PAPA

I had a beautiful chat this morning with an old friend that stated about his visit to his father in a far place Naga to see him after 22 years. This aspect of his life when we were classmates in the Graduate school at XU was part of the discussions that we had which he related to have culminated last week in the visit. The experience did not really move him a bit to tears during the encounter but was slowly eating him from the inside and broke in a bucket of tears on his bus ride back to Manila.

He also related how his father's absence had paved way to a financial concern of the family but made them leap higher to strive to finish studies, get married, employed with XU and now he is about to defend his thesis in his masters degree in Guidance and Counseling.

The meeting with his father has been the most awaited and unexpected part of his life. He was hinted by a friend that gave him the address. And so when he was joining a seminar in Manila, he intentionally traveled 14 hours to meet his father. This though came as a big surprise to his father who is now old and suffering from some illness.

The situation according to him made him more confident to face his responsibilities as a father which to this day, he makes it his top priority. He also focuses his thesis study on students with broken homes and the latter's effect to their academic performance. His findings according to him are really indicative of the situation that they are into such that there is high level of anxiety and lack of confidence from these students based on the survey he conducted.

While listening, i felt like breaking down but held up to continue with the story. (At this point i would say...this is how it is with me when i listen to life's breaking stories).

Making family as top priority. This is something that is presented to my face this morning. I have not seen too, my father for months already. I don't know what has transpired at his end but i have not really grown to be attached to him except with my mother. Though i find my father a friend other than being that of a father but i admit i lack that special attachment with him. Perhaps because i have not really felt the warmth or perhaps series of painful encounters in the past led me farther emotionally.

If my friend was desperately searching for his own father for 22 years, my very own father is at my reach ...just in Bukidnon...and i am like feeling all along that he will just always be there when i need him...but talking with my friend early this morning made that difference...i have to reach out to my own father...I feel even blessed to just have him near. I should not wait though, for certain illness or whatever incident to happen to push me to pay him the visit. I love my father and i know in my heart that this situation is leading me to do something to be with him... If i had not felt that warmth...maybe perhaps, i only saw that i needed to be filled and satisfied by that love...but i missed the real point...TO SIMPLY LOVE HIM.

I LOVE YOU PAPA. SEE YOU SOON..:-)

I am Calling it a Halt

I went to Davao recently to join a seminar facilitated by someone from the national office of our company. I had such a great time except for the 2 incidents of encounters of 2 cab drivers. The first one appeared not knowledgeable of the address that we gave him and so went a different route twice which led us to call for a halt for us to go down for he seemed to be not getting our instructions. The second one requested for an add on from the amount reflected in the cab meter.

I was greatly dismayed by the incidents. Though we found a way to joke with the experience but the reality is kind of painful as to how public violation of charging or confusing passengers has been taking its toll already. I am presuming no formal complaint has yet been forwarded to seriously address the concern (meron na ba?).


My arrival in Cagayan de Oro was another incident. The sad thing was, another plane passenger ( a foreigner UN peacekeeper) requested for my assistance to get a cab and another shameful strategy was presented by cab drivers - pushing forth a certain price other than using a taxi / cab meter.

Moreover, another incident was when i went back to the office after a whole day training. The cab driver made me choose which way to go (actually similar incident happened many times already). From this I immediately thought that he was testing me if i knew my way. I simply decided to find another cab for he was insisting that we would take the longer route since he knew better. This incident really put me to test as to handling and composing myself despite the emotional struggle with these encounters.


Last summer, when I arrived at our very own airport here in Cagayan de Oro, i was sort of "captive" to this same practice. I did not want to give in to such high "patong" to actual price. The good thing was this cab driver (that according to him was "not part of the association") gave me the ride after my sort of "discussion" about this practice.

On one hand, I did understand his explanation as to trying to make up with the high rental of the cab. I did understand him also with supplying for the needs of his family. He must be doing his best to provide for them well. But what i could not totally understand is that how this situation has been tolerated in our Cities (CDO, Davao, Cebu, Manila, etc...dami pang ibang places).


Well, I ended my conversation with that cab driver by saying " you know what manong, ang kwarta nga nakuha sa dili maayo nga pama-agi dali ra mawala. Sometimes ipa agi sa mga incidente nga dili nato gina expect sama sa mga sakit ug uban pa nga mga sitwasyon hangtud nga mahurot ato kwarta. Ug sometimes makapangutang pata (intawon naghinuktok si manong heheh)...". This one thing i learned from life. We always reap what we sow and life will always give back what we put into it. We don't expect for a bad quality seed to bring forth a good harvest right?


I thought i would just simply write something for my RANDOM THOUGHTS blog site (just like a brief "scribble" of notes) but as i run through the keys, there seem to another issue coming out - my visit in a government office for the processing of a business permit. The following were my observations :

1. there were lots of working tables at the city hall
2. a lot of them have no employees in place (perhaps...more vacancies? ...but not they are talking with other employees in another table, some eating, chatting, simply laughing and having fun...during office hours
3. as i approached someone to help me with the processing, i was readily served ( i was so glad to be received well) and thought i would finish faster( which i did). It was just that before finalizing the entire process i and the one that attended with me were interrupted by a group of friends that brought in some "goodies" of information for the processor's "consumption" and so she handed my paper to another processor who was so free to attend with me. As i held my eyes away from them, i heard the laughter and fun that they had (they must be so happy working so free in that kind of environment...huh? sad gyud oi).

Another last thing which i found a little funny but so true was the story related by my honey (hehe). He went to the city planning office looking for a particular office head. As he got in, he was met with a dimly lit office with people just whispering as they conversed with each other. And so he was like almost on his breaking laughter when he realized that people have nothing to do and so they just have to settle with such amount of light since they don't need much anyway.

At my end, i do feel helpless with such realities, for a lot of varied ways of stealing, cheating, etc have been going on around us. In many different forms, they manifest and i am hoping, in this writing, i would be able to reach out to more or a wider audience not really and solely for the purpose of making people aware but to invite us to DO SOMETHING to positively respond to these issues and concerns by making a difference ourselves.

What i mean can be the following :

1. not joining the "patong" style (for cab drivers) or giving in to their request
2. simply do your job - even and despite your boss is not around ( i work in
a private company ...and my experience is a constant following up, grilling and
prodding to produce an excellent output for each working day)


Truly, our actions have consequences - good or bad. We all know that human-made rules can be bent anytime but there are rules manned by the UNSEEN... GOD Himself. The Bible clearly states this (unfortunately, not everyone is attracted to reading it).


