My Mothers' Day - May 13, 2012

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I woke up today not really expecting so much. I just told my husband to accompany me in (the latest) daily routine walk around the subdivision.  I even forgot that it is mothers’ day.  After we had our hot drinks and pandesal,  I blurted the greeting “happy mothers’ day to myself hon”…to my husband’s shock…  He forgot just like me and he was all laughing about it.

Of course he greeted me after that.  I admit this is so new to me and to him, too.  Not even formally and officially a mom since my baby has not come out yet.  But I do feel like I am a mom, mama or nanay already.  It may be a little awkward for both of us to declare that but life is growing in my womb and there’s the three of us already.  Again, I feel like a mom, already.  Seriously, this being a mom thing has not really sank deep yet. 

But as months passed and I became used to having someone within me everyday, I feel like I am bringing with me a part of me and my husband.  Someone so special and fresh that I / we need to introduce to the world that we are in.   And so when we decided to hear mass at the mall, I felt like the entire family’s going there.  What I usually do is to get to talk to my baby in my womb with anything including the plans for the day.

At mass I got to meet my old classmate and friend Nina with her daughter.  We sat beside each other…I mean in between us was her beautiful daughter and I got a  glimpse of both of them and the growing excitement within me.  I felt the beauty of motherhood during the celebration as the priest acknowledged moms to go the front for a blessing.  I and Nina did not go though but I felt the blessing from God as I caressed my tummy imagining God blessing us also with my baby and my husband.  But wow, my country value so much family and roles of parents. 

As I searched around for moms with their sons and daughters - babies,  kids and older ones.  I saw so much of the strength of the women delivering all these children.  There were families that had more than one kids and I realized how God had chosen women to bring out these  children to the earth. 

Joking aside, I did ask my husband many times why it has to be women that has to carry the child and why not them.  He really took me seriously with his answer that genetically it is not possible and that our bodies from the very beginning was really designed for such purpose. 

It was such a wonderful celebration.  The Eucharist was like a refreshment for me – for my soul, my relationship to God and my husband and oh ..i will never forget … our beautiful innocent baby in my womb. 

Before the mass ended, I had some small talks with Nina updating a little of each others lives.  After which, I and my husband just roam around the mall.  After lunch I noticed some rehearsals going on with kids’ doing some ballet dancing.  I lingered a little while I waited for my husband doing something.  I was curious of kids and their behaviour on stage. 

Meanwhile, I also saw parents particularly moms proudly looking at them performing.  And I had lots of those thoughts going on such as :  What talents would my children have?  Would I expose them  to something like this?  There are so many of them on stage…  Would I want my children to be like them? 

Until,  I reached the question… Would I want my children to be like everyone else?  …and… Will this be the kind of exposure that they may have to make a difference in the world? (very odd mom that I am...right?).   Silently, I was in tears with this question leading me to pull out at one side to sit, think and feel the moment as I watched my husband trying to finish some forms to fill up at a counter. 

I admit that growing up with five other siblings in the house was quite a “cumbersome” childhood for  me.  I felt not much of attention was given to any of us seeing our parents so engrossed with providing us financially.  It was a childhood filled with experiments of everything at my end since I realize that “no one was really watching”.   

I had to try on clothes that would best fit with me, chose my style of shoes, sang any song,  tried sketching,  tried dancing and imitating some students doing ballet at a ballet class in our place (I guess mama would rather save up for our tuition in school than sending us to ballet class).  

I read books.  I tried writing too but when I saw someone writing beautifully with some words I could not really understand, I got discouraged (good writer for me that time meant having heavy words to say not understandable by many …huh …and whoa…I got to say wowwww if I read writings done in that manner). 

I tried imitating but that led me nowhere.  When I started something, I would stop and tried new one.  Until I realized that I had to be “me” in order to find myself.  And there is no other way that I would be able to reach out to my future children except by being themselves. 

Since from my search and journey towards “home” …that is myself…I realized …there are a whole lot of resources and gifts that needed to be out in the open, I feel the same to my future children.  They can go where they want to go.  But there is one thing that I would tell them in the earliest part of the lives… that I listened to my heart and I was guided by it.  I was guided by God’s voice in it.  

And so they can do the same…explore their passion, listen to their hearts…to that Voice that would lead them to where they should be.  And all we could do as a couple is to support them and pray for them.

Really, there were times when I got to laugh with my husband how we argued on how we would raise them and I would cut it by saying…”what about focus on nurturing them with our love than arguing right now on things that are not there yet”.  Because I do believe that if we start with nurturing them with our love the earliest years, they will find their own way by themselves.  Love will find its way when children are led by it in the earliest part of their lives.

Did I say so much?   Here's to close.... My mothers’ day ended beautifully with a beautiful gift from my husband (aside from his material gifts to me for the day and doing some chores in the house…great husband) – with the realization -  my strength as a woman is being complimented by the strength of character of my dear husband. 

HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY TO ALL MOTHERS AND ASPIRING MOTHERS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD…MY PRAYERS GO WITH YOU ALL:-)