Becoming The RIGHT WOMAN

Hello again...I guess my friend Jake led me to produce again another piece of blog. Since I was writing in my previous blog my suggestions for men's preparation to becoming Mr. Right that the ladies may be "running after" someday. I guess i should deal with my own gender.

Let me start with myself. When I was in grade school, my sisters Gina and Grace were my greatest influence in my formation. They both studied in a Catholic high school and they were both so involved with Marian club organization in school. This club strongly exemplifies praying and apostolate combined. As I was able to join them in their formation (while i was in grade school), I told myself, that I would be like them too, one day.

As I reached high school, I thought i could prepare myself for the convent life and be a nun / sister (hahahhaha i wanted so much to become one...that time). But even if i thought of that, i had countless crushes. I cry over crushes that did not notice me (hahahha with my insecurities, i know now that perhaps they saw more of that than my shining smile and beauty hahahahha na naman).

But hey, i was not the regular adolescent jamming with friends going night out in bars. I thought i was so laid back considering i had my group of friends who where also like me in college. I tell you...we were not boring idiots so naive about what were happening in the world. We were crazy talking individuals who liked discussing about many things going on around us, ourselves and others, too (kungting chikka daw).

When I was in college, I had friends who stayed in the library with me, joined charismatic group at the cathedral with me, ate out with me, drank liquor with me (only after our graduation day hahahahah so drunk with my sister gay ...vomited at the toilet bowl and slept beside and basin filled with our " intestinal venom" hahahahhaha crazy ha). I experienced smoking a little (was curious how it tasted). I got drunk also when i stayed and cried with a friend whose brother died in a very serious circumstance (this one i cannot reveal you how he died).

And so going back...How did I really prepare myself to be worthy for a guy someday? Well I can still recall way back in college when and even if I was a little wayward with my ways, I prayed everyday for a man if in case i was for married life. But in any way God has another plan for me such as to join the convent or be single for the rest of my life, I was also so open to any of it.

I did not really expect such dedication to praying for a man or for a vocation would lead me to Mike. I admit i had crushes but my husband had different impact on me. I was so afraid to get near him despite my feelings. I did not also expect him to be my boyfriend. The feeling was more than enough for me to realize that I liked if not...really loved him (and still love him hehehe with a big smile).

So what would i tell the ladies? I would like to go straight this time (based from experience and that of others) :

1. Pray

You may want to argue with me but a lot of us have experienced praying and we reaped good harvest from it. This time i would tell you to pray for man that would come in your life and in like manner also, you would be able to identify him when he comes (i know this because i experienced it myself heheheh).

2. Search for your man in the right place.

You see I belong to a small Catholic Christian community (Sowers Field Community). A lot of those that got married married in my small community they met them there. Though I did not meet my husband there, the eyes of my heart was sharpened to look for qualities in a man. If you want God-fearing men, go to places where you would be able to encounter men worshiping God (so sorry guys but i have to go straight again related to this...i want you to know your God too). I heard a lot of those who expressed their hearts with me and who got broken... met men in places where God was not acknowledged. Of course i respect their choices but i am just dropping a strong bomb of a hint here. Mike started his courtship with me by joining me at daily masses. He saw me praying the rosary now he is leading it himself for both of us.

3. Do something wonderful while you wait.

I have seen ladies who are so desperate with the search that they forgot to take care of themselves. Grow yourself. Do something wonderful while you wait. I did a lot of good things. I served my Christian community by giving talks and workshops. I did higher studies, too. I plunged into writing. I traveled. I worked so hard at doing my crafts. I found my passions. I discovered a lot of hobbies to enjoy. Of course, I joined worships every Sunday at masses (though at this time i rarely join my Christian community).

4. Always maintain a positive attitude.

We are exposed to innumerable "negatives"everyday. But it is always a choice to stay on course and never be carried by anxiety. Stay faithful to your desire to meet your man. I learned from Dr. Dyer that if you have positive mindset you attract the same....and i believe there would be a very positive man that would meet you half way ...not really a perfect man...but who can match up with you. Believe me ...God is a perfect matchmaker...Don't ever doubt that.