Thus, and perhaps, God, even without the Bible, from the very beginning marked His law in the hearts of men. When we sin we know and when we do otherwise, we feel His peace (for a calloused conscience...this one i say might be hard to "see" through the heart).

Lastly, being honed in a Catholic university run by the Jesuits, made me more conscious of the of valuing honesty, sincerity, respect of human dignity, giving justice, giving without counting the cost, making a difference and many more. Before, i felt more of the burden of the knowledge that i gained for they pushed me even more to propagate that consciousness of engaging in others' lives. At the moment, i feel the challenge of not considering it as such but an expression of Love emanating from the experience of being loved (hehe drama effect but i sincerely bow to this...fresh talaga from my 19th annotation retreat hehe).


To give this writing a strong push...hahay ...may i go straight to the point...we can never experience the peace of God when we run contrary to His work. Thus, putting "patong" to actual fare, not giving justice to task assigned or other forms of stealing that we know of that we feel we are putting on gray areas for they appear light (lytch lang hehe), we tolerate the ill of sin to slowly creep in our society, in our system. This one i say springs from a heart that allowed the contamination of sin. Thus, i am suggesting a halt!!!!... to do what's right and to sin no more... (grabe ka strong hehe)

This is for all of us...God bless us all!


________________________________________________________

P.S. One day in the past, i hoped and prayed that there will be some kind of massive entrapment operations for taxi drivers... and office managers will wholeheartedly respond to this. But sana there will be no such incident to happen before change will take place. My prayer now is...that this will not fall on deaf ears and hearts...:-) I feel God will move us ...i feel positive and hopeful for all of us...Amen...:-)

CARLA - lelex:-)

She hailed from my place in Bukidnon. I heard of her name lots of times when we were kids since she garnered (many times i guess:-) ) the championship award at Del Monte, Bukidnon singing competition. I should say ...matunog ang pangalan nya when we were kids. When she transferred to our apartment in college, I was a little apprehensive dahil baka sosyal nga siya (hahahahaha sorry Carl..that was just then...). But of course, it was a lot different knowing her to be so down-to-earth with all our chikkas and open forums in the apartment, the praying together of rosary, the watching together of late night movies and many others pa. I admired her also with how she was able to balance her time with studies, BF Dennis and her talented group that regularly sang at a bar. I was also a little jealous that she was regularly visited by her mom at the apartment. Unlike us ni gay that we got only visited by our mama in our dreams (hahahhahaha kalag na bitaw dead-bol na baya mama).

Our college years ran swiftly with almost the entire apartment "team" (char lang) graduated together in college including of course Carla. After graduation, I rarely heard of her except when I heard that she already got married and sadly also when I heard that she fell ill and her younger daughter Robin Faith. I was not really there in every major and minor events of Carla's life but my chikka sister gay updated me with everything and honestly broke my heart every step of that painful journey (every time i read Carla's account, i couldn't stop crying...why man oi huhuhuhu). And, in our random meetings at the mall, i was able to get some glimpses of her story and how she struggled especially when Robin was brought to the states for treatment without her at her side but had to bear all that for her daughter to be well ( We always had such "short and sweet" emotional sharings...actually not really sweet...painful talaga).

I felt deeply overwhelmed by the whole thing imagining the process of how God was able to fashion each experience or experiences we have to fit in to our "formation" here on earth. I keep on wondering and tearfully recalling how such experience be placed in a package given to one person named Carla. I mean I only got to know her as a friend way back in college but I did not know such strength of a woman to come out due to such painful experience of being ill and losing someone so dear to her.

I really prodded her to write. Since I started this Little Heroes column, she always came in my thoughts and heart. Perhaps God was really pushing me to invite Carla to write her story which she just did (heheh lipay ayo ko ...ako ra man gihapon cge hilak). She just crafted a beautiful story of her life which you can check in this site - http://mygoodiebox.blogspot.com/p/about-me.html -.

When I invited her to write her story, she said "di balo ngano hero ko oi" (bitaw lingaw ko kang Carla..i hope she is aware that she is that brave:-)). But I just want to announce to the world that there is such great strength in each of us. And they are best tested when situation presents itself just like that of Carla's.

Carla is a hero with regards to strength and plight to stand up for life - for daughter Robin, for her love for Dennis and Maia, her love for herself to continue living despite her illness and I believe her deep and immeasurable love for God as she and the entire family continues to thrive in God's business through their plan of putting up a foundation for Robin. Who would ever think in the past, I mean when we were still in college...we may have laughed this whole idea heheheh that one day one of us would ever decide to engage in such beautiful experience of starting such a project.

Robin is truly such an angel that moved the entire family to be able to do beautiful works to the community. Or, to lead her mom to be more passionately involved and engaged with life. And lastly, to be able to find that real and true strength of a woman, mom, and a wife - A REAL AND TRUE HERO OF LIFE.

God bless you Carl. May you continue to flourish and extend your boundaries with Dennis and Maia.:-) ...with your angel Robin hehe imagine nako siya dula sa langit haskang biboha...:-)

RAISING, NOT JUST GROWING THEM

I came across an old book at an SM sale accounted by a teacher author regarding a man in Texas named George Dawson that only learned how to read in his later life (80's... ay sori po 90's diay ..98 years old). This man simply lived a simple and uncomplicated life. He said "Life is good just the way it is". He also added "these days are growing children not raising them".

I guess growing is being associated with just simply providing them with stuffs that support physical growth such as food, clothing, shelter, medicines, etc. But raising would lead to a total engagement of parents to the life of their children particularly on emotional, social, spiritual (etc.) and developing other skills that may make them a positive contribution not only to themselves but to the society.

This is one thing though that bothers me. With the introduction of varied technologies from the western world and our parents embracing those stuffs to entertain our children, we allow some time to pass for such activities that make the children "idle" with things that are more life giving.

I may sound like an expert parent. I am not. I am not claiming any of such authority on this earth (char lang ...basin inyo ko labayon bato da hahhahahha). The thing is, i am a single, a little older lady (hahahahhaha soon to get married though) that sees many things from experiences in the academe and engagements with family, my life as a child and lives of children that i play with in the neighborhood (at my age i still play a group of children ...and i love to keep it that way).

