A friend once commented on one or two of my posts stating "... good thing you have the confidence to write things about you...". She stressed further that her insecurities stopped her from doing that.
The truth is in my remote past, I could not imagine myself doing the things I do today. But when i had my second chance at life, I found nothing to defend about me. Living life and telling others especially how God has worked in it is the best thing thing that i ever did. THE MESSAGE IS NOT ME but GOD AT WORK IN THE PERSON THAT I AM. This I strongly hold up high.
I call it grace and none else that can best define it. Grace to leap higher than pride or ego that has ruptured the truth about life that I once held as a child. And so anyone is free to comment from the craziest things I write to the most frightening or shocking truth that i drop like atomic bomb sometimes.
There is one thing though that i realize as I continue writing. People like lighter things ...some things that are easy to carry and fun to deal with . And so when it appears really heavy, readers may attempt to diffuse its weight and convert it into something that they can afford to nibble for a time. Some remain where they are and some transcend by accepting the challenge of the truth.
But the writer carries the burden of disclosing what has to be known even those that are not pleasing to the eyes and expectations of the readers for as long they hold the truth. If it is that, no matter how painful, the heart will always affirm it despite the struggle of the mind.
The heart knows and sees...and so despite that i battle with the strong tide or storm (etc...however one may call it) of the world's standards and principles outside of me, i feel the strength of the pillar from where I got what I am writing. Strongly anchored and so secured...how is that?...:-)
Wait...I'll check the depth ...ohhhh so sorry...can't measure heheheh:-).
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
GOD AND WISDOM
As I move further into my writing, I feel a swirling strength of His might consuming every word I say este...He says... I am slowly getting the feel of a God so strong when He starts to talk. He talks and sends messages anywhere. You see him everywhere. He is the eyes that see, the wind that touches the skin, the birds that sing, the flowers that send the bounty and beauty of the universe. He is such so loud and clear.
Yesterday, I had a beautiful conversation with Mike. He stated of the words mentioned by Bishop Fulton Sheen on wisdom. Wisdom as Bishop Sheen puts it shuns those who are not meant to have it.
As I understood it, it runs away from those that refuse to see and reflect their lives. Wisdom comes out after a careful reflection and insights from one's experience. If we miss this part, then we miss so much of the learnings that we are supposed to have from series of encounters and events in our lives.
And that even wisdom skips them. They are not meant to come to those who don't dig deeper. And so even if they speak so well or have the knack of words with any languages, if they don't have wisdom, their words are like those seeds that land on the thorny ground. Those seeds don't have the chance to really grow as they are meant to be. Sayang ano?
Furthermore, an experience brought to prayer becomes so fertile that it becomes an ideal ground where wisdom comes out and best cultivated. If God is seen everywhere and in any experience, He can be the wisdom of the many things we see, experience and encounter.
Could it be also that God may shun us from His revelations of wisdom when we refuse to find Him in everything? Well, I will try to search for answers in my heart...in the context of ...Prayer....where else heheh...
Yesterday, I had a beautiful conversation with Mike. He stated of the words mentioned by Bishop Fulton Sheen on wisdom. Wisdom as Bishop Sheen puts it shuns those who are not meant to have it.
As I understood it, it runs away from those that refuse to see and reflect their lives. Wisdom comes out after a careful reflection and insights from one's experience. If we miss this part, then we miss so much of the learnings that we are supposed to have from series of encounters and events in our lives.
And that even wisdom skips them. They are not meant to come to those who don't dig deeper. And so even if they speak so well or have the knack of words with any languages, if they don't have wisdom, their words are like those seeds that land on the thorny ground. Those seeds don't have the chance to really grow as they are meant to be. Sayang ano?
Furthermore, an experience brought to prayer becomes so fertile that it becomes an ideal ground where wisdom comes out and best cultivated. If God is seen everywhere and in any experience, He can be the wisdom of the many things we see, experience and encounter.
Could it be also that God may shun us from His revelations of wisdom when we refuse to find Him in everything? Well, I will try to search for answers in my heart...in the context of ...Prayer....where else heheh...
The Mission
Writing blogs brought me closer to myself, my heart and to my God. As I tinker my keyboard, I feel the movement of my hands touched by the invisible hand of Himself. I feel the power of words coming out and feel that it is not mine but His. As I allow my hand to be used, I feel the sense of Him moving towards the universe bringing His light to people. Thus, I boast of nothing except that of a servant bowing down and obeying every step of the way.
I feel my heart slower and slower yet His moving so fast. I feel that heart so strong with a swoosh of a wind subtly touching every piece and part of it. I feel Him always and never sleeping but bringing healing to every fiber of my being so He can use me all the way.
And so I ask my Master what to write everyday. His answer? "no need to worry...you write ...I dictate". That was His command...and I cannot disobey...:-)
What peace there is being used by my Master. I have long sought for it and I have not found them anywhere except in the hand of the One that made me. Allowing myself to become slave is no struggle for my heart has found the right Master to follow.
I thought of my life this past few days. I thought of the wasted years and time i spent for seeking things that are not His. I thought I wasted so much of the time He gave me and I feel His intervention now. There is not much time. He wants me to toil His field. The ground is fertile for the sowing. The time is now and there is no tomorrow for the work He wants to be done.
If I have obeyed human bosses...I feel it is His time to labor the earth. Angels will be sent to work side by side with those who want to join my Master. I feel that. His word is strong and mighty. He never fails His promise.
I feel His army moving forward ...the time is Now... I was given His scepter long time ago...He is looking for those that are His to join him in the army. And as I looked straight ...there He goes...and so I go...:-) a weak, skinny army depending so much in the grace of the Divine to get through...nothing to fear...Amen...
I feel my heart slower and slower yet His moving so fast. I feel that heart so strong with a swoosh of a wind subtly touching every piece and part of it. I feel Him always and never sleeping but bringing healing to every fiber of my being so He can use me all the way.
And so I ask my Master what to write everyday. His answer? "no need to worry...you write ...I dictate". That was His command...and I cannot disobey...:-)
What peace there is being used by my Master. I have long sought for it and I have not found them anywhere except in the hand of the One that made me. Allowing myself to become slave is no struggle for my heart has found the right Master to follow.
I thought of my life this past few days. I thought of the wasted years and time i spent for seeking things that are not His. I thought I wasted so much of the time He gave me and I feel His intervention now. There is not much time. He wants me to toil His field. The ground is fertile for the sowing. The time is now and there is no tomorrow for the work He wants to be done.
If I have obeyed human bosses...I feel it is His time to labor the earth. Angels will be sent to work side by side with those who want to join my Master. I feel that. His word is strong and mighty. He never fails His promise.
I feel His army moving forward ...the time is Now... I was given His scepter long time ago...He is looking for those that are His to join him in the army. And as I looked straight ...there He goes...and so I go...:-) a weak, skinny army depending so much in the grace of the Divine to get through...nothing to fear...Amen...
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Jeepney Adventure and Etiquette
(Note : I wrote the following blog the other week...)
Riding public vehicles like that of a jeepney can be fun at the same time a great moment for learning. Here's why.
I rode a jeepney last night. I was like relaxing, closing my eyes and trying just to savor the outside-the-office fever huh (had a meeting with other officers and VP). That moment was just one of those when you just have to gather your squandered self's energy and bring back its balance and sanity.
Well that's how it was in that jeepney ride when all of a sudden somebody with all her life's drama...just farted (hahahahha kala mo kung ano na) and another one (an adolescent) vomited (lasing hahay) spreading the "venom" of her scrambled intestines (whahhahahaa forgive me for such a gross description). What a night...
Well I have been thinking over and over again how i would deal with situations like this. I thought of writing some "etiquette" in riding jeepneys just to make people at least give due respect to themselves and others. Well those stuff above already happened but all those that may be reading this may find it helpful at least as they go out their way trying to make a difference (bwahahahhaha) at least during public vehicle rides.
Here goes:
1. Do not fart inside the jeepney (hahhahah). If you can't hold yourself then go release it (hahahahhahah). Better that way than fainting due to embarrassment
2. When you bare your hair and leave it unfastened (for the ladies) hold it with your hands please. I sat beside someone related to this situation and so when the jeepney maneuvered forward, i was like eating every tip of the hair of the lady beside me...gross ha
3. Guys kindly and please do not stretch and spread both of your legs sideways as if you have all the space you've got. I just had the feeling that you want it touched with the lady's leg beside you ...or mine (hahahhahah). Each one deserves his / her space.