5. Hopping from one guy to another

The above won't help. It is not a trial and error thing. Again, going from one guy to another won't help. I am so sorry to tell you this but this is based from my experience and from those beautiful books i read about creating not really perfect relationships but ...Oh my..so beautiful ones. You see, part of the package is to really wait. While you wait you sharpen your ability to discern before making a decision to say yes to a guy. It is just so sad that decision as made in haste (through txting perhaps heheh i know a lot of them) and based on the highs of emotions. It was St. Augustine that said something like... not making a decision when you are at the height of emotion (or its opposite low). Love is not seen automatically in those heights though it can be a fertile ground where love can grow. Hehe i think i would be very unfair to you if i would just stop from here. If you have painfully gone through series of relationships, you can stop now ( hahaha i would rather say it straight)...if you want to have that kind of relationship that's worth the journey and waiting you had.

6. Physical intimacies

The above is never a guarantee of expressing love. You will be hurting each other or yourself even more. If you have experienced it, you can at least decide to stop with the decision to start being chaste again. I would suggest you read the book "I kissed Dating Goodbye" (by Joshua Harris). Oh so beautiful book. It is a good book for those that would want to start all over again with their dating life.

You might think that I now have the perfect man. Mike is not perfect but God brought me to the right man...my right match... I am not perfect too but i guess God is just an artist that beautifully crafted our hearts on a stone giving us that grace to be the right match for each other despite imperfections.

I would lastly suggest...don't do it your way...do it God's way...though our friends or anyone may serve as the instrument that would lead us to the right man...IT IS ONLY GOD THAT DOES THE PERFECT MATCHMAKING...:-) ... just strive to be the RIGHT WOMAN ...:-) ...don't watch for your man to come and just do do nothing...because HE WILL REALLY COME:-)

PS. Thanks to my friend Jake...he is such a facilitator hehehhe mwah:-)

Be the RIGHT MAN

My friend Jake commented in one of my blogs “I want to tell you how lucky you are to be blessed with such calling. I know of some friends who cried in front of me, longing to get to what you are experiencing right now” (actually what he meant was my getting into the married life state). Added to this comment, I have lots of single friends, too. They want to get married, nevertheless, they are still in the process of searching. They can’t just plunge into the next phase …married life.

When I was single, I shared the same sentiment. I understood them so well. A lot of them also are not just searching for the sake of having someone to marry. They want to have the right man to be with for the rest of their lives.

Listening from their stories, I knew what they meant. They want to entrust themselves with someone that they can truly be with. The challenge of the search continues. I would want to help them. …so badly. I love my friends and I want to see them to be happily married with a beautiful man. In my heart I would cry not seeing them in peace with the right man.

To all the gentlemen who may be thinking to get married. Here is a challenge to make an extra effort to be that right man and worthy of the great plunge for the right woman in your life (don’t worry I will write a separate article here for the ladies' preparation hehehhe…fair enough for both ha).

Here goes…

I watched a film entitled THE NATIVITY. It was then that I got to appreciate the character of Joseph. In the Bible, nothing much was said about him except in the role that he assumed prior to the birth and of course during the birth of Jesus. But nothing much was said thereafter.

At this point, I will highlight his beautiful characteristics. He was portrayed in the film as a carpenter, a very simple man with a piercing confident look in his eyes in a scene where his eyes locked on Mary's. He was a strong willed man. He knew what he wanted. He was sure of himself and his heart. I knew at the sight of his character that he was sure of his attraction (?) if not,... love for Mary.

Since, he knew himself, he knew also when to make his move of asking her hand through Joachim, the father of Mary. He did not give up at the sight of resistance or indifference from Mary. He was confident with presenting himself to her father telling him that he can afford to raise a family and that he can take care of his daughter. He also waited for Mary for months when she went to visit her cousin Elizabeth.

He was no super human. He was in pain when he learned that she was pregnant. He was honest with himself to withdraw his proposal. But his faithfulness and obedience to God overpowered when angel Gabriel announced about the truth of Mary’s pregnancy.