There is one common thing with them. They like to have your attention. Anything goes with children - play, stories, toys (even hand made ones). They flock with you if they feel you give them "A" - as in attention. They get your attention when they see you listening to someone else stories. When you ask them to do things, they do it just to get it, too, such as dancing for you or tell you stories.





Some neighbor's children - would flock at the house while I cook, play on the computer (not really play but we take pictures together over the camera...too bad I lost it when I had my computer reformatted.) We listen to music together or we just bring plastic chairs together so that we could gather and talk about anything.

They flock when you give them time. On and on and until this time, they look for me shouting outside of the gate for the hug. Though I rarely get their hugs at the moment, but when I get them during weekends, I sure feel that i still have their love (to uriel, mayre, justine, tintin, andrew, ann2x, and many more kids ...thanks for the time and the fun, fun time we had).

Parents can tell more with how they have struggled toward growing and raising their children. A lot of parents, despite with their daily workloads always have the time to let go of work just to be present at school meetings, school affairs, social activities, etc.

My sister Gay and husband Dennis for example support their kids girl2 and Anton by organizing a soccer team for both to engage and the entire family to participate. They have made other kids join providing them with food, uniform, transportation, lodging (they also invite sponsors :-)).

My friends Carla and Dennis are so fully engage with their family that they give their full attention to their daughters Maia Frances and Robin that died years ago due to an illness. Their love for their family particularly their daughters led them to doing some community works of distributing food and medicines in the cardiac unit of NMMC hospital last August, 2010 (and more surprises to come from Carla and family. Carla is now being featured in my LITTLE HEROES blog site).

My sister Gina and husband Ronnie do spend their simple time lying in bed together with Alfie and Nickey (grabe ka full pack ang bed heheh) and talk about anything including lots of laughter. They go to Church together (though sometimes they struggle to keep Nickey with them). One thing that's popular with their family is "laughter" (plus I join them from time to time).

My other sister Grace and husband Jun (hehe i mean Avelino bitaw ...Junior siya actually), spend their time as a couple with AG and Rock2. They join Couples' for Christ and support both their kids at kids camp with Kids for Christ. They are both such hands-on parents such as giving them tutorials and hold regular family dates, too (sometime they do laundry for them when help is not available).

Sadly other parents, may find it painful to being able provide such presence since they work outside of the country or work takes them outside of their place of residence or make them spend longer hours in the office. I do not judge them either for such for I experienced interacting with them, too.

When I was in US I heard stories of their sacrifices to leave their families to provide them financially. And, the parents that can't have such sufficient and satisfying time with their children due to work. But you would always hear them say "I do this because, I love them and I have to provide all their needs" (sadly, a lot of their children or adolescents for that matter do not really appreciate this).

A child does not totally understand this. But when a "balikbayan box" (for OFWs) comes containing all the toys and fancies that can materially provide a child, he / she forgets momentarily. He can't even totally utter what he misses but i am pretty sure he feels the lack even without fully understanding it.

My experience as a high school counselor for 10 years (before i had my detour in human resource hehe)made me see all these stuffs. Parents out of pure motive of providing for their children merits the consequences of not really being "known" by them. Parents would express their pains of the "loss" but painful as it is, they just "reap" what they sow.

One story that broke my heart was shared by a friend over an incident of a child that did her family drawing without the mother in it. You know why? The mother has been in the States (US)working as a nurse since she was 3 years old (now she is 8). And the mom comes home one's a year (she is still blessed to have her ones a year...others won't see their parent for 5 to 10 years) but excluding the mother in that drawing would tear my world and break me apart ...ohhh so, so...downright paaiiinnfulll if i am the mother.

Other instance was when somebody close to me joined a mother and daughter camp for a a little girl whose mother works in US ,too. Wow...if only the mom had known that she missed a lot of her daughter's stories and growing up ( ako kung pwede lang i will watch every moment of growing of my "future" child hehehe...i would love to do that for him or her).

Presence is so important with children. We may have provided them with the basic needs but a lot of them crave for attention. One TV ad that i have seen recently mentions of a teenage girl that mentions to her parents at dinner time that her friend got pregnant and shared how she feels with her friend. I should say she is blessed to have the opportunity to be able to share her feelings and agony to her parents over of her friend's situation simply because her parents are with her in the house when she comes home.

As Filipinos, we value so much our families and our children. The strength of our families can outweigh any hardship that each one may encounter. Though we say that adolescents' life is the most crucial stage of all the stages but from experience, the first five years and the entire childhood years should be the planting of the seeds and building up of the strong foundation of child's character that can and may withstand challenges of the future.

And so, I hope and pray that we all strive to both grow and raise our children ...for the future (char lang...murag kanta hahhahahh)...God bless us all!

"MARIE"

Marie works at Dunkin Donuts, Cagayan de Oro as a service crew. She is now 24 years old but earlier in life...when she was 12, she had to forcibly work her way from Lingating, Bukidnon to the city to work at the market earning P50 per day just to support the family in lieu of her father that got paralyzed at that time. Such was her initiative to bring income to the family that sent 7 other siblings to school.

During the Values formation seminar she had an emotional "outbreak" of her life story that moved everyone to tears. You know why? With her very minimal salary, she was able to make 2 other siblings (from among 7)to finish high school and is still sending the others in the elementary school. (What a big slap to my face that earned only for myself and Tobby - hahahhaha my puppy-dog).

She also broke the news that she will soon get married and was asking me as to where she could have a free wedding by a priest. Ouch!!!!! if only I am a priest, I would give her that (any priest out there who deliver such free service? heheh). When I asked her of the budget of her wedding, she uttered "P10,000". And it broke my heart again ...huhuhuhuh...You know why? I am quite ambitious in the past with how i imagined my wedding to be. I wanted such a grand wedding with all the entourage and video coverage perhaps so that i could post at facebook (joke lang...wala koy facebook). And here comes this lady that only wanted such a simple wedding taken from her and fiance's savings.

During our sessions, she may have cried for the years she had not enjoyed well her childhood years but the great fulfillment was how she had labored so hard for the family members to get the education they need (I see you now crying and i am while writing this). Added to that, she stated that it makes her happy to be able to give P1,000 for the family and buy them food from her meager income.

One more thing...this is what I learned with Marie...instead of complaining with her meager income, she even focused with her gratefulness that she has the job to support the family (for i hear a lot of people complaining and "crying" for an increment...on and on and that they are never satisfied with the amount added).

