I came across an old book at an SM sale accounted by a teacher author regarding a man in Texas named George Dawson that only learned how to read in his later life (80's... ay sori po 90's diay ..98 years old). This man simply lived a simple and uncomplicated life. He said "Life is good just the way it is". He also added "these days are growing children not raising them".
I guess growing is being associated with just simply providing them with stuffs that support physical growth such as food, clothing, shelter, medicines, etc. But raising would lead to a total engagement of parents to the life of their children particularly on emotional, social, spiritual (etc.) and developing other skills that may make them a positive contribution not only to themselves but to the society.
This is one thing though that bothers me. With the introduction of varied technologies from the western world and our parents embracing those stuffs to entertain our children, we allow some time to pass for such activities that make the children "idle" with things that are more life giving.
I may sound like an expert parent. I am not. I am not claiming any of such authority on this earth (char lang ...basin inyo ko labayon bato da hahhahahha). The thing is, i am a single, a little older lady (hahahahhaha soon to get married though) that sees many things from experiences in the academe and engagements with family, my life as a child and lives of children that i play with in the neighborhood (at my age i still play a group of children ...and i love to keep it that way).
There is one common thing with them. They like to have your attention. Anything goes with children - play, stories, toys (even hand made ones). They flock with you if they feel you give them "A" - as in attention. They get your attention when they see you listening to someone else stories. When you ask them to do things, they do it just to get it, too, such as dancing for you or tell you stories.
Some neighbor's children - would flock at the house while I cook, play on the computer (not really play but we take pictures together over the camera...too bad I lost it when I had my computer reformatted.) We listen to music together or we just bring plastic chairs together so that we could gather and talk about anything.
They flock when you give them time. On and on and until this time, they look for me shouting outside of the gate for the hug. Though I rarely get their hugs at the moment, but when I get them during weekends, I sure feel that i still have their love (to uriel, mayre, justine, tintin, andrew, ann2x, and many more kids ...thanks for the time and the fun, fun time we had).
Parents can tell more with how they have struggled toward growing and raising their children. A lot of parents, despite with their daily workloads always have the time to let go of work just to be present at school meetings, school affairs, social activities, etc.
My sister Gay and husband Dennis for example support their kids girl2 and Anton by organizing a soccer team for both to engage and the entire family to participate. They have made other kids join providing them with food, uniform, transportation, lodging (they also invite sponsors :-)).
My friends Carla and Dennis are so fully engage with their family that they give their full attention to their daughters Maia Frances and Robin that died years ago due to an illness. Their love for their family particularly their daughters led them to doing some community works of distributing food and medicines in the cardiac unit of NMMC hospital last August, 2010 (and more surprises to come from Carla and family. Carla is now being featured in my LITTLE HEROES blog site).
My sister Gina and husband Ronnie do spend their simple time lying in bed together with Alfie and Nickey (grabe ka full pack ang bed heheh) and talk about anything including lots of laughter. They go to Church together (though sometimes they struggle to keep Nickey with them). One thing that's popular with their family is "laughter" (plus I join them from time to time).
My other sister Grace and husband Jun (hehe i mean Avelino bitaw ...Junior siya actually), spend their time as a couple with AG and Rock2. They join Couples' for Christ and support both their kids at kids camp with Kids for Christ. They are both such hands-on parents such as giving them tutorials and hold regular family dates, too (sometime they do laundry for them when help is not available).
Sadly other parents, may find it painful to being able provide such presence since they work outside of the country or work takes them outside of their place of residence or make them spend longer hours in the office. I do not judge them either for such for I experienced interacting with them, too.
When I was in US I heard stories of their sacrifices to leave their families to provide them financially. And, the parents that can't have such sufficient and satisfying time with their children due to work. But you would always hear them say "I do this because, I love them and I have to provide all their needs" (sadly, a lot of their children or adolescents for that matter do not really appreciate this).
A child does not totally understand this. But when a "balikbayan box" (for OFWs) comes containing all the toys and fancies that can materially provide a child, he / she forgets momentarily. He can't even totally utter what he misses but i am pretty sure he feels the lack even without fully understanding it.
My experience as a high school counselor for 10 years (before i had my detour in human resource hehe)made me see all these stuffs. Parents out of pure motive of providing for their children merits the consequences of not really being "known" by them. Parents would express their pains of the "loss" but painful as it is, they just "reap" what they sow.
One story that broke my heart was shared by a friend over an incident of a child that did her family drawing without the mother in it. You know why? The mother has been in the States (US)working as a nurse since she was 3 years old (now she is 8). And the mom comes home one's a year (she is still blessed to have her ones a year...others won't see their parent for 5 to 10 years) but excluding the mother in that drawing would tear my world and break me apart ...ohhh so, so...downright paaiiinnfulll if i am the mother.
Other instance was when somebody close to me joined a mother and daughter camp for a a little girl whose mother works in US ,too. Wow...if only the mom had known that she missed a lot of her daughter's stories and growing up ( ako kung pwede lang i will watch every moment of growing of my "future" child hehehe...i would love to do that for him or her).
Presence is so important with children. We may have provided them with the basic needs but a lot of them crave for attention. One TV ad that i have seen recently mentions of a teenage girl that mentions to her parents at dinner time that her friend got pregnant and shared how she feels with her friend. I should say she is blessed to have the opportunity to be able to share her feelings and agony to her parents over of her friend's situation simply because her parents are with her in the house when she comes home.
As Filipinos, we value so much our families and our children. The strength of our families can outweigh any hardship that each one may encounter. Though we say that adolescents' life is the most crucial stage of all the stages but from experience, the first five years and the entire childhood years should be the planting of the seeds and building up of the strong foundation of child's character that can and may withstand challenges of the future.
And so, I hope and pray that we all strive to both grow and raise our children ...for the future (char lang...murag kanta hahhahahh)...God bless us all!
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