Blog with integrity

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

My Heart Speaks...

Designed by my friend Ms. Cess Enerio 

As I am at this time in my life confronted with varied challenges - family life, work and other commitments outside of it.  I can see events like big waves.  I remember dreaming such huge waves. I was at the shore.  I felt so afraid at such sight however, I felt like walking across it.  Victory, that is how I see it.

You see my heart is like torn into pieces...not just simply  big pieces but really minute ones.  I could not contain them any longer except to cry in prayer.  How is that?  You see part of me wanted to shout out...wanted to scream and face people.  However, I feel such a huge hand pulling me out and stay silent at one corner.  

Silence...yes..I may be writing some stuffs in my blog site but the depth of the entire me has not gone out.  What has caused such intense emotion.  I really need not expose everything to you my dear readers.  

My complicated emotions craved for simplicity and would simply go straight to the point. To live life in the eyes of faith and humility.  A lot of times any pure and sincere intentions for others can be misjudged and seen in the shades of envy.  It pains my heart...truly...and my heart bleeds simply lifting this to God... 

Now, here's why silence could be the best response.  In the varied encounters I have with different individuals, I found real comfort in the following lines of St. Teresa of Calcutta

  People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered, Forgive them anyway...
  If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway...
  If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.         Succeed anyway.
  If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway...
  What you spend years creating , others could destroy overnight. Create anyway...
  If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway...
  The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.
  Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.
  ... In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

Still... I will continue loving matter what...and WRITE MORE BOOKS...nobody can stop my heart from saying what it sees even in the darkest night ...

Friday, January 20, 2017



We may have gone through that toughest experience of the flood, however, firstly,  I don't want anyone of you to feel guilty at not being there during the flood...I would like to reiterate what stated - as comment to ma'am Marivic Rotoras...that where we were during the flood was where we should be and called to be. It did not mean that being in the flood,  is a punishment and the others were sort of "saved" because they were able to go out the campus before the flood...God's wisdom abounds in all the circumstances of our lives.

Secondly, someone stated in the past "goodluck...badluck who knows"... I just believe that everything that happened with us has a reason...Only God in his wisdom has known the depth of this experience and why this happened. It will be futile to ask from our standpoint "why"...what would be wiser is to trust that everything in God's divine wisdom works for good.

Thirdly, there may be pointing of fingers of who's at fault.. I tell, you attitude like this will make us sink deeper and far more into the mud of life not facing our accountabilities and truly responding with the problem...In whatever circumstance of life, we will be challenged and measured in terms of the depth of our character. Life will neutrally present us with whatever situation there is. Again, what matters most is our CHARACTER...The challenge is for all of us ...TO RISE TOGETHER AND START AGAIN. I believe God is truly with us. It does not matter the number of floods that would strike us. 

Lastly, PLEASE...let us stop pointing fingers to who is at fault and washing our hands declaring that we did not commit mistakes. As humans we know that we commit mistakes. But the question is "how responsible can we be at finding solutions to our problems rather than spending so much time blaming each other?".   Moreover, our effort should not be because we are afraid with what others may say outside of the university. It should be focused on love and support for each other. Thus, to all of you, teachers and SHS students, we will work together at focusing and finding solutions to our current situation…in whatever way we can. 

Together, we are placed in this USTP community – the Senior High School…at the right time and place and where God's wisdom is put forth for us to be channels of his presence. We are all called to be his instruments. WE SHOULD NEVER FORGET THAT. As his INSTRUMENTS...WE ARE ALL CALLED TO DO SOMETHING POSITIVE AND NOT RUIN EACH OTHER..




Monday, January 16, 2017

Just While I am In the Middle of the Flood

taken by Mr. Sigfrid Tong - USTP SHS Faculty

I am right in the middle of a flooded area..our school.  With everyone - employees and students together.  I feel helpless.  I prayed but could not totally utter everything. I am simply afraid - for myself, my students ..our students and my family upland (though i know they are safer there).   