4. During the ride, passengers from the farthest end or entrance of the jeepney would pass their money to the driver, right? Can you please extend your kindest self by stretching este opening your palms, receive the money and pass it forward to the driver? Thank you...some of your eyes may just be..."blank" when they come your way.
5. To the gentlemen (?) wearing sunglasses (even during rainy seasons) hehe you may think your eyes can't be seen behind them. You were so obvious scanning every inch of the woman in front of you from legs up and back again...(kulang na lang mag salivate with the legs)...hahay...I'm that observant ha...
6. I also see ladies looking at other ladies from head down clothes, watches, cellphones, jewelries anything and everything plus with a stare that pierces. I really don't know what they are thinking but that's just them. The etiquette reminder? Nothing...just want to let them know that they are seen in that angle and would be appreciated if they could do something about it...heheheh.
7. To the guys and ladies who feel like going into the dreamland, sleeping on a stranger's shoulder beside you is a no, no thing. All the more a big NO when you want to just want to disguise yourself sleeping beside an attractive lady or gentleman. Well my good old este aging father told me his story related to this with his past experiment hahahahha. He enjoyed and kind of like it ha...
8. And when a passenger tries to fit-in in a seemingly filled up jeepney, some if not all passengers just simply ignore by portraying a blank face or look trying to send the message that there is no more room for anyone. Nobody gives in. And so when the driver’s assistant “conductor” edged to his way to make a room for one more…voila meron pa pala… You know what?...generosity includes situation like this also. If you feel that where you are sitting is a little loose then, move immediately to allow another one to sit in. Make the first move when no one gives in.
9. Gentlemen...allowing the ladies to sit first has not yet expired. If you would say that's kindda old way of doing things...that gesture is still on and any gentleman doing that is worth the most of praise and honor.
Why did i write this? I thought it was because I was bothered by it but not only that. I thought that this piece may help us deal with some of our behaviors anywhere and everywhere. I still like jeepney rides. One can experience the adventures of differences and similarities of behaviors and characters of each one. I lyyykkk it veerrryyy much. I am learning how colorful different personalities are and can become yet, may produce great discomfort on others take for example during such "solemn" journey back home or to any of your chosen destinations...(hahaha para yatang airport and airplane and dating...now i am becoming more conscious with sudden shifts of the tone of my writing...).
And so calling all passengers of a jeepney with a plate number ...."proceed to ..." hahahah ...bye for now...
PS: Anyone may add more reminders herein so that we would be able to complete the package of the so called "public journey"...toinks!!!!!! very odd description...
Riding public vehicles like that of a jeepney can be fun at the same time a great moment for learning. Here's why.
I rode a jeepney last night. I was like relaxing, closing my eyes and trying just to savor the outside-the-office fever huh (had a meeting with other officers and VP). That moment was just one of those when you just have to gather your squandered self's energy and bring back its balance and sanity.
Well that's how it was in that jeepney ride when all of a sudden somebody with all her life's drama...just farted (hahahahha kala mo kung ano na) and another one (an adolescent) vomited (lasing hahay) spreading the "venom" of her scrambled intestines (whahhahahaa forgive me for such a gross description). What a night...
Well I have been thinking over and over again how i would deal with situations like this. I thought of writing some "etiquette" in riding jeepneys just to make people at least give due respect to themselves and others. Well those stuff above already happened but all those that may be reading this may find it helpful at least as they go out their way trying to make a difference (bwahahahhaha) at least during public vehicle rides.
Here goes:
1. Do not fart inside the jeepney (hahhahah). If you can't hold yourself then go release it (hahahahhahah). Better that way than fainting due to embarrassment
2. When you bare your hair and leave it unfastened (for the ladies) hold it with your hands please. I sat beside someone related to this situation and so when the jeepney maneuvered forward, i was like eating every tip of the hair of the lady beside me...gross ha
3. Guys kindly and please do not stretch and spread both of your legs sideways as if you have all the space you've got. I just had the feeling that you want it touched with the lady's leg beside you ...or mine (hahahhahah). Each one deserves his / her space.
4. During the ride, passengers from the farthest end or entrance of the jeepney would pass their money to the driver, right? Can you please extend your kindest self by stretching este opening your palms, receive the money and pass it forward to the driver? Thank you...some of your eyes may just be..."blank" when they come your way.
5. To the gentlemen (?) wearing sunglasses (even during rainy seasons) hehe you may think your eyes can't be seen behind them. You were so obvious scanning every inch of the woman in front of you from legs up and back again...(kulang na lang mag salivate with the legs)...hahay...I'm that observant ha...
6. I also see ladies looking at other ladies from head down clothes, watches, cellphones, jewelries anything and everything plus with a stare that pierces. I really don't know what they are thinking but that's just them. The etiquette reminder? Nothing...just want to let them know that they are seen in that angle and would be appreciated if they could do something about it...heheheh.
7. To the guys and ladies who feel like going into the dreamland, sleeping on a stranger's shoulder beside you is a no, no thing. All the more a big NO when you want to just want to disguise yourself sleeping beside an attractive lady or gentleman. Well my good old este aging father told me his story related to this with his past experiment hahahahha. He enjoyed and kind of like it ha...
8. And when a passenger tries to fit-in in a seemingly filled up jeepney, some if not all passengers just simply ignore by portraying a blank face or look trying to send the message that there is no more room for anyone. Nobody gives in. And so when the driver’s assistant “conductor” edged to his way to make a room for one more…voila meron pa pala… You know what?...generosity includes situation like this also. If you feel that where you are sitting is a little loose then, move immediately to allow another one to sit in. Make the first move when no one gives in.
9. Gentlemen...allowing the ladies to sit first has not yet expired. If you would say that's kindda old way of doing things...that gesture is still on and any gentleman doing that is worth the most of praise and honor.
Why did i write this? I thought it was because I was bothered by it but not only that. I thought that this piece may help us deal with some of our behaviors anywhere and everywhere. I still like jeepney rides. One can experience the adventures of differences and similarities of behaviors and characters of each one. I lyyykkk it veerrryyy much. I am learning how colorful different personalities are and can become yet, may produce great discomfort on others take for example during such "solemn" journey back home or to any of your chosen destinations...(hahaha para yatang airport and airplane and dating...now i am becoming more conscious with sudden shifts of the tone of my writing...).
And so calling all passengers of a jeepney with a plate number ...."proceed to ..." hahahah ...bye for now...
PS: Anyone may add more reminders herein so that we would be able to complete the package of the so called "public journey"...toinks!!!!!! very odd description...
Thursday, July 14, 2011
On Moral Recovery of the Youth
I met someone the other week with the request that i would create a training module that would center on moral recovery of our young people. And I answered in my mind "Why me? I have not really recovered my morality...haahhahahah". Joke lang.
I really have such heart for the youth...our young people. I have journeyed with them when I worked as a school counselor for 10 years before I shifted to human resource work. And I saw how the soaring spirit of the young ones can easily and be easily contaminated. They are such restless but beautiful spirit full of of life and so vibrant.
I simply love them. But I cried with them when they suffered and agonized over family problems such as parents separation, parents working outside of the country, pre marital sex, teen pregnancy, suicide, drug dependency, addiction with computer games, disinterested with school related commitments and a lot more.
With these innumerable concerns and challenges faced by our young people, I could only respond with one thing - strengthening of family values. I just talked with a young person a while ago discussing with me how her decision to cohabitate with her boyfriend was a decision that she made from the painful betrayal made by her ex boyfriend. I thought I would rejoice over the decision of separating from her current boyfriend but, she was compelled to do it due to falling in love again with her ex boyfriend. Complicated huh!!! Where do you think did she get such mentality, values or ways of doing things? Well I learned further from our conversations that she never met her father. Since birth she was never close with her mom since she was under her grandparents care.
Going back with family's strength drawn from such high power and grounded values of prayer, faithfulness, commitment and love of parents to each other and their children. These values are more than enough armor to combat the suffering of the morals of our young people. The young person i talked with never had such strength of a family journeying with her except for the surrogate parents - her grandparents.
Parents with grounded moral values produce morally upright children. But what if children go astray despite of. This kind of parents will hold strong and will never give up loving their children. I am so certain of this (i never doubt pure and unconditional love).
Ultimately, pure love will lead the lost ones. That's God and that's His power manifested and grilled in the pure love of those morally upright parents. Love conquers...
