I happen to run through a coffee advertisement that says "kanino ka ba gumigising?". It did not really ring a bell at first except when my eyes were no longer glued on the screen. My heart simply felt and "captured" the sound of it (as in wow ...super beautiful question... at ganon ka tindi ang dating ng tanong).
And so i related it with these lines from Pedro Arrupe, a Jesuit that lived a very passionate life saying ...“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”
Arrupe's statements sweep it all. They summarize some fundamental and basic ways of motivating towards living our lives. Starting a day ...falling so deeply in love in quite absolute final way..." (as in woowww) i just feel that there is nothing beyond the point of the absolute (but if there is something beyond this, this space can't be owned by anyone else but MY GOD). But this has to be captured by action. Love in Action... everyday...
I happen to see a video of a very ...ohh so frustrating incident of a suicide put on video via internet by the person himself that committed it. He was trying to announce to everyone what he was about to do (suicide live via webcam). It was so sad to see someone loosing hope to live and decide to end his life that way by hanging himself. I saw the struggle and transition of color with his face from pale to becoming so dark until breathing stopped in a matter of less than 1 minute. Well just like that. As fast as that and it really broke my heart yet, i bravely witnessed such on video just to see and feel what this person might be feeling...it drained me... I just wanted to cry and cry after that.
Loosing hope and reason to live. Not having any reason to fire up the day or start the day can be one of those that we may be experiencing. I had lots of those actually in the many years of facing life's battles and struggles. The latest incident happened immediately after my 19th annotation retreat. After such arduous spiritual exercises, i was then so certain about what i loved doing and i was like pressuring myself not to pursue doing the rest other than my passion (ash in heheh). Yet, I remained and stood still for i might be entertaining the wrong voice. The days were discolored with the lack of motivation and drive to wake up. I found my energy dwindling. I wasn't able to associate low motivation with loosing the spirit to continue "serving God" in anything and everything about the mission.
Having no reason to wake up or not finding meaning with daily undertakings can affect everything in our lives. And so every time I run through Arrupe's lines, they refresh me in terms of committing myself everyday to continue to live and make each day my "fly day" - that is soar high and live life to the fullest.
I do find my purpose now much better and finer than before. I see more of challenges than making situations a problem. When i meet some really questionable behaviors of individuals:-), i ask "what can i learn from this person" so that i could improve my way of relating the next time.
Though I love talking so much, i usually take some halts to listen. In fact, i take more time to listen this time and simply enjoy each person i meet everyday (perhaps they feel it too and enjoy my company at the same time...well you might as well try me hahahhahah char lang).
I am more conscious as to responding (not reacting ...Mike taught me well in this in our moments of encounter) to questions and just trying to check personal motives and flow of conversation if they are simply discussion of facts - which can be very deceiving and may click the arrow leading to gossips.
I get to check myself when i feel dissatisfied and starts to complain. I see to it that i get the job done and more(which means passionately putting my heart in my work).
In short (which is rather long hhahhahah), i am starting to be more in touch with myself so that i could manifest and be more effective with everything that i do everyday.
But do i really get "sick" and scared waking up in a day. Well it does happen sometimes. And that is only when i start to entertain some negative thoughts so swooosh they come real fast and i felt that i cause and attract them. I tell you it is such a tedious job to pick "me" up when i allowed them to come in.
At this time i wake up and consciously declare "THIS IS GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY, I LOVE DANG AND SHE WILL MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE" ( heheh with shouts of joooooooooooy). Simply because, i know what makes me happy...that is making others happy...help them find meaning and purpose everyday...so that ultimately, I make HIM happy up there...:-)From this i am declaring ...I HAVE A CHOICE AS TO HOW I SHOULD WAKE UP AND PERK MY DAY:-)
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