God Continues to Unveil

Some of the things that I was looking for in the past...i found them yesterday. We had a panel interview with our OJTs. All of them strove to present themselves so that we would be convinced to give them the job that they so desire.

They wanted the job so much to generally support the ones they love. They come from broken homes, real destitute and struggling to make ends meet. Some of them want also the experience in order to bring with them as they apply for another job after 5 to 6 months. One thing is common though, they were desperate and went as far as digging into their personal concerns and issues. Bucket of tears fell and i was shaken ...so shaken. I wanted just to cry and cry (but of course held myself to survive the long day).

I did entertain the thought of leaving my job many times already. I feel that i can bring in my skills and knowledge somewhere or do some private practice. When i got this job, it was like that placed on a silver este ...gold platter (hahahah don't think of money...think of the easy way of getting this job). But these individuals are "slapping" me with their stories. They want to work for the love of their families, support their studies and some to survive.

It was a long day yesterday. Glenn, John and myself (who did the panel final interview and revalida) though broke the in-between by our Lady Gaga dance (music from Glenn's phone...hahahah we thought we were crazy ) went out last night with hearts so full and fulfilled. Though 2 of the OJTs decided not to pursue but still I could say, we gave the best of ourselves that certainly they won't forget.

What a day it was...filled with realizations and love...Thank you God (as i whispered my night's prayer) and thanks for the friendship i have built among us - Glenn, John and myself...and of course there was YOU MY GOD...
I ended my night with Michael holding my hand as we both prayed the rosary together.. .

And so, I thought my restless heart would not be able to find it ...it was yesterday that I found Him in the many faces of individuals - OJTs, Glenn, John, and Mike... again and again, GOD CONTINUES TO UNVEIL...

Note : I would like to correct the first statement ...I was not looking for things (used it just for the lack of better word to use beyond the REAL WORD heheh) I was really looking for only ONE - GOD...:-)

Starting to Pick up

I woke up this morning with a new zeal, refreshed from the days of restlessness. I tried to figure out how life has been. I felt that i needed the break to pick up. Looking back (for more than a month now), the following have transpired:

1. questioned my work engagements(over and over again)
2. wanted to quit
3. I have met people whom i consider a big disgrace why they should have to be born to make lives of others miserable (but even that, i chose not to be a victim)

But despite of that, blessings were pouring in such as:

1. opened up my t shirt business
2. continued my consultancy, trainings and counseling business
3. did a beautiful project with mike
4. niece guia came in to join me in the house (which made life easier for me)
5. figured out how i could improve my entrepreneurial capacity
6. involved myself with the Truly Rich Pinoy Website which brought me several books to dig into for me to learn and improve my financial IQ
7. Figured out my passion : writing and relating with people
8. Learned that i have a choice in every situation
9. Learned that everything is grace and that even the most painful situation can bring in the most of life's learnings
10. I admit that Dr. Wayne Dyer brought in wisdom of living which started when i was about to leave the United States in 2009.


And my, i realize, there is more to life as blessing than perceiving it as "not worth living"...

Sail on Dang...pick up and live...:-)

I See Them

I woke up this morning
Misty eyed and blank
Why can someone does such a thing?
Many suffer

Why oh why?
God sees man's struggle
If such calloused heart continues
Them that struggle
Will have the agony day after day

What can i do?
I feel so helpless with what i see
When my hand starts to write
They are blocked by someone's "might"
I feel so helpless

I see their eyes
I bleed inside
When must suffering end
How can i comfort these souls
I feel that i have not done enough

I thought of parting
I thought of space
I thought i should free my heart
I do suffer...
I feel so pained ...

My arms are wide open
Now...they are still but weary
I want to hold them
Nurse them in my heart
It hurts so much

If only i have much of those strength
That i could contain them in my heart
Oh my ...oh my...
I know even if i feel God's silence
He has them ...held in his Love.....

Thank you so much my God...

God's Will, My Peace

I actually got the title from my 19th Annotation Retreat. Lately, i was starting to question my situations. All the things that transpired seem to bring a lot of headache. Stressors keep on coming. I thought something has gone wrong with the way i am perceiving things. I simply decided not to get caught with it. When some situations occur...they are the reality at that moment. To accept them is simply letting go of myself and allow situations to be as they are. If i did my part ...and i did them well...and with the unfolding of events...there God is telling me something about them.

