Documenting Memories

I ran across the above book at the National Bookstore.  It is going to document some first events in a child's life such as the following :

1.  Before I was born...

2.  Ultrasound photo while in mommy's tummy...

3.  About the baby (arrival time, date, etc)...

4.  Origin of baby's name...

5.  Baby's first photo (what mommy and daddy think when they first saw me, etc.)

6.  Hand and Foot prints (this i find so cute hehe)

7.  Baby's birth certificate...

8.  Headlines for that day (news headlines, political figures, popular actors, movies, popular singers / songs, etc)...

9.   Family Tree (Grandparents, daddy and mommy, myself and sibling...if there are any)...

10.  First Day at Home (date, weather, first visitors, their comments)

11.  First Outing

12.  First Holiday

13.   The First Time the baby crawled

14.  The first time the Baby's finger nails were cut

15.  The First Time the Baby's hair was cut

16.  Teething

17.  Baby's favorites (playmates, toys, food,songs, activities, games, places)

18.  Medical visits

19.  "How I've grown"

20.  Baby's Baptism

21.  Baby's Baptismal Certificate

22.  Baby's Baptismal Celebration

23.  Special memories and Favorite Pictures

24.  Baby's First Birthday

25.  Baby's first Birthday Guests and gifts

26. Dedication and Wishes

The book was really a good buy.  I never expected that I would come across such kind.  I insisted from my husband to buy it since the moment, I held and browsed through the pages, it moved me from within.  I never had such documenting in my childhood years.  Hmmm I don't blame either my parents for not doing that.  They had so much to deal with 6 children ( I was the fifth one).

I know that this book would greatly help us and our child as we look back at her "history".   I realized how this one would help when my doctor asked me questions like:  What was your weight when you were born; my mother's cravings, etc and... I wanted so much to know how my mother felt when she carried me in her womb.... 

Actually my doctor was interested to know my history too, so that she can relate with my pregnancy.  She discovered from the last visit that my tummy and baby was smaller than she expected (though she knew already that I was a little trim...hmmm not really skinny prior to my pregnancy ...good thing our little girl is in within the normal range of birth weight for a fetus :-) ).  And I could not sort of answer her questions simply because I had no idea.

With my background in Psychology, I know how important memories are as to understanding present behavior.  The not so good thing was, I had no chance at interviewing my own mother about me.  She died without me knowing everything that I needed to know from her pregnancy up to my childhood years.  I could  remember full well my adolescent years expect that I wanted so much to know how she felt about my odd and crazy behaviors during that time :-).

Ahhh.... I realize, there are a lot of things that a mother or parents for that matter can do as to helping their own children craft  stories that one day would help them understand themselves and their journey.  At this time ... I could help that out in partnership with my husband so that our own - Maria Mikaela (yes that would be her name...on my 8th month of pregnancy:-)  wouldn't have a hard time tracing backwards her own path.

The Best Gift From A Father In Law

Lately, I was devouring some Christmas movies at Youtube and I ran across a film entitled A Christmas Romance.  Some kind of old though but it reminds me so much of valuing relationships with family particularly husband and wife thing. 

And I kind of looked back with my latest conversation with my husband as he shared with me how his own father (my father in law) has sort of left him some things which my husband brought with him in our own home when we got married.  He told me those are in a way my father in laws gift to both of us as they are ours now. 

But then all of a sudden I just told my husband “ No…you are papa Poy’s best gift to both of us…having you is the best gift I have in our marriage”…  The statement was just so sudden that it made me a little choked…to tears but held myself (truly God’s wisdom comes in great surprises through that moment of encounter).

Just no matter those trying times that Mike and I both had in our relationship or in our journey together, it just felt so good and  so blessed to have someone that journeyed or is journeying with me.  Now that we are both expecting our little girl in September and seeing him so dedicated and committed to fulfilling his promise to taking care of me and our family I realized how blessed I am and our baby….

I thank God everyday …for the best gift that He gave me through …the best gift that my father in law had given us ...  my dear husband…Mike:-)

The Benefits of Asserting

One day (in one of my previous jobs) I got into a meeting of a particular department.   I joined the meeting together with another member of my team (our department) named alex (not his real name).    During the session,  I presented a proposal for some changes in procedures for certain part of a program.  The proposal reaped a little outbust of reaction from their leader followed by series of questions. 