And so if i would deal with moral recovery...i would want to have heart to heart talk with parents for them to have a heart to heart talk with God so that they would be able to reflect and manifest this to their children...:-)
PS...Ang bigat ng topic na to...huhuhuhu
I really have such heart for the youth...our young people. I have journeyed with them when I worked as a school counselor for 10 years before I shifted to human resource work. And I saw how the soaring spirit of the young ones can easily and be easily contaminated. They are such restless but beautiful spirit full of of life and so vibrant.
I simply love them. But I cried with them when they suffered and agonized over family problems such as parents separation, parents working outside of the country, pre marital sex, teen pregnancy, suicide, drug dependency, addiction with computer games, disinterested with school related commitments and a lot more.
With these innumerable concerns and challenges faced by our young people, I could only respond with one thing - strengthening of family values. I just talked with a young person a while ago discussing with me how her decision to cohabitate with her boyfriend was a decision that she made from the painful betrayal made by her ex boyfriend. I thought I would rejoice over the decision of separating from her current boyfriend but, she was compelled to do it due to falling in love again with her ex boyfriend. Complicated huh!!! Where do you think did she get such mentality, values or ways of doing things? Well I learned further from our conversations that she never met her father. Since birth she was never close with her mom since she was under her grandparents care.
Going back with family's strength drawn from such high power and grounded values of prayer, faithfulness, commitment and love of parents to each other and their children. These values are more than enough armor to combat the suffering of the morals of our young people. The young person i talked with never had such strength of a family journeying with her except for the surrogate parents - her grandparents.
Parents with grounded moral values produce morally upright children. But what if children go astray despite of. This kind of parents will hold strong and will never give up loving their children. I am so certain of this (i never doubt pure and unconditional love).
Ultimately, pure love will lead the lost ones. That's God and that's His power manifested and grilled in the pure love of those morally upright parents. Love conquers...
And so if i would deal with moral recovery...i would want to have heart to heart talk with parents for them to have a heart to heart talk with God so that they would be able to reflect and manifest this to their children...:-)
PS...Ang bigat ng topic na to...huhuhuhu
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Embracing Life - Second Piece
While tinkering my keyboard, i am thinking hard (as if hahahaha), how i would present this second piece. But since I have illustrated in the first part my childhood years, this one is part of the in-between of my journey.
let me start this rather long...huh ...blog (!!!)...here goes...
I went to a private sectarian high school. I can recall having the same classmates from first to fourth year. Only a few went out or were added in class. I was a bit pressured with academics since i was with the cream of the crop group.
Having studied in a public school during my elementary years did not help quite a bit in terms of articulation and use of words. I remember how those that came from private school mostly excelled in English except one (from a public school) that really made it in the subject. I admired her very much for that. Still, I silently strove and studied the language and realized i had my own craft and art, too. Though, I excelled in academics, I saw the my growing insecurities in terms of looks and intelligence. And so when I looked at "them", i felt like nobody...hahay just the insecurities of adolescent years...
Having crushes was another thing. I had lots of them hehehhe. First year, I laid my eyes on the same height as myself guy who had such a beautiful voice. From him, my singing career (wahahhahahah)moved further to becoming an interest and passion (neighbors would hear my este golden voice...with my long and endless practices). The second year crush was like accidental. He was actually my best friend's dearest crush.
One afternoon, when my friend was at the peak of her persistence to win this guy, we searched for him in the crowded plaza filled with students playing for the intramurals. But then the unexpected thing occured. I happen to point my finger to a guy (which happened to be him). He captured me doing that and his looks were of admiration. Bad shot...that look should have not been mine but my friend's...but ohhhhh again...i loved the look hahahhahahahha.
But then I was so head-over-heels in love (???) with a senior guy. The handsome and calm stride of a man that i saw one morning at the plaza wearing red shirt. Wow...i loved that look. But, he was more for his group of friends i guess. He caught much attention from the prefect of discipline's office. They were all into some "underground" guerrilla rendezvous with his friends hahahahah joke lang... not really that gross..But i considered it my bad choice ha...
The same year, i was so engaged with a youth civic organization that brought us national through the Magnolia Youth Achievement awards. We won second runner up throughout the Philippines (i hope i don't sound like boasting), toured Manila and reached as far as Malacanang Palace. We presented ourselves to the late President Corazon Aquino. It was such a beautiful experience that i marveled with awe and gratitude being given such chance.
The following year, our youth group made it to the Top Ten Outstanding Youth Organization in the Philippines (TOYOPHIL)- second runner up. Please don't get scared with me. I did not have such major role in the organization. I was one of the small officers but i did have the commitment of a strong fighting eagle ...really soaring high. My group of friends in our street made a strong team also to involve ourselves in this venture.
We loved the travel and fun with such height of victory in my high school years (particularly in second year and part of third year). I slowly dwindled when i reached third year. I felt the need to re focus with academics. Though i had my regular school - non academic organization membership - Marian club..., i slowly felt the grounding of prayer led by a very faithful Marian devotee teacher who up to this moment, I call one of my "little heroes" in my youth - Mrs. Lanticse.
Oh yes Mrs. Lanticse...I bet she won't expect that I would write something about her. But she was one beautiful lady teacher i met that emulated faithfulness to the blessed Mother Mary. I was a Marian - Our Lady of Lourdes devotee because of her influence. We were like her tail bringing the statue of the blessed Lady going house to house after school to pray the rosary. She also started the first Saturday devotion procession for the blessed Mother. And i saw her a lot of times praying with her arms lifted up, stretched sideways and walked on her knees to the altar. Well her faithfulness to prayer made her produce 2 successful daughters - one is now a lawyer and the the other one is a Ph.D. (hehe i don't know exactly her specialization).
And so going back...third year was a lot silent but grounded myself with this woman's faithfulness and prayer. I spent time with family and studies and fourth year was a great challenge such that, i did not know what course to pursue. Despite the confusion, I stood on my ground in order to focus.
I also engaged myself in other curricular activities and involved with the "pseudo" military operation of the school (whahahah what a term). I was a company commander with my skinny body bathed in military uniform. I had very short hair then copied after Demi Moore's "Ghost" movie hair cut (hahahha). That meant fashion for me that time.
Since i had my not so golden voice (wahhahahah) and with the "trying so hard" effort to really sing, I had a chance to fool a little my audience playing the role of "Maria" in the "Sound of Music". I swirled and danced wearing the all black combination of dress, boots and guitar (churvavels...jongga). I had fun with it but really the truth was - i wanted to be invisible while i did that...hiyang hiya ako (but ang ganda ko ...hahaha feeling ko lang walay palag ako ni nga blog hahahahha).
Soon enough, my senior year almost ended. I had my small "laurel" in academics but love life....big NO...not really a priority...how i wished. I was so crazy with my crush and felt the loneliness of leaving high school and the uncertainties of college life. I just wanted to hide and hide...i was so afraid to take my first step...
But then I had to. My classmates were moving forward. Some of them went to Luzon and Visayas for college and i had to take my course in the nearest city. BS Accountancy was my recourse without considering much thinking and weighing. Actually, there was nobody that journeyed with me in terms of career choice.
I reached third year questioning my choice which ended with a total shift after meeting a friend named Mitzi that took up BS Psychology. She rocked my world. I was so desperate to transfer to the course that my oh so calm but disappointed father allowed me to after my heart-over-mind convincing (with the matching exhibition of tears). I was all rejoice and halleluiah hehehe.
As my feet started to set its new course with Psychology, I felt them both subtly drilling, pounding hard and securing its foundation underneath. I felt it well and strong. If there was such a thing like falling in love with a course in college ..that was it...my Psychology course love affair hahahahhaa.
And so step one, i had a whole new world and plunged into my orientation of the course. Step two, i was excruciatingly in love with a teacher that broke my heart. Step three, I went into an immersion that got me engaged with people in the barrio for almost 1 week. Step four, my oh so dear mother died in an accident which left me so lost and almost drowned in depression. Step five, i fell in love again with another guy (hehe please don't get me wrong i never had them as my boyfriends ouch hahahhaha). And then I met Mike. Oh so beautiful guy. If i was that crazy and naughty, he was the exact opposite ..so silent and mysterious guy (now no more...heheeheheheheh).
I was so afraid at falling in love again. But then Mike came. I couldn't help it. It was I that was oh so in love ( oo nga...how many times did i mention this? hahahhaha). He had no slight idea. His sister, my classmate and close friend made me invite Michael to be my partner in the graduation ball. I was totally in panic but hey, I loved it (nyahahahahha). The thrill of the night was perfect. But still he had no idea whatsoever regarding how i felt.
