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I learned one of the lessons on relating with others through my husband. At times, conflict arise from small to big things. We have gotten used to it when we were still singles. Good thing we lived separately that time so we could have those space and time more than enough to process things prior to our scheduled time to talk.
However, we are both confronted with the same concern when we got married only that we now live together. The luxury of that space and time is no longer available given the living arrangement. We are challenged to face each other immediately. That was kind of difficult at first.
At my end I tried the old way of doing it such that I kept my space and silence in his presence but it did not help at all. It prolonged the pain. We both realized that the old way of doing it won’t help at all. And so we tried something that would work out for both of us such as:
1. When there is a concern or issue, we immediately talk about it.
2. We try to talk on regular, normal tone of voice ( that which only both of us can hear heheh).
3. We both try to focus on the issue and not point on some past events that were already dealt with.
4. We include appreciating each other’s effort
5. When these things are discussed, we decide to let go of it and move on.
At my end I deliberately decide to personally resolve and to consciously keep watch so as not to go back to any of it. I do not want to go out of the house also carrying the pain at the beginning of my day. Since I always decide to start my day right, anything negative that would come in between is not allowed to eat up my positive energy. I would then hold my husband’s hand and say still my “ I love you”…”have a nice day today hon”… or “I am sorry”…”we will make time to talk about it” …and end it with “God bless you or us both”.
Let me deviate a little…This is such a short life we have. From the last typhoon Sendong (Washi) and quoting one victim Bevs : “Let us treasure every moment of our life because we never know WHEN and HOW it will end, “ I could now readily sing my day with joy and hope with myself and everyone I meet that I can decide each moment to live it to the fullest and treasure what I’ve got.
There are so many challenges living in this world. Aside from the pain that we may be inflicting with each other intentional or not from our own ego stricken relating and encounters on a day to day basis. Why can’t we just decide to enjoy each others’ company and put them over and above the desire to be on top of our jobs, school, community, country or the world.
For all we know, when we die, we won’t be asking how much money we’ve got, or if our business is on top or if our properties are well kept and managed, etc. In the face of death, we would then be going back to our own hearts, looking for people close to us and whom we would want to be with in our deathbed. We would then be spending our last few moments with them which we did not dare share when we could have lots of it prior to the end of our lives…
The time that we have spent hurting others then should be a deliberate decision to spend it in loving them. In this manner, we would be able to say at the end of our lives that we have given so much of that love than its opposite when accounted for the kind of lives we lived.
To quote an unknown writer to me : “ Let me do whatever good I can do at this time for I shall not pass this way again…”
To my husband Mike …living with you and loving you each day is the most beautiful growth that I have ever experienced in my entire life…:-) Thank you for sticking out and growing with me. I love you honey:-)
PS : Let us all strive not to give up on anyone even those that seem to be very difficulty to deal with....
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