KICK OFF

grabbed from http://www.sophisticated.com/products/kick-off/kick-off.html

How do you feed a tired, hungry and weary soul? -... by going the extra mile of doing good. There is no big deal doing great stuffs actually for others. I feel that we all know this but doing simple act of kindness every day takes an extra mile of courage. For when a roaming pair of eyes try to size us up from head down...we feel like running away from the situation. As if this roaming eyes carrY the ultimate judgment of our one simple act ...baka pakitang tao lang oh (tsk tsk tsk)... Let me push you...heheh just do it anyway...

I have received comments from friends regarding their weariness. Just allow me to suggest something (some samples) here that may give us a good kick of a start :

1. Decide to smile to anyone
2. Feed a stray cat or dog in the neighborhood (lots of them in front of the house where I live)
3. Give something to a beggar
4. Buy food from any vendor near you
5. Read heartwarming books
6. Roam around with your facebook friends and say something positive to them (i have seen a lot of them at my FB homepage ...i do appreciate them for doing that)
7. Surround the wall in your room with all positive messages (love, kindness, beauty, creativity, etc.. i just posted mine a while ago).

... a lot more you can do. Just feed and feed yourself with these stuffs. You can plant the same seeds wherever you are. Hey again, you don't have to sweat it with big things to make such a difference and be able to lift yourself up. I know you can relate with me in this. You may perhaps recall from your bucket of experiences how a simple act of kindness lifted you up. Go make a rewind:-)

So if you start to feel groggy in your journey ...find in any way you can to extend this wonderful heart of yours to others. You are really intended for such purpose. No ifs and buts.. or any excuses please heheheh...just go do it and feed your soul... Let's bloat it...mind you ...it heals any negative feeling you have including that of alienation...:-)

Ultimately, nothing beats prayer...this is the best so far...:-) Your feeling/s is/are His way of telling you that He misses you...:-) go grab that Hand...in indulge your famished soul ...in Prayer...


A quote :

...If you can just forget yourself for a long period of time...that's when you are totally free - Dr. W. Dyer...

THE EGO

grabbed from http://www.dotcrush.com/what-is-an-ego/

For days now I have not written any blog. I simply muse myself with activities such as devouring a book, meditation, food, Church, play with my pet, visit my sister's house and eat my meal there, surf the net, watched videos on the computer, etc. In simple terms, i tried to detach myself from the regulars and my ordinary days - Just i and myself.

When I started to realize that words have not come out when i started to "scribble" a little through my computer, I decided to stop. My mind was so crapped with so many things and I knew then that I had to pullover.

What was so significant during my break was the small treasure that I found that gave that big spark in my current state. This i found from the book I just read entitled the Power of Intention by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Let me quote some major points.

It says ego is made of six primary ingredients that account for how we experience in ourselves as disconnected :

1. I am what I have. My possessions define me.
2. I am what I do. My achievements define me.
3. I am what others think of me. My reputation defines me
4. I am separate from everyone. My body defines me as alone.
5. I am separate from all that is missing in my life. My life space is disconnected from my desires
6. I am separate from God. My life depends on God's assessment of my worthiness

I feel that from the enumerated ingredients above, I have struggled in a tug-of-war trying so hard not to be ruled by the ego in my life.

The ego works around - I, Me, and Myself state. And so if I would say "i have this and that, i achieved this or that, and the stories revolved around myself. And we try to shun others away by not listening to them. Or not to put them first.

Or we talk as if the world is us and us alone. When we compete and put others aside and we forget that " we are all connected to each other in in a circle, in a hoop that never ends" (Pocahontas, the movie).

When we say that i can't have this because, i am a sinner or that i don't deserve to have a better life or to have God in my life. When someone asks us why the personality we have.

When we say "it's embarrassing, shameful, when we hide the truth of ourselves is an obvious protection and wrapping we have ruled by the ego. There is nothing wrong when people see us to have those stuffs we have or what we have achieved but when they become attached or we become attached to it / them, we lose sight of the real us.

In another book of Dr. Dyer, Manifest Your Destiny, he stated DO NOT COMPLAIN, DO NOT EXPLAIN. He printed this and put this on his wall to remind himself always. (This same line, I posted in one of my shirts). Actually, it is still the work of the ego to keep on complaining and explaining about things and us. A very tiring pursuit of the ego trying to make itself appear clean and powerful in the eyes of others ( big sigh!!!!!).