Really, the generosity of this lady named "Marie" is never outdone by what I have just started...I "woke up" much later than her. If i had not, I and Marie will not be able to meet in heaven...huhuhu (ay char lang sure nako malangit? hahahahhaha) Thank you God :-)

_________________________________________________

Note : this is also featured in my LITTLE HEROES blog site :

http://dang-littleheroes.blogspot.com/2010/09/marie.html

"CHARLIE"

"Charlie". That's his name. He is not the regular service crew that you see at Dunkin Donuts that does the work according to job descriptions. He does more than that. He goes out of his way to really entertain people. I first got to know him in an initial interview last August (2010). He was a little formal with me ...of course with the first getting -to- know- each- other meeting. But when he got to join us in the first-batch of the three-day values formation series, he was all out with his participation in all activities and sharings. And he kept on throwing humor and jokes that led everyone to enjoy the entire process. I tell you...he can well compete with Poo, Pokwang and all other stand-up comedians we have in the Philippines.

Let me give you samples (though it would be more fun if you can relate with the context):

1. Someone shared of a childhood experience that started with "when i was a ked"...and so Charlie uttered, "ked? past tense of kid?"

2. in the culminating drama, he portrayed the role of a son that wanted to bring his sister to an audition that may bring some family fortune (or misfortune hahahahha) bitaw he just wanted to buy medicines for his sick mother and so he forced his sister to just audition for a singing contest. They were both crying profusely for desperation to get the medicines. And so with the sister's exasperation, she was asking her kuya "unsa man diay sakit ni mama?"...Charlie (with his impromptu style of delivery uttered "hmmmmmmmmm...sip-on"...

3. Charlie is so positive with life and so he mentioned in one of his visits in the office "...the future is so bright...and so let's begin the first step with the 'heel' (what he meant was high heels hahahhahahahha simply...crazzzzyy).

I tell you ...if you get to meet him ...you will go crazy laughing. With the seminar almost ending on the third day, i had an inkling that he wanted so much my attention and care "ngano wala man ko nimo duuli mam ...sana nag whisper ka encouraging words...can i come visit you at work"....of course i said my yes.

Charlie was just one of those that participated in the seminar that may be carrying some heavy loads but was able to choose to be joyful and happy... despite of.

STARTING AND ENDING IT RIGHT

I was so busy last week. With the straight 4 - day training, I thought I would not survive until the end but I did. Given the daily work schedule, 90% of the day is spent with the regular demands of the job. Well let me tell you what I did last Sunday after my Saturday's last day session of training...

1. I woke up 6 am (usually wake up 4 or 5 am)
2. Said a "short but sweet" prayer (i prefer longer ...love wasting time with Jessuuuus)
3. Changed clothes and went out of the house walking 5 rounds around the neighborhood block (said my rosary short cut hahahah can you imagine that while i did my walking rounds - contact me...i'll teach you how)
4. bought my hefty sized pandesal (char lang pa hefty effect)
5. Turned on my computer and put on some music (while Nicky my pamangkin was still sleeping hehe no prob he wears "ear plugs" with his loud music)
6. prepared my delicious Linzhi coffee (sori dili brewed ga palpitate imo iyaan ug ga tinigulang hahahahahha)
7. tearfully wrote my journal for the day while enjoying my coffee and hot pandesal (oopps i almost forgot...i prepared some for Tobby too - my "puppy - dog" - hehehe actually askal nga dog nakalimot lang gibati ug ka imported hahahhahahahha).
8. Prepared our simple meal ni nickey
9. Took a bath
10. Changed clothes for the Sunday mass (i chose my clothes well to look good for my Sunday date with Jesus and Mike ...as in super dooper gwapa si lola)
11. Did some small grocery with Mike
12. Got a surprised invitation by a new found friend in the neighborhood for a lunch (heheh good thing we did not have to prepare or eat somewhere)
13. Had some fun, fun conversation with some touching topics
14. Brought shirts to Fr. Frank for our apostolate advocacy Joyfully Hopeful (from where i learned that some Jesuits from Manila sent txt messages teasing him of his "negosyo" shirts in Mindanao "nagnenegosyo ka na pala jan frank" hahahhahaha nag panic ako SD ...joke lang fr. Frank..actually the shirts were brought by Fr. Rogel so that he would give them as gifts when he goes back to Vatican - Rome ba...bongga...)
14. Joined my SD fr. Frank for our last meeting before my "graduation" next weekend ...(yeheeeeeeyyy excited ako with my one on one mass...i mean with some priest friends and madres : Frs Dimly, Julius, Butch, Sister Dayday ...and my sister gay pud)
15. Prepared dinner with Michael and some "coffee time" conversations with him.
16. Said my prayers and hopped in bed with lots of "Thank Yous" to God ...for the blessings of the day...

But really, I found my day so full and filled up but thinking that i started my day right and so relaxed made a lot of difference. Putting the foundation of the day through prayer makes it lyt-chhh (hehe i have my unique pronunciation of this taken from my own dictionary hahahha) and full of grace and meaning.

Though my days will not always be like this - the "in-betweens" - ...but starting and ending it right protects and seals the package of the day.

Prayer ...prayer ...prayer...Amen :-)

KEEP THE CUP EMPTY

I conversed with one supervisor this morning and he shared with his experience being young in the position and learning new things everyday ( I can see the drive and the passion in his eyes). From it I simply uttered, "yes it is always good to keep the cup empty so that we would continue to learn everyday"... And wow, this one perked me to write. I hopped excitedly in the computer hahahahaha...here goes.

Of course you know what i mean with emptying the cup. It is just simply pouring out its content so that you will have available space for the next round of ...coffee, tea, or me ( hahahhah joke lang). I would like to associate the cup's "space" to our capacity to absorb things. Let's start with coffee ..

1. Coffee

Coffee is basically bitter. Others find it delicious to have at that, while others want it mixed with creamer and sugar or they use other ways of doing it to come up with other flavors such as cappuccino, latte and the like (hahahaha "the like" na lang ako gamiton kay wala nko kabalo sa uban). And so the cup of life may contain such bitter experiences that can be managed by putting in some life's "creamer and sugar" such as the decision to make things lighter despite the pains and struggles. Taken at that, the pain may have its way of consuming us like if we fully drink it in its entirety. But my SD finds brewed coffee really delicious. Wow...it may be that life can be taken in full even without the creamer or sugar. Pain has its way of creating miracles such that best learnings can come from it, if not, life's greatest wisdom.