Really i was so "kiddo". Graduation came and i celebrated over the academic award that I got but not really totally getting into the whole reward. I felt so strange for Mike but strove to deny it. Well I was not such a good "liar" related to feelings (more worse at present...).
Despite the emotional struggle, I started working in a private high school as teacher and counselor. But i was really dragging myself. I was not happy with what i was doing and the school seem to be getting the vibes. They kindly "kicked me out" by stating at the end of the school year "perhaps you have other plans other than working here". That was such an "ouch" moment.
But then, I moved on and found myself being interviewed in a Catholic university - high school department. And oh they hired me. I was not really that happy at first because it was the same position with where i came from. But slowly, i was gaining momentum. And i felt the trust from my department head. I loved the sort of freedom to implement things for the students. On and on...work...work... work...
Michael then, courted me, joined me in hearing masses and prayed with me. He made me join his family a lot of times. We made it pretty well after series of struggles. I resigned from my job after 10 years, went out of the country twice and he remained steadfast with his love. Here is the big catch. For almost 12 years in the relationship, not ones did he give up on me...on US. And it was and is a wonderful journey of friendship and love combined.... with all the ups, downs, twists and turns...whatever and however I would describe it...
And now...i am going to shout at the top of my voice...este ...on top of the keyboard of this computer...I am getting married to a man I love so much ...halleluiah...His name is Michael...My only ever boyfriend proudly since birth wahahhahahah (i am his only too churvavels).
I know there is no such thing as a perfect journey or perfect partner or partnership. But I know I have such a beautiful man to journey with me through life...:-)
More to come...the horizon presents a promise of a beautiful and life-filled journey...:-) of two imperfect individuals trying to fit in ...despite of ...
PS. Hey...more exciting stories to come...:-) hop and hop and whistle ....ouch!!! toinks..hehhehehhe...there are things mentioned here that I need to stress further in my future blogs such as young love, studies, family, etc....so exciting ha...
let me start this rather long...huh ...blog (!!!)...here goes...
I went to a private sectarian high school. I can recall having the same classmates from first to fourth year. Only a few went out or were added in class. I was a bit pressured with academics since i was with the cream of the crop group.
Having studied in a public school during my elementary years did not help quite a bit in terms of articulation and use of words. I remember how those that came from private school mostly excelled in English except one (from a public school) that really made it in the subject. I admired her very much for that. Still, I silently strove and studied the language and realized i had my own craft and art, too. Though, I excelled in academics, I saw the my growing insecurities in terms of looks and intelligence. And so when I looked at "them", i felt like nobody...hahay just the insecurities of adolescent years...
Having crushes was another thing. I had lots of them hehehhe. First year, I laid my eyes on the same height as myself guy who had such a beautiful voice. From him, my singing career (wahahhahahah)moved further to becoming an interest and passion (neighbors would hear my este golden voice...with my long and endless practices). The second year crush was like accidental. He was actually my best friend's dearest crush.
One afternoon, when my friend was at the peak of her persistence to win this guy, we searched for him in the crowded plaza filled with students playing for the intramurals. But then the unexpected thing occured. I happen to point my finger to a guy (which happened to be him). He captured me doing that and his looks were of admiration. Bad shot...that look should have not been mine but my friend's...but ohhhhh again...i loved the look hahahhahahahha.
But then I was so head-over-heels in love (???) with a senior guy. The handsome and calm stride of a man that i saw one morning at the plaza wearing red shirt. Wow...i loved that look. But, he was more for his group of friends i guess. He caught much attention from the prefect of discipline's office. They were all into some "underground" guerrilla rendezvous with his friends hahahahah joke lang... not really that gross..But i considered it my bad choice ha...
The same year, i was so engaged with a youth civic organization that brought us national through the Magnolia Youth Achievement awards. We won second runner up throughout the Philippines (i hope i don't sound like boasting), toured Manila and reached as far as Malacanang Palace. We presented ourselves to the late President Corazon Aquino. It was such a beautiful experience that i marveled with awe and gratitude being given such chance.
The following year, our youth group made it to the Top Ten Outstanding Youth Organization in the Philippines (TOYOPHIL)- second runner up. Please don't get scared with me. I did not have such major role in the organization. I was one of the small officers but i did have the commitment of a strong fighting eagle ...really soaring high. My group of friends in our street made a strong team also to involve ourselves in this venture.
We loved the travel and fun with such height of victory in my high school years (particularly in second year and part of third year). I slowly dwindled when i reached third year. I felt the need to re focus with academics. Though i had my regular school - non academic organization membership - Marian club..., i slowly felt the grounding of prayer led by a very faithful Marian devotee teacher who up to this moment, I call one of my "little heroes" in my youth - Mrs. Lanticse.
Oh yes Mrs. Lanticse...I bet she won't expect that I would write something about her. But she was one beautiful lady teacher i met that emulated faithfulness to the blessed Mother Mary. I was a Marian - Our Lady of Lourdes devotee because of her influence. We were like her tail bringing the statue of the blessed Lady going house to house after school to pray the rosary. She also started the first Saturday devotion procession for the blessed Mother. And i saw her a lot of times praying with her arms lifted up, stretched sideways and walked on her knees to the altar. Well her faithfulness to prayer made her produce 2 successful daughters - one is now a lawyer and the the other one is a Ph.D. (hehe i don't know exactly her specialization).
And so going back...third year was a lot silent but grounded myself with this woman's faithfulness and prayer. I spent time with family and studies and fourth year was a great challenge such that, i did not know what course to pursue. Despite the confusion, I stood on my ground in order to focus.
I also engaged myself in other curricular activities and involved with the "pseudo" military operation of the school (whahahah what a term). I was a company commander with my skinny body bathed in military uniform. I had very short hair then copied after Demi Moore's "Ghost" movie hair cut (hahahha). That meant fashion for me that time.
Since i had my not so golden voice (wahhahahah) and with the "trying so hard" effort to really sing, I had a chance to fool a little my audience playing the role of "Maria" in the "Sound of Music". I swirled and danced wearing the all black combination of dress, boots and guitar (churvavels...jongga). I had fun with it but really the truth was - i wanted to be invisible while i did that...hiyang hiya ako (but ang ganda ko ...hahaha feeling ko lang walay palag ako ni nga blog hahahahha).
Soon enough, my senior year almost ended. I had my small "laurel" in academics but love life....big NO...not really a priority...how i wished. I was so crazy with my crush and felt the loneliness of leaving high school and the uncertainties of college life. I just wanted to hide and hide...i was so afraid to take my first step...
But then I had to. My classmates were moving forward. Some of them went to Luzon and Visayas for college and i had to take my course in the nearest city. BS Accountancy was my recourse without considering much thinking and weighing. Actually, there was nobody that journeyed with me in terms of career choice.
I reached third year questioning my choice which ended with a total shift after meeting a friend named Mitzi that took up BS Psychology. She rocked my world. I was so desperate to transfer to the course that my oh so calm but disappointed father allowed me to after my heart-over-mind convincing (with the matching exhibition of tears). I was all rejoice and halleluiah hehehe.
As my feet started to set its new course with Psychology, I felt them both subtly drilling, pounding hard and securing its foundation underneath. I felt it well and strong. If there was such a thing like falling in love with a course in college ..that was it...my Psychology course love affair hahahahhaa.
And so step one, i had a whole new world and plunged into my orientation of the course. Step two, i was excruciatingly in love with a teacher that broke my heart. Step three, I went into an immersion that got me engaged with people in the barrio for almost 1 week. Step four, my oh so dear mother died in an accident which left me so lost and almost drowned in depression. Step five, i fell in love again with another guy (hehe please don't get me wrong i never had them as my boyfriends ouch hahahhaha). And then I met Mike. Oh so beautiful guy. If i was that crazy and naughty, he was the exact opposite ..so silent and mysterious guy (now no more...heheeheheheheh).
I was so afraid at falling in love again. But then Mike came. I couldn't help it. It was I that was oh so in love ( oo nga...how many times did i mention this? hahahhaha). He had no slight idea. His sister, my classmate and close friend made me invite Michael to be my partner in the graduation ball. I was totally in panic but hey, I loved it (nyahahahahha). The thrill of the night was perfect. But still he had no idea whatsoever regarding how i felt.
Really i was so "kiddo". Graduation came and i celebrated over the academic award that I got but not really totally getting into the whole reward. I felt so strange for Mike but strove to deny it. Well I was not such a good "liar" related to feelings (more worse at present...).