Let His will be my peace...no more struggles...:-)

A Surprise Gift

I received a beautiful Christmas card yesterday from Fr. Frank...crafted and designed by himself (super talented...). He calls its "old fashioned" but not for me. I like old ways, traditions, etc. They reminisce beautiful memories. When i was a kid, i made cards too. They were usually projects that my teachers asked us to do to be given to special people in our lives. I usually gave them to my parents, brothers, sisters and friends. Since i did not find myself artistic, some of those i made were meant only for submission, grading and kept in my "baul". But those i found attractive, i gave them. But my parents simply accepted them despite the looks and i got the most beautiful smile from them.

Nickey, my pamangkin does it more often to his parents. I appreciated him very much for doing such (though still it is a school project). But the effort of my SD Fr. Frank is something that of an extra mile...He crafted them in his own hands and intentionally give them not because it is a school project....hehehe perhaps i could do the same...hehehe thinking of it...gakalingaw nako ...:-)

This time...the artist in me is slowly waking up...:-)

Thank you Fr. Frank...such a beautiful gift you gave...Merry Christmas...hohohohohhhh

Focus on Serving...Focus on Loving

Before i start up something, i check my motivations. It usually gives me a halt when motivation-wise (hehe if there is such a word) would give me feedback that the focus is self not service. If I could not get the shape of my sincere motive of serving and ultimately, loving...i don't do it. And so waiting comes in.

There are lots of waiting. It is not a waiting for the availability of funds. Though i admit it is one of the major concerns, but, it is the waiting for Dang to shape up. Though i get frustrated at times with myself but not really with Dang. She is such a daring adventure of everything...i am trying to get to know her even more with her thoughts, desires and actions. I always forgive myself and Dang when we both falter and fail, that's why we are both so comfortable with each other (just like the way i befriend Mike).

And so we wait that service and loving be the real motive. we sift, sort, resort...Tedious but we are not giving up...joyful? yes...and hopeful? ......OHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSS!:-0 hahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahahahah

In Love? yes yes yes ....hahhahahhahahhahahhahahhahaha

My "Beautiful" Project

For almost two weeks now, i started a beautiful project - my t shirt and accessories shop. With my meager budget, two generous carpenters have extended themselves giving cheaper service than the usual (and i gave them free meals,snacks and chikka interviews). The shop is almost done but i could not be totally convinced with making it a clothes shop. And so i prayed for guidance as to what to do with it. With its native and cute look i could make it something perhaps more worthwhile than a clothes shop...

And so while the construction is on going, a friend asked me to do counseling for her son and some people in the company requested for my private counseling service. And so making it a counseling room was the idea that came in. At the moment the idea is still an idea heheheh. Still, i am in the process of beautifying the shop and continuing to envision of something like pushing through with my consultancy, trainings and counseling service.

In prayer, i am like planting the seed for the idea to come to reality...the Joyfully Hopeful shirts will then be promoted during counseling...:-) How is that God huh? hehehehehehhe I simply love the idea...

Wait lang beauty ko sa Boss ko above...:-)

TRUE SPIRIT

I thought of those Christmases when i was a kid. I was highly anticipating many things such as mama's cooking (as in super lots of food plus my visits to neighbors hahahhaha namasko), caroling, Christmas parties, new clothes, gifts from classmates, and the ones a year gift pack given to kids by the neighborhood organization - a brown paper bag full of goodies such as candies, toys, paper ball, plastic balloon.

I also lit some firecrackers with my friends and the "watosee"...(oops i don't know the spelling but it is a red slender thing that when you light at one end, travels at flip and then gone).

As years advanced, i saw how my expectations of the coming of Christmas dwindled. So many realities have come forth before my eyes that my excitement became the regular day to day feeling that is ...wala lang...minsan numb...:-(

I am now looking into the real and true spirit of Christmas. Though i like so much receiving gifts and imagining that i could fill up my table with all sorts of food. But then i am seeing that i have more than enough for myself. I could try filling up someone's table (not necessarily mine:-)). Perhaps giving brings in the true spirit that i have been anticipating. Perhaps i could see Him through the eyes that don't have enough on the table. Not really perhaps... but i believe in my heart...i would see and feel HIM through them.

WINGLESS ANGELS

Last night someone called me an "Angel" to the rescue on behalf of a priest that did not show up hahahhahahah to lead the opening prayer of a program and prayer before meal:-)... That was like unexpected comment. The dominant feeling was not being worthy to be called as such. As i checked myself, I believe anyone can be an angel in disguise...Anybody can be used by God to represent Him in any situation. His representative, His messenger when any of His people needs Him. Who else but...us?

But more than anything...people are seeing me and BEYOND ME...seeing that i can do God's work and so they come for anything - do counseling for a member of the family or do counseling for them, do some introduction of a production number, write eulogy for someone that died...as in super dooper hahhahahaha (my sister was shocked when i told her this)...

