FALL IN LOVE

Attributed to Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ -
photo from http://www.usfca.edu/templates/usf_magazine_story_fall_2007.aspx?id=6442494549&tid=2147483673

Nothing is more practical than

finding God, than

falling in Love

in a quite absolute, final way.

What you are in love with,

what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.

It will decide

what will get you out of bed in the morning,

what you do with your evenings,

how you spend your weekends,

what you read, whom you know,

what breaks your heart,

and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in Love, stay in love,

and it will decide everything.

A Stress Management...Through A Changed Perspective - Gratefulness and Trusting God More...:-)

I have been running over and over again in my mind writing this article.  I take pride with the capacity to multi task over my husband who does things one at a time.  

Let me start by sharing with you an experience related to this.  I got sick one time with "vertigo".  My world seemed to turn upside down and I could not just get up to prepare for the meals so it was Mike who prepared for us.  Almost an hour after and feeling so hungry, I tried to lift my whole body bracing myself holding the walls for support just to check what he was up to in the kitchen. And oh my, he was seating waiting for the rice to get done after which he would do the soup.  And I was so hungry that I could no longer hold myself from being angry.  He just liked doing a thing at a time.  That's my husband.

With my woman power of multi tasking, I have tried and repeated over and over again about it to him.  Well, i tried to give him the example of it when one pre Christmas food preparation, I stretched my arms in the kitchen to do everything at the same time.  There were 4 stove plates on a gas range. I filled all of them and refill the empty plate with another one until in 2 to 3 hours everything's done.  I had my goal and met the deadline but I was so dead tired after that, that I declared to hear Christmas mass in the morning (not the midnight or earlier mass) since my body could no longer contain or sustain staying up late.

I can see that my husband keeps his pace without being dictated or pushed by my "go go get it" style.  He keeps his pace.  Takes a thing at a time and I am learning a lot from that.  He admitted to me also his weakness that he may not be able to do it with urgent matters at home that's why I thought of taking over in the kitchen when there is a need to do that especially when all of us are hungry already and we need to finish the soonest time.  Or my woman instinct would tell that things have to be done fast to meet an emergency situation.

But many times I am learning from his style of doing a thing at a time.  The latest stress management workshop that I facilitated to a group of employees in a particular company led me also to do my in depth study about managing stress.  

One statement that struck me in my research is "Stress makes you believe that everything has to happen right now.  Faith reassures you that everything will happen in God's timing". I am deeply moved by this statement as I made it the theme of such workshop.  

My own multi tasking "prowess" put me on a higher risk of  health break down. In a video that I watched, it stressed that stress is being perceived by the mind. And if there is something that we need to change it is how we perceive things. Stressors are just triggers.   Oh, I find it a challenge to change how I perceive or interpret things.  And perceiving stressors on a positive way greatly helps even as far as healing pains and illnesses.

The most striking part was when I came across Bo Sanchez article stating that "angry people die sooner".  And, those who are susceptible to heart disease are the type A personality, according to him (people who are aggressive, easily angered, competitive, controlling, and always rushing).  What a great shock that is.  That part led me to deliberately reshape my thoughts and the anger that I have been harboring for quite some time and from recent incidents that have emotionally affected me and to really...slow down...hahhahah.

He further stated that our diseases are messages such as there might be someone that we need to forgive or simply let go of that anger.  Perhaps we need to stop working and trust God more or to stop working so hard and relax with our family.

He also stressed that there are two reasons why we get sick : too much negative emotions and too little positive emotions.  Though he stated the specifics of each but still positive emotions have to be maintained.  

How do we have those positive emotions?  We need to be grateful each day and to simply trust God.  He stated that trust in God is the greatest "stress buster" in the world.  Great woooowww. 

Let me close this with a sharing from again the writing of Bo Sanchez on a particular Jesuit priest by the name of Fr. Georges-Etienne Beauregard (97 years old at the time of his writing).  His secret was "I have no problems. Others have problems with me, but I have no problems.”

Hmmm....It is a matter of attitude...a changed perspective at that ...by being grateful and trusting God more:-) 

How is that?