Despite the emotional struggle, I started working in a private high school as teacher and counselor. But i was really dragging myself. I was not happy with what i was doing and the school seem to be getting the vibes. They kindly "kicked me out" by stating at the end of the school year "perhaps you have other plans other than working here". That was such an "ouch" moment.
But then, I moved on and found myself being interviewed in a Catholic university - high school department. And oh they hired me. I was not really that happy at first because it was the same position with where i came from. But slowly, i was gaining momentum. And i felt the trust from my department head. I loved the sort of freedom to implement things for the students. On and on...work...work... work...
Michael then, courted me, joined me in hearing masses and prayed with me. He made me join his family a lot of times. We made it pretty well after series of struggles. I resigned from my job after 10 years, went out of the country twice and he remained steadfast with his love. Here is the big catch. For almost 12 years in the relationship, not ones did he give up on me...on US. And it was and is a wonderful journey of friendship and love combined.... with all the ups, downs, twists and turns...whatever and however I would describe it...
And now...i am going to shout at the top of my voice...este ...on top of the keyboard of this computer...I am getting married to a man I love so much ...halleluiah...His name is Michael...My only ever boyfriend proudly since birth wahahhahahah (i am his only too churvavels).
I know there is no such thing as a perfect journey or perfect partner or partnership. But I know I have such a beautiful man to journey with me through life...:-)
More to come...the horizon presents a promise of a beautiful and life-filled journey...:-) of two imperfect individuals trying to fit in ...despite of ...
PS. Hey...more exciting stories to come...:-) hop and hop and whistle ....ouch!!! toinks..hehhehehhe...there are things mentioned here that I need to stress further in my future blogs such as young love, studies, family, etc....so exciting ha...
Smell, Taste Life and Live
“If you want to live life freely, take your time go slowly…” I got this line from the movie Brother Sun and Sister Moon. The story that depicts the life of St. Francis of Assisi.
One day, I was so desperate. I searched for answers to my questions. I have been into many material ventures that emptied my heart. I was so soul dry, hungry, barren, tired of the journey. And so when youtube provided me the video...I devoured like a super doooper hungry soul separated from the body base (cadaver bayot hahahhahah...todo na to...). Gross ha...
And so the line above is the freedom that i was looking for. The freedom to be in each moment - to taste, smell, feel life to the fullest. The freedom not to be lost but to be present always and not wander elsewhere.
I want to illustrate something that i realize with Disney movies. Disney produces movies that bring you somewhere far where the vast fantasy and creativity of the child is brought. It digs memories, dreams, ambitions and many more. Some things not possible in real life can be experienced as real in the realm and world of fantasy.
The world that Disney movies manifests and projects is illusive world of reality. This becomes an escape that children go to when painful realities display in front of them. And so the child is stuck somewhere in this world where from the temporary state of fun and fantasy becomes the regular world of the child. And so a child hops from one beautiful illusory world to the next and refuses to get out into the real one.
Again, the child is stuck. The physical body grows but the child is buried in fantasy. Some remain hidden and some die old in age but still in fantasy. (Sad isn't it?).
And taking our time at a slow pace..smelling reality...feeling the freedom of living the now...the present moment. There is no hiding and denying. As children may have believed and are awed with the fantasy world, we can still be with reality. We can still live now with the awe and wonder of the child's spirit in us...:-)
Beautiful isn't it?
One day, I was so desperate. I searched for answers to my questions. I have been into many material ventures that emptied my heart. I was so soul dry, hungry, barren, tired of the journey. And so when youtube provided me the video...I devoured like a super doooper hungry soul separated from the body base (cadaver bayot hahahhahah...todo na to...). Gross ha...
And so the line above is the freedom that i was looking for. The freedom to be in each moment - to taste, smell, feel life to the fullest. The freedom not to be lost but to be present always and not wander elsewhere.
I want to illustrate something that i realize with Disney movies. Disney produces movies that bring you somewhere far where the vast fantasy and creativity of the child is brought. It digs memories, dreams, ambitions and many more. Some things not possible in real life can be experienced as real in the realm and world of fantasy.
The world that Disney movies manifests and projects is illusive world of reality. This becomes an escape that children go to when painful realities display in front of them. And so the child is stuck somewhere in this world where from the temporary state of fun and fantasy becomes the regular world of the child. And so a child hops from one beautiful illusory world to the next and refuses to get out into the real one.
Again, the child is stuck. The physical body grows but the child is buried in fantasy. Some remain hidden and some die old in age but still in fantasy. (Sad isn't it?).
And taking our time at a slow pace..smelling reality...feeling the freedom of living the now...the present moment. There is no hiding and denying. As children may have believed and are awed with the fantasy world, we can still be with reality. We can still live now with the awe and wonder of the child's spirit in us...:-)
Beautiful isn't it?
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Embracing Life - First Piece
When I was a kid, i was "hitting all roads" near our house. I played here and there - all sorts of games invented by children such as ;
1. "Taksi". This is played using flattened bottle covers or empty cigarette packs. Flat stone is then thrown at it pushing it out from a circled part of the ground
2. "Shomoy". This game is played using marbles. We then pounded it on the ground to form not so deep holes (hindi jud talaga deep heheh marble nga lang). The marble is then thrown from a distance to shoot at the hole..etc.
3. "Takyang". This game uses flattened bottle cover. We punched a hole on it, tied candy wrappers at the center and played through the side of the ankle and lifted up and down side kick.
4. Patintero /"bulan -bulan". This is played between two teams. Each member of a team stands as guard and played by stopping anyone from the other team to cross each line
5. "Kundisi/ shatom". This was played using 1 longer and 1 shorter sticks. We dug a hole on the ground , placed the shorter one across, placed the longer one inside the hole slanted, exerted force and pushed up throwing the shorter one the farthest distance we could...(etc)
6. "Bato lata/tsinelas lata. This is played using a can with either stone or slippers thrown at it, placed inside a marked circle on the ground. The players' goal is to displace the can outside of the marked circle part of the ground by throwing stone or slippers at it.
7. "Oo Seven". One player stands at the center and mentions "oo seven". Every time he does that, he turns his head around to check the players. All players should not be seen moving or else they get eliminated.(now you find me great at describing nyahahahhhah forgive me fore my overstatement)
There were a lot more games that I played including tree climbing, playing at pineapple field and stole pineapples hahhahahah. I was crazy as a kid. I even forgot cooking for papa's lunch one time because of my "busy" child-like life.
One time when mama tried to iron some clothes early morning, i took over and burned papa's underwear wahaahhahahah and i had such painful "tiny" (because i got used to big ones hahahhahah) spanking from her. I also went to an adventure with my friends to take a bath in the river and passed by a dilapidated hanging bridge and ended up in a half foot width cemented path (not really for a foot path purpose) with a fast flowing river beside it.
I tell you..if dang is my kid...i would be very frightened to death. I could not imagine all the other "deadly" things i did as a naughty child such as jumping from a tree attached beside a house (buti na lang hindi from roof of the house hay naku po but this was my greatest dream hahahahhahaha).If I am still alive at this time, i would stay it is by God's grace na talaga.
But if you would ask me about my world as a kid, I had so much fun. The kind of fun that I could hardly find in my current world and which I miss so much. If there is something that I want to cry out at this time ...it is the cry "I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!" ( crying in silence:-)
And so moving fast forward...The older I got, life became so complicated. I have so little of the glimpse of my childhood years. I became strong and sturdy physically burying the flicker and fountain of laughter and fun of the child within. When people see me at this time, they would not know how i was as a kid.
And so no matter how things get so complicated with me at this time - I get to look back at the beautiful innocent eyes of the child that was brought in awe with life. I did not skip at all the "in-between" of my life but as I got older, that kid inside seem to draw me closer and closer to myself.
At this time, I am simply letting go...and I don't mind at aaooll (with an English accent hahahahha) ...come in and know the "ME" ...I love it better this way...Old ways of the "in between" may not be gone but enriching it this time through the child in me becoming...so alive ...come hop and play ...hop and play...whistle ...and shout.......:-)whehehehehe gigggglee..with trumpets and lyre and bring you to the vast green, green field of life...:-)
1. "Taksi". This is played using flattened bottle covers or empty cigarette packs. Flat stone is then thrown at it pushing it out from a circled part of the ground
2. "Shomoy". This game is played using marbles. We then pounded it on the ground to form not so deep holes (hindi jud talaga deep heheh marble nga lang). The marble is then thrown from a distance to shoot at the hole..etc.
3. "Takyang". This game uses flattened bottle cover. We punched a hole on it, tied candy wrappers at the center and played through the side of the ankle and lifted up and down side kick.