They also flock for comments and assurance with how they look or the style of clothing or write a personality development program for them. And the most heartwarming of all that i had was when in some acquaintances, strangers, colleagues, or old friends open and pour out their hearts (in buckets of tears most of the time). They simply trust me. And ohhhh i feel the need to take care of them. They come because they feel that i can be trusted and more than anything they see God in me....grabe talaga na pressure ...damang dama ko yon...(dapat talaga ipagpapatuloy ang pagpapakabait hahahhahaha).

Some of them asked about my professional fee...i could not utter anything simply because i already got used to helping anyone in need that i don't really know if i could attach any fee for anything i do as a favor for others that need my help ...in anyway i can.

Anyhow, the fee can be discussed though for some special services like trainings or perhaps i could engage in a professional counseling practice in the future hahahhahahaha (now toying the brilliant idea) but not with some small favors to friends ...and there are lots of them... I guess then that being called an angel by some individuals is appropriate.

And so everyday can be a planting of small seeds of hope for others... we can do this together...we can be God's Wingless Angels...:-)

Hahay...Hunger...

Hunger is a desire to be filled in particularly with food. But hunger can mean a desire to fill up the ego. In my not so remote past, i wanted to excel to get the attention of my family. When is started working, I wanted to be noticed. But when a certain post to lead was given to me, I said no. You know why? I was one big critique to particular leaders. And so i was afraid that when i lead, i would experience the same (whahahhahahahh walay klaro noh?)

At first i don't really understand why i see a lot of bouts among leaders (almost everyone of them wants the spot on top :-) ew) and when a new ones comes out and up, the older ones are threatened (why man oi? don't they know that new ones may bring in something new that may help or refresh leadership practice?).

Actually, i was a victim myself by a threatened leader and i thought of shunning it off and not giving in to such insecurity. I have a choice as to how i would respond to the situation. I could still choose to improve myself and enjoy my beautiful moments and opportunity to lead:-). The thing is, the more i hide, work and be invisible, the more i get noticed (chuvaness hahahahha). Do I have a problem with that? At first i did. Now no more. I just have to get the job done and put in as much love as i can...

work...work...love..love... ( sa tinuod lang ga labad ako ulo sa ila oi...hahay...but pasagdan ko na lang...mas maayo i ampo ang mga katugulangan hahahahhaha)

To close this, i would like to post this qoute : "...their hunger increases as their humanity fades away". This one i don't like a bit :-(

Competitions vs Personal Growth and Joy

http://hopeforyourfamily.com/2010/01/26/tug-of-war/
Someone told me last week "you are a strong competitor to them". I was like "ouch"...what happened? I mean to some of these people. Actually, someone from the previous workplace happened to utter those words and we were both laughing at it.

For the past years, i strove not to give in to competitions but pushed myself to improve my crafts and the person that i am. Sometimes i feel threatened when i see some strong personalities or someone displaying great skills, capacities and the potential to become someone in the organization. But the more i focused on them, the more i forgot about my capacities and improving myself. I was never happy with that later. I get to loose my balance if i give in to competitions.

Though i focus on improving myself, i still strive to detach from myself and ego so that i would experience the joy of it all...:-)

Emotions and EQ

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200908/regulating-your-emotions

Through the years, i have experienced the ups and downs of emotions. And so when i came across a topic in my post graduate studies entitled Emotional Intelligence, i dove and browsed through the book, reported it in class, researched more on the topic and made a beautiful craft of Human relations skills training workshop applying its concepts.

Emotional Intelligence is presented by Goleman in one of his definitions based on Aristotle's statement as “the rare skill to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way”. It is such a rare skill since, i rarely find such kind of person (or perhaps at one point i may be able to do such and in another instance i loose the balance). I humbly admit the the difficulty i went through in dealing with myself and my emotions.


This one definition puts my nerves and temper to one of life's greatest tests (i had lots of battles with emotions for the past years...at present ...i am learning to befriend them heheheh). Emotions shift from time to time. I would like to share in this article the 5 domains that may help anyone that may have undergone such a terrible time with handling emotions and point to some outside factors or causes to blame than "looking" within and manage oneself.

The five domains by Goleman are as follows:

1. Self-awareness
For Goleman, self-awareness is being able to identify and name the emotion. Not being able to do this, ownership is not possible. This also includes being able to evenly hover or neutrally observe the emotions as they occur and to at least point to a particular trigger or cause.

