While tinkering my keyboard, i am thinking hard (as if hahahaha), how i would present this second piece. But since I have illustrated in the first part my childhood years, this one is part of the in-between of my journey.
let me start this rather long...huh ...blog (!!!)...here goes...
I went to a private sectarian high school. I can recall having the same classmates from first to fourth year. Only a few went out or were added in class. I was a bit pressured with academics since i was with the cream of the crop group.
Having studied in a public school during my elementary years did not help quite a bit in terms of articulation and use of words. I remember how those that came from private school mostly excelled in English except one (from a public school) that really made it in the subject. I admired her very much for that. Still, I silently strove and studied the language and realized i had my own craft and art, too. Though, I excelled in academics, I saw the my growing insecurities in terms of looks and intelligence. And so when I looked at "them", i felt like nobody...hahay just the insecurities of adolescent years...
Having crushes was another thing. I had lots of them hehehhe. First year, I laid my eyes on the same height as myself guy who had such a beautiful voice. From him, my singing career (wahahhahahah)moved further to becoming an interest and passion (neighbors would hear my este golden voice...with my long and endless practices). The second year crush was like accidental. He was actually my best friend's dearest crush.
One afternoon, when my friend was at the peak of her persistence to win this guy, we searched for him in the crowded plaza filled with students playing for the intramurals. But then the unexpected thing occured. I happen to point my finger to a guy (which happened to be him). He captured me doing that and his looks were of admiration. Bad shot...that look should have not been mine but my friend's...but ohhhhh again...i loved the look hahahhahahahha.
But then I was so head-over-heels in love (???) with a senior guy. The handsome and calm stride of a man that i saw one morning at the plaza wearing red shirt. Wow...i loved that look. But, he was more for his group of friends i guess. He caught much attention from the prefect of discipline's office. They were all into some "underground" guerrilla rendezvous with his friends hahahahah joke lang... not really that gross..But i considered it my bad choice ha...
The same year, i was so engaged with a youth civic organization that brought us national through the Magnolia Youth Achievement awards. We won second runner up throughout the Philippines (i hope i don't sound like boasting), toured Manila and reached as far as Malacanang Palace. We presented ourselves to the late President Corazon Aquino. It was such a beautiful experience that i marveled with awe and gratitude being given such chance.
The following year, our youth group made it to the Top Ten Outstanding Youth Organization in the Philippines (TOYOPHIL)- second runner up. Please don't get scared with me. I did not have such major role in the organization. I was one of the small officers but i did have the commitment of a strong fighting eagle ...really soaring high. My group of friends in our street made a strong team also to involve ourselves in this venture.
We loved the travel and fun with such height of victory in my high school years (particularly in second year and part of third year). I slowly dwindled when i reached third year. I felt the need to re focus with academics. Though i had my regular school - non academic organization membership - Marian club..., i slowly felt the grounding of prayer led by a very faithful Marian devotee teacher who up to this moment, I call one of my "little heroes" in my youth - Mrs. Lanticse.
Oh yes Mrs. Lanticse...I bet she won't expect that I would write something about her. But she was one beautiful lady teacher i met that emulated faithfulness to the blessed Mother Mary. I was a Marian - Our Lady of Lourdes devotee because of her influence. We were like her tail bringing the statue of the blessed Lady going house to house after school to pray the rosary. She also started the first Saturday devotion procession for the blessed Mother. And i saw her a lot of times praying with her arms lifted up, stretched sideways and walked on her knees to the altar. Well her faithfulness to prayer made her produce 2 successful daughters - one is now a lawyer and the the other one is a Ph.D. (hehe i don't know exactly her specialization).
And so going back...third year was a lot silent but grounded myself with this woman's faithfulness and prayer. I spent time with family and studies and fourth year was a great challenge such that, i did not know what course to pursue. Despite the confusion, I stood on my ground in order to focus.
I also engaged myself in other curricular activities and involved with the "pseudo" military operation of the school (whahahah what a term). I was a company commander with my skinny body bathed in military uniform. I had very short hair then copied after Demi Moore's "Ghost" movie hair cut (hahahha). That meant fashion for me that time.