From what I observed in the film, he was known in the village to be responsible and honorable man. But the decision to marry Mary made a bad impression on him with people thinking that he caused her pregnancy.

He was also a man of simple humor and Mary appreciated this. An example was his comment when they passed by villagers on their way to Bethlehem “they will be missing us for days without us being their topic to talk about”.

Added to that, he was very sacrificing when in the journey, they almost ran out of food. What was left was a small amount of unleavened bread that he cut into half. He gave Mary one piece, ate a little a very small portion of his share, hid it and gave it to the donkey. This one even to this writing moved me to tears.

Mary never missed a thing of the goodness of Joseph. This beauty of one man was concluded by Mary's statement during Joseph’s sleep and while she was wiping his dirty and calloused feet, stated “my child is blessed to have a responsible man for a father" .

In my heart , I know I would do everything in my capacity and by God’s grace to have a man so responsible, patient, confident and more than anything God – fearing.

I do not know Joseph’s childhood years. They did not know psychology at that time. There were no books on parenting skills. How he was raised and where he got such wonderful values. But as a woman, I know my heart, whom and what values to capture in a man. I make a choice according to values and principles in a man not by the looks. Though honestly it is my weakness hahahah. Combining both would be splendid. But still values and principles serve long term purpose even without the looks. They are the most enduring part in a man and in any relationship.

Hello my dear gentlemen. You may be conscious with how you look but be more conscious with building up your character. This will also attract the same from the ladies. If they are not in the same level of values as yours, they will be “tempted” to be like you. You will be more attractive to them.

Oh, let’s go back to Joseph. He was not perfect. He was afraid with his decision. He even asked for a sign from God if he made it right. The greatest sign he had was the birth of Jesus. Everything was crystal clear. It turned out to be the most wonderful decision he ever made – to be the husband and “surrogate” father of the Son of ‘God. Big time decision ha.

Well who would ever imagine such faithfulness of one simple man, a carpenter at that, with humility despite fear that he will be participating in the divine plan for the world. In like manner, who would ever think that your obedience to prepare yourself to be that “RIGHT MAN” would make you participate also in God’s plan to strengthen family values and make you models to other men that may have different concepts to courtship and preparation for married life.

It is not the looks. It is your heart. Just strive so hard to be the RIGHT MAN.

PS. Being masculine doesn’t mean trial and error or trying different ladies to relate with. It means holding and reserving yourself for the right woman, patiently waiting, with prayer and reverence to God…:-). I would like to suggest that you would get to know Joseph even more:-)

A Beautiful Partnership

I wrote this blog on September 8. 2011, the birthday of the the woman named Mary...called on a mission to be the mother of Jesus. Early morning on the said day, someone said "Today is the Blessed Mother's birthday..." and I answered "yup we talked :-)"...Another one just laughed with a comment "...feeling close".

Let me recount how I joined the birthday celebration of this beautiful woman and mother of Jesus (my mother too). I watched the film entitled "the Nativity" at Youtube. I just wanted something to devour while searching the best ways to celebrate this special day. But then I thought I would only highlight her. I could not take away my heart from the character of Joseph that was portrayed so well in the film. In fact his beautiful character moved me to tears several times.

I would like to highlight the following significant events :