If I may allow myself to take it on a personal level considering it as attack, I would have reacted in that level, too.  Instead,  I did the following :

1.        Composed myself

2.      Focused on the content of the comments

3.      Explained the reasons and advantages that outweigh the disadvantages presented.

4.        I presented it in full force completing the information that they needed so that they would understand the rationale of the proposed changes. 

The presentation ended well with a support from the leader from where he ended his statement with “nothing personal…thank you for the help”. 

I went out from that conference room with Alex feeling  victorious not only because, we were able to get the support we needed but also I was able to hold myself in the midst of the bouts of my emotion not leveling it with the high intensity of reaction from the other side.  It was really an effort to focus, think, get the content and deliver the response in the best manner possible without stating anything that would ruin that moment of encounter.

Alex, however, commented after, that it was too close an encounter that may have ruined the entire approach.  He sensed the high tension of the exchanges of words between me and the that leader.  He thought I would burst out myself with that kind of reaction but then stated further something like this “ good thing you were able to hold yourself ma’am and  held on to completing the entire message that we needed to communicate to them.  How did you manage such emotion?”  And ended by saying “… I want to learn the same skill”.

On another occasion also, I was under “attack” by another employee.  I was busy preparing some reports when this employee approached me with his sharp words of accusations.   I was not saying anything.  I was confused at how this man was able to come up with such conclusion given the details of information he brought and delivered. 

I understood that time that he was so angry and I was battling with the same feeling.  However, I persisted with my listening and responded with the statement “ is that all that’s needed to be done?  Ok, I will do it.”  I thought he would immediately go away but still he repeated the same information he delivered and I felt that it was useless to react or give any statement given that I  have stated mine already( …nothing more or less).   Perhaps, he felt my silence at last and off he went a little embarrassed with everyone’s eyes and ears on him.  

Well, assertion can also mean being silent to stress the previous point mentioned without necessarily making yourself sound like a “sirang plaka” -  repeating the same point over and over gain.

One employee told me that if it was her in that situation she would have shouted at him to back off.  I responded by saying “do you think it was easy for me doing that?  I wanted to shout at him.   I wanted to squeeze him or throw stones at him.  I wanted to ‘powderize’ him (hahaha just joking). 

I can level off with his anger so that he would just stop doing that but then I added “   I have learned from my own family experience, how one man’s show of anger would lead to nothing.  I had one cathartic (high emotional release)moment in front of a family member that got me so drained and made me realize that I cannot get back what I said nor was I able to give the most sane solution and discussion to the issue that got me into that ‘fight’.  It ended up as useless display that got me nowhere after that.

Actually, the most painful part was being labeled a coward for not being able to fight back outright.  This is  one thing I would like to really share.  In communicating my point or in asserting myself …

1.       I need not get the laurels of appreciation from the listeners around me. 

2.     I need not get the approval of everyone in the room or be declared a “winner”.

3.     I need not be known that my strength as a person comes from the loudness of my voice and shout at someone and be known as “palaban”  (fighter) and won’t give up to any fight without using my heart and mind.

4.     I don’t need those things to prove that I am a great leader or better at confrontation or better at facing odds in the workplace.

I have been through so much with all these from my family life  up to work setting.  I was never at peace with it nor I found myself growing in that approach.  It was great to find a new strategy right?  And this one I would love to share with everyone.

To close this part,  discovering assertion was my strong resolve to the balance of communicating what is necessary and coming up with an end that would be hopefully useful to both parties no matter the tension in between and without really insisting your side so that you would  come out the “winner”.  Your expression would just provide room for further thinking, processing and perhaps consideration from the other side. 

Assertion should be regularly practiced.  Regardless of how the other party during the encounter would deliver the message, we need to establish that control center within ourselves. 

As I came close to my resignation from that previous job, Alex told me that this one approach that he witnessed with me is one of the legacies I had with him during my short-term leadership in the company.  This I would forever be grateful for the opportunity of sharing myself to him and the department I held for almost 2 years. 