2. Tea

Tea varies in flavor - green, mint, etc. and the like (na naman hahahahaha). These are the different flavors of experiences that may be poured in the "cup" of our life. Some we find delicious and others not really pleasing or delicious. I am not really such expert in associating things but this thing i see...life offers varieties of experiences and opportunities. We are free to pick according to our taste and flavor. Sometimes, we tend to experiment. Forest Gump's film played by Tom Hanks, associate life to "a box of chocolate and so you never know what you get". Well call that surprises, since life does not always give us what we expect or as simple as choosing what flavor of tea to drink.

Also, there are always first times with tea, right? Sso with life. But are we going to taste everything for us to be fully knowledgeable with life? Experience teaches lessons and the best teachers are those that have fully engaged themselves with life. Though I don't really agree full well that we engage with things that may harm us such as drugs to be a credible counselor of drug dependents or to get pregnant at a young age to be more effective in dealing with teen pregnancy. But that is how it is. If we fully engage...we extract the best of lessons that we may be able to give. Those that have experienced the most of pain are able to relate well with those that are really struggling (Emotional intelligence can support more on this).

3. ME

Actually, this one started as a joke which just came out as I nibbled my thoughts (remember the running old joke with service in the restaurant "coffee, tea or me?" ...that's just it ...hahahaha) but well I thought of me as the "ME" - GOD Himself. The Me being poured in our cup. Fully emptying the cup allows everything coming from our God to flow in. Imagine drinking from the cup of God. If you can recall the "cup" that Jesus went through...Yah right , the sufferings that He went through. Can you do the same? (hahhaha i see you face...I have 6th sense...i can see dead people walking like real people joke lang hahahhahahahahah...)...

Well everything is a choice though. We can either put in coffee, tea, or / and ultimately ...and one day choose to empty our cup for the ME. I bet ...we will definitely shine when resurrection comes. We may think that learning will just be limited to the size of our cup...There is more than "magic" with God's cup...And yes, there is nothing more to learning about God's cup that contains His unlimited supply of wisdom...just like what He has continually poured on me...try nato:-) go.. go.. nata... hehehe...

JUST SAY IT

For me it is good to write when they are fresh (hehe). I just happen to lose a minor thing...my hair clip. this one brings my hair to order the entire day so I won't really have to focus on it and just get things done for the entire day. But then, again, I lost it. Big problem ha for i would not want to scare anyone away. I am not vain either to go to the parlor to get hair relax...since college, i do my hair pony or pouched. hahhaha what a term.

I had three options though : to go out of the office and buy one, let my hair down and simple or simply say it to someone in the office hoping she would be the one to help and provide me with the clip (hahahhaha that big deal ha). And I got it(thanks to Princess). You may say " Hey men hahahah it is just a clip"... (char !!!) But i would say ...it is not the clip...it is when you say that you need something so that others would know what you lack that help would be made available for you.

But nah nah..it is not really like that always in real life. Reality bites and hits hard. When you ask for something or anything ...you do not really get everything. In prayer, when you enumerate things that you need or want from God, you don't really get everything.

Why is that? Kind of unfair ha. I did it many times and over and over again. In my not so remote past, when i was still a fresh graduate and freshly baked. Hahahhahahah...I thought i started out writing everything i wanted through my personal vision and mission and so i itemized everything and kept on fulfilling them year after year. It is like having a checklist in my drawer and just simply pull them out when i needed to check if I have accomplished my plans. And i did them all (?) ...wait ...except one...getting control of when and the time of getting married. Hhahahhahaha as the years passed, it became an image of someone standing beside the road allowing things to pass by and helplessly mumble words like "ay...tua ra sila..milabay na" hahahhahahha.

Really, i could easily laugh at all these now, but, before? Well it was like joining a desperate race of single women getting married one at a time and i felt so left out and lost. I kept such one hard question in my heart "why me?'' and ...would you allow me to describe it? Just a simple lady crawling and begging for her to be allowed to get married...she muttered, complained, threw stones at the heavens gate, bit her angel's wing, threw stone at the Father's throne (hahahha) and would you believe that i included a joke of kidnapping the Blessed Mother? (this came out from an electronic chat with another single friend hahahhahahh)...kidnap for ransom. We both believed Jesus will not be able to say NO to us (hahahhahahhahah muligid ta katawa bai).

But really and seriously, why is it that a generous God who owns everything can afford to say NO to such request or to any of our requests? Everyone would be rich, get a good job, have a perfect family, great vacation, great house, eating good food, poverty eliminated. Everyone is simply H-A-P-P-Y.

Why is it that God Himself, the great author of generosity is not able to dispense everything in just a simple push of the buttons of the machine? Wow...you read me...making God as a machine...at our own disposal and control.

But we do ask...we say it ... but we are not outright given...This is kind a hard to answer but you know what? As time passed by...I thought choosing to be bitter because I did not get what I wanted would make God grant me what I demanded but He made me wait even more...Gross ha. The waiting paid so well for in His right time someone just came and broke the silence on God's behalf - my Spiritual Director - Fr. Frank, SJ.

It was when I stopped the chase, and started to stop asking and allowed myself to simply submit that I slowly got the pieces back. It was in those times of simply not asking and not doing anything when He came and dug hard. It was like His hand had punched a deep hole and cleaned up all the mess inside planting a new seed of hope.

I simply said it many times in the past...and I thought I wouldn't find it. He came...He did answer...not the way I wanted Him. I could not reverse the process ...me being God and He does what I wanted. It has to be Him and only Him as the God..

Listen up...He is our God...It has to be that and no reverse whatsoever.

And so why can't we just simply stop the chase and let go... When we do that, we just simply wait...His time...the perfect time. No sweat ha...(come dance with me hahahahhahahah).

So when you JUST simply SAY IT ...it has to be ...."I WILL WAIT".

WALK THE TALK

-thanks to Glenn Balhon (Sales Officer of Dunkin Donuts cdo)for modelling his foot ...i mean beautiful shoe in this photo hahhahahahhaha)

This morning, I felt that I have always said sorry to Mike (lately). I was worried with that because I feel that I have always hurt the one I love. I thought also that if I would not do that it would mean I allowed myself to clutter my heart with pride and not take the first move. It has always been that for me to save my face in front of anyone ...just to appear clean but this time when it is someone I love that I hurt...that I cannot contain and look at them straight in the eyes.

