One time a friend recalled how overwhelmed he was with how his heart has been producing such talent in him and found wisdom and passion with where he is in his life. He also shared how at some points during his conversations with others, he is able to find himself uttering words that were coming out unexpectedly from his mouth. I simply told him that God made and fashioned us like Himself as we are created in His image an likeness.
The thing is, we may not be aware that like an inventor / artist that made his masterpiece, we are His masterpiece. The artist puts his heart in his creation and so the product reflects so much of its source.
Within us, God planted His heart. Thus, our hearts resemble a lot like God. More than that, it is His dwelling. It has God's mind and heart combined. And so when we think, feel and analyze, it is God Himself doing the same thing in us.
But we may wonder such evil coming out in the hearts of men translated to action. Why is it that a lot of sufferings of the world are also caused by men? This I say that man's freedom is at work in his choices. And so when the heart is not properly schooled (as we all come from different backgrounds) the kind of "program" of God's image and goodness may be contaminated.
But this i found out from my personal experience. Every time I make a wrong choice manifested in my actions, I always get the feel in my inmost being that I violated something. And so I believe, that God always makes a re-call every time we falter. Once upon at time in the past, He placed his "GOODNESS" training module in our hearts. But then we deafen the ears of the heart when we constantly expose ourselves to wrong choices until the heart becomes calloused.
Poor heart (but I can never say poor God). The strength of its capacities fueled by its Source is suppressed. If we ponder on the power of the phrase "created in the image and likeness of God", should be more than enough power to shake the earth. Man like God...isn't it power in itself?
Why seek somewhere else other than GOD?
PS... If we continue to enslave ourselves with wrong choices, ultimately, we insult the one that made it...the REAL ARTIST...GOD HIMSELF...:-)
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
On Leadership
This time, I will focus on my encounters with different leaders. My experiences with them made me come up with the following list of the types /characteristics of leaders that I can describe raw and perhaps unnamed as such by popular authors on leadership. Just allow my experience to define them…
1. Business type leader - This is the description given by my former colleagues to this kind of leader. The statement was exactly “he is more of a businessman than a _________ (position). Though I did not totally agree to the label or type of leadership assigned to him. I simply include it here as described. His theme is “walang personalan trabaho lang”. There is no personal touch. You will just give him an output and you are done with him. There is no confrontation and makes painful decision without prior notice.
2. Eloquent Speaker. This leader is highly articulate. Has high command and knack with words and a great writer ( I did admire him for that). But he had difficulty facilitating meetings. Among 5 - 10 agenda (for example), he would be able to respond to 2 or 3 of them. And the worst is that, participants would leave the meeting room confused with a lot of issues and concerns that were unresolved.
3. The “organized” leader . From the time when this leader was installed to the position, I knew that he was really preparing himself. This leader was able to choose and assign particular individuals qualified for the positions at the management level. He started meeting on time yet, he lacked facilitating skill such that interruptions were cut off immediately to meet with the time to end. This offended a lot of his participants.
4. Very "trusting" leader. This leader overly delegated tasks. He was very smart as to spotting right individuals for particular assignment and position. He made them responsible for the tasks yet did not know how to monitor performance of individuals. He made himself visible at the start of a project and became invisible in between nor made himself felt in the process of implementation.
5. “Silent” Leader . This leader maintained a calm disposition. He smiled a lot and knew how to smartly present himself but did not really and readily opened his plans. His subordinates will just have to contain the feelings of surprise and shock for particular decisions of automatically dismissing a person from his /her work or call it constructive dismissal. This leader had his scheme (deceiving).
6. “Mr. Know it all” Leader . This leader claimed he knew everything. He tried to allow proposals and presentations but did not really take them seriously. He will always give you an idea that …”I know better than you”… and argued with everything and found fault with every proposal and ideas. The message was “I know better than you”.
7. “Accidental” / “No Choice” Leader - There is “nobody’s available” and so you take over type. This type is when you are the next in rank or when you are the son of the General Manager who happens to be the owner of the business.
This leader did not have any formal experience in leadership, did whatever was to be done, checked the usual things to do in the department or organization and continued to do the same and was afraid to venture into new activities and projects. His own redemption were the new members coming in the team that had new and upgraded skills. This leader’s success relied heavily on chance or accident (hehehehhe).
8. The Ego Tripper. This leader’s ego is so big. He highly demanded respect but the skills did not match the position he / she assumed. He displayed tantrums from time to time and muttered like a spoiled brat. His position was very important to him but ego dominated the running of the team.
9. “Competitive” Leader. This leader sent the message : “I am the best”…did anything to put other leaders down or others in his / her team. Threatened when other members excel. His / her theme “it is I and I alone who is the best”
10. “Action Oriented" Leader. This leader that I met moved so fast doing one thing after another. This leader was good at implementing but not at documenting his activities that’s why evaluation was hard for this leader.
From the above, I belong to the accidental leader but then I strove so hard to learn from the best ways of the leaders I described above with the illustration below :
I find the descriptions on the above photo my ideal leader after I met the leaders I stated above with specific and highlighted characteristics. Yet after reading Heroic Leadership by a former Jesuit, Chris Lowney, I find Christ’s leadership the best.
From a synopsis reflecting the gist of the book, it says “.. .the Jesuits abandoned an ostentatious style of leadership and focused instead on the four values that are the real substance of leadership: Self-awareness, ingenuity, love and heroism” (more to this in my future blogs).
From the above types / characteristics, where are you at this time in leadership? Would you take Christ’s challenge to learn His style? I suggest you get a copy of the book.
Well, all in all, we are all imperfect people sent on a mission to an imperfect workplaces with imperfect individuals, too. However, our openness will lead us to a perfection so desired by God for us to make a difference wherever we are…
Sail on leaders…we all continue to learn better and best ways of doing things. Our legacy as leaders depends on how much we have put in from ourselves in terms of knowledge, skills both technical and non technical and our passion with what we are doing…
God bless everyone:-)
1. Business type leader - This is the description given by my former colleagues to this kind of leader. The statement was exactly “he is more of a businessman than a _________ (position). Though I did not totally agree to the label or type of leadership assigned to him. I simply include it here as described. His theme is “walang personalan trabaho lang”. There is no personal touch. You will just give him an output and you are done with him. There is no confrontation and makes painful decision without prior notice.