I have been into a situation when surround by friends i felt like being cross examined. Questions were thrown at me in all directions. I felt trapped and pressured to answer all their questions. When I recalled back home my answers and how I answered them created an inner disturbance and the "knowing" eye was there telling me " you could have said this" or "that was not the truth", etc. To shut her up, I would reason out in my mind many things to defend my statements but yet, i felt it did not work out well. It was like a battle of words inside that I got tired with it.

You know what? I don't want to be disconnected from my SOURCE ...GOD up there ...down here in my heart where the TRUTH was markedly written in bold and bright. If I would have difficulty accessing my Source because of the strength and air of my ego trying to weaken my ties with Him then I must shift gears.

Perhaps we can try this together? If we go up higher our ego, we can attract together our heart's greatest desires. I hope this makes sense to you:-)



Note :

- Here is a simple test in checking and assessing yourself if ego is strongly at work with you ...if anyone gives you negative comment/s and you feel the pang of pain with such comment.. and you defend yourself and your side strongly and as much as you can ...then you can say EGO IS STRONGLY AT WORK...
- What you can do? Allow people TO BE through their comments and DETACH YOURSELF... HOLD YOURSELF AND YOUR IMPULSE ehhehe... Do not be so attached with it :-)

Have a happy life everyone..:-) Let us all journey together ...Amen:-)

JUST ONE PERSON

It only takes one person to learn character and virtues. I would say, if you could find one person in any of your day’s life and living, would create such a huge difference in your life. This person can be anybody you work with, someone you consider your enemy, some stranger you encounter any part of your day, etc. 

...Just anyone. His presence may lead you to situations where you can practice patience, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, sharpened ability to listen or simply lead you to any realization with life. Or perhaps bring you a simple awakening that sometimes you can just simply “waste time” laughing at your experience with this person despite and inspite of. 

I learned that life offers varied experiences and the most potent “teachers” we can have are those that appear so difficult to deal with. Dr. Wayne Dyer, author of the book Manifest Your Destiny, states that these people should be thanked for. One day in the future we will realize that they hold the treasures that sharpen our character.

Our patient endurance as “their students” will be felt by them in silence. I know in their hearts they will feel it though they may not be able to totally define it but they will have that inner knowing regarding their encounter with you.

We may have met many of them every day but I say ... just one person that you can practice with any of the virtues and best characters would create a life changing and greatest hit of an impact with your life that may change and re-chart your course. This can be your great start. You may start …NOW….

I hope you enjoy learning with me:-)

PS : I would appreciate your feedback with how you did with your Day 1 at “school”:-)

"MAGNIFYING GLASS"

One day , in one of my most lost moments trying to grasp and define an oh so overwhelming experience, I asked Mike some of my most popular questions “Why me? Why am in into many challenging situations lately? Can I just take a break?”. His answer was “Remember when you started taking the challenge to write? This is it…so that you have some ‘meat’ for it and so you share what you learned”. Oh really “But can I just take a breaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkk waaaaaahhhhh!!!!”

Let’s go crazy and hop backwards hehehhe… When I was in high school I did not like Science laboratories. But I had to because it was part of the curriculum. We identified apparatus and put some specimens on a microscope to check some minute parts of some things. I kind of envy one of my classmates that really excelled in Science, Pinky, now a medical doctor). She seemed to have that interest in Science which I did not have. But I realize, the subject provides that beautiful windows of all living beings.

Though I failed in some moving exams to check some specimens since I usually rattled while I maneuver the microscope, yet, I liked so much the manual magnifying lenses / glass that I can carry with me anywhere I go (hehe with me wearing binoculars este eyeglasses everyday, I could see a great deal of use it can provide).

Going back to Mike’s statement… Is this what this is all about?…why am I seeing a lot of challenges? I seem to be bringing a magnifying glass everyday and every moment that my vision extends far and beyond , reaching even the most insane and unexpected insight that even I have not yet treaded (sometimes I felt overwhelmed by them). Thus, I am feeling that I am taking an unpopular path - not easy one I tell you since while I write, I am in it…call it crazy ha…:-)

ANGELS AND SOLDIERS

I ran through my baptismal certificate and saw the name of a Jesuit priest that did the rite for my entry to Christianity – proudly a Catholic (and crucified everyday hehehehhehe not easy ha…).

