WALK THE TALK

-thanks to Glenn Balhon (Sales Officer of Dunkin Donuts cdo)for modelling his foot ...i mean beautiful shoe in this photo hahhahahahhaha)

This morning, I felt that I have always said sorry to Mike (lately). I was worried with that because I feel that I have always hurt the one I love. I thought also that if I would not do that it would mean I allowed myself to clutter my heart with pride and not take the first move. It has always been that for me to save my face in front of anyone ...just to appear clean but this time when it is someone I love that I hurt...that I cannot contain and look at them straight in the eyes.

I have difficulty looking at Mike's eyes when I hurt him or to see him move out of the house with dropped shoulders appearing to be carrying some heavy loads. I am not giving up on us nor give up on myself. If I have to say sorry over and over again. I will do that.

I now know well and clear where I feel so weak and thought where else could I better pick myself but to where I fell too. I told Mike to help me in reminding me...:-) (hehe). I do need help. I may be strong in some areas but I need help too in others. I need help in picking me up.

It would be absurd to commit the same mistake over and over again. Mike has been reminding me that it is a decision not to get caught up with my anger or some heavy situations in my life. Everyday has been a tough day - work, small apostolate God's business to attend with and many more bits and pieces of God's work that appear in drizzles. I have been sending positive messages but this time the challenge of taking care of my own life, too ...to practice what I preach is prodding me.

I thought saying sorry even if I thought I was not at fault, also would make me lesser than myself. A certain other situation occurred that which I knew full well that the fault was not mine but then in my effort to extend made my first move to confront and said my piece of "sorry" (I did not make such a lengthy explanation...i just said "sorry"). I felt outright that it was not well accepted for I saw some assertions made by the person that it was really all my fault. I may be hurt after that but I re-focused on my intention and perhaps continue with the normal / regular way of relating with her. I may not be that successful but I know I made a big leap of humility and acceptance of myself and of the person. I just focused on the right thing to do rather that coming out clean in that incident. I just focused on sending my love through my "sorry":-).

In the end, it will not be between me and the person but with my BIG BOSS up there. I feel God is making the best out of me. And so, if I have to say sorry over and over again...I will do that ...until one day I will be able to perfect this test of character. I will just have to WALK THE TALK.