"DO IT ANYWAY"

The verses below reportedly were written on the wall of Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta, India, and are widely attributed to her. 

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

-this version is credited to Mother Teresa

A Special Blend of "Tantrum" Therapy - What We Learned As Parents

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Let me share with you the experience that I and my husband struggled with our daughter last December of 2014.  Well, yes, December...the time of the year that is supposed to be so joyful, fun and enjoyable yet, earlier part of it, I felt the trauma of going home and listening to our daughter's outburst, wailing, crying ...hmmmm, yes tantrum...Tantrum is an emotional outburst by children expressing some desperation over something which a lot of times we parents do not understand.

I was not really prepared by that.  It started with one dawn time when she woke up and refused being breastfed. I felt that time that the convenience of putting her back to sleep immediately when she woke up at dawn time ended that time.

I was not used to that.  We all get a very good sleep every night and that time was like a big shock to me and my husband.  Just like going back to the first few months when we brought her home from the hospital after the incubation period.  

So how did we deal with that wailing given our neophyte skills?

Firstly, we tried to check any possible physical discomfort that may have triggered such tantrum such as providing her with milk, changed diaper, checked body  temperature, or possible discomfort in the stomach yet it did not alleviate a bit.  She just went on with her crying.

Secondly, we maneuvered our way so that I and my husband could exchange every hour carrying our daughter.  After 2 to 3 hours we felt we could not go on like that. We thought and imagined if it would happen every night, will drain our energy. We should not be sick.  We have to be well for our daughter.

I and my husband felt helpless by that.  We even thought that perhaps we did something wrong which may have triggered such.

Thirdly, from the feeling of helplessness and desperation we decided to pray together.  Well, that one went well by her joining us during the prayer time. Yet we sensed her tiredness and wanting to go back to sleep but just can't do that. She seemed to be needing us to put her in our arms. Which again may bring us back to the second strategy.

So the last move led us to a more drastic and painful decision to let her be.  We decided to leave her inside the room alone.  We were not worried at all since she's an expert with climbing up and down the bed.  The only thing  was to clear the bed to allow her to just express whatever energy she had that led her to that tantrum.  

She was just crying and crying.  I felt the pain of just allowing her to do that. Sometimes I would cry with her outside of the room.  My husband may not have shown those tears but I saw from the look in his eyes the remorse for our daughter.

Then it dawned on me to play some religious songs while she was inside the room.  I downloaded lots of it including the 15 myteries of the rosary and the entire chaplet of the Divine mercy prayer in song.  So if she wakes up again at dawn, these music are played which for two weeks has become her "tantrum" treatment... It has become my daughter's therapy to listen to these collection of songs and prayers combined.

To this day, my daughter is so rare with tantrum.  Her mood has gotten back to become lighter and back with giggling and even humming with the songs except for some minor discomfort.  

And now I call it our unique and special way of treating tantrum with our daughter which really worked....a blend of religious songs and prayer for her:-) 

What did we learn from that as parents?  Our daughter being the only one we've got, has gotten all the attention from us.  She has taken the fancy of it all.  The supposed comfort of being breastfed which she resisted and demanded more of our attention by being carried in our arms may be a comfort for her but not to us her parents at dawn time.  

The reality dawned on us also.  We cannot provide all the time the attention she needs.  Reality would tell us that in life, there can be time for doing other things to keep our life as a family in balance.  Such reality may be,  that any of us parent may be out of the house to work, or do something else at home while our children will learn to do things by themselves.  We were able to learn the hard way such that we had to make our daughter unlearn from too much attachment for her to be able to find herself more.  

I felt that as early as her age, she has to slowly learn the reality that her parents cannot be there all the time for her.  From that, we also unlearn as parents that part when we have to let her go and let her be.

Well, aside from the therapy of relaxation and unlearning of attachment from us on the part of our daughter, she has learned to spend more time with books which amused her so much up to this day.  Other than that, she is now learning to sleep by herself without our assistance.  Though at times she sleeps at any part of the bed but there were times also that she would sleep where she should be which sends the message that she is slowly learning to identify her space in the room.

That for us as parents is an accomplishment for which we thank God for.