A Special Blend of "Tantrum" Therapy - What We Learned As Parents

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Let me share with you the experience that I and my husband struggled with our daughter last December of 2014.  Well, yes, December...the time of the year that is supposed to be so joyful, fun and enjoyable yet, earlier part of it, I felt the trauma of going home and listening to our daughter's outburst, wailing, crying ...hmmmm, yes tantrum...Tantrum is an emotional outburst by children expressing some desperation over something which a lot of times we parents do not understand.

I was not really prepared by that.  It started with one dawn time when she woke up and refused being breastfed. I felt that time that the convenience of putting her back to sleep immediately when she woke up at dawn time ended that time.

I was not used to that.  We all get a very good sleep every night and that time was like a big shock to me and my husband.  Just like going back to the first few months when we brought her home from the hospital after the incubation period.  

So how did we deal with that wailing given our neophyte skills?

Firstly, we tried to check any possible physical discomfort that may have triggered such tantrum such as providing her with milk, changed diaper, checked body  temperature, or possible discomfort in the stomach yet it did not alleviate a bit.  She just went on with her crying.

Secondly, we maneuvered our way so that I and my husband could exchange every hour carrying our daughter.  After 2 to 3 hours we felt we could not go on like that. We thought and imagined if it would happen every night, will drain our energy. We should not be sick.  We have to be well for our daughter.

I and my husband felt helpless by that.  We even thought that perhaps we did something wrong which may have triggered such.

Thirdly, from the feeling of helplessness and desperation we decided to pray together.  Well, that one went well by her joining us during the prayer time. Yet we sensed her tiredness and wanting to go back to sleep but just can't do that. She seemed to be needing us to put her in our arms. Which again may bring us back to the second strategy.

So the last move led us to a more drastic and painful decision to let her be.  We decided to leave her inside the room alone.  We were not worried at all since she's an expert with climbing up and down the bed.  The only thing  was to clear the bed to allow her to just express whatever energy she had that led her to that tantrum.  

She was just crying and crying.  I felt the pain of just allowing her to do that. Sometimes I would cry with her outside of the room.  My husband may not have shown those tears but I saw from the look in his eyes the remorse for our daughter.

Then it dawned on me to play some religious songs while she was inside the room.  I downloaded lots of it including the 15 myteries of the rosary and the entire chaplet of the Divine mercy prayer in song.  So if she wakes up again at dawn, these music are played which for two weeks has become her "tantrum" treatment... It has become my daughter's therapy to listen to these collection of songs and prayers combined.

To this day, my daughter is so rare with tantrum.  Her mood has gotten back to become lighter and back with giggling and even humming with the songs except for some minor discomfort.  

And now I call it our unique and special way of treating tantrum with our daughter which really worked....a blend of religious songs and prayer for her:-) 

What did we learn from that as parents?  Our daughter being the only one we've got, has gotten all the attention from us.  She has taken the fancy of it all.  The supposed comfort of being breastfed which she resisted and demanded more of our attention by being carried in our arms may be a comfort for her but not to us her parents at dawn time.  

The reality dawned on us also.  We cannot provide all the time the attention she needs.  Reality would tell us that in life, there can be time for doing other things to keep our life as a family in balance.  Such reality may be,  that any of us parent may be out of the house to work, or do something else at home while our children will learn to do things by themselves.  We were able to learn the hard way such that we had to make our daughter unlearn from too much attachment for her to be able to find herself more.  

I felt that as early as her age, she has to slowly learn the reality that her parents cannot be there all the time for her.  From that, we also unlearn as parents that part when we have to let her go and let her be.

Well, aside from the therapy of relaxation and unlearning of attachment from us on the part of our daughter, she has learned to spend more time with books which amused her so much up to this day.  Other than that, she is now learning to sleep by herself without our assistance.  Though at times she sleeps at any part of the bed but there were times also that she would sleep where she should be which sends the message that she is slowly learning to identify her space in the room.

That for us as parents is an accomplishment for which we thank God for.