Let me trace a little of history. My parents, were wedded by a Jesuit. I was baptized by one of them, too. I studied in a Catholic high school founded by a Jesuit. I continued my tertiary education in a university run by them. While studying Psychology, I invaded another Jesuit, Fr. Pasquale Giordano, SJ and, begged him to accept me in Theology program while I finish my course in college.

I worked, in the same university where I graduated, for 10 years and befriended some of them (Fathers - Lester and Xavier, etc... closest ones),. I also experienced such torrid, sizzling hot, passionate and intimate formation (huuuuuuuuuuh) with and by them through their kind of retreats including 8-day retreat.

And even as I went out of the university to travel abroad, I met some of them, too which I feel I am being haunted by Ignatius este …by Jesus. When I came back here and as I was no longer working with them, I was brought back to a Jesuit priest Fr. Norlan Julia on a one-on- one formation in spiritual direction referred by another Jesuit friend, Fr. Asandas Balchand.

My first spiritual director, forwarded and referred me to another one Fr. Frank Savadera since he went out of the country for further studies. And so I was grilled to “death” (wahahahahaha) in my formation through the 19^th annotation retreat.

Now tell me if these are accidents. For the past years some of them volunteered to celebrate my wedding but to no avail. It was like throwing a dice and whoever gets the highest number gets to celebrate my wedding hahahhaa ... joke lang.

But really, if there was no Ignatius in history, there would have been no Jesuit community spread all over the world for the mission. Well sorry…we don’t know… someone would still be chosen (me? whahahah big NO...adlib: i remember my crazy friends in college that suggested that we would start our own religious congregation ...hmmm polka dot sisters with boots and mini skirts plus the counterpart - order of the black sotana men hahahha a great flash of lightning bolt from the heavens)… God will haunt anyone He needs for His mission. ...

But then… tracing my roots on spirituality, I was given by God a group of men to accompany me in my journey. I was given mighty angels guarding me… I feel a lot of times God's double time effort through them. I do miss a lot of them, lately. Yet, I feel there will be a great reunion with them one day. You know why I am confident with this? I feel like I am one of them… great soldiers of Ignatius …of Jesus… whehehehe:-)

MY HEART GOES TO THEM...

I have been toying with how I would be able to start this writing related to the situation of our young people - the adolescents. You see i happen to be a secondary recipient of an information about a mother that almost died after giving birth to her child. She went home after the delivery. Her health had complications that made her go back to the hospital helplessly carried by someone since she was on hemorrhagic condition. She almost died.

In the same day that i got this story, I learned from an office colleague that she survived the weekend joining her group of friends in a bar packed with young people (adolescents) doings stuffs like wild dancing, torrid kissing, drinking hard liquor,etc. Feeling older in that crowd of young people, she felt the discomfort yet cannot escape the reality with how these adolescents make use of their leisure time.

I have my young nephews and a niece too. I wonder at times how they made use of their time with friends or when they are outside of the house. I was even in panic when my only adolescent niece asked my permission that she would bring her boyfriend in the house and introduce him to me. Well I could not imagine the hustle of feelings growing and boiling inside.

Reality bites and strikes. We have so many at hand regarding their engagements. I feel helpless at times. I see them around everyday. I also work in a company that operates a food chain where they gather, eat, talk and laugh loudly.

Their energies are unimaginable and beyond compare. "When I was younger" ...oh ...I would rather not use those words. It makes them scream to hear that line. They don't like the idea of comparing their generation to any of the adult's.

What is really my point here?

1. Fear. To be honest, being an adult, I fear so much of consequences of choices. I have been through the ordeal of wrong choices that led me to regrets. A lot of those choices, I could not go back anymore. Though it is just recently that I allow wider and broader way of looking at things. But before, it was more of centering and focusing on myself, the pain and blaming of others excluding myself that made the choice in the first place.

2. The Sacrifice of Parenting. How come majority of our young people have not really and truly grounded themselves to the values and virtues of family? How come they go out their own way accumulating values that led them to ruin? How come they become where they are, like those that linger in the bar that my friend went to one weekend? How come a lot of them may not have really sensed the essence of the sacrifice of a mother's life on a "50-50" condition giving birth of any of them like that of the struggling young mother i related earlier?

3. Longing for Love. We all need love. Though Love is so available, they don't find it. Young people long so much for this since a lot of them don't have the strong basis and foundation of Love as expected to exude in the family. They search for it in wrong places associating physical liking and upsurges of emotion in infatuation as that. They restlessly pursue love and feel that it is not within their grasp.