Gratefulness - Space, Inner Freedom, Peace...etc.

http://www.genistra.com/blog/2008/04/08/happiness/

I spent a lot of internal  "seeing" in a day.  Being left alone  in the house most of the time (este with my dog Tobby and my little girl inside my tummy) and having that "full" time of self- check,  I realize how blessed I am being given such privilege to break away for a while from routine of work.  And I always get to utter "Thank you Lord for this space, the sense of inner freedom, the sense of peace, the sense to just be myself and the sense to keep in touch with what I love doing at this time...writing...writing...writing...(hahah obviously,  I get to do that a lot at this time...halleluiah)

Let my run the above piece by piece...:-)

1.  Space 

I have been working for more 10 years already.  Day in and out, i got to face people, "grind" with work from being a teacher, guidance counselor, human resource practitioner, with some part time works as trainer,  etc...so many things.  I missed so much that time when i stopped working 2 years back and I just had to deal with "me" and check on what has happened with my life and everything else was like a re-alignment with the person that I was and am now.

At this point, I want you to journey a little with me.  Visualize with me a space...empty...nothing in it and you are just allowed to stay at the center.  What do you think would you see?  Nothing?  Definitely the description is empty.  What would be your first feeling upon visualizing an empty space?  

At my end...perhaps at first i would be frightened.  You know why?  When i see space, i would visualize lots of things to put in it?  I would want to organize them.  To look neat.  I want them to appear pleasing.  Emptiness is kind of frightening.  

But here is the challenge...never to put anything in that space that i want you to visualize... just nothing...can you relax with me in that?  hehe great job...

Let's move forward...

2. Sense of  Inner Freedom

Now...here is a continuation to item 1 activity.  You are in that space ...empty space...can you sense ...that you are free...so that you need not put anything in that space to make you secure?  Right now I am visualizing my own bedroom such that my security can mean...putting a bed in it, closet with lots of clothes, air-conditioned, with all sorts of beautiful beddings, comforters, blankets, pillows, etc.  

Or you could imagine your own office ... yes where you are working... Can you see it empty? NO?  Perhaps you would see your table, with your name in it?  With your cabinets filled with props, books, and anything you need for the work.  What is the general feeling seeing this in your imagination?  Does it evoke certain feeling like you want to stay overtime or  a feeling that you want to  vomit (hehe sorry for the term...I did feel that a lot of times), or calmness while you stay in that environment?

But that is not my challenge here...  What i want you to do is to put it off... to flush everything that you see in this space for a while... to clean up ...your reality may be that you will go back to it...but as of now ...i want you to set them all aside and get the feeling at not having them in your... space...

Oh, it feels so good to be free.   To be free for a while from all these...Just try it...for a while...

Breaking away from my last full time employment just gave me the sense of freedom from any attachment.  I did not  mind losing the regular pay.  I just wanted that inner freedom back.  I felt some "cry" inside at not having to go back to my space and clean up the "mess" with some of my daily engagements. 

Here is another thing though...I always get to remind myself though that there is no real freedom in the strictest sense.  When I was in high school, I was not really free to go out of the house to spend time with friends or to fool around or do some crazy things that would make me express my young "wild" imaginations.  I refuted "freedom" at first.  Until it reached to a realization that true freedom is felt within in the context of following that "inner voice" that would lead us to doing the right thing.  

Inner freedom for me is following that "Inner Voice" that leads us to the ultimate good without the bother of conscience through some sleepless nights, wrecked mind, stares at blank walls, empty looks, lost and so lost decisions...etc.  Inner freedom for me is not being attached with anything that others define as "havings" of the following:

     -  houses

     -  cars

     -  titles

     -  lots of clothes

     -  traveling to prestigious places

     -  pursuing wealth for personal satisfaction

But do you think that I like to have them too ( ohhh i do heheh no denying)... but...attachment is different... such that you cannot live life without them... that is such a constricting...enslaving thing to one's soul... hahaha really if you want to be lost... go for it...

3.  Sense of Peace

There was this quote that ran like this "Peace is not the absence of chaos...etc". The quote was written on a photo showing a heavily flowing water falls from behind it is a nest of a mother bird with her nestling (baby birds that has not left the nest yet..i presume hehe).  

In my "abundant" and lavish  private moments... a lot of things not so good things are going on in the world -  even at my own place in Cagayan de Oro City but it still leaves that inner feeling of peace and contentment at the simplest things I get to knit everyday in my life - peaceful acceptance at the waiting for the delivery of my little girl come September, do chores, take care of my husband also (as he takes care of me  heheheh and argue, discuss, deliberate with him  too) experiment in cooking (not really new to me), attend with my part time job, write a lot, pray a lot and a dozes of sleep during the day (wow this...thing I missed so much when I was a full time worker).