I have difficulty looking at Mike's eyes when I hurt him or to see him move out of the house with dropped shoulders appearing to be carrying some heavy loads. I am not giving up on us nor give up on myself. If I have to say sorry over and over again. I will do that.

I now know well and clear where I feel so weak and thought where else could I better pick myself but to where I fell too. I told Mike to help me in reminding me...:-) (hehe). I do need help. I may be strong in some areas but I need help too in others. I need help in picking me up.

It would be absurd to commit the same mistake over and over again. Mike has been reminding me that it is a decision not to get caught up with my anger or some heavy situations in my life. Everyday has been a tough day - work, small apostolate God's business to attend with and many more bits and pieces of God's work that appear in drizzles. I have been sending positive messages but this time the challenge of taking care of my own life, too ...to practice what I preach is prodding me.

I thought saying sorry even if I thought I was not at fault, also would make me lesser than myself. A certain other situation occurred that which I knew full well that the fault was not mine but then in my effort to extend made my first move to confront and said my piece of "sorry" (I did not make such a lengthy explanation...i just said "sorry"). I felt outright that it was not well accepted for I saw some assertions made by the person that it was really all my fault. I may be hurt after that but I re-focused on my intention and perhaps continue with the normal / regular way of relating with her. I may not be that successful but I know I made a big leap of humility and acceptance of myself and of the person. I just focused on the right thing to do rather that coming out clean in that incident. I just focused on sending my love through my "sorry":-).

In the end, it will not be between me and the person but with my BIG BOSS up there. I feel God is making the best out of me. And so, if I have to say sorry over and over again...I will do that ...until one day I will be able to perfect this test of character. I will just have to WALK THE TALK.

HOW WELL DO I KNOW MONEY

There is this ice breaker test in a seminar that made us identify faces of people reflected in our Philippine money such as 20, 50 ,100, 200, 500 and 1000 peso bills and correspondingly the back part of the bills. I got only 1 correct answer. We are paid P20 for each correct answer and sadly i only had one correct item. Wow...great job dang.

What if you could do the same? What would your score be? Would it matter much if you know your bills? I have not really found great significance with it not until I took the quiz and realized that I have been spending money for my entire life that there is one thing that I am not really interested with...who and what reflects in our money bills...

Another activity that I experienced in a seminar was given by a Jesuit priest Fr. Xavier Olin, SJ (years ago) when he asked all of us participants if we knew the number of steps in going up to the school. Sadly, not one was able to answer.

Another thing. When you ride the public vehicle each morning. Do you see faces and expression of those in front of you? Or do you take time to look and observe behavior, facial expressions, texture of your walls, how many lines of wrinkles does your forehead have, your wife's or you just notice how big your tummy has been all this years or how your wife as grown bigger since you married her (hahahhaha now you are laughing with me...lingaw sad). Great observations hahhaha.

My point here is FOCUS. I have struggled lately with focusing. I get inside a room to get something and all of a sudden i forget why I am in the room which led me to a funny strategy of going back to where I was originally and amazingly hehe and hahahaha ...memory gets back.

To simply put it, focus is giving our full attention both mind and heart to something or someone. The recent training that I facilitated included the activity of getting a partner and looking at each other in silence and particularly looking at the eyes to focus and observe. The following were the comments of the participants in the processing :
1. Not comfortable looking at the eyes
2. Not comfortable with the silence
3. can hardly concentrate...(would prefer talking)

I tried to explore on each of the specific points shared and discovered some important stuffs to ponder (which also served as a reminder to myself.

NOT COMFORTABLE WITH LOOKING AT THE EYES

What's with the eyes? This is my usual question to the participants. Our eyes reveal so much about us. In fact when we like someone, we tend to drop clues through our eyes without really saying anything. We don't really have so much courage to translate them in words so we use our eyes to communicate. When we are not certain or uncomfortable we walk with our eyes straight to the ground for we fear our eyes may reveal things that may not be reciprocated. The safest would be to hide our eyes.

Eyes reveal the most honest of emotions. We may be so verbal about things and sometimes they don't hold true or reflect our stand but our eyes do not lie. A friend asked me about those who are being trained to lie... that they can still afford to look at the person straight in the eyes. You know what I told him? Even those trained to lie can still slip. Those who are most natural of themselves are able to see what's true or not ( try me...I would know hahahhah char lang...natural lugar:-). Again they still slip.

Eyes don't lie. They reveal strongly of what we feel ...of what we are. Our words do not reveal entirely everything we say but the non verbal...the unsaid are much louder than words. They are more credible most of the time than words.

Our not being comfortable with other's eyes reflects us being uncomfortable being seen in silence through our eyes - our vulnerability and truth about us revealed.

NOT COMFORTABLE WITH SILENCE




In a training module I wrote entitled That Space Within and Finding Meaning in Everything We Do stresses this...

"Man moves through a space. From outside of him he sees every living and non living being and within his most immediate environment can be that space such as family, friends, and things that supply his physiological needs. But there can be that space within him that may not be visible by the naked eye but felt only by him. Going into this space is traveled not by any visible vehicle except that of silence.

This module sums up all the modules for this training such that one needs to travel in the vehicle of silence in order to reach that space revealing and deepening that self - awareness and value consciousness. The space within is that space where varied emotional experiences reside - products of the past, present and possibly be an anxiety or anticipations of the future to come.

Silence on the other hand and at its first site means the absence of words or sounds that one can hear through the ears but mystics would say far greater than what is visible and say that "silence speaks a thousand words".

What do they mean by this? Silence does speak. In fact vague and unexpressed emotions prod in silence which may cause discomfort to a resistant soul. Silence is so powerful that it shakes the soul ( this is rather straight) ...it will make one go crazy if one continues to run away from it.

It is thus, in this space that one soul encounters an intimacy with himself. This intimacy we call - spiritual encounter, rarely felt and invisible to the naked eye."
Well the discomfort of silence is only for those that are not familiar with it. If we go through life cluttered with so many things in mind and heart, one would hardly enter silence if not, impossible to tread.

In silence we quiet ourselves and we listen to its movements, feelings and the non feeling state or simply the nothingness but that which is nothing reveals many things for in it SOMEONE else speak. We might think then that we own that space...no we don't...We hear this SOMEONE ...OUR GOD speak...loud and clear. The real and true owner of the space within.