You see, I had the chance being with groups of young people when i worked as a Guidance counselor in a private sectarian high school. I imagined while talking with them, the kind of parents that brought them up. Is it safe to associate character of these adolescents to the kind of parents they have?

Lastly, it made me cry (with tears of joy) seeing some of them with grounded values and it made me cry also (with a pang of pain and sadness) when I see them so lost. And so, I thought, this would simply just be about our young people. I realize that I will have to address the parents too...

First I say (from the heart) to the young people of today :

Regardless of the state of your family, with or without your parents to guide you, you have a choice as to how you would manage your life. It will so much affect the kind and quality of life you will have. If you will just focus on the fancy and fun of your life now, you will reap the harvest equivalent to what you sow. Despite the agony and challenges of your young life, again, you have a choice. And...please do not separate God from your life or blame Him for anything that happen to you...I may not be able to present every answer to all your questions now but you will understand soon.


To the parents :

From experience being a counselor and observations from my siblings' families, it is not easy to have an adolescent in the family. You may not be seen outright by them with your sacrifices, but just continue and not give up on them. Continue to be present in school meetings. To be there at home first before they come home. To be available when they need to talk to you. To take time to bring them if not force them to join you in Church (heheh rather harsh ...). To simply be there for them...:-)

But then, some of you may say "I am not home since i work far". That's kind a hard ha...to be honest...:-0 Just be there and be available through the internet (hahahhha no choice) for chatting... Lastly, please don't stop praying for them. They truly need a great deal of help.

Oh my ...i could cry at the thought imagining them lost and no one to go to when they need you but then...please pray for them.

My heart goes so much to them...:-)

THE "DIVINE SENSE OF HUMOR"

As I look at my style of writing, I can hardly separate humor. It seems to come out swiftly and naturally. It is just so me to feel - cry, laugh, etc…so hard. Sometimes I find myself overdoing it. And so I loosen a little with teasing myself. Right…I am playful…I play around myself ( hehe just with words through blogging), and find humor even in the most painful experiences.

Bishop Fulton Sheen, the author of the book entitled From the Angel’s Blackboard stated that “…God created the world with a Divine sense of Humor”. And so, any person that sees beyond what is seen around him - seeing through things - that is, possesses this character.

I thought I must be crazy with the way I craft and pour myself out in my writings. But no…I feel more of the grace of seeing more and beyond. The world is like that of a windowpane displaying beyond what is seen by the naked eye.

According to Sheen, a snow is not just what you see it to be but that of immaculate flake at the mountaintop. To relate a particular experience seeing a very old priest celebrating mass with people not hearing anything from him made me see more of the messages that say : 1) someday I will be old too, like him and that I may experience the same thing (not really doing the role of a priest heheheh) 2) that our very smart God taught all of us participating in the mass - P A T I E N C E... 3) seeing beauty with one old priest striving to faithfully serve God through his continued service ...and many more ways of looking at things that reflect that of a poet maneuvering his vision with the bias of the divine in any of his / her life's encounter.

Thus, there are things that we can learn from on a daily basis...instead of complaining, right?

We don’t really take the world seriously(the world sets standards without really imaging the nonphysical attributes of us humans). In this realm, humor put experiences on a lighter perspective … living life beyond what is…

We have such a wonderful life's curriculum taught and tested on a daily basis. Learning should be fun. Rigidity does not really reap such a good harvest.

P.S. I hope you see God in my crazy and foolish ways of presenting my writing here...heheheh...:-)

A ONE PESO INCIDENT

I talked with someone today that got kicked out from work este...asked to resign after she "slipped" from her job. One day she was attending a customer and that she shortchanged her by one peso resulting to heavy bouts of words between them. They became too personal already. The sad thing was that...it was that one peso shortchanged that triggered the incident.

She carried such guilt and regret since it took much toll and weight on her shoulder loosing the money to support her child. Her meager salary prior to the dismissal made her buy milk, provided small allowance to her husband that does the sending and fetching of her little boy to and from school and food for the family.

It really broke my heart listening to the story. I saw the pain in her eyes and helplessness. It has happened already and her employer considered it a grave mistake (i did not further comment on the company's decision). Still, she was given the consideration by making her submit a resignation to give her at least clean slate to apply to another company.