Peace really comes with joyful acceptance.  Peace comes with letting go, embracing each moment without question and just allowing things to unfold during the day.  Peace comes with enjoying moment by moment and to care less and be anxious of the future.  Peace come with the simplest of things... not from the grandiose display of any attachments...:-)

And the next activity would be beyond my control... you know why?  However you cooperated with the first two activities from the above ...the fruit of it ...from  my experience is Peace... hey ...try it...

4.   Sense of being with myself

This is my other product from the above activities.  The sense of being myself is like being"home".  I get to feel the "no faking thing" about me.  As I experience peace...i experience being at home with everything about me...self-expression with not being afraid of  unrelenting opinion of others.  To truly focus my energies at what I am capable of doing at this time.  To keep myself in a relaxed mode without participating in the "haunt" and competition there is in the world.  Ahhhhh it is so beautiful to be just so at home with myself.  I could just ... care less...at anything related to ego...and be self - less...:-)

5.  Sense To Keep In Touch With What I love doing

Writing is what I really like or love doing at this time.  For me this was like a product of the "unskinning"  (if there is such a word) with my self from the trappings of my ego...  And I just get to write everything about my experiences... again without the cares of what others may say...  Hmmm crispy and yummy:-) 

Oh...Gratefulness...this is what this writing is all about... :-)

Again...perhaps...you could try the above by yourself...:-)  Have a wonderful weekend:-)  May God's peace reign in your hearts:-)

Assertion Vs Aggression

http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/a/assertion.asp

 As I reached my adolescent years, I witnessed how I was surrounded by emotionally expressive father and siblings.  Even when my father decided to remarry after my mother’s death, we were like sitting in a round table of King Arthur from where our dear father was “butchered” with comments from us. 

We were allowed to speak (that was so contrary though when we were kids) by our father that knew how to  listen already.  It still ended up with “King Arthur’s” declaration – that was my father pursuing with his plans to  re marry.

I could recall also, from another experience,  having to represent a group of employees sending a collated feedback and letter to a leader.  It was just a gesture to help that group of individuals (as they requested my assistance) to  air their concerns at the same time bring mine, too.  However,  the same situation sent a different signal putting me on a bad light. 

From that incident, I started losing my confidence to speak up to avoid misinterpretation.  I thought I learned my lessons the hard way. I thought I was being aggressive.

When I started shifting career in the corporate, I have come to see the difference between the words – Aggression and Assertion.  But before presenting my own contextual definition, let me present  Collins Gem English Dictionary’s (1985) definitions : 

Assertion is a strong declaration and insistence on something.  

Aggression is an unprovoked attack or hostile activity

From my own viewpoint,  Assertion is a process of giving due consideration to thinking of the facts received, weighing, finding some truth about them and preparing for the right time for that “strong declaration…” without insisting whether it would be accepted or not.  The basic intention is to inform and perhaps come up with the most productive and sane solution in dealing with the matter without being too emotionally involved or attached with it.

Aggression on the other hand is a process that carries a strong emotional outburst.  A reactive response to any stimulus.  Reactive would mean automatic without having to think, weigh, see the truth of facts, or wait for the right time to speak up. 

Aggression or aggressive remarks is a product of being too involved with the matter at hand.  That includes an overwhelming  emotion  and the lack of “seeing” from different point of views taking the matter at one’s own hands ready for the “attack”.  This is the kind of attack that discards consequences of the action.  In Psychology, it is like a cathartic expression …springing into action without considering the effect it may have.

If you are an employee that's  young and fresh from school (or perhaps being new in the company or workplace) there is a need to distinguish between both and to learn being assertive than the latter.  At this point also, I could tell you that you would be able to meet a lot of the most challenging aggressive ones in the workplace.  One of my previous blogs entitled  “Handling Difficult People In the Workplace” can be your strong reference to dealing with the aggressive ones.

Going back to my experiences, I realize that though my own father may have been aggressive in the early years of  my life but still it was from him that I learned to be assertive first and foremost.  I and my husband deal with each other in the same manner with a lot of listening in between to fully understand issues and concerns.  It takes a lot of patience though but we all need this.

I do not blame though those group of individuals  that I represented to bring their concerns to  a particular leader.  For from that experience, I learned to get hold of what’s proper in dealing with situations like that.  What would have been right is to make them do that themselves, too,  to make them learn also how to assert while I risk bringing my own regardless of consequences. 