2. Eloquent Speaker. This leader is highly articulate. Has high command and knack with words and a great writer ( I did admire him for that). But he had difficulty facilitating meetings. Among 5 - 10 agenda (for example), he would be able to respond to 2 or 3 of them. And the worst is that, participants would leave the meeting room confused with a lot of issues and concerns that were unresolved.
3. The “organized” leader . From the time when this leader was installed to the position, I knew that he was really preparing himself. This leader was able to choose and assign particular individuals qualified for the positions at the management level. He started meeting on time yet, he lacked facilitating skill such that interruptions were cut off immediately to meet with the time to end. This offended a lot of his participants.
4. Very "trusting" leader. This leader overly delegated tasks. He was very smart as to spotting right individuals for particular assignment and position. He made them responsible for the tasks yet did not know how to monitor performance of individuals. He made himself visible at the start of a project and became invisible in between nor made himself felt in the process of implementation.
5. “Silent” Leader . This leader maintained a calm disposition. He smiled a lot and knew how to smartly present himself but did not really and readily opened his plans. His subordinates will just have to contain the feelings of surprise and shock for particular decisions of automatically dismissing a person from his /her work or call it constructive dismissal. This leader had his scheme (deceiving).
6. “Mr. Know it all” Leader . This leader claimed he knew everything. He tried to allow proposals and presentations but did not really take them seriously. He will always give you an idea that …”I know better than you”… and argued with everything and found fault with every proposal and ideas. The message was “I know better than you”.
7. “Accidental” / “No Choice” Leader - There is “nobody’s available” and so you take over type. This type is when you are the next in rank or when you are the son of the General Manager who happens to be the owner of the business.
This leader did not have any formal experience in leadership, did whatever was to be done, checked the usual things to do in the department or organization and continued to do the same and was afraid to venture into new activities and projects. His own redemption were the new members coming in the team that had new and upgraded skills. This leader’s success relied heavily on chance or accident (hehehehhe).
8. The Ego Tripper. This leader’s ego is so big. He highly demanded respect but the skills did not match the position he / she assumed. He displayed tantrums from time to time and muttered like a spoiled brat. His position was very important to him but ego dominated the running of the team.
9. “Competitive” Leader. This leader sent the message : “I am the best”…did anything to put other leaders down or others in his / her team. Threatened when other members excel. His / her theme “it is I and I alone who is the best”
10. “Action Oriented" Leader. This leader that I met moved so fast doing one thing after another. This leader was good at implementing but not at documenting his activities that’s why evaluation was hard for this leader.
From the above, I belong to the accidental leader but then I strove so hard to learn from the best ways of the leaders I described above with the illustration below :
I find the descriptions on the above photo my ideal leader after I met the leaders I stated above with specific and highlighted characteristics. Yet after reading Heroic Leadership by a former Jesuit, Chris Lowney, I find Christ’s leadership the best.
From a synopsis reflecting the gist of the book, it says “.. .the Jesuits abandoned an ostentatious style of leadership and focused instead on the four values that are the real substance of leadership: Self-awareness, ingenuity, love and heroism” (more to this in my future blogs).
From the above types / characteristics, where are you at this time in leadership? Would you take Christ’s challenge to learn His style? I suggest you get a copy of the book.
Well, all in all, we are all imperfect people sent on a mission to an imperfect workplaces with imperfect individuals, too. However, our openness will lead us to a perfection so desired by God for us to make a difference wherever we are…
Sail on leaders…we all continue to learn better and best ways of doing things. Our legacy as leaders depends on how much we have put in from ourselves in terms of knowledge, skills both technical and non technical and our passion with what we are doing…
God bless everyone:-)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
“YOU ARE MY WORLD”
A Type of Listening that heals and transforms the heart…
Since my training in BS Psychology way back in college, I started to take listening seriously (i sensed a different movement related to this). I found listening as natural as breathing for me (though I am very talkative if given the chance nyahahahahah…try me). And I noticed that I learned listening like a sponge with an the added ingredient of “you are my world” at this very moment mode. Just like that of anyone so head over heels in love with someone. And I get to do that a lot.
My skill in listening did not really come overnight. It started with the painful process of digging and listening with myself. This led to a richer self that is being able to extend what it experienced. Sometimes friends just come outpouring themselves and they say “thank you for listening". Sometimes also, participants during trainings / workshops bare their hearts and cry leading them to say “ thank you for listening”.
And so through the years of doing this art and skill, I learned the following :
1. Listening does not demand memorizing all facts. In fact it is impossible during longs sessions (in counseling and chikkas with friends:-) except when my client allows recording of facts or me jotting down of important points which I usually do.
2. Listening demands getting into the feeling of the person. I look straight straight in the eyes and imagine getting inside of the person's world. (Counseling Psychology calls this empathy).
3. Listening involves identifying also and setting boundaries in terms of identifying who has the real problem (objectivity is very important).
4. Listening is hard when personal issues get in the picture. All sorts of contamination and shades of the past and clouds of darkness in the heart may put listening to a bad light. The one big challenge therefore, is to clean up the heart’s mess before engaging into the listening process.
5. True listening allows freedom and space for the one being listened to explore his / her world. If biased, the client bears the burden and may not come back (sad talaga).
6. Listening involves the heart. On a regular normal day to day course of encounters with other people, it is impossible to remember all the facts but rest assured that the heart of a sincere listener does.
7. True listening brings healing. In fact the silence that accompanies true and pure listening sends a message of comfort and change of heart.
8. Lastly, true and pure listening brings healing also to the one listening.
So if there is such a fruit to the “you are my world” strategy that I am engaging in, it is HEALING. True listening heals and transforms the heart.