4. Patintero /"bulan -bulan". This is played between two teams. Each member of a team stands as guard and played by stopping anyone from the other team to cross each line
5. "Kundisi/ shatom". This was played using 1 longer and 1 shorter sticks. We dug a hole on the ground , placed the shorter one across, placed the longer one inside the hole slanted, exerted force and pushed up throwing the shorter one the farthest distance we could...(etc)
6. "Bato lata/tsinelas lata. This is played using a can with either stone or slippers thrown at it, placed inside a marked circle on the ground. The players' goal is to displace the can outside of the marked circle part of the ground by throwing stone or slippers at it.
7. "Oo Seven". One player stands at the center and mentions "oo seven". Every time he does that, he turns his head around to check the players. All players should not be seen moving or else they get eliminated.(now you find me great at describing nyahahahhhah forgive me fore my overstatement)
There were a lot more games that I played including tree climbing, playing at pineapple field and stole pineapples hahhahahah. I was crazy as a kid. I even forgot cooking for papa's lunch one time because of my "busy" child-like life.
One time when mama tried to iron some clothes early morning, i took over and burned papa's underwear wahaahhahahah and i had such painful "tiny" (because i got used to big ones hahahhahah) spanking from her. I also went to an adventure with my friends to take a bath in the river and passed by a dilapidated hanging bridge and ended up in a half foot width cemented path (not really for a foot path purpose) with a fast flowing river beside it.
I tell you..if dang is my kid...i would be very frightened to death. I could not imagine all the other "deadly" things i did as a naughty child such as jumping from a tree attached beside a house (buti na lang hindi from roof of the house hay naku po but this was my greatest dream hahahahhahaha).If I am still alive at this time, i would stay it is by God's grace na talaga.
But if you would ask me about my world as a kid, I had so much fun. The kind of fun that I could hardly find in my current world and which I miss so much. If there is something that I want to cry out at this time ...it is the cry "I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!" ( crying in silence:-)
And so moving fast forward...The older I got, life became so complicated. I have so little of the glimpse of my childhood years. I became strong and sturdy physically burying the flicker and fountain of laughter and fun of the child within. When people see me at this time, they would not know how i was as a kid.
And so no matter how things get so complicated with me at this time - I get to look back at the beautiful innocent eyes of the child that was brought in awe with life. I did not skip at all the "in-between" of my life but as I got older, that kid inside seem to draw me closer and closer to myself.
At this time, I am simply letting go...and I don't mind at aaooll (with an English accent hahahahha) ...come in and know the "ME" ...I love it better this way...Old ways of the "in between" may not be gone but enriching it this time through the child in me becoming...so alive ...come hop and play ...hop and play...whistle ...and shout.......:-)whehehehehe gigggglee..with trumpets and lyre and bring you to the vast green, green field of life...:-)
God's Dwelling
One time a friend recalled how overwhelmed he was with how his heart has been producing such talent in him and found wisdom and passion with where he is in his life. He also shared how at some points during his conversations with others, he is able to find himself uttering words that were coming out unexpectedly from his mouth. I simply told him that God made and fashioned us like Himself as we are created in His image an likeness.
The thing is, we may not be aware that like an inventor / artist that made his masterpiece, we are His masterpiece. The artist puts his heart in his creation and so the product reflects so much of its source.
Within us, God planted His heart. Thus, our hearts resemble a lot like God. More than that, it is His dwelling. It has God's mind and heart combined. And so when we think, feel and analyze, it is God Himself doing the same thing in us.
But we may wonder such evil coming out in the hearts of men translated to action. Why is it that a lot of sufferings of the world are also caused by men? This I say that man's freedom is at work in his choices. And so when the heart is not properly schooled (as we all come from different backgrounds) the kind of "program" of God's image and goodness may be contaminated.
But this i found out from my personal experience. Every time I make a wrong choice manifested in my actions, I always get the feel in my inmost being that I violated something. And so I believe, that God always makes a re-call every time we falter. Once upon at time in the past, He placed his "GOODNESS" training module in our hearts. But then we deafen the ears of the heart when we constantly expose ourselves to wrong choices until the heart becomes calloused.
Poor heart (but I can never say poor God). The strength of its capacities fueled by its Source is suppressed. If we ponder on the power of the phrase "created in the image and likeness of God", should be more than enough power to shake the earth. Man like God...isn't it power in itself?
Why seek somewhere else other than GOD?
PS... If we continue to enslave ourselves with wrong choices, ultimately, we insult the one that made it...the REAL ARTIST...GOD HIMSELF...:-)
The thing is, we may not be aware that like an inventor / artist that made his masterpiece, we are His masterpiece. The artist puts his heart in his creation and so the product reflects so much of its source.
Within us, God planted His heart. Thus, our hearts resemble a lot like God. More than that, it is His dwelling. It has God's mind and heart combined. And so when we think, feel and analyze, it is God Himself doing the same thing in us.
But we may wonder such evil coming out in the hearts of men translated to action. Why is it that a lot of sufferings of the world are also caused by men? This I say that man's freedom is at work in his choices. And so when the heart is not properly schooled (as we all come from different backgrounds) the kind of "program" of God's image and goodness may be contaminated.
But this i found out from my personal experience. Every time I make a wrong choice manifested in my actions, I always get the feel in my inmost being that I violated something. And so I believe, that God always makes a re-call every time we falter. Once upon at time in the past, He placed his "GOODNESS" training module in our hearts. But then we deafen the ears of the heart when we constantly expose ourselves to wrong choices until the heart becomes calloused.
Poor heart (but I can never say poor God). The strength of its capacities fueled by its Source is suppressed. If we ponder on the power of the phrase "created in the image and likeness of God", should be more than enough power to shake the earth. Man like God...isn't it power in itself?
Why seek somewhere else other than GOD?
PS... If we continue to enslave ourselves with wrong choices, ultimately, we insult the one that made it...the REAL ARTIST...GOD HIMSELF...:-)
Thursday, July 7, 2011
On Leadership
This time, I will focus on my encounters with different leaders. My experiences with them made me come up with the following list of the types /characteristics of leaders that I can describe raw and perhaps unnamed as such by popular authors on leadership. Just allow my experience to define them…
1. Business type leader - This is the description given by my former colleagues to this kind of leader. The statement was exactly “he is more of a businessman than a _________ (position). Though I did not totally agree to the label or type of leadership assigned to him. I simply include it here as described. His theme is “walang personalan trabaho lang”. There is no personal touch. You will just give him an output and you are done with him. There is no confrontation and makes painful decision without prior notice.
2. Eloquent Speaker. This leader is highly articulate. Has high command and knack with words and a great writer ( I did admire him for that). But he had difficulty facilitating meetings. Among 5 - 10 agenda (for example), he would be able to respond to 2 or 3 of them. And the worst is that, participants would leave the meeting room confused with a lot of issues and concerns that were unresolved.
3. The “organized” leader . From the time when this leader was installed to the position, I knew that he was really preparing himself. This leader was able to choose and assign particular individuals qualified for the positions at the management level. He started meeting on time yet, he lacked facilitating skill such that interruptions were cut off immediately to meet with the time to end. This offended a lot of his participants.
4. Very "trusting" leader. This leader overly delegated tasks. He was very smart as to spotting right individuals for particular assignment and position. He made them responsible for the tasks yet did not know how to monitor performance of individuals. He made himself visible at the start of a project and became invisible in between nor made himself felt in the process of implementation.
5. “Silent” Leader . This leader maintained a calm disposition. He smiled a lot and knew how to smartly present himself but did not really and readily opened his plans. His subordinates will just have to contain the feelings of surprise and shock for particular decisions of automatically dismissing a person from his /her work or call it constructive dismissal. This leader had his scheme (deceiving).
6. “Mr. Know it all” Leader . This leader claimed he knew everything. He tried to allow proposals and presentations but did not really take them seriously. He will always give you an idea that …”I know better than you”… and argued with everything and found fault with every proposal and ideas. The message was “I know better than you”.
7. “Accidental” / “No Choice” Leader - There is “nobody’s available” and so you take over type. This type is when you are the next in rank or when you are the son of the General Manager who happens to be the owner of the business.
This leader did not have any formal experience in leadership, did whatever was to be done, checked the usual things to do in the department or organization and continued to do the same and was afraid to venture into new activities and projects. His own redemption were the new members coming in the team that had new and upgraded skills. This leader’s success relied heavily on chance or accident (hehehehhe).