I received calls, txt messages and facebook messages from loved ones.  What happened today?  I came to school feeling tired and weak.  I was sick yesterday and was struggling to get up and report to work.  I wanted so much to be absent.  I wanted to take a sick leave so that I could simply savor the day by getting that sleep which I feel so deprived of for days.  However, I stood still and decided to report to work.  

As I gave a one last look at myself on the mirror, I saw a very weak, pale eyes.  Still I declared, I needed to go to work. As I drove off, I felt that I just have to steal some rest lunch however, I decided to go to the mall to buy some stuffs when the rain poured heavily and fast.  I breezed back to work and parked the car at the elevated part near the building. 

I did not think of any heavy rain or storm. I just continued working and ate some snacks with my colleagues.  When I felt the rain seemed to have poured more and heavier, I decided to call some teachers to pull out students from some part of the university and transfer to a safer location.  

I began to notice the water around us rising much higher and I felt alarmed when my attention was called about my car since water level has reached almost near the body already.  I bravely went down and moved it up higher.  To my dismay and still, water level reached almost the topmost of the car.  

My husband was calling me from time to time.  I was txting some priest fiends Fr. Xavier and Fr. Norlan for prayers.  I prayed hard...however difficult it was.  I had questions in my mind which I honestly did not want to entertain.  But I just felt that we are not ready for such disaster that surround us at this time.  Still it happened and yet I was afraid and feel responsible for our students.

Did I regret that I report to school?  I should have stayed home and be safer.  But, I never felt the regret despite the fact that the car was drowned..without food and very less liquid intake.  I feel that I am here at the right time. To simply journey with our students and colleagues who are stranded with me.  To simply understand how a crisis could turn into a much deeper bonding, helping and giving the last sliced cake I had, last set of coffee that we could share to the students, get a little sleep with wet clothes for daring to move that car thinking it could still be saved, to laugh with colleagues with the extra comfort of laughter despite the fear...I feel I am in the right place at such perfect time.  The flood...this flood challenged  me and my desire for comfort.  I simply realize that comfort is where God is ...where God's people may be needing us ...and me at the hour of crisis like this.  

...I feel so sleepy now...and I miss so much my husband and little girl who likes to simply stay beside me and that mommy's "magic" warm embrace...soon...I will be home my two lovies...:-) ...yawn... I just hope and pray that we could be more vigilant at keeping everyone safe.. love and prayers for those who shared their prayers for us...God will get back at you with His warm embrace...:-)

Monday, December 5, 2016

The following article was written more than a week ago...

I heard Sunday mass yesterday.  The first candle of advent was lit.  It created a special feeling of excitement, anticipation, a moving forward to the most colorful season of the year.  

I have been browsing youtube lately with Christmas movies.  Truly my favorite.  They hit me and  I become emotional.  Kind of refreshing yes they were.  I just allowed myself to be engulfed with the spirit  that is being portrayed in the films.  But there is such a word as WAIT...there is one thing that is MISSING.  The films I mostly watch do not really highlight the birth of Jesus and salvation that brought such joy and meaning of Christmas.  Decorations, Santa, miracles that do not connect with Jesus but with some spirits and fairies of Christmas,  flashing decorations...spirit of Christmas which I think the movies did not really and truly present the TRUE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON.

Welcome Christmas.  Welcome Jesus the child who is the reason why Christmas was born also into the world.  A concept created truly based and grounded in  Jesus. But why does the world seemed to have portrayed it differently.  I feel like the world loves Christmas but not the Christ.  One movie even portrayed family but at the heart of it, prayer was not even said to acknowledge Christ's birth.

I just hope we receive and portray Christmas by going back to its origin... by refocusing, seeing its essence and not be fooled by the flashes and decorations of Christmas.  Let us not waste the season.  Let us go straight to the heart of the season by looking at reminded by the life of simplicity, connecting with family, forgiveness, humility and true love we share to each other during the celebration of the Mass...