I would like to further illustrate a similar situation. Not so long ago, I happened to visit a jail and was able to mingle with prisoners. Most cases committed by the inmates were related to loosing temper causing them to land in jail.

Emotional intelligence by Goleman (1995) defines it as being able to reign in emotional impulse. Furthermore, it also means being aware of one emotional impulses and that of others and use this knowledge in responding to a particular situation. Goleman however, states that when there is a sudden upsurge of emotion causing one to be overwhelmed and react not commensurate to the challenging situation points to emotional hijacking.

EQ stresses further that the most seductive of all emotions is anger. Many of us fall short in the aspect of managing anger. Let me derail a little my discussion to citing a particular company trainer that facilitated a training on personal leadership that presupposes leading others effectively. And as I understand it, if we fail to atleast manage our temper (emotions), we fail to shape an intense emotional outburst of anger from others (or any extreme display of emotions).

One small thing may bring one person to grievous mistake leading to a lifetime of regret if not properly dealt with or managed. We normally feel emotions. In fact they are natural. Yet, we have the final say as to how long we would allow it to linger and last and how we creatively deal with it.

One peso can be too small a reason to loose a job, right?...

NO ORDINARY LETTER

I have been into many weddings for the past years with different roles such as wedding emcee, bride's maid, maid of honor, singer (char lang) and flower girl (joke lang...it never happened:-) hahahahha). And would you believe, i was gotten as ninang (Godmother) to a beggar that constantly on post at a particular Church... during college days heheheh... I and my friend Luisa were being ambushed by this friend beggar. Well we were not able to say no (ambush nga).

Well most of those weddings I joined were so lavish. My sister's was one of those and she was so anxious with the preparation and the nitty - gritty of things. Me? I was so relaxed during her wedding. But looking at her was like "I don't want to experience that..." - thinking running in my mind. Huh...hehe but still it was such a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l wedding.

Years passed and that thought did not really matter at all. I and Mike wanted to make it big too. We hired a wedding coordinator, gave more than half of the budget and voila the money was gone. I don't want to tell you further what the coordinator did. But one thing I learned. Our values were challenged.

When something...anything so precious is gone...to get to look back and focus on the most essential thing was our best recourse. We have the strength of our love for each other, family's support, friends' listening ears and that even without that partial amount(in the hands of that coordinator) we managed to work out and push through with the plan to get married.

Life is very challenging. Mike and I were able to see some invisible forces trying to throw challenges at us. Perhaps attempting to separate us but BIG NO...cannot be...LOVE IS STRONGER THAN ANY STORM ha ....

Well...we thought of simpler plan. Though the big wedding can still be pursued if we would want to but i guess...the lesson is to stick with the "essentials". We want to proceed with our vows before God without being limited to the pressures outside of us. We will go for it while we haunt the culprit hahahhahahaha.

And so the original desire i put forth during my 19th annotation retreat which was poured out from prayer and discernment is now thrown in the air with stars and flickers ...In this regard I wrote a letter to the archbishop to flash the green light of the preparation (with Mike's approval).

The following letter was written with tears dropped on paper (joke lang) este on my supple cheeks (hahahahha)...and I should say a desperate move to get a "special" space for our very intimate wedding ceremony.

_________________________________________


Dear MOST REV.________:(sorry I can't disclose his name without his permission)

I am writing on behalf of my soon-to-be husband (wrote Mike's full name) to ask for your permission that we would be allowed to hold our simple and private wedding at the Bishop’s house chapel. This shall only be attended by our immediate family members and very close friends.

It has been a long and joyful journey of friendship and love combined for both of us who have been in the relationship for almost 12 years. A growth that we would want to share someday to our future children.

We opted for a simple and intimate encounter with God. We want to get the feel of such moment with Him and make it a very meaningful vow to live as good “caretakers” of each other and His children. Starting it simple would also send a beautiful message to our children and us becoming good models to them in values.

We hope we would be given such chance and would gladly meet you for an appointment at your convenience.

God bless you always!


Sincerely,

Dang...(i wrote my full name here)
_________________________________________

While I was bracing my heart putting every piece of the desire i had and Mike's, i found the revelation. The long buried silence and cry was liberated from its deepest source. This is what i badly want for years. This is what I badly want to be realized. Mike and I share the same vision of the kind wedding for both of us...