8. The Ego Tripper. This leader’s ego is so big. He highly demanded respect but the skills did not match the position he / she assumed. He displayed tantrums from time to time and muttered like a spoiled brat. His position was very important to him but ego dominated the running of the team.
9. “Competitive” Leader. This leader sent the message : “I am the best”…did anything to put other leaders down or others in his / her team. Threatened when other members excel. His / her theme “it is I and I alone who is the best”
10. “Action Oriented" Leader. This leader that I met moved so fast doing one thing after another. This leader was good at implementing but not at documenting his activities that’s why evaluation was hard for this leader.
From the above, I belong to the accidental leader but then I strove so hard to learn from the best ways of the leaders I described above with the illustration below :
I find the descriptions on the above photo my ideal leader after I met the leaders I stated above with specific and highlighted characteristics. Yet after reading Heroic Leadership by a former Jesuit, Chris Lowney, I find Christ’s leadership the best.
From a synopsis reflecting the gist of the book, it says “.. .the Jesuits abandoned an ostentatious style of leadership and focused instead on the four values that are the real substance of leadership: Self-awareness, ingenuity, love and heroism” (more to this in my future blogs).
From the above types / characteristics, where are you at this time in leadership? Would you take Christ’s challenge to learn His style? I suggest you get a copy of the book.
Well, all in all, we are all imperfect people sent on a mission to an imperfect workplaces with imperfect individuals, too. However, our openness will lead us to a perfection so desired by God for us to make a difference wherever we are…
Sail on leaders…we all continue to learn better and best ways of doing things. Our legacy as leaders depends on how much we have put in from ourselves in terms of knowledge, skills both technical and non technical and our passion with what we are doing…
God bless everyone:-)
1. Business type leader - This is the description given by my former colleagues to this kind of leader. The statement was exactly “he is more of a businessman than a _________ (position). Though I did not totally agree to the label or type of leadership assigned to him. I simply include it here as described. His theme is “walang personalan trabaho lang”. There is no personal touch. You will just give him an output and you are done with him. There is no confrontation and makes painful decision without prior notice.
2. Eloquent Speaker. This leader is highly articulate. Has high command and knack with words and a great writer ( I did admire him for that). But he had difficulty facilitating meetings. Among 5 - 10 agenda (for example), he would be able to respond to 2 or 3 of them. And the worst is that, participants would leave the meeting room confused with a lot of issues and concerns that were unresolved.
3. The “organized” leader . From the time when this leader was installed to the position, I knew that he was really preparing himself. This leader was able to choose and assign particular individuals qualified for the positions at the management level. He started meeting on time yet, he lacked facilitating skill such that interruptions were cut off immediately to meet with the time to end. This offended a lot of his participants.
4. Very "trusting" leader. This leader overly delegated tasks. He was very smart as to spotting right individuals for particular assignment and position. He made them responsible for the tasks yet did not know how to monitor performance of individuals. He made himself visible at the start of a project and became invisible in between nor made himself felt in the process of implementation.
5. “Silent” Leader . This leader maintained a calm disposition. He smiled a lot and knew how to smartly present himself but did not really and readily opened his plans. His subordinates will just have to contain the feelings of surprise and shock for particular decisions of automatically dismissing a person from his /her work or call it constructive dismissal. This leader had his scheme (deceiving).
6. “Mr. Know it all” Leader . This leader claimed he knew everything. He tried to allow proposals and presentations but did not really take them seriously. He will always give you an idea that …”I know better than you”… and argued with everything and found fault with every proposal and ideas. The message was “I know better than you”.
7. “Accidental” / “No Choice” Leader - There is “nobody’s available” and so you take over type. This type is when you are the next in rank or when you are the son of the General Manager who happens to be the owner of the business.
This leader did not have any formal experience in leadership, did whatever was to be done, checked the usual things to do in the department or organization and continued to do the same and was afraid to venture into new activities and projects. His own redemption were the new members coming in the team that had new and upgraded skills. This leader’s success relied heavily on chance or accident (hehehehhe).
8. The Ego Tripper. This leader’s ego is so big. He highly demanded respect but the skills did not match the position he / she assumed. He displayed tantrums from time to time and muttered like a spoiled brat. His position was very important to him but ego dominated the running of the team.
9. “Competitive” Leader. This leader sent the message : “I am the best”…did anything to put other leaders down or others in his / her team. Threatened when other members excel. His / her theme “it is I and I alone who is the best”
10. “Action Oriented" Leader. This leader that I met moved so fast doing one thing after another. This leader was good at implementing but not at documenting his activities that’s why evaluation was hard for this leader.
From the above, I belong to the accidental leader but then I strove so hard to learn from the best ways of the leaders I described above with the illustration below :
I find the descriptions on the above photo my ideal leader after I met the leaders I stated above with specific and highlighted characteristics. Yet after reading Heroic Leadership by a former Jesuit, Chris Lowney, I find Christ’s leadership the best.
From a synopsis reflecting the gist of the book, it says “.. .the Jesuits abandoned an ostentatious style of leadership and focused instead on the four values that are the real substance of leadership: Self-awareness, ingenuity, love and heroism” (more to this in my future blogs).
From the above types / characteristics, where are you at this time in leadership? Would you take Christ’s challenge to learn His style? I suggest you get a copy of the book.
Well, all in all, we are all imperfect people sent on a mission to an imperfect workplaces with imperfect individuals, too. However, our openness will lead us to a perfection so desired by God for us to make a difference wherever we are…
Sail on leaders…we all continue to learn better and best ways of doing things. Our legacy as leaders depends on how much we have put in from ourselves in terms of knowledge, skills both technical and non technical and our passion with what we are doing…
God bless everyone:-)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
“YOU ARE MY WORLD”
A Type of Listening that heals and transforms the heart…
Since my training in BS Psychology way back in college, I started to take listening seriously (i sensed a different movement related to this). I found listening as natural as breathing for me (though I am very talkative if given the chance nyahahahahah…try me). And I noticed that I learned listening like a sponge with an the added ingredient of “you are my world” at this very moment mode. Just like that of anyone so head over heels in love with someone. And I get to do that a lot.
My skill in listening did not really come overnight. It started with the painful process of digging and listening with myself. This led to a richer self that is being able to extend what it experienced. Sometimes friends just come outpouring themselves and they say “thank you for listening". Sometimes also, participants during trainings / workshops bare their hearts and cry leading them to say “ thank you for listening”.
And so through the years of doing this art and skill, I learned the following :
1. Listening does not demand memorizing all facts. In fact it is impossible during longs sessions (in counseling and chikkas with friends:-) except when my client allows recording of facts or me jotting down of important points which I usually do.
2. Listening demands getting into the feeling of the person. I look straight straight in the eyes and imagine getting inside of the person's world. (Counseling Psychology calls this empathy).
3. Listening involves identifying also and setting boundaries in terms of identifying who has the real problem (objectivity is very important).
4. Listening is hard when personal issues get in the picture. All sorts of contamination and shades of the past and clouds of darkness in the heart may put listening to a bad light. The one big challenge therefore, is to clean up the heart’s mess before engaging into the listening process.
5. True listening allows freedom and space for the one being listened to explore his / her world. If biased, the client bears the burden and may not come back (sad talaga).
6. Listening involves the heart. On a regular normal day to day course of encounters with other people, it is impossible to remember all the facts but rest assured that the heart of a sincere listener does.
7. True listening brings healing. In fact the silence that accompanies true and pure listening sends a message of comfort and change of heart.
8. Lastly, true and pure listening brings healing also to the one listening.
So if there is such a fruit to the “you are my world” strategy that I am engaging in, it is HEALING. True listening heals and transforms the heart.
May dating ba? :-)
Since my training in BS Psychology way back in college, I started to take listening seriously (i sensed a different movement related to this). I found listening as natural as breathing for me (though I am very talkative if given the chance nyahahahahah…try me). And I noticed that I learned listening like a sponge with an the added ingredient of “you are my world” at this very moment mode. Just like that of anyone so head over heels in love with someone. And I get to do that a lot.
My skill in listening did not really come overnight. It started with the painful process of digging and listening with myself. This led to a richer self that is being able to extend what it experienced. Sometimes friends just come outpouring themselves and they say “thank you for listening". Sometimes also, participants during trainings / workshops bare their hearts and cry leading them to say “ thank you for listening”.
And so through the years of doing this art and skill, I learned the following :
1. Listening does not demand memorizing all facts. In fact it is impossible during longs sessions (in counseling and chikkas with friends:-) except when my client allows recording of facts or me jotting down of important points which I usually do.