May dating ba? :-)
Since my training in BS Psychology way back in college, I started to take listening seriously (i sensed a different movement related to this). I found listening as natural as breathing for me (though I am very talkative if given the chance nyahahahahah…try me). And I noticed that I learned listening like a sponge with an the added ingredient of “you are my world” at this very moment mode. Just like that of anyone so head over heels in love with someone. And I get to do that a lot.
My skill in listening did not really come overnight. It started with the painful process of digging and listening with myself. This led to a richer self that is being able to extend what it experienced. Sometimes friends just come outpouring themselves and they say “thank you for listening". Sometimes also, participants during trainings / workshops bare their hearts and cry leading them to say “ thank you for listening”.
And so through the years of doing this art and skill, I learned the following :
1. Listening does not demand memorizing all facts. In fact it is impossible during longs sessions (in counseling and chikkas with friends:-) except when my client allows recording of facts or me jotting down of important points which I usually do.
2. Listening demands getting into the feeling of the person. I look straight straight in the eyes and imagine getting inside of the person's world. (Counseling Psychology calls this empathy).
3. Listening involves identifying also and setting boundaries in terms of identifying who has the real problem (objectivity is very important).
4. Listening is hard when personal issues get in the picture. All sorts of contamination and shades of the past and clouds of darkness in the heart may put listening to a bad light. The one big challenge therefore, is to clean up the heart’s mess before engaging into the listening process.
5. True listening allows freedom and space for the one being listened to explore his / her world. If biased, the client bears the burden and may not come back (sad talaga).
6. Listening involves the heart. On a regular normal day to day course of encounters with other people, it is impossible to remember all the facts but rest assured that the heart of a sincere listener does.
7. True listening brings healing. In fact the silence that accompanies true and pure listening sends a message of comfort and change of heart.
8. Lastly, true and pure listening brings healing also to the one listening.
So if there is such a fruit to the “you are my world” strategy that I am engaging in, it is HEALING. True listening heals and transforms the heart.
May dating ba? :-)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Power Of the Hand
Rene, a colleague (and my leadership mentor:-)) happened to traverse Divisoria (Cagayan de Oro City) during lunch time today. As he was about to cross the street, he was hurled by the rushes of all vehicles. He automatically made a hand sign "stop" (you know what i meant right hehe). And all of a sudden, all vehicles on both sides stopped.
At the office, he excitedly recalled his discovery of the power of the hand based on his experience. True enough, the hand can do a lot.
For a mother, hands can be used to prepare food, wash clothes and do any work of art at home. For a father, hands can be his means for his toils thus, provide food for the family. For any other employees, hands can be used for writing, encoding, processing information and produce anything relative to one's type of work.
In like manner also, one can use his/her hands to cheer someone, wave goodbye, touch to comfort and many more beautiful things that hands can do. In fact, Jesus use His hand to lay on sick people giving them healing and comfort. A lot of miracles that He did was done through wonder of His hands.
But a hand can operate on the reverse such as stealing, slapping someone, fist fight and many other illegal transactions done through it.
I was in the Catholic Charismatic movement since 1987 ( i was a kid then). I learned that laying of hands bring healing. Even as someone touched by head for the first time through the "laying of hands" part during the praise and worship portion, I felt the warmth released through the hands. And I did the same to others.
My point...hands release energy. The strength of such can only come from its Source engraved in the hearts of man. Whatever motive or intention one may have as felt by the heart is released through the senses. One of the senses strongest "arms" is the hand.
A pure heart releases pure energy that brings healing to anyone touched by it...Do you believe in that? I do...I have seen its power through the years...
The next time around, I will allow the power of my hand to go up higher at my arms so that I will not just touch but wrap anyone in my arms (nyahahahhahahha).
May God's Name Be Praised Forever....:-)
At the office, he excitedly recalled his discovery of the power of the hand based on his experience. True enough, the hand can do a lot.
For a mother, hands can be used to prepare food, wash clothes and do any work of art at home. For a father, hands can be his means for his toils thus, provide food for the family. For any other employees, hands can be used for writing, encoding, processing information and produce anything relative to one's type of work.
In like manner also, one can use his/her hands to cheer someone, wave goodbye, touch to comfort and many more beautiful things that hands can do. In fact, Jesus use His hand to lay on sick people giving them healing and comfort. A lot of miracles that He did was done through wonder of His hands.
But a hand can operate on the reverse such as stealing, slapping someone, fist fight and many other illegal transactions done through it.
I was in the Catholic Charismatic movement since 1987 ( i was a kid then). I learned that laying of hands bring healing. Even as someone touched by head for the first time through the "laying of hands" part during the praise and worship portion, I felt the warmth released through the hands. And I did the same to others.
My point...hands release energy. The strength of such can only come from its Source engraved in the hearts of man. Whatever motive or intention one may have as felt by the heart is released through the senses. One of the senses strongest "arms" is the hand.
A pure heart releases pure energy that brings healing to anyone touched by it...Do you believe in that? I do...I have seen its power through the years...
The next time around, I will allow the power of my hand to go up higher at my arms so that I will not just touch but wrap anyone in my arms (nyahahahhahahha).
May God's Name Be Praised Forever....:-)
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Let the Reason be Love
As i browsed the web this morning, I suddenly heard the painful cry of a dog...just in front of the building. It gave me a shriek sound and cry. With all honesty I don't want to hear or see anyone or any animal in pain. I don't want to hear anyone or see on television anyone get hungry. In short, i just don't want to see anyone suffer. That's why my small gesture of feeding stray dogs and cats and make them drink water everyday is like my unconscious desire to at least alleviate suffering even with animals.
The other day, i browsed through the web and read through blog / news in Korea that mentioned of the cancellation of a dog meat festival. The cancellation was due to an outcry of an animal rights movement in the same country. I was like "what the heck are these people thinking?". And someone commented in that blog post that these dogs innocently trust their masters so much but they don't know that they're going to be "converted" (hahaha what a word) into meat.
As a dog / animal lover, i could not really grapple such act of killing particularly dogs. Or I heard of a massive killing of dogs in Canada after the last winter Olympic. I just don't like it when anyone would kill dogs or cats...period (double heheh)and gross...humans.