And...it was such a wonderful brief encounter with the archbishop (we were like poodles in front of him hahahhaah cutie poodles ...so so glad with life's biggest surprise and question why God brought us in front of him). Thanks to my friend micmic for such initiative (actually the archbishop's assistant is my friend wahahhahahah ang galing ni Lord). And so with the archbishop's statement "You have my blessings..."...it was like God blessing us and protecting us even before the ceremony....God sent us angels...through micmic and the archbishop. They were like our warriors as we move forward to the new challenges of married life...:-)

There is no such thing as accident ha!!!!!! hehehheheheh Praise God...Thank you God...!



Note : I eliminated a paragraph of the letter for confidentiality's sake (hahahha char lang).

MAMA

Today (August 3, 2011) would have been my mother's 66th birthday (if she was alive). I would like to honor her through this blog and thank God for the day that He appointed her to be born in this world. Anyone may say that he or she has the best mother in the world. I would say the same (walang papalag hahahhaha).

I would like to trace a little of history about her. She was the only child of a Filipina (my lola of course) from the Visayas (Bohol) and a British - American soldier during World War 2. So mama's blood was half foreign ha. (hehehehhe).

Physically she was not tall, blond, white skin, brown eyes, freckles on her face, very pointed nose, beautiful legs and so white flawless armpit (whahhahhaha I love sleeping beside her with armpit displayed wide open...she had the cleanest odor and so fresh)....

She married my father at 19 years old - half way in college. Really, she and papa were not able to wait to finish and hopped with the responsibility of parenting 6 children.

Raising 6 of us was such a big deal to both of them most especially mama. She was papa's great partner in responding with the financial needs of the family. Papa's income was not enough and so they both had to find other means through farming and poultry business. She managed the latter. She was also good at managing finances. She and papa provided us well. Nobody had to stop studying even when 4 of my older siblings went altogether to college.

I saw mama's strength in managing the family. I saw how her sustained and enduring silence despite trying moments of the family. Even if sometimes she "exploded" to release her suppressed anger to us (so sorry ma), she was generally patient with all of us.

I was so attached with her. After my Friday classes in the city, i would really force myself to go home even night time just to be with her. I loved her cooking too - the soup, vegetables, seafoods and meat recipes… plus hugs and the laying of my head on her lap while watching TV until i lost consciousness (hahahah tulog ako beauty).

I also loved our festive Sunday lunches together (We had our rituals before going back to the city). Mama would usually go to the market with any of us children(except gay the youngest) to buy varieties of vegetables, meat, etc. After the market invasion, she lavishly prepared food to eat before everyone went back to the city. After that, we had heavy goodbyes because everyone had the same feeling - missing mama during the week (hahahha don't get me wrong... me missed papa too).

You see ...she simply had the "magic" of touch, shades and styles of caring for everyone in the family including my father (of course heheh).

I never expected that she would go so soon (at the age of 48 years old)... One Saturday afternoon, i caught her graying hair right above her forehead with a comment "tigulang na jud ka ma noh?" (you are getting older ma). I was simply teasing her. I did not expect it to be our last moment together.

I went back to the city on Sunday. Monday after that, she died in an accident. I want to cut this recall shorter or I might end up crying all the way. I don't want to dwell much over our loss. I would like to stress on it being a grace that i was able to stand up with life braver and stronger despite her absence since i was so dependent with her when she was alive (actually the experience brought me closer to God after buckets of tears, wild strife of myself, etc...hahaha).

More than anything, I would like to remember her as someone that may have gone ahead but has remained present through her prayers. At this time, I consider her as my / our family’s intercessor in heaven. It feels so good to have one member of my family praying for all of us. Though it was such a painful experience, I thank God for allowing mama to share her life with us...for sharing to us such a wonderful woman worth emulating in values (oh i miss her dearly)

Before exhausting herself and had her last breath, she uttered " Please take good care of my children". By those words, I knew that she did not want to die. I knew in my heart that she begged God not to leave us yet. But I was certain that she felt her last that moment.

Surely that time, mama did not know that she can continue to take care of us even if she was not physically with us. In fact, she did a marvelous job being an "absentee parent" (just look at me and my other siblings hahahhaa ang yabangggg!!!) I can visualize her with her borrowed "binoculars" from God:-) trying to hover from the heavens for us her children...

I love her so much… more than missing her…yet I know that she is in the best place. Again I love her. But my love can’t reverse nor take her out from her current “comfort” with God. I may not have totally understood His wisdom but I have faith that He has His much better plans for all of us her children...and God's dear children...

Amen.