsible man for a father" .

In my heart , I know I would do everything in my capacity and by God’s grace to have a man so responsible, patient, confident and more than anything God – fearing.

I do not know Joseph’s childhood years. They did not know psychology at that time. There were no books on parenting skills. How he was raised and where he got such wonderful values. But as a woman, I know my heart, whom and what values to capture in a man. I make a choice according to values and principles in a man not by the looks. Though honestly it is my weakness hahahah. Combining both would be splendid. But still values and principles serve long term purpose even without the looks. They are the most enduring part in a man and in any relationship.

Hello my dear gentlemen. You may be conscious with how you look but be more conscious with building up your character. This will also attract the same from the ladies. If they are not in the same level of values as yours, they will be “tempted” to be like you. You will be more attractive to them.

Oh, let’s go back to Joseph. He was not perfect. He was afraid with his decision. He even asked for a sign from God if he made it right. The greatest sign he had was the birth of Jesus. Everything was crystal clear. It turned out to be the most wonderful decision he ever made – to be the husband and “surrogate” father of the Son of ‘God. Big time decision ha.

Well who would ever imagine such faithfulness of one simple man, a carpenter at that, with humility despite fear that he will be participating in the divine plan for the world. In like manner, who would ever think that your obedience to prepare yourself to be that “RIGHT MAN” would make you participate also in God’s plan to strengthen family values and make you models to other men that may have different concepts to courtship and preparation for married life.

It is not the looks. It is your heart. Just strive so hard to be the RIGHT MAN.

PS. Being masculine doesn’t mean trial and error or trying different ladies to relate with. It means holding and reserving yourself for the right woman, patiently waiting, with prayer and reverence to God…:-). I would like to suggest that you would get to know Joseph even more:-)