Checking myself on this, I am throwing the question "how do you find yourself and your acts causing pain to anyone not only physical but emotional?".
I have met varied personalities and it surprises me how some of them just naturally inflict pain to others. And the worst is that, they are not aware that they caused it. At times it surprises me. But a lot of times I bring myself to the consciousness that they come from different backgrounds. But calloused as they are they continue living the life of insensitivity.
Anyone may punch me on the face for being so honest with my comment that causing others to suffer is not at all the plan God has for all of us. I admit there are times when pain is necessary. When we have to confront someone for them to know that what they did was not right. In fact i find this very challenging. And so it is always my prayer that I would be very honest and stick on facts and base them on love. That is - God's love.
God's grace led me to ask "if God is in this situation what would He do?". Imperfect as I am, I had difficulty asking the same question since it would demand - doing. I would say also that when we are not ready to confront that question, it would be very hard just even to state it. That's why i call it ...grace.
This blog will just post one challenge... LET YOURSELF BE NOT THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING OF OTHERS...if in case it does happen, let it be a necessary pain of correcting someone ...and let it be done in LOVE...
May GOD'S LOVE be with us always...Amen
PS...Wherever you are planted / assigned by God through the practice of your profession or full time mother, father etc....be GOD'S representative, His image in such an ailing world...just do it..God's grace be with you everyone...
The other day, i browsed through the web and read through blog / news in Korea that mentioned of the cancellation of a dog meat festival. The cancellation was due to an outcry of an animal rights movement in the same country. I was like "what the heck are these people thinking?". And someone commented in that blog post that these dogs innocently trust their masters so much but they don't know that they're going to be "converted" (hahaha what a word) into meat.
As a dog / animal lover, i could not really grapple such act of killing particularly dogs. Or I heard of a massive killing of dogs in Canada after the last winter Olympic. I just don't like it when anyone would kill dogs or cats...period (double heheh)and gross...humans.
Checking myself on this, I am throwing the question "how do you find yourself and your acts causing pain to anyone not only physical but emotional?".
I have met varied personalities and it surprises me how some of them just naturally inflict pain to others. And the worst is that, they are not aware that they caused it. At times it surprises me. But a lot of times I bring myself to the consciousness that they come from different backgrounds. But calloused as they are they continue living the life of insensitivity.
Anyone may punch me on the face for being so honest with my comment that causing others to suffer is not at all the plan God has for all of us. I admit there are times when pain is necessary. When we have to confront someone for them to know that what they did was not right. In fact i find this very challenging. And so it is always my prayer that I would be very honest and stick on facts and base them on love. That is - God's love.
God's grace led me to ask "if God is in this situation what would He do?". Imperfect as I am, I had difficulty asking the same question since it would demand - doing. I would say also that when we are not ready to confront that question, it would be very hard just even to state it. That's why i call it ...grace.
This blog will just post one challenge... LET YOURSELF BE NOT THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING OF OTHERS...if in case it does happen, let it be a necessary pain of correcting someone ...and let it be done in LOVE...
May GOD'S LOVE be with us always...Amen
PS...Wherever you are planted / assigned by God through the practice of your profession or full time mother, father etc....be GOD'S representative, His image in such an ailing world...just do it..God's grace be with you everyone...
Friday, June 24, 2011
Not Just Borrowed
I was an achiever myself - elementary to college. I loved studying, browsing books plus the spirit and air of competition creates that intense excitement during my academic life. I competed with classmates to get to much higher rank in class, grade or year level. And so I tasted the reward of my efforts.
When I started working, I was confronted with another competition - much better idea among colleagues, better project proposals, better implementation strategies, etc. I had to continually upgrade my knowledge and enrolled in the graduate school or post graduate studies.
I felt the thirst to excel...to be noticed. The desire was insatiable. I wanted to look better with clothes, accessories, shoes, bags, etc. Everything has to match. I wanted better things and so I cannot decide on pursuing lifetime commitments yet since I wanted to be more prepared in terms of materials possessions. I was simply crazy with being so busy (hahahha so ironical.
Honestly... I had an illness of "WANTING MORE". I went outside of the country. I wanted to earn big. Still the motivation was ...more ...more ...more.
But the more the desire to have "MORE" the greater also was the restlessness inside. I did not know why.
And so the lessons began...
1. Restlessness
I saw, heard and felt the restlessness. I felt the agony of the emptiness. The more I desired, the greater the space it brought inside. There was nothing. Hollow...lost ...soul in agony
2. Materialism and definition of Success
I saw the flickers of the world. Material things so tempting - money, designer clothes, car, jewelries, titles added to name. The world defines success with having more and titles.
3. The Realization
Even if I had most of the material things one time in my life...the joy and happiness seem to be beyond my reach. And so when I stopped desiring for achievements and pursuit for materials things...graces were poured in forms of lessons...
4. Series of Losses
I lost so much - money, job, luxury of having a car (hehe not mine...just a company car) and not being able to finish doctorate.
5. The Bitterness
I was so angry. I hit (not hate heheheh) people whom i considered the cause of my sufferings and pain. I hid for months - no social network and went back outside of the country and re-viewed my life.
6. I had more than material things
Re-viewing was a painful bracing of self and looking straight head on. I did not like reality and truth. But the invitation of the grace was to face them. To simply ...face them and I realized, I was wealthy...I was surrounded with people that love me. Outside of the country, I had ate Ann, a former St. Paul sister that became my companion and journeyer. Back in the Philippines, I had Mike, my family and dear friends. And God gave me two great men - Jesuit priests Fr. Norlan and Fr. Frank.
7. The Obedient Daughter
I came back after 5 months (first and second travels). My faithful God gave me a Jesuit priests (Fr. Norlan and Fr. Frank) whom i considered a Spiritual mentors. It was a painful journey of digging the past, bringing issues of feelings and dealt with them, facing the self squarely and eventually confronted the challenge of seeing things in the eyes of God.