Since i had my not so golden voice (wahhahahah) and with the "trying so hard" effort to really sing, I had a chance to fool a little my audience playing the role of "Maria" in the "Sound of Music". I swirled and danced wearing the all black combination of dress, boots and guitar (churvavels...jongga). I had fun with it but really the truth was - i wanted to be invisible while i did that...hiyang hiya ako (but ang ganda ko ...hahaha feeling ko lang walay palag ako ni nga blog hahahahha).
Soon enough, my senior year almost ended. I had my small "laurel" in academics but love life....big NO...not really a priority...how i wished. I was so crazy with my crush and felt the loneliness of leaving high school and the uncertainties of college life. I just wanted to hide and hide...i was so afraid to take my first step...
But then I had to. My classmates were moving forward. Some of them went to Luzon and Visayas for college and i had to take my course in the nearest city. BS Accountancy was my recourse without considering much thinking and weighing. Actually, there was nobody that journeyed with me in terms of career choice.
I reached third year questioning my choice which ended with a total shift after meeting a friend named Mitzi that took up BS Psychology. She rocked my world. I was so desperate to transfer to the course that my oh so calm but disappointed father allowed me to after my heart-over-mind convincing (with the matching exhibition of tears). I was all rejoice and halleluiah hehehe.
As my feet started to set its new course with Psychology, I felt them both subtly drilling, pounding hard and securing its foundation underneath. I felt it well and strong. If there was such a thing like falling in love with a course in college ..that was it...my Psychology course love affair hahahahhaa.
And so step one, i had a whole new world and plunged into my orientation of the course. Step two, i was excruciatingly in love with a teacher that broke my heart. Step three, I went into an immersion that got me engaged with people in the barrio for almost 1 week. Step four, my oh so dear mother died in an accident which left me so lost and almost drowned in depression. Step five, i fell in love again with another guy (hehe please don't get me wrong i never had them as my boyfriends ouch hahahhaha). And then I met Mike. Oh so beautiful guy. If i was that crazy and naughty, he was the exact opposite ..so silent and mysterious guy (now no more...heheeheheheheh).
I was so afraid at falling in love again. But then Mike came. I couldn't help it. It was I that was oh so in love ( oo nga...how many times did i mention this? hahahhaha). He had no slight idea. His sister, my classmate and close friend made me invite Michael to be my partner in the graduation ball. I was totally in panic but hey, I loved it (nyahahahahha). The thrill of the night was perfect. But still he had no idea whatsoever regarding how i felt.
Really i was so "kiddo". Graduation came and i celebrated over the academic award that I got but not really totally getting into the whole reward. I felt so strange for Mike but strove to deny it. Well I was not such a good "liar" related to feelings (more worse at present...).
Despite the emotional struggle, I started working in a private high school as teacher and counselor. But i was really dragging myself. I was not happy with what i was doing and the school seem to be getting the vibes. They kindly "kicked me out" by stating at the end of the school year "perhaps you have other plans other than working here". That was such an "ouch" moment.
But then, I moved on and found myself being interviewed in a Catholic university - high school department. And oh they hired me. I was not really that happy at first because it was the same position with where i came from. But slowly, i was gaining momentum. And i felt the trust from my department head. I loved the sort of freedom to implement things for the students. On and on...work...work... work...
Michael then, courted me, joined me in hearing masses and prayed with me. He made me join his family a lot of times. We made it pretty well after series of struggles. I resigned from my job after 10 years, went out of the country twice and he remained steadfast with his love. Here is the big catch. For almost 12 years in the relationship, not ones did he give up on me...on US. And it was and is a wonderful journey of friendship and love combined.... with all the ups, downs, twists and turns...whatever and however I would describe it...
And now...i am going to shout at the top of my voice...este ...on top of the keyboard of this computer...I am getting married to a man I love so much ...halleluiah...His name is Michael...My only ever boyfriend proudly since birth wahahhahahah (i am his only too churvavels).
I know there is no such thing as a perfect journey or perfect partner or partnership. But I know I have such a beautiful man to journey with me through life...:-)
More to come...the horizon presents a promise of a beautiful and life-filled journey...:-) of two imperfect individuals trying to fit in ...despite of ...
PS. Hey...more exciting stories to come...:-) hop and hop and whistle ....ouch!!! toinks..hehhehehhe...there are things mentioned here that I need to stress further in my future blogs such as young love, studies, family, etc....so exciting ha...
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