2. Listening demands getting into the feeling of the person. I look straight straight in the eyes and imagine getting inside of the person's world. (Counseling Psychology calls this empathy).
3. Listening involves identifying also and setting boundaries in terms of identifying who has the real problem (objectivity is very important).
4. Listening is hard when personal issues get in the picture. All sorts of contamination and shades of the past and clouds of darkness in the heart may put listening to a bad light. The one big challenge therefore, is to clean up the heart’s mess before engaging into the listening process.
5. True listening allows freedom and space for the one being listened to explore his / her world. If biased, the client bears the burden and may not come back (sad talaga).
6. Listening involves the heart. On a regular normal day to day course of encounters with other people, it is impossible to remember all the facts but rest assured that the heart of a sincere listener does.
7. True listening brings healing. In fact the silence that accompanies true and pure listening sends a message of comfort and change of heart.
8. Lastly, true and pure listening brings healing also to the one listening.
So if there is such a fruit to the “you are my world” strategy that I am engaging in, it is HEALING. True listening heals and transforms the heart.
May dating ba? :-)
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Power Of the Hand
Rene, a colleague (and my leadership mentor:-)) happened to traverse Divisoria (Cagayan de Oro City) during lunch time today. As he was about to cross the street, he was hurled by the rushes of all vehicles. He automatically made a hand sign "stop" (you know what i meant right hehe). And all of a sudden, all vehicles on both sides stopped.
At the office, he excitedly recalled his discovery of the power of the hand based on his experience. True enough, the hand can do a lot.
For a mother, hands can be used to prepare food, wash clothes and do any work of art at home. For a father, hands can be his means for his toils thus, provide food for the family. For any other employees, hands can be used for writing, encoding, processing information and produce anything relative to one's type of work.
In like manner also, one can use his/her hands to cheer someone, wave goodbye, touch to comfort and many more beautiful things that hands can do. In fact, Jesus use His hand to lay on sick people giving them healing and comfort. A lot of miracles that He did was done through wonder of His hands.
But a hand can operate on the reverse such as stealing, slapping someone, fist fight and many other illegal transactions done through it.
I was in the Catholic Charismatic movement since 1987 ( i was a kid then). I learned that laying of hands bring healing. Even as someone touched by head for the first time through the "laying of hands" part during the praise and worship portion, I felt the warmth released through the hands. And I did the same to others.
My point...hands release energy. The strength of such can only come from its Source engraved in the hearts of man. Whatever motive or intention one may have as felt by the heart is released through the senses. One of the senses strongest "arms" is the hand.
A pure heart releases pure energy that brings healing to anyone touched by it...Do you believe in that? I do...I have seen its power through the years...
The next time around, I will allow the power of my hand to go up higher at my arms so that I will not just touch but wrap anyone in my arms (nyahahahhahahha).
May God's Name Be Praised Forever....:-)
At the office, he excitedly recalled his discovery of the power of the hand based on his experience. True enough, the hand can do a lot.
For a mother, hands can be used to prepare food, wash clothes and do any work of art at home. For a father, hands can be his means for his toils thus, provide food for the family. For any other employees, hands can be used for writing, encoding, processing information and produce anything relative to one's type of work.
In like manner also, one can use his/her hands to cheer someone, wave goodbye, touch to comfort and many more beautiful things that hands can do. In fact, Jesus use His hand to lay on sick people giving them healing and comfort. A lot of miracles that He did was done through wonder of His hands.
But a hand can operate on the reverse such as stealing, slapping someone, fist fight and many other illegal transactions done through it.
I was in the Catholic Charismatic movement since 1987 ( i was a kid then). I learned that laying of hands bring healing. Even as someone touched by head for the first time through the "laying of hands" part during the praise and worship portion, I felt the warmth released through the hands. And I did the same to others.
My point...hands release energy. The strength of such can only come from its Source engraved in the hearts of man. Whatever motive or intention one may have as felt by the heart is released through the senses. One of the senses strongest "arms" is the hand.
A pure heart releases pure energy that brings healing to anyone touched by it...Do you believe in that? I do...I have seen its power through the years...
The next time around, I will allow the power of my hand to go up higher at my arms so that I will not just touch but wrap anyone in my arms (nyahahahhahahha).
May God's Name Be Praised Forever....:-)
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Let the Reason be Love
As i browsed the web this morning, I suddenly heard the painful cry of a dog...just in front of the building. It gave me a shriek sound and cry. With all honesty I don't want to hear or see anyone or any animal in pain. I don't want to hear anyone or see on television anyone get hungry. In short, i just don't want to see anyone suffer. That's why my small gesture of feeding stray dogs and cats and make them drink water everyday is like my unconscious desire to at least alleviate suffering even with animals.
The other day, i browsed through the web and read through blog / news in Korea that mentioned of the cancellation of a dog meat festival. The cancellation was due to an outcry of an animal rights movement in the same country. I was like "what the heck are these people thinking?". And someone commented in that blog post that these dogs innocently trust their masters so much but they don't know that they're going to be "converted" (hahaha what a word) into meat.
As a dog / animal lover, i could not really grapple such act of killing particularly dogs. Or I heard of a massive killing of dogs in Canada after the last winter Olympic. I just don't like it when anyone would kill dogs or cats...period (double heheh)and gross...humans.
Checking myself on this, I am throwing the question "how do you find yourself and your acts causing pain to anyone not only physical but emotional?".
I have met varied personalities and it surprises me how some of them just naturally inflict pain to others. And the worst is that, they are not aware that they caused it. At times it surprises me. But a lot of times I bring myself to the consciousness that they come from different backgrounds. But calloused as they are they continue living the life of insensitivity.
Anyone may punch me on the face for being so honest with my comment that causing others to suffer is not at all the plan God has for all of us. I admit there are times when pain is necessary. When we have to confront someone for them to know that what they did was not right. In fact i find this very challenging. And so it is always my prayer that I would be very honest and stick on facts and base them on love. That is - God's love.
God's grace led me to ask "if God is in this situation what would He do?". Imperfect as I am, I had difficulty asking the same question since it would demand - doing. I would say also that when we are not ready to confront that question, it would be very hard just even to state it. That's why i call it ...grace.
This blog will just post one challenge... LET YOURSELF BE NOT THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING OF OTHERS...if in case it does happen, let it be a necessary pain of correcting someone ...and let it be done in LOVE...
May GOD'S LOVE be with us always...Amen
PS...Wherever you are planted / assigned by God through the practice of your profession or full time mother, father etc....be GOD'S representative, His image in such an ailing world...just do it..God's grace be with you everyone...
The other day, i browsed through the web and read through blog / news in Korea that mentioned of the cancellation of a dog meat festival. The cancellation was due to an outcry of an animal rights movement in the same country. I was like "what the heck are these people thinking?". And someone commented in that blog post that these dogs innocently trust their masters so much but they don't know that they're going to be "converted" (hahaha what a word) into meat.
As a dog / animal lover, i could not really grapple such act of killing particularly dogs. Or I heard of a massive killing of dogs in Canada after the last winter Olympic. I just don't like it when anyone would kill dogs or cats...period (double heheh)and gross...humans.
Checking myself on this, I am throwing the question "how do you find yourself and your acts causing pain to anyone not only physical but emotional?".
I have met varied personalities and it surprises me how some of them just naturally inflict pain to others. And the worst is that, they are not aware that they caused it. At times it surprises me. But a lot of times I bring myself to the consciousness that they come from different backgrounds. But calloused as they are they continue living the life of insensitivity.
Anyone may punch me on the face for being so honest with my comment that causing others to suffer is not at all the plan God has for all of us. I admit there are times when pain is necessary. When we have to confront someone for them to know that what they did was not right. In fact i find this very challenging. And so it is always my prayer that I would be very honest and stick on facts and base them on love. That is - God's love.
God's grace led me to ask "if God is in this situation what would He do?". Imperfect as I am, I had difficulty asking the same question since it would demand - doing. I would say also that when we are not ready to confront that question, it would be very hard just even to state it. That's why i call it ...grace.
This blog will just post one challenge... LET YOURSELF BE NOT THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING OF OTHERS...if in case it does happen, let it be a necessary pain of correcting someone ...and let it be done in LOVE...
May GOD'S LOVE be with us always...Amen
PS...Wherever you are planted / assigned by God through the practice of your profession or full time mother, father etc....be GOD'S representative, His image in such an ailing world...just do it..God's grace be with you everyone...
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