Welcome Christmas...welcome Jesus Christ into the world:-)

Monday, November 28, 2016

The Word "BUSY"
I made a phone call one mid day.  I asked the receiver"how are you today?  what have you been doing?  what keeps you busy?".  The receiver was my daughter ( as if a 4 year old girl could really entirely grapple what I asked).  The same questions I asked with others and myself, I throw them to my daughter.  My work has taught me to throw pre conditioned questions even to a tiny family member certainly did not get my point.  I even did not get the point why I asked that.  But one thing is certain, I get to "lose my mind" at certain parts of the day when I become so wrapped up with too many things to do.

"Lose my mind" means that I have packed my mind with so many things already that even if I was not talking with anyone, I seemed to have ongoing conversations in my mind. Hahahah please don't get me wrong. I just wanted to do so many things at a time.  And I feel that reality does not give me that luxury of time to finish everything.   And, I realize I keep on using the word "BUSY" which I did  not actually want to use at all.  In short, I have become the word that I did not like.

I took time off.  I went to the mall alone.  I tried to watch movie ...shed few tears ...and tried to hide them from an old lady who tried to check me from time to time.  I missed this time to hang out with me.  To just be with me.  Bring food to the movie house and let out my heart.  I already declared earlier that I needed time for myself since no matter how I tried in the past to let go of work, I kept on counting the many things that are undone.  And I would keep on doing that in my mind.  The best thing to do is then to declare and raise the white simply simple stop nothing just stop stop time from enslaving me.  

I thank God that He gave the strength and the courage today to just call it a halt.  

PS ...I don't want my daughter to be like me...but they said...daughters will copy most of their behaviors from their moms...hhhhmmm I think I will just have to spend more time with prayeerrrrr if that would be the case...oohhhhhh...oohhhhh how challenging will that be...

Sunday, November 27, 2016

I Felt Like That Puppy Who Needed the Most Comfort...When I almost lost my daughter at the Mall...

An Old April 2016 photo with Mikaela
I could not contain my heart today...tonight.  On our way to the mall, I and my husband saw a rolling puppy by the road...struggling for its life.  It was such a painful sight.  Not just that but I felt emotional by it that really brought me to tears even while I am tinkering the keyboard. When we reached the mall, we had our dinner but took turns with taking care of our daughter who chose to run around than taking her dinner.  

When it was my turn to take care of her, I brought her to a bookstore.  I allowed her to touch everything she wanted to and take with her.  I simply observed her at a distance when all of a sudden I lost sight of her.  My heart really pumped so hard.  I was trying to check all parts of the store from where I realized she was not inside.  I tried to talk to all the saleslady inside and the guard who did not notice her going out of the store.  

I was not just worried.  I was frightened imagining all sorts of horrible things already.  One saleslady told me to ask for assistance from the guard of the mall and make some announcements which I did. That moment I thought of telling my husband what happened and asked for help (he was eating alone since we decided to take turns).  But still I decided to go back to the bookstore to take one last look.  But a guy wearing white shirt called me form outside of the store and pointed the back of the lined up display of Christmas trees describing a little girl with a pink shirt at the back of it.  I ran towards  that direction and true enough my daughter was there running away from the Christmas trees towards the door of the mall bringing with her three red marker pens.  

A date at a hotel with our little lady
It was a mixture of joy and anger at the same time.  But the anger was due to the fear or rather fright that I felt losing her that way.  I could not describe it but I strongly held her arms. and brought her straight to the bookstore asking her to return the pens.  We went straight ahead to my husband who had no knowledge about what happened.  