...CAN HARDLY CONCENTRATE(WOULD RATHER PREFER TALKING)

Imagine spending talking with someone without stopping ...spending all your waking moments talking simply because you are not comfortable with silence...hahahha murag gihangos naka while reading this... gikapoy pud kog imagine da :-)

In my previous work, I experienced plunging into an 8 - day retreat of complete silence. Though processing happened at night, the rest were done in spent in silence, meditation and contemplation.

The second day was kind of unbearable so I presented my case to a Jesuit priest Fr. Asandas Balchand, SJ who facilitated it. Though he told me to strive so hard to the finish, he still did not force me to push through the process if I was not ready to it. But of course I was challenged and did it successfully and well by God's grace.


The silencing process goes this way from that experience...

1. sit on a throw pillow in a cross-legged position
2. we close our eyes
3. Back straight
4. focus on the in and out of breathing
5. Listen to movements outside of us but we go back to the movement of the breathing
5. if imaginations disturb us we still go back to our breathing
(next days are spent through the use of some mantra like mentioning Abba, God, Jesus, etc. as we breath in and out)


The exercise above was done on a 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 and 30 minute intervals and was a whole day process with breaks for snacks, lunch and dinner. For the straight 8 - day process, we did it and unknowingly communicated in silence even without looking at each other in the eyes. We found it out when we were allowed to talk on the 9th day, that familiarity was well established in silence since we feel like we know each other so well.


It can be a tough process. In fact, it will drain our energy. When we strive to focus, we use a conscious effort and discipline. It is like that of a physical exercise. If we want to be fit and trim or be healthy, we would spend arduous training in the gym or perhaps do the jogging with established program for ourselves. We have a goal so we make step by step plans on how to achieve it.


And so if we want to be spiritually and psychologically well, we plan out on how to go about the whole thing such that spirituality and encounter with our God is done in prayer and ultimately in silence...in the deepest silence. This not just a mere planning...this should be done in the context of prayer.

So how is it that an article like this bears such title. This may be entirely absurd to you or to many. Actually, it all started on the quiz exercise checking how much I knew my money from where I realized that I have not really focused well and i have done it for a long time. I just spent and stayed that way.


Lastly, intense focus is a product of that silence in the deepest recesses of our being where only one voice is heard...GOD's. When He starts to speak...WE LISTEN...


If I had only done this really well...I would have gotten perfect with the money quiz (hahahhaha char what a conclusion...) :-)

"UNGGOY - UNGGOY ...BULAK BULAK"

There were this 2 card games that I usually played as a kid. They were called "unggoy-unggoy" (unggoy- monkey) and "bulak bulak" (bulak-flower). The first one is played by hiding one card and distribute the rest to all the players. Then the players will choose pairs and throw them at the center until the unpaired ones are left. The players will then pull out cards from each other to pair with the unpaired ones. Until the thrill of who would get the partner card of the one that was hidden would be the "Unggoy".

The second card game "bulak-bulak" is played in this manner. Five (or more)cards are given to each player and then 1 card is placed at the center. The players will throw card with the same design to that card. The higher value gets to throw the next card at his / her own choice of design and number.

What is common with these two card games is that, they are both easier, if not, the easiest to play among all other card games (or perhaps there are those easier pa hehe)

For the past years, I did not learn anything new about card games. Just these two. I tried to learn the others or my friends taught me other styles of playing but I found myself not interested and not really learning new ways just because I was not really open to other ways of doing it.

The first Friday mass (September 2010) I just joined, mentioned of the gospel on the "new wine skin". The new wine poured into the old wine skin will cause it to burst. The priest mentioned then of new things, strategies, teachings or new ways of doing things. Theology is teaching particularly on "listening to the signs of times" (char murag theologian). The signs of times can mean the current trends in our society : kind of government, types of people, the existing culture, ways of doing things, existing issues and concerns (and many more). And that responding according to the signs of times would mean a lot of seeing and evaluating and more than anything praying.

One author mentioned that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result is the new definition of INSANITY. We can be this actually in some ways such as the following:

1. sticking to the same lifestyle (keeping up to fads and fashions or buying things which others have to prove that we can also afford them) when ...the same is giving us financial burden.
2. sticking to the same approach of relating with husband / wife, boyfriend / girlfriend, officemate/co-employee, etc. when the same is not even effective or creating more problems
3. sticking to the same way of disciplining children when the same does not even bring in better result.
4. Using the same teaching style that does not maximize learning of students
5. Sticking to the style of praying that get stuck up the style of only 'ASKING FOR THE SELF" (as mentioned by Fr. Fermin Tan in his homily)
6. Sticking to the same leadership strategy that does not lead to real and true change

...The list can be endless. We all have our own experiences of sticking to "unggoy -ungggoy" or "bulak-bulak" comfort zones. Exploration to new ways does not guarantee though immediate success or perhaps immediate relief. That is why for example making a decision to transfer to another job that one desperately desires for so many years can be frightening since the current job assures the security and undisturbed stature.

Exploration thus, involves a great leap. It involves deciding to respond to an inner movement or restlessness. And so one searches and searches for answers. Searching would also mean going out from a comfortable situation - such as place where we are staying, leaving family for those who would want to respond to a calling, leave a job that has been for several years, leaving an unhealthy relationship and many more. But would you believe that man's restlessness in his heart has been part of the His plan? The heart(in the context of prayer), if man listens full well, will guide him towards a decision that may be for him/ his becomes his life's mission.

Our fear of the unknown also supports the idea why we do not explore other options. We are so contained with protecting ourselves from danger, possible pain (if I do this?, what if I fail?...what would people say? where would I be?...etc.). Also, this has something to do with saving ourselves (the ego) from embarrassment (well for me i just grew tired of entertaining..."what would people say"...i just would want to seize the moment hehe....