Anyway, past is past.  I may have sent that wrong impression but assertion invites me to stick with what I know to be  right, proper and true. 

You know what I learned also from this?  There seem to be a mixed up of the two terms.  That was why,  one’s self honesty and lucid openness to the truth can be labeled as aggression.  It led me also to think that there are lot of us also who would rather continue to float in lies in  our workplaces due to fear of knowing the truth from the assertive ones.

From one of my previous workplaces,  I know of an assertive individual that liked to stand up during meetings to air his comments.  The sad thing was, he always received that look of disapproval from the others.  The assertive ones mostly labeled as aggressive a lot of times won’t receive any support.   Well, what was always pleasing in the eyes of others would be being meek, silent, obedient, “all yes”,  and as if saying something carrying the violation of being “disobedient” to some extent. 
 

Wait …you could squeeze me to death for …tsk tsk .... for asserting through this article hehehehe….

Truly Free

 http://liveholiness.com/2012/03/thought-for-the-week-true-freedom/

Yesterday, I had a wonderful time talking over the phone to a close  friend named Vilma (hmmm..i call her lola....as in matunog na "grandma" hahaha in English..).  She actually consulted me with a particular address of a hotel that we stayed in Manila during our interview with the US embassy ( so sorry I wasn't able to give her the address.  But our conversation ran a little longer than expected such as how life has been since we had our last "date"  that was really more on updating with life. 

What really struck me was her decision to stop working and prioritize family and to get rid of being employed again and build passive income than employing oneself and be pressured.  Our discussion was very "dynamic" in a sense that we wanted movement in our lives. Movements as to going somewhere.  At my end would be ...to follow the dictate of my heart.

Since I stopped working, I had the most of time and space all by myself in the house except of course when my husband is around and I get to stop what I do and attend with him or just be with him.  But one time in my most alone moment "I simply uttered...thank you God for the space, the rest, and the very relaxed mood I have. 

Being employed or not is really a choice.  I was employed four times already and the longest was in the academe.  I loved it there yet, but I was led to a different route from where I felt so productive at doing things I never dared doing in the past (check out my other blog for more details on this :  http://dang-justaboutanything.blogspot.com/2012/06/taking-unpopular-path.html ). 

What contains me at this time is the writing that I am venturing into.  I never thought of doing this.  I was never even good at really being spontaneous and "exposing" parts and pieces of myself.  But by God's grace I was able to and slowly loosened up from reserving myself for the sake of the truth that I slowly found out in my journey. 

God's graces did abound in my journey such that :

1.  I risked leaving jobs

2.  I risked applying new jobs

3.  I risked being "exposed" through writing

4.  I risked being spontaneous and true to myself

5.  I risked not getting good opinions or not being liked with my very honest to goodness ideas in my writing

6.  I risked knowing and accepting others despite strange and challenging behaviors and personalities

7.  I risked a lot with loving and forgiveness

8.  I risked just being me

9.  I risked not explaining myself when situations get too uptight

10.  I risked  so much being different in the manner i do things

 ...and a whole lot more...

And it is so good to be free and not tied with what others say...(hahah this one i keep on repeating).  I guess freedom lies so much on not being tied with what other's say and TRUE FREEDOM when one is contained  in God's Love liberating us from any attachments :-) 

PS :  I could visualize myself walking without  those thoughts that someone's eyes may be looking at me at this time...hahahha....THANK YOU GOD FOR THE FREEDOM).

My Husband... A Good Man

When I was in high school, unknown to my classmates (I thought), I was so crazy with crushes.  I cry like a crazy cow (as if I know how cows cry hahaha) over some crushes that did not know I existed.   I would toss in bed at night thinking of their faces and I would end up sleeping late waking like zombie in the morning so drained and tired of my imaginary “exercises” …este…  fantasies the night before.   

What is my point?  I looked back with all those times when my heart was still innocent and young and I never had anyone to tell me about true love.  I only had my heart to rely on.  Good thing my strict father was… strict (hahahha).  And I saw how he got to tame the older ones in the family…the best he could (well he was not there all the time by their side and some of my older siblings could sneak and fool around a little wheheheh).

I was afraid to get involved even those fantasies of having even just one good man with me.  My best bout for defense was to stay out of men’s life …but I got to notice that I steal glances at times to see if there are any  hmmmm … striking ones (nyahahahhah). 