1. Mary was bethrothed by her father to Joseph
2. She accepted such arrangement with a heavy heart (did not love Joseph at first)
3. She conceived through the Holy Spirit
4. She traveled to Elizabeth and Zachariah's place after the engagement which was more like an escape from the reality of such arrangement
5. She was shocked to know that Elizabeth proclaimed and affirmed her pregnancy of the Savior of the world
6. While she was with Elizabeth, Joseph was restless with Mary's long vacation and was shocked seeing Mary pregnant when she came back to their village
7. Joseph decided to secretly break up the engagement with Mary
8. Joseph was "siezed" by an angel in his dream not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife as she conceived the Son of God
9. Joseph took Mary to be His wife despite the possible shame that they would face together
10. Three magi, considered the Wise Men that time saw the coming of the Savior (though one of them doubted at first)
11. The wise men were invited by Herod to join him in his palace and told them to come back if they found the messiah so that he could go and worship him, too
12. Slowly Mary saw an honorable man in Joseph as she proclaimed in her statement " my child is blessed to have a responsible man for a father"
13. Joseph despite his obedience to God to take Mary as his wife whispered to Him in prayer "Please show me a sign that I am doing the right thing" (this he uttered on his way to Bethlehem where they would pay homage as an ancestors of David).
14. Joseph's greatest sign was when Mary gave birth to the baby Jesus. His face depicts the overwhelmed image of a man combining both awe and laughter as the heavens had shone forth its brightest star like that of a spotlight to where they are
15. The shepherds payed a visit followed by the 3 magi offering the child gold, frankincense and myrrh
16. Herod ordered to kill the babies in the land in fear that someone may take over his throne someday.

What had hit me the most in the film were the following :

1. Mary's submission to her parents despite her resistance to accept Joseph as her future husband
2. Joseph was so confident with himself
- he had stable income in carpentry so he was so certain of himself being able to support Mary financially and the baby
- sure of his l0ve for Mary
- really pursued Mary despite her obvious resistance
- patient to wait for her coming back

4. Mary and Joseph's obedience to the angel...without question or whatever rationalization
5. Joseph and Mary's persistence during the travel to reach Bethlehem their destination

These two individuals went through so much allowing themselves to say YES in the most important mission of bringing the child Jesus to this world. I saw in the film the great partnership and friendship of Joseph and Mary. They have their moments together conversing and sharing their fears yet, they did not give up or stop. They stood firm believing that they are obeying the voice of God Himself whose Son she is carrying in her womb.

Everything in the film was centered on faith, hope and Love. Faith in God's word. Hope for the salvation of the world. And the ultimate Love of God sending His Son to redeem the world. Everyone that supported Jesus' birth had hoped for Him to come. And in whatever aspect, my hope that this blog may send the MESSAGE...God is here in the world and was brought by two obedient individuals especially chosen for the mission to be His parents to create such a beautiful and life-giving partnership.

One Precious Wedding Ceremony Moment

When I walked through the isle (at the Bishop's house chapel) towards the altar, I did not rest my eyes immediately on my husband's. Instead, I saw the Cross. My eyes and heart automatically captured the feeling of the moment. I was awed and overwhelmed by the gift right before my eyes.

When I got near Mike who was about to be turned over (hahahah) by his father to me, I knew that I would have to be with him for life. Hahhaha I did not think of running away...I just wanted that beautiful moment not to end.

I may be so excited with telling you the next part but then let's have a little glimpse the night before that. I was accompanied by two wonderful very close friends (Lolits and Jinny) that have been treading and doing a side by side "crazy" journey with me in the course of the preparations. In their presence (without them knowing the content) I wrote my personal vows which I was supposed to read in front of God addressed to my dear husband Michael.

The following was my personal statement and vows to my husband :

Michael…through the years that we journeyed…I found a great friend in you…we have been through so many challenges but you never gave up on me…on us…before I give you this ring…I would want to tell you why i made this big leap to marry you…

You have such strong faith in God
You supported me all the way –good times and bad times
You are a mature person
Your love is so strong firmly grounded in God

I promise to be your faithful Christ-centered wife and mother to our future children…I promise to take care of you and them…I promise to love you (and our future children ...again hehehe) and guard this love with my life… :-)

Here is the sort of tragedy...I lost the carefully written copy above before the ceremony and so I said my spontaneous "speech" with trembling and nearly crying voice to my husband...with some sound effect blowing of noses from the the audience...:-) (hahahhaha joke lang). Well, I just saw some red eyes including Michael's (and myself)...:-)

I guess God just wanted me to be spontaneous. He wanted to bring out that natural me before Him and Michael. He is the God of all life's beautiful surprises.

And so if there was that precious moment in that ceremony...it was that moment when He just wanted Michael and I to be ourselves in front of Him saying our vows before Him. I may have said them with my words but there was something in that moment that even words were not even enough to define it.