8. God took me Seriously
The two Jesuit priests - Fr. Norlan Julia, SJ and Fr. Frank Savadera, SJ were like the heavens outpouring of help through human angels (hehe really i see it that way). Fr. Norlan initially did the grilling of my soul. I felt the rush of help unfortunately, before our meeting, he was set for London for higher studies. My hungry soul simply savored the short time we had. He left a beautiful imprint leaving me such statement uttering such faith in my capabilities ( I am forever grateful to God for Fr. Norlan).
Fr. N did not just leave me. He mentioned of another Jesuit (Fr. Frank) that can take care of me and so I could continue with my spiritual Journey...when I am ready...And so I plunged into the next phase with Fr. Frank when I got back here in the Philippines (for the second time). Hindi ako tinantan ng ako Panginoon. This time, I started to think..."MY GOD MEANT BUSINESS WITH ME"...He haunted me and did not just let go of me...And so it was in this part of the journey that I had the most of tears...including laughter while in tears (hahahhaha tears pa din).
9. The Toughest Part
Jesus and I wrestled, had tag of war, fist fight (just name it...hahahha we had it). One day, He sent His angel and I bit his wings. I threw stones to the heavens throne. I shouted outside of the gate of heaven ( a re-call from experience). I had great times with Him too such as - played with Jesus, jumped on the Father's bed in my mind, ran around green grass on top of a mountain, slept beside the shore. Lots ...lots of those prayer fantasies that led me to a new way of looking at things.
You see Jesus has different set of eyes. His are eyes of forgiveness and compassion. And so no matter the pain from the "heavy weight" fall, His grace gave me foretastes of having His eyes. And I did say ..."ang tindi ng mga mata niya...kahit nakapikit ay nakakakita" hehehe...
10. My Life Now
I am back on my feet ...my life is slowly shaping. My current job, relationship with Mike, business consultancy, Joyfully Hopeful advocacy and a lot more is like a practicum of the training that I had from the mentoring of my spiritual director / mentor Fr. Frank, SJ. My training calls a lot of those "seeing" in Jesus eyes.
11. A Realization
It is very hard to simply borrow Jesus' eyes. That's why one day, He just told me "dang you don't need to borrow my eyes...take them and make them yours". Ouch!!!!!! Jesus and I are close friends na talaga whahhahhaha feeling (that close ooohhhh heheh with crossed fingers and clasped palms)...
My crazy conclusion....close friends give portion / pieces of themselves and suffer the pain of giving to bring out the best of the other (mutilating portions of themselves hehehe gross to the point of death)...Well I guess I am using new pair of eyes now...that's why lately, I cry a lot ...I tell you...Jesus' eyes are always wet - from joy to pains and losses...
Please tell me if you need His eyes now...I can share them... I am not joking...and I mean business here...God's Business! weheheeheh
When I started working, I was confronted with another competition - much better idea among colleagues, better project proposals, better implementation strategies, etc. I had to continually upgrade my knowledge and enrolled in the graduate school or post graduate studies.
I felt the thirst to excel...to be noticed. The desire was insatiable. I wanted to look better with clothes, accessories, shoes, bags, etc. Everything has to match. I wanted better things and so I cannot decide on pursuing lifetime commitments yet since I wanted to be more prepared in terms of materials possessions. I was simply crazy with being so busy (hahahha so ironical.
Honestly... I had an illness of "WANTING MORE". I went outside of the country. I wanted to earn big. Still the motivation was ...more ...more ...more.
But the more the desire to have "MORE" the greater also was the restlessness inside. I did not know why.
And so the lessons began...
1. Restlessness
I saw, heard and felt the restlessness. I felt the agony of the emptiness. The more I desired, the greater the space it brought inside. There was nothing. Hollow...lost ...soul in agony
2. Materialism and definition of Success
I saw the flickers of the world. Material things so tempting - money, designer clothes, car, jewelries, titles added to name. The world defines success with having more and titles.
3. The Realization
Even if I had most of the material things one time in my life...the joy and happiness seem to be beyond my reach. And so when I stopped desiring for achievements and pursuit for materials things...graces were poured in forms of lessons...
4. Series of Losses
I lost so much - money, job, luxury of having a car (hehe not mine...just a company car) and not being able to finish doctorate.
5. The Bitterness
I was so angry. I hit (not hate heheheh) people whom i considered the cause of my sufferings and pain. I hid for months - no social network and went back outside of the country and re-viewed my life.
6. I had more than material things
Re-viewing was a painful bracing of self and looking straight head on. I did not like reality and truth. But the invitation of the grace was to face them. To simply ...face them and I realized, I was wealthy...I was surrounded with people that love me. Outside of the country, I had ate Ann, a former St. Paul sister that became my companion and journeyer. Back in the Philippines, I had Mike, my family and dear friends. And God gave me two great men - Jesuit priests Fr. Norlan and Fr. Frank.
7. The Obedient Daughter
I came back after 5 months (first and second travels). My faithful God gave me a Jesuit priests (Fr. Norlan and Fr. Frank) whom i considered a Spiritual mentors. It was a painful journey of digging the past, bringing issues of feelings and dealt with them, facing the self squarely and eventually confronted the challenge of seeing things in the eyes of God.
8. God took me Seriously
The two Jesuit priests - Fr. Norlan Julia, SJ and Fr. Frank Savadera, SJ were like the heavens outpouring of help through human angels (hehe really i see it that way). Fr. Norlan initially did the grilling of my soul. I felt the rush of help unfortunately, before our meeting, he was set for London for higher studies. My hungry soul simply savored the short time we had. He left a beautiful imprint leaving me such statement uttering such faith in my capabilities ( I am forever grateful to God for Fr. Norlan).
Fr. N did not just leave me. He mentioned of another Jesuit (Fr. Frank) that can take care of me and so I could continue with my spiritual Journey...when I am ready...And so I plunged into the next phase with Fr. Frank when I got back here in the Philippines (for the second time). Hindi ako tinantan ng ako Panginoon. This time, I started to think..."MY GOD MEANT BUSINESS WITH ME"...He haunted me and did not just let go of me...And so it was in this part of the journey that I had the most of tears...including laughter while in tears (hahahhaha tears pa din).
