JUST SAY IT

For me it is good to write when they are fresh (hehe). I just happen to lose a minor thing...my hair clip. this one brings my hair to order the entire day so I won't really have to focus on it and just get things done for the entire day. But then, again, I lost it. Big problem ha for i would not want to scare anyone away. I am not vain either to go to the parlor to get hair relax...since college, i do my hair pony or pouched. hahhaha what a term.

I had three options though : to go out of the office and buy one, let my hair down and simple or simply say it to someone in the office hoping she would be the one to help and provide me with the clip (hahahhaha that big deal ha). And I got it(thanks to Princess). You may say " Hey men hahahah it is just a clip"... (char !!!) But i would say ...it is not the clip...it is when you say that you need something so that others would know what you lack that help would be made available for you.

But nah nah..it is not really like that always in real life. Reality bites and hits hard. When you ask for something or anything ...you do not really get everything. In prayer, when you enumerate things that you need or want from God, you don't really get everything.

Why is that? Kind of unfair ha. I did it many times and over and over again. In my not so remote past, when i was still a fresh graduate and freshly baked. Hahahhahahah...I thought i started out writing everything i wanted through my personal vision and mission and so i itemized everything and kept on fulfilling them year after year. It is like having a checklist in my drawer and just simply pull them out when i needed to check if I have accomplished my plans. And i did them all (?) ...wait ...except one...getting control of when and the time of getting married. Hhahahhahaha as the years passed, it became an image of someone standing beside the road allowing things to pass by and helplessly mumble words like "ay...tua ra sila..milabay na" hahahhahahha.

Really, i could easily laugh at all these now, but, before? Well it was like joining a desperate race of single women getting married one at a time and i felt so left out and lost. I kept such one hard question in my heart "why me?'' and ...would you allow me to describe it? Just a simple lady crawling and begging for her to be allowed to get married...she muttered, complained, threw stones at the heavens gate, bit her angel's wing, threw stone at the Father's throne (hahahha) and would you believe that i included a joke of kidnapping the Blessed Mother? (this came out from an electronic chat with another single friend hahahhahahh)...kidnap for ransom. We both believed Jesus will not be able to say NO to us (hahahhahahhahah muligid ta katawa bai).

But really and seriously, why is it that a generous God who owns everything can afford to say NO to such request or to any of our requests? Everyone would be rich, get a good job, have a perfect family, great vacation, great house, eating good food, poverty eliminated. Everyone is simply H-A-P-P-Y.

Why is it that God Himself, the great author of generosity is not able to dispense everything in just a simple push of the buttons of the machine? Wow...you read me...making God as a machine...at our own disposal and control.

But we do ask...we say it ... but we are not outright given...This is kind a hard to answer but you know what? As time passed by...I thought choosing to be bitter because I did not get what I wanted would make God grant me what I demanded but He made me wait even more...Gross ha. The waiting paid so well for in His right time someone just came and broke the silence on God's behalf - my Spiritual Director - Fr. Frank, SJ.

It was when I stopped the chase, and started to stop asking and allowed myself to simply submit that I slowly got the pieces back. It was in those times of simply not asking and not doing anything when He came and dug hard. It was like His hand had punched a deep hole and cleaned up all the mess inside planting a new seed of hope.

I simply said it many times in the past...and I thought I wouldn't find it. He came...He did answer...not the way I wanted Him. I could not reverse the process ...me being God and He does what I wanted. It has to be Him and only Him as the God..

Listen up...He is our God...It has to be that and no reverse whatsoever.

And so why can't we just simply stop the chase and let go... When we do that, we just simply wait...His time...the perfect time. No sweat ha...(come dance with me hahahahhahahah).

So when you JUST simply SAY IT ...it has to be ...."I WILL WAIT".