2. Managing Emotion

Managing emotions call for the initial skill of self-awareness before one is able to manage it. Moreover, managing emotion is an art. One's uniqueness puts him / her in the spot of managing emotional encounters according to one's personality. Some would like to divert with sports, go to some solitary plight such as the beach or exclusive places such as retreat house. Some would prefer staying in the private confines of a bedroom. Others would prefer reading books, finishing a chore in the house, window shopping (or shopping kung may pera hahhahah), watch comedy movies, etc. But the best so far i had to divert, yet focus is prayer ( i like to linger in front of the blessed sacrament even without saying anything...). After which, i feel a great release of my soul from the entangles and attachments with anger and many other overwhelming feelings that i experienced.

3. Motivating Oneself
Despite the emotional upheavals, one is able to push through with the day. This part says that one is able to stay positive with life and keep oneself on track despite and inspite of.

4. Empathy

The popular statement that says "being able to put oneself in the shoes of another" is best translated also as pakiramdam in Filipino. Being able to sense others feelings is built on self- awareness. As one is able to sense oneself and be aware of the movement of feelings within, manage it, and life life despite of, one becomes more sensitive how others feel through facial expression, sound of voice or body language. Research says that 90% of our emotions are unexpressed and so they leave us figuring how others would feel that may lead to misinterpretations. The greatest and powerful communicator of nonverbals are our eyes. They are the windows of the soul. One may be able to insist on certain facts about oneself through words but the eyes reveal those unexpressed and those that cannot be defined by words (i'd say ...much stronger than all thunders combined hahahahhaha....based on experience po hahahhah).

5. Social Skills

The higher one is able to handle the first four domains of emotional intelligence, the more he / she becomes successful in relating with others. Who would like to be with a highly volatile personality except the one that is able to handle himself successfully in terms of emotions.

Since 2005, i facilitated a workshop applying the above concepts (to teachers, school administrators, guidance counselors in the province, graduate school students, seminarians, Church workers and recently the corporate world...and many other groups in the past)and taken from other sources also for they held me captive since the participants were greatly hit and entirely captured by it (actually their positive feedback motivated me to continue facilitating this topic). Though concepts of Goleman were used, the activities were originally designed so that they may illustrate how a participant should go about each domain for self explorations and exercises.

Recently, in my Human Resource practice, i thought i could shift to other ways of dealing with human relations concerns, yet my heart brings me back to integrate EQ and still get similar and strong responses from participants.

It has been five years since I started using the concepts in my trainings and i cant find any reason of stopping except to continue and enhance it ...The thing is, i have not yet mastered myself yet, and so i just can't call any halt. I and my future participants will work hand in hand in improving ourselves. I and them are still a work in progress:-)

The Unique DANG

When you’re just like everybody else, you’ve nothing to offer other than your conformity. - Dr. Wayne Dyer...

The statement above by Dr. Dyer led me to this writing that says... The unique child inside Glenda named dang has a lot to offer. She just sank in self pity as she was always compared with her siblings when she was a kid. Surprises of all, she began to come out during those years in college when she had all the strength to pursue what she wanted like taking up Psychology, moved up to masters, dressed up unlike the others (swift and mild style that spoke of grace), pursued singing (not really careered heheh) in college, danced so well, started to design modules and gave talks in her Catholic Christian community and many more...

As she slowly came out from herself, she just became so vibrant with life...she likes to laugh and giggle. She is soo funny and so spontaneous with jokes. She likes to animate. And she has her unique way of praying such as visualizing Jesus and the Father (heaven is visualized as a playground and where she can simply hop on the Father's huge bed or sleep at His feet or threw stones at the heavens or bite her angel's wings...chillax folks...imagination lang:-)).

Though she likes to talk, she likes to listen, too. She cries when she feels like or when listening with sad stories shared by anyone (actually when she is both happy and sad...she cries heheh odd ha).

And i tell you she feels a lot and has strong intuition with how others feel. She is so sensitive and can read feelings written on the face (that's why she can easily respond when she sees pain...in the eyes of anyone).

She can fashion and refashion different encounters. She can calm down an angry soul...simply because she listens and accepts without question. And, she is so crazy in love and humbly embraces the need to learn more in this aspect.

Oh so wonderful creature....Beautiful Dang. She is simply splendid, marvelous, awesome...And now she found more of herself through writing, designing and continues to explore her capacities. And instead of pursuing the world's fashion...she found passion...to serve in everything she does.

I would want to declare that I LOVE DANG AND I THANK GOD FOR CREATING HER...HOW WONDERFUL HE IS THAT CREATED HER...I CELEBRATE WITH THE UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL...INSIDE...GLENDA:-) AMEN!!!

P.S. GOD must be soooo BEAUTIFUL... Dang is just a glimpse of HIS BEAUTY...OMG hehhe as in Oh My God!!!!!! can i contain Him when i see Him one day?