The challenge is thus, being posted here that is to open ourselves to new ways of doing things such as (for example) :

1. trying to trim down expenses by focusing more on what we need than wants (so that we can give more)
2. Trying another way of relating to people by reaching out more than waiting for others to make their first move (hehe Fr. Fermin gave an example such as "if you are still single and you are used to waiting for a guy to make the first move ...why not do it yourself first hahahha kind of frightening my dear single friends? Well contact me if you must hahahah I might be of help :-) )
3. Finding some best ways of relating with children or disciplining by loving them even more (there can be specifics on this which i may try to expound later).
4. Finding or researching some new ways of teaching or facilitating learning of students...perhaps something that would make them enjoy learning than making it a burden (well i saw a kinder pupil rolling a very heavy bag full of books and slept all throughout the jeepney ride in the arms of his lola...really my heart was torn into pieces...did he have so much fun reading all those books?)
5. Starting to include others in our prayers or perhaps starting to pray by mentioning others first (and ultimately stop asking for ourselves and focus on what others need...well ...i see your face now twisting hahahaha...hard ha)
6. Trying a kind of leadership that is compassionate and making love the armor ( I encourage you to read Heroic Leadership by Christ Lowney a - a former Jesuit)

Delaying for change to occur is tantamount to delaying all other beautiful possibilities for us Humans. We are not meant to get stuck up somewhere and not grow. We have a God that constantly builds and rebuilds directing our path to His. And the only way of finding His path is to continually search for Him in our daily interactions.

We have a God who is so dynamic and so alive. Each moment can be a moment and revelation of His truth. We do not just stop the search and stay within our comforts. Though we struggle in the process...We are assured that life is not just that of "unggoy - unggoy and bulak -bulak" routines ...Life is very dynamic ...each moment unfolds its truth just like OUR GOD.

STARTING A NEW BUSINESS

By the title alone, one may think that I am highly entrepreneurial already. Big joke for somebody like me that knew only of getting / receiving my 15th - 30th salary and spent it through shopping (hindi naman ganon kalaki sweldo ko nuon). That WAS me (with emphasis on WAS hahahahhah).

After being employed in the Human Resource for 3 months (2009), I had an inkling that I could excel in this line of work or perhaps start a business related to this...particularly on giving trainings. I formulated everything from the course descriptions , programs and training modules...etc... I tried to market it though but did not really last that long. I lack the motivation (period).

Then another one came (t shirts and accessories)...really doing well... in fact we needed to raise more capital to respond to the increasing demands. I thought this one is an " accidental" business but since Fr. Frank told me that there is nothing like that of accident, I settled in faith believing that this is part of what God would want me to do.

But why the title STARTING A NEW BUSINESS. It is just that while i was writing an article on faith and generosity, I recalled sharings and witnessing of many individuals on generosity. Let me share some of them or perhaps repeat in this writing some stories from my previous blogs...

1. My friend that withdrew the entire amount in his savings to give to the family leaving only P20 bill in his wallet but got P500 the same day from his sister.
2. The priest who gave up P500 one morning and got a blessing of P5,000 in the afternoon.
3. Rolando Mesias, the founder of the Sowers Field Community of St. Augustine Cathedral was only armed with the desire to serve God way back in 1985. His generosity made him start this Catholic Christian Community that continues to thrive at the moment and brought forth its fruits of God's servants distributed throughout the world (kulba kaayo ba)...assigned by God in different tasks and functions.
4. Bo Sanchez , a preacher that once claimed he was poor and now filthy rich ...but gave most of his wealth to the poor (actually his goal is to give 90% of his income and live with the 10%)
5. Of course, I would regret this for the rest of my life if I would not include Michael's love and support (both financial and non monetary hehe). Ten years in the relationship (soon to get married charrrrrriiiiiiiiiing) and never gave up ...not ones...(I was the groggy one in the relationship hehe). His persistence and strength as a man was never outdone by anyone that attempted in the past to steal me (hahahhahah unsaon kaha ko ni tatoy makabasa siya ani hangin kaayo iya uyab). He likes to talk and waste time with me (which i like too...over a cup of coffee). He simply likes building that relationship with me worth emulating . Amen.:-)

Lastly, ( unnumbered) My generosity? hhhhmmmmm me naaa? hmmmmmmmmm...ah... hhhmmmmmmmmm...pwede next writing na lang hhahhahahhahahhaha) This item is actually for my Spiritual Director Fr. Frank Savadera, SJ that tirelessly journeyed with me since January of this year (2010). The regular weekly session that we had without stipend (hahahhahahahha). The full attention - mind and heart...for crying with me (bitaw teary eyed ...hindi naman talaga wailing hahahahha ...peace Fr. Frank... heheh)...his motivation, encouragement and prayers and even went as far as marketing the shirts ...through his homilies. I have seen how he was / is tied with so many appointments and tasks including the assignment as Asst. Dean of St. John Vianney Seminary...and wow...he still has time for me -- weekly talaga (except when he is too too busy hehe and me din hehehe) ... and he even adjusted his time when my only available time is Sunday lang...gusto ko nang maiyak ... cry na ako promise...

He invested such time with me that built me up and made me come out of myself. He just told me also during our last meeting that we end (my "graduation") this month from the 19th annotation retreat with a one- on- one Eucharistic Celebration (I should say I have not felt being taken cared of, by my God in this manner.Or perhaps i am more conscious of His Love this time..I feel so honored and privileged that's why i told Fr. Frank gusto ko lang suklian ng pagpapakabait).

The thing is ...this year is only his second year as an ordained priest and i am seeing how he has been doing so many things already for the Lord. One man...one generous man...that has blessed and touched lives like that of Christ. I am Fr. Frank's product in the 19th annotation retreat ...a product of one man's generosity (and I am trying by God's grace to do the same for others).

And so...GESTURES OF GENEROSITY... I mean ACTS OF GENEROSITY...that's the not really a NEW BUSINESS...A business that yields multiple percentage of interest or profit. It does not measure any amount or sees how huge the amount one gives (in the Bible Jesus was more pleased with the poor woman that gave her all than that of the rich man that extended only an extra of what he has). It simply sees the sincerity of the heart.

You may have met people like me... ehem ...sori...THEM pala ... those I enumerated above...they give cash or in kind (hahhaha) or their immeasurable presence, time, love, concern, etc. Lots of them around. Or perhaps you are one of them. I tell you.. YOU ARE DOING GOD'S BUSINESS.

And for those who have not started yet...you can be God's presence wherever you are. Let us start this NOT REALLY A NEW BUSINESS....GOD'S BUSINESS called...The GENEROSITY BUSINESS.

The interest and reward?...ETERNITY:-)hahahahhahah God would be pressured to pay us that highest yield we so deserve...Let's make it the ultimate motivation. So folks...see you in heaven ha:-)