9. The Toughest Part
Jesus and I wrestled, had tag of war, fist fight (just name it...hahahha we had it). One day, He sent His angel and I bit his wings. I threw stones to the heavens throne. I shouted outside of the gate of heaven ( a re-call from experience). I had great times with Him too such as - played with Jesus, jumped on the Father's bed in my mind, ran around green grass on top of a mountain, slept beside the shore. Lots ...lots of those prayer fantasies that led me to a new way of looking at things.
You see Jesus has different set of eyes. His are eyes of forgiveness and compassion. And so no matter the pain from the "heavy weight" fall, His grace gave me foretastes of having His eyes. And I did say ..."ang tindi ng mga mata niya...kahit nakapikit ay nakakakita" hehehe...
10. My Life Now
I am back on my feet ...my life is slowly shaping. My current job, relationship with Mike, business consultancy, Joyfully Hopeful advocacy and a lot more is like a practicum of the training that I had from the mentoring of my spiritual director / mentor Fr. Frank, SJ. My training calls a lot of those "seeing" in Jesus eyes.
11. A Realization
It is very hard to simply borrow Jesus' eyes. That's why one day, He just told me "dang you don't need to borrow my eyes...take them and make them yours". Ouch!!!!!! Jesus and I are close friends na talaga whahhahhaha feeling (that close ooohhhh heheh with crossed fingers and clasped palms)...
My crazy conclusion....close friends give portion / pieces of themselves and suffer the pain of giving to bring out the best of the other (mutilating portions of themselves hehehe gross to the point of death)...Well I guess I am using new pair of eyes now...that's why lately, I cry a lot ...I tell you...Jesus' eyes are always wet - from joy to pains and losses...
Please tell me if you need His eyes now...I can share them... I am not joking...and I mean business here...God's Business! weheheeheh
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Nothing Beats...the Third
I searched for answers lately with the restlessness that my heart had felt for a number of days. Despite the busy schedule preparing for the last training before I got sick, the numbness grew and I fell short for answers until i declared "I'm lost".
The last training that i facilitated was on Stress Management. Ironically, while facilitating, I felt the stressors taking its toll on me. I cried within to just stop until my illness gave the last declaration of the longest break ever since I stopped working from my previous employer.
I took my break seriously. I had medications, vitamins and meditation combined. It was such a desperate re-view of my life.
Firstly, I checked my activities - work, school, wedding preparations and business. Quite a lot for one woman to accomplish everything. I had them put on schedule but my body was so tired. I thought a lot of the pressures and deadlines but my body simply gave in to the illness...i was so tired and i cannot stop thinking of the pressures of the things i enumerated to be accomplished. I did not realize that i have been conditioning my body for the past months to just work...work ...work...
Secondly, I checked my relationships. Past experiences with people that hurt me seem to be coming back and I have not squarely dealt with them that that when my body gave in to stress, i gave in to the temptation of recalling the past. As my body got tired, my spirit slowed down too (though sometimes it's the reverse).
I also check my current relationships most especially people close to my heart. And i realized i struggled and juggled a lot but i had to face the truth that they are the closest I have. I knew I would get a lot of life's vitamins if I would take the time to take care of these relationships.
And so I spent time with Mike even if he's in Malaybalay (though i get to speak with him over the phone only). I also decided to have a date with my friends last Saturday over lunch and coffee in the afternoon plus the doze of chikka and kumustahan...nakakataba ng puso hehehe. And, I got lots of those sleep and a massage from manang ann (the one that gives us hilot when we are sick at home).
Lastly, I checked my relationship with my God, spent time with prayer in the morning and at night and kept my focus and "gaze" while i did the regular things at home (since I was absent at work). When I became so dependent with paracetamol to deal with fever I knew I had more than physical condition to deal with. I knew I had a "soul" condition. And so spiritual cleansing has to be the next move. I simply decided to get serious with beating the physical tiredness and plunge into the meditation and relaxation intervals. And it did well up to the present.
And so I decided to forgo some of the tasks including graduate studies and went back to engaging with things that I love doing such as blogging, exercising, praying, wasting time with michael (but i really spend more time with Tobby - feeling imported dog hahahhahahahahha), family and friends, sleep, read books, write training modules...etc.(lately, i get to spend time watching a Filipino soap opera entitled 100 DAYS TO HEAVEN...splendid).
Currently also, though i am dealing a very challenging situation at work, I feel a God so strong providing such sturdy body and soul for me to face the challenge. Mine is a strong foundation...Mine is the God the speaks like that of the wind and bristles the soul to perfection. He is always on the go for my shape and definition. I am His and even if my body gets tired...His Spirit continues and restlessly penetrates my being ...the mission continues...
And so among the three approaches I had the most of healing with checking my relationship with God through prayer and meditation...nothing beats the third.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Lessons on Death
I just talked with one of our trainers the other day. He tearfully recalled his conversation with his sick father. He was so in pain thinking of the possibility of loosing him. With the initiative of his father and promise to get back with life if given his second chance, he saw the drive slowly picking him up towards recovery. Unfortunately, the doctor's statement mentions the possibility of not recovering and a worsening condition.
Tears were shed in the family. Yet, as the eldest he had to pick up the strength in order for the other members to thrive in their situation. During our conversation I also bare my heart telling him of the the temporal nature of life compared to the life beyond.
Loosing my own mother also posted a new shade of color to death. Death as just an entrance to the other dimension - the beyond. If sickness makes us suffer, it is through death that the spirit or soul is relieved (without yet considering the condition of life after death).
I have an enormous amount of "death" experiences lately also such as when "chacha" my puppy died, fathers of 2 co workers (one of whom is the father of our trainer - yes...he passed away) and the last was the seminarian mentioned by Fr. Frank SJ that was found dead in his room yesterday morning (i don't know the reason why) and a one "near death experience" of a childhood friend.