I told him of course what happened with a  little tremble in my voice.  I knew then also that we had to cut our date short.  We had to go home.  My daughter gave me that innocent look but still wanted to still explore the mall.  I knew how it was like losing her in that short moment.  I knew how and what it was like not having her beside me nor being uncertain at what might happen next.  I was already forewarned at the gut level before entering that bookstore to keep watch and stay close but I still wanted to go with the adventure of allowing her to explore and let her be and it ended up realizing that the challenge was for me and not for my daughter. will always be books, magazines...passion
It is kind of a very difficult realization ...letting her that much space and freedom at a very young age.  Still I am her mom...and at her age...I knew better.  I told my daughter on our way home " I was not worried Mikaela...I was will only understand this when you become a mom someday"  (well when I talk to her that way ...I will not really expect for her to fully understand but that is  how communicate with her).  And I hugged her tight and kissed her head over and over again and while I did that I felt such an innocent spirit so fresh and free. 

Well there was a sense of relief riding home with her in my arms.  She hugged me so tight while she turned her gaze upon the lights of the night.  I even forgot about the struggling puppy beside the road.  Early that night, I thought it was just the puppy that I was like that puppy that needed the most comfort. It turned out that I felt the need of the greatest comfort of the struggle of almost losing my girl at the mall.

PS: My daughter is so sound asleep in bed now.  I am forever grateful for God's angel wearing white shirt tonight directing my path towards my girl..I just hope and pray for God's angel also to take care of that puppy beside the road...please dear God...with tears...Good night..
...and I never thought such situation could bring me back to writing which brings a lot of comfort to my heart so very much...

Sunday, October 2, 2016

5 Years And Beyond...Happy Anniversary To My Love:-)

...some steps back to a old family photo with my hubby and girl:-)

October 1, 2011.  That's the date of our wedding.  And last Saturday, we celebrated our 5th.  I should say, we had it simple and intimate.  I and Michael slept late the previous night due to our dancing spree with our daughter.  We switched the lights off in the sala, turned on some fast music and made our daughter dance and dance until I decided to just stop her for bed. Alone together, we never made plans for the following day, instead talked and talked until late that night remembering our "love story" ...

I woke my husband up the following day on our anniversary telling him that the Church music was turned on giving us an idea that there is a mass at 6:00am.  So I suggested that we might as well hear mass.  Thus, we started with such celebration with the living rosary said after it as the launching of the month of Rosary (I remember St. Therese on the same day - her feast Day - Oct. 1).  

I'd say, we had such a beautiful start for our anniversary...celebrating it with God.  We took our simple breakfast at home with the usual taking over feeding our daughter from time to time and snuggled and bathe her before putting her to the regular morning sleep.

Tired the previous night, I guess we both craved for sleep after which I allowed my daughter to  play with her friends in the afternoon.  When my daughter is out in the street, I usually spend some time talking with neighbors including a retired neighbor named "Tess" ( I call her maam Tess)  who accompanied her grand child while playing.   

I told her that Mike and I are celebrating our wedding anniversary that day.  I felt so relaxed when she stated something like " you grow older, you won't really desire for something flashy to celebrate an anniversary.  Having each other is more than enough".  Furthermore, she said that she and her husband spend long hours talking at night up to wee hours of the morning.  It is always that way.  Someone even commented it as "weird" but still for them it's not.  I consider that statement as God's heart for the day.

We proceeded the  night  with a family dinner at pizza hut...with us taking turns at running after our daughter who was busy with her curious survey escapade at the mall.  After which we took our girl home and spent time together on a movie date up to almost midnight.  

And while the night closed,  I kept the "wisdom" stated by our retired neighbor named Tess in my heart.  I know that on our 5th year together, we have a lot to "clean up" with our attitude, priorities for the family - for each other and Mikaela our little girl...and our faith in the Lord.  One thing is certain up to this point, I always feel my husband's love for me and our daughter.  He has stayed faithful, a good provider and stood strong for our family:-) And I know there will be long hours of talks, holding hands (i see people looking at us while we do that).  I know that there will be more arguments but  forgiving each other...but more love for each other.  I know  God is always on our side:-)

A toast to my husband Michael for the 5 beautiful years and Beyond:-)