My Journey Through the Eucharist

 http://aronbengilad.blogspot.com/2009/12/eucharist-and-jewish-mysticical.html

As I joined my regular noontime mass at a nearby university today, I thought i have not really written about my most passionate experience at the mass...the highest form of prayer being a Catholic. 

I promise to be as informative as I can in this blog.  But i cannot promise a purely objective presentation as i will be quoting my own experience of the Eucharist.

I would like to start with a brief recall since my childhood years.  I was brought up by both Catholic parents who instilled going to mass together as a family.  It was a blessing though that the catechism class that i joined with when i was in grade 5 pushed going to the Eucharist by checking our attendance every Wednesday and Sundays.  From my "imperfect spirit" to compete with other classmates and be noticed, i did it everyday and studied well my faith through a catechist.  From that experience, i got the "best in religion" award.  

From that, I longed so much going to mass even when it was summer vacation and there was no longer any catechist that checked our attendance.  Well I am not going to tell you that I am strongly suspecting that i got my love for hearing the mass from that experience since i no longer assign it as suspicion.  It was really my "starter" and springboard for the love of the Eucharist.

Let me move further and progress my sharing... 

1.  When i was in grade five, i woke up early (3:00am) to study my lesson.  Mama would prepare some milk and biscuit for me everytime I did that so that i would be properly nourished when i study.  I cook breakfast at 4 am while i scan my books.  At 5:00am i ate my breakfast and ran to the bathroom.  Mama knew that i had to leave the house at 6am to be at the church at 6:15am for the mass.  (So as early as 11 years old, as i was motivated to hear mass, i was "disciplined" at other areas in  my life as  a kid.)

2.  I would go to mass very neat every day.  As a kid i already had sense of fashion with how i dress up but i knew that i had to go to the church and had to be very presentable since i always took the seat near the altar (fashion ha hehe).

3.  Did i understand fully what the priest was talking?  You would bet that i did not.  And hahahha you are right.  I was just there for the checking of attendance right.  That was the motive.

Why did i keep on going to the mass even up to these days?  I seem to be addicted to it.  It is like falling in love into a celebration other than my husband (even our dates were spent first with masses before other things and visits).  Some classmates when i was in high school thought that i would join the convent.  i thought the same too (but i always joke with this line "it's either i will be sent out of the convent or the congregation will disperse because of me" toinks hahahah i could imagine that ...great threat ha). 

1.   I would like to say that I am no saint (striving to be one...if i would qualify that would be great).  When i hear mass...a lot of times, my mind is everywhere.  But every after the celebration, i always get the peace that i could not explain.  I thought a lot of times that i was not really participating.  But when one time a priest just told me "to just be there" even when you feel like you don't feel like it or you don't belong.  My perception changed.  I just allowed myself to be there - physically present (even when mentally i was "absent"...this was our running joke with friends).

2.  I was assured that if i do wrong, the more i would need God.  I have the feeling that even if i dislike myself sometimes due to what i did, my God does not dislike the person that i am.  I am not condemned and it is just i that built up the walls heavier when i moved away due to sinfulness.  So when i sin, I still go to mass ( hey, i strive to go to confession too...) .

3.  I experienced the most of healing during the mass.  One time when i had recurring fever due to stress and that i was off from work for days,  I tried just being present in the mass. When i had my personal resolve to do better during the celebration, my fever stopped.  That thing, i could not understand but i felt an inner transformation in my soul that positively affected my wellbeing.   I felt rejuvenated to re- start my days and go back to work.

4.  After each mass that I join,  I just get the feeling of lightness putting things in order in a day.  I have seen the grace of great order.  Something that i do not totally understand but just came from the peace of fully engaging myself.

5.  When I and my husband had some strong issues to deal with in our relationship (when we were still singles),  we always prepared through the mass and all beautiful things follow such as proper listening, forgiveness, compassion, love, self-giving, sacrifice, patience, and so many more (And i could strongly assure that our relationship was greatly nourished through the masses we heard together).  

What is my message then?  I have read conversion stories through the Eucharist.  Great journeys of individuals from other denominations or Catholics themselves deepening more their faiths through there very personal encounter in the Eucharist.  Perhaps anyone of us would want to try to take some few strides to move a little forward by just being there at mass...even when we feel at first that nothing seems to be working.  I bet you with my whole being.   God is present even when we feel the blur of that moment.  

Lastly, the Eucharist is made available everyday...it is offered for free.  And so when we start to become restless...lost...find life tasteless...no direction...  this greatest "therapy" is made available...

We don't have to look elsewhere for the soul's 'spa'.  Just be present in the mass...

PS...i know of someone that told me that he felt guilty not hearing mass for than a year.  I just told him  "just go back"...and be home:-).