No matter how painful is death to us humans, it still taught me the following lessons :
1. Valuing relationship
I have missed moments of encounters with my loved ones or even with strangers. Lately, I have been doing lots of things in haste without considering quality. As I itemized persons to meet in a day and get things done, people have become things for accomplishments. Work has translated my days of encounter with persons into mechanical things. It is so draining now that I have to accomplish things many things. Encounters have become...let's get things done so that i could do the next ...huuuuuuuhhhh What a life it would be if i would continue with this kind of behavior.. I can go crazy hahahhahaha.
And so I tried ( with the help of God's grace) to shift mode into "you are everything I have at this moment" mode...so that I can savor and appreciate encounters. Though struggling, I can see the difference. Life giving and enreaching
2. Finding time to be with loved ones
We don't hold time nor the future. But we only have each moment. But we have to find the time. It does not have to be an "accidental" encounter (though i dont believe in accidents) It has to be an effort to reach out and find the time to be with the loved one. And so finding love isn't that hard...it is starting the move and reaching out...
I remember a friend that spends lots of time at work and goes home middle of the night and finds her husband and kids asleep. The following day - a Sunday is supposed to be a family time but people at work keeps on contacting her. The husband got so disappointed with her and so he and the kids went to the beach by themselves (without her)...So sad ha...
She would keep on reasoning out that without her job her family could not survive (well the husband has work too)
3. Acceptance and Letting go
When my mother died, grieving took its toll for more than a year. If not for my abnormal Psychology subject, i would not drag myself to a halt and face healing. Hehe AbnormalPsychology says that the normal grieving period is one year, beyond that, one needs help already. I did not want the labeling of me becoming crazy (absurd ha hahhahahahah...) I simply got on my beautiful feet and knees and declared "enough!!!!)...I have to accept and move on. But do you know that I felt like a zoombie for one year?...hahahah now you know ...toinks
4. Death as the entrance to the next life
This one takes the leap of faith. I have not seen anyone that came back from death experience (though I got some information from youtube through some accounts of death experiences) but I do believe in my heart there is life beyond this life....where sufferings in this life dissipates...(provided we live the WILL of God). This is a no joke thing for me. After my 19th annotation retreat, death had new meaning. Death can be physical and the death to sin to prepare to life beyond. And so I had an impression that this life is but temporary...i could have more of it beyond...
I have suffered a lot with looses but if it has to be this to enjoy the next life, then so be it...I can wait the bests of the bests if the reward is such a beautiful eternal life.
Well chacha and mama...I believe they have met already...if chacha deserves and angel to take care of her the whole time...i guess it is much much better than my capacities.
And so shall I say now that death means that we need a much better hand to take care of us? I believe so ...and so we might as well not worry anymore of anyone dying except that help them lead the good life to prepare for life beyond...or perhaps we can start it with ourselves ...:-)
What do you think?
(note : raw and unedited heheheh)
Monday, May 23, 2011
Back In Shape
Today I just decided to get back in shape with blogging. I just feel the urge to write. I feel the invitation. I have been on deaf ears and my heart seem to be so clogged up with stressors. It has coughed out and seem to be relieved. Though still in the process of carving, it has slowly put its words and now coming out through my fingers through ... the key board.
Life’s drama continues to unfold…in my daily writings. The heavens has cried out and now it is…SHAPING…
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
The Process
Swooshhhhhh...suddenly, i just stopped blogging simply because, I got lost. I lost my "eyesight" with things, with life...with the essentials. And so I stopped. I spent time with myself. Soul searching. And so where's my soul? toink lost nga...
Hahay bitaw oi. It was such a journey :
First Stage : So busy with a lot of things
Second Stage : lost focus and became forgetful with things
Third Stage : Was on a "horse ride" accomplishing things
Fourth Stage : Got Sick
Fifth Stage : The Assessment : Questions such as "Where am I? What am I doing? Where am I heading? Why am I doing this?
Sixth Stage : The Pause without Answers Plus the Humility
Seventh Stage : Acceptance
Eighth Stage : Charting the New Course
Ninth : Not yet the End...starting to face the new challenges...
Would this lead to writing a book? I guess so...Fireeeee!!!!!!!! heheheheh
Hahay bitaw oi. It was such a journey :
First Stage : So busy with a lot of things
Second Stage : lost focus and became forgetful with things
Third Stage : Was on a "horse ride" accomplishing things
Fourth Stage : Got Sick
Fifth Stage : The Assessment : Questions such as "Where am I? What am I doing? Where am I heading? Why am I doing this?
Sixth Stage : The Pause without Answers Plus the Humility
Seventh Stage : Acceptance
Eighth Stage : Charting the New Course
Ninth : Not yet the End...starting to face the new challenges...
Would this lead to writing a book? I guess so...Fireeeee!!!!!!!! heheheheh
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
And I Cry ..."For God's Sake..."
Let me tell you a story of a fetus. One day he suddenly woke up so alive and traversed a certain path leading to a safe, secure and enclosed well provided space. When he got there, he felt his small world so beautiful. He felt like dancing and singing the whole time.
One, two months, three months...and soon he started to feel the discomfort. He heard voices from the outside. He thought that what he had was all he got but he felt that there was more beyond his space. And so he started to long to be out to know where and who own the voices. But as his excitement grew he felt that his small world shook from time to time. Voices shook him too and he was starting to feel intense movements from the outside. Then he asked the following questions : "What happened? I feel so weak? Everytime they talk i feel that i am loosing my energy? Where am I? What am I into? Who sent me here?"
Until that day when some black liquid enveloped him.. and choked him ...and tore him to pieces. One innocent soul, excited to be out to join the world of ours suddenly lost the opportunity of a life that he so deserve and may enjoy despite life's challenges (i am not such a good story teller...pareha ani...hahay)
That story above was what was running in my mind when "jane", the one that washes my clothes every weekend related how she connived with a couple having extra marital relations decided yesterday to abort their baby. I invited jane for breakfast before she could start washing my clothes. And what i thought to be a simple breakfast turned out to be an ohhhhhhhh so gross conversation of her relating what she did to "help" the couple.
