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As I reached my adolescent
years, I witnessed how I was surrounded by emotionally expressive father and
siblings. Even when my father decided to
remarry after my mother’s death, we were like sitting in a round table of King
Arthur from where our dear father was “butchered” with comments from us.
We were allowed to speak
(that was so contrary though when we were kids) by our father that knew how
to listen already. It still ended up with “King Arthur’s”
declaration – that was my father pursuing with his plans to re marry.
I could recall also, from another
experience, having to represent a group
of employees sending a collated feedback and letter to a leader. It was just a gesture to help that group of
individuals (as they requested my assistance) to air their concerns at the same time bring mine,
too. However, the same situation sent a different signal
putting me on a bad light.
From that incident, I
started losing my confidence to speak up to avoid misinterpretation. I thought I learned my lessons the hard way. I thought I was being aggressive.
When I started shifting
career in the corporate, I have come to see the difference between the words – Aggression and Assertion. But before
presenting my own contextual definition, let me present Collins Gem English Dictionary’s (1985) definitions
:
Assertion is a strong declaration
and insistence on something.
Aggression is an unprovoked attack or
hostile activity
From my own viewpoint, Assertion is a process of giving
due consideration to thinking of the facts received, weighing, finding some
truth about them and preparing for the right time for that “strong declaration…” without insisting whether it would be
accepted or not. The basic intention is to
inform and perhaps come up with the most productive and sane solution in
dealing with the matter without being too emotionally involved or attached with
it.
Aggression on the other hand is a process that carries
a strong emotional outburst. A reactive
response to any stimulus. Reactive would
mean automatic without having to think, weigh, see the truth of facts, or wait
for the right time to speak up.
Aggression or aggressive
remarks is a product of being too involved with the matter at hand. That includes an overwhelming emotion and the lack of “seeing” from different point
of views taking the matter at one’s own hands ready for the “attack”. This is the kind of attack that discards
consequences of the action. In
Psychology, it is like a cathartic expression …springing into action without
considering the effect it may have.
If you are an employee that's young and fresh from school (or perhaps being new in the company or workplace) there is a need to distinguish between both and to learn being assertive than the latter. At this point also, I could tell you that you would be able to meet a lot of the most challenging aggressive ones in the workplace. One of my previous blogs entitled “Handling Difficult People In the Workplace” can be your strong reference to dealing with the aggressive ones.
If you are an employee that's young and fresh from school (or perhaps being new in the company or workplace) there is a need to distinguish between both and to learn being assertive than the latter. At this point also, I could tell you that you would be able to meet a lot of the most challenging aggressive ones in the workplace. One of my previous blogs entitled “Handling Difficult People In the Workplace” can be your strong reference to dealing with the aggressive ones.
Going back to my
experiences, I realize that though my own father may have been aggressive in
the early years of my life but still it
was from him that I learned to be assertive first and foremost. I and my husband deal with each other in the
same manner with a lot of listening in between to fully understand issues and
concerns. It takes a lot of patience
though but we all need this.
I do not blame though those
group of individuals that I represented
to bring their concerns to a particular
leader. For from that experience, I
learned to get hold of what’s proper in dealing with situations like that. What would have been right is to make them do
that themselves, too, to make them learn
also how to assert while I risk bringing my own regardless of
consequences.
Anyway, past is past. I may have sent that wrong impression but
assertion invites me to stick with what I know to be right, proper and true.
You know what I learned
also from this? There seem to be a mixed
up of the two terms. That was why, one’s self honesty and lucid openness to the
truth can be labeled as aggression. It
led me also to think that there are lot of us also who would rather continue to
float in lies in our workplaces due to
fear of knowing the truth from the assertive ones.
From one of my previous
workplaces, I know of an assertive
individual that liked to stand up during meetings to air his comments. The sad thing was, he always received that
look of disapproval from the others. The
assertive ones mostly labeled as aggressive a lot of times won’t receive any
support. Well, what was always pleasing
in the eyes of others would be being meek, silent, obedient, “all yes”, and as if saying something carrying the
violation of being “disobedient” to some extent.
Wait …you could
squeeze me to death for …tsk tsk .... for asserting through this article hehehehe….