He is the God who in that moment made His "official" declaration for us to be MAN AND WIFE:-)

From Single Life to Being a Wife

Since my wedding on October 1, 2011, I have not really written much in here. Maybe because I have focused myself on the new life and journey that I now share with my long time boyfriend (now my ex hehehe) who is now my husband.

I thought it was an easy transition. You see I have been so comfortable with single life for quite a long time (hahahha trying to hide the age ha). I loved the independence and that nobody was dictating me. If I went home early or late, it did not really matter because I felt that the time was mine. I just loved it that way.

But then, one day God led me to decide to pursue married life. It was then like counting the tik tak of the clock - hours, minutes and seconds until i said my "I do" and voila... the shift to married life. It was like an easy climb on a fence and waved my hands to the other side with my beautiful goodbye smile.

And oohhh...i am so excited to tell you about this. I just had my first shortcomings being a new wife ...

1. I needed to re-frame myself having someone beside me all the time
2. I wanted (ones only hahahha but i got to peep at it from time to time) to sleep in the couch so as to have my space back (ouch!!! of course my husband had to bring me back to my senses ...hahhahah...i was like a kid folding my skinny body wrapping my knees with both arms and should i add biting the tip of my nails hahahah what was i thinking?)
3. He just reminded me that i promised to God during our wedding to submit myself to him (hahahah you see i get to be stubborn sometimes...that was really a firm reminder from Mike speaking as if God was talking to me too...)
4. I discovered i am so prim and proper . I just want things to be where they should be AND Mike's coming into my life brought me to my senses again that he has his ways of doing things that I should respect ...(which he reminded me a lot of times on that).

But you see, after all this little struggles, I like very much us holding each others hands and while we talk we remind each other that we may not be perfect but still we hold on to that promise to love each other...

Well...still a very long way to go...and a lot to learn from those that have traveled ahead of us. The thing is, I and Mike both feel that we are surrounded by beautiful married couples and oh so beautiful friends that are journeying with us...

We both thank God :-)

HOLD ON.. STAY POSITIVE

We get misinterpreted a lot of times and sometimes we do the same to others. When we don't reply to text messages. When a person does not show up to agreed appointments. When someone seem not to comply or fulfill obligations ... etc...These things may make us feel hurt and somehow rejected by the silence of others.

The past months brought me painful lessons in dealing with my emotional reactions and responses to situations related to this. It led to a realization that I may not have gotten the response that I desired to get from a particular person but then I made a decision as to how I would deal with it or deal with the silence from the other end ...and more than anything...deal with myself:-)

Take this as an example...

1. Send the text message
2. No response from the other end
3. Mind may roam around possible reasons why the person is not replying
4. Mind may go as far as entertaining all the negatives including the feeling of rejection

You see when you get as far as number 4, just stop. There should be a deliberate attempt to really stop thinking all the gross things that you could imagine about the person. Base on experience, it eats up a lot of your bountiful source of positive energy. If this one consumes you, you loose sight of the beauty that can happen right before your eyes. You have to decide to stop.

A beautiful man named Ignatius of Loyola - a great saint stated something like this thought "when a situation is in doubt, give it your best interpretation".

What can be a possible best interpretation to these situation? At my end, i like toying with ideas. This time includes the choice to be positive with life. The shift to this mindset really helped. What did I do? I ran and roam around in my mind all the beautiful things that the person did to me including all possible things that he / she can do to others during those times when I expected his / her replies to my communications. This way of doing relieved me from many more "paranoid" and stressful thinking. It is a deliberate resistance to think ill of anyone. I find it more helpful and hopeful (...and do you know that to be kind to others strengthens the immune system? hahahha now you know).

Miscommunication can happen. Even the sincerest intent to reach out can be misinterpreted. What counts a lot is that we stay positive with life. We don't limit ourselves to the bounds of technology or the unspoken. We continue living our day despite the mysterious unfathomable silence of others.

We live life ...fully and to the fullest...:-)