If you want to know how it went, I will tell you the details here.
The guy was already engaged and was scheduled to get married last February,2011. The wedding pushed through. After which his wife went back to work abroad. Unknown to his wife, he had an "extra relations" with another woman (prior to their wedding)that got pregnant. In his attempt to polish everything and appear clean to his wife, he asked for assistance from "jane" for the abortion process...
And the effect to me? It broke and tore my heart to pieces. I was shocked how in the world they could do such a thing and how could jane allow that to happen when and in fact she is a member of a Catholic organization that is obviously pro-life.
I wanted to be angry but I cannot drive jane away (for sure God brought Jane to me to be helped and I was the person He chose to assist her). I did not want to frighten her with my anger instead this words came out from my mouth "I know God is a merciful God...just go to confession the soonest. The priest can best deal with you" (jane almost did that to her 2 beautiful kids).
I remember reading kuya lando's post on the abortionist doctor that got converted. Praise be to God who brings hope to a man living in darkness...
Lastly, I know OUR GOD IS A MERCIFUL GOD. I know He understands but we are all held accountable to all our actions here on earth. We need to face Him clean and unblemished. We do what's right, proper and honorable in God's eyes. We need to protect life not to stop it.
And now I need to shout at the top of my voice "A fetus is helpless...for God's sake... Why would anyone do such a thing?"(now i am angry...huhuhuhuhuhu).
PS : My Letter to the Fetus
I know your are somewhere else safe. I know you had the most of pain when you were in the womb. I wanted to say... you deserve to rest from your experience of pain. But more than anything, you deserve to live and have the life that perhaps you may not really enjoy because your parents may not be able to give you the best of care. But who knows you would be able to surpass the challenge of having such kind of parents.
But you know what i told jane this morning? "I wish you let him/ her live so that you would have given him / her to me...You know what baby? i take care of lots of dogs even neighbors'...i feed them even if they are not mine... I know i could not resist taking care of you and give you the best ...more than my gestures for dogs...Rest now and say "hi" to chacha (whahahahhaha magkita na sila ako puppy) for me. I wish i had the chance to see you...Even if you did not see me...I love you and I am in agony loosing you that way...May you forgive your parents. We both pray for them...
With my love,
Dang
__________________________________________________
Perhaps I will discuss extramarital relations later...and one sin leads to another...yikes...jerious:-)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Law Prevails
I have the most recent experience of being questioned by someone for a probable deception due to undeclared attached fees for the property that i sold. My buyer opted to file a case against me but per legal consultation, it appeared that we are both victims of the situations.
What i did was to ask for legal assistance. It turned out from the legal point of view that my property developer did a gross negligence. From the contract signed, the following information appeared :
1. that i need not pay the Homeowner's association monthly dues since mine is only a lot (homeowner was not specifically defined in the contract so the law interprets it according to the meaning of the word)
2. That the contract has to be explained to me in a language understandable outside legal jargon (due to the lengthy and voluminous content of the contract, the Buyer would not have the time to read everything and so adheres to signing the contract - contract of Adhesion).
3. The contract should respond to the requirement of " justice and good faith" as stated in Article 19 of the Civil Code of the Philippines(gosh ma shock ka ...i'm now discussing laws of the Philippines).
But ultimately, i realized the beauty of knowing a little about our laws with my experience. You know why? The law neutralizes malpractices and corrects contracts that violates rights.
Lastly, signing a contract with anybody on properties does not necessarily mean that despite violations we adhere to everything stated in the contract. "It is an elementary rule that in case of conflict between a law and a contract, the former must always prevail."
Mabuang ko bayot...heavy jud diay ako topic ...gasunggo nako hahahhahahahah. But this time i appreciate making the law prevail in the midst of injustices and malpractices in all aspects of our lives (tinuod ko? hehehhe). I hope i did my research well...
A REMINDER FOR ALL OF US :
Get to know a little of our laws especially (or ask for legal advise) when there are concerns that hit us and can and may be addressed by the Philippine laws. I panicked at first when i learned that i am going to be sued but when i slowly got the orientation regarding my case...I rested... IT IS REALLY GOOD TO KNOW THE LAW... and resist any abuse...
Note : Please correct me if there are things I said here that are not fit to be included...thanks
What i did was to ask for legal assistance. It turned out from the legal point of view that my property developer did a gross negligence. From the contract signed, the following information appeared :
1. that i need not pay the Homeowner's association monthly dues since mine is only a lot (homeowner was not specifically defined in the contract so the law interprets it according to the meaning of the word)
2. That the contract has to be explained to me in a language understandable outside legal jargon (due to the lengthy and voluminous content of the contract, the Buyer would not have the time to read everything and so adheres to signing the contract - contract of Adhesion).
3. The contract should respond to the requirement of " justice and good faith" as stated in Article 19 of the Civil Code of the Philippines(gosh ma shock ka ...i'm now discussing laws of the Philippines).
But ultimately, i realized the beauty of knowing a little about our laws with my experience. You know why? The law neutralizes malpractices and corrects contracts that violates rights.
Lastly, signing a contract with anybody on properties does not necessarily mean that despite violations we adhere to everything stated in the contract. "It is an elementary rule that in case of conflict between a law and a contract, the former must always prevail."
Mabuang ko bayot...heavy jud diay ako topic ...gasunggo nako hahahhahahahah. But this time i appreciate making the law prevail in the midst of injustices and malpractices in all aspects of our lives (tinuod ko? hehehhe). I hope i did my research well...
A REMINDER FOR ALL OF US :
Get to know a little of our laws especially (or ask for legal advise) when there are concerns that hit us and can and may be addressed by the Philippine laws. I panicked at first when i learned that i am going to be sued but when i slowly got the orientation regarding my case...I rested... IT IS REALLY GOOD TO KNOW THE LAW... and resist any abuse...
Note : Please correct me if there are things I said here that are not fit to be included...thanks
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