I thought I could join the convent though…. one of those sisters / nuns that live really single for life…for the Lord.  I did mention in my previous blogs that I joined several search ins ( a religious congregation’s initiative to finding prospective candidates).  Seriously,  I really thought I could be one.  Oh beauty of all  beauties.  I did try to visualize myself wearing veil and a “habit” (dress they wear on a daily basis). 

But in one of those 'soulful' encounters and search for the self, I could not deny the desire to be with a man.  To get married and raise Godly children.  I thought if I could find a man that has the same vision as I have, the “crazy” defense of joining the convent would change its route. 

Finding Mike, my husband did that big twist more than 10 years ago.  I was so head over heels in “crush”  (hahhaha too early that time to define as love) with him.  The problem I had that time though was that  he was so silent that I had a hard time relating.  In my innocent moves, I initiated dramas of borrowing books, visited his sister at the apartment for our group studies and most of the time, he was our driver when I and his sister had to go somewhere else ( hahaha great sister). 

Hhmmmm I am not ashamed to admit that I was into him first.  He had his own moments too when he got to notice how different I was with the women he knew (friends only… I was his first girlfriend too….hmmmm with my long hair hahahhah). 

Do you want me to enumerate the list why I was different?  (I can see your nod hahahhaa ).  No need of that.  When you read my writings, you will slowly know me (just similar to what my husband found out).  But I would love to enumerate in here the traits... hhmmm the kind of my husband that I have....

1.       He is a prayerful man and leads our family prayer time

2.      He is my partner with everything in the house (practically all the chores including washing my clothes now that I am pregnant)

3.      He discusses everything with me ( and I get to respect him when he excludes some of the confidential matters of his own family) such as money, values, feelings, priorities, raising children, his views about everything, jokes, how he sees me…etc.)

4.      He is not stingy with his “I love you and our future baby”

5.      He makes me feel that he is proud of me even with my bulging tummy with my baby(hahahhah)

6.      Walks me every morning around the subdivision where we have our moments to discuss many things about us

7.      He provides the family well and is really good at budgeting and documenting purchases (oh I learned so much from him)

8.      His TOP PRIORITY is  clear …  FAMILY …

9.      Though he has time with his friends… I never get to see him overdoing it  ….NEVER…

10.   I never run out of vitamins and small “lectures” of taking care of my health for our baby inside my tummy (heheh)

11. He is sensitive when discussions are hot and I get irritated with the sound of his  voice and he just knows how to stop himself ( I really saw him consciously holding his breath and …just stopped and looked at my face…hehe I get to stop too). 

12.  I never get to worry about where he is…I get a lot of updates (though there were times when his old phone just gets to lose the charge and just turned off) from him.

13. He is a very credible man.  He talks and he does it.

14. He gets so excited with a lot of things …but when he decides... he chooses the simplest, most basic, healthy, etc.  for us ( I do like that). 

15. He is no fake.  He does not show off or buy things on credit (I did learn to give up all my credit cards).  He is an advocate to “If I cannot afford it now, I will wait, save for it and purchase later” (so opposite of me …I was an impulsive buyer)

16.  He is a strong advocate to saving up for the future (oh thank you God for my husband)

Why did I decide to run this article? 

To close this rather long article… After lunch today (July 2, 2012) with my dear husband and as I busied my eyes looking at him while he prepared to leave the house.  I just told him in one of those really “unguarded” moments but filled with awe with the kind of man he is… ”HON …. YOU ARE A GOOD MAN”…  And he asked…”Why did you say that?”  (I did not want to answer him with such long lecture of what I found out knowing that he was about to leave the house).  I just teased him “don’t ask me… you know why” and we both giggled.  He then mentioned “someone told me the same, too”.  And I know by heart his family knows him, too as that. 

What more can I say but to THANK THE LORD for the grace given to me when He led me to the right man – my husband.  Hey... don’t get me wrong …Mike is not perfect but I feel at this time and in my life’s circumstance that God led me to my “perfect match”.  And do you know that I whispered to my baby in my tummy one time “you will have a good father when you come out” (hahahhahahha  that one led me to tears ha)? 

That would be the first gift that our baby would have when she comes out (aside from hhmmm having me as her mom :-) ...)

P.S.  I should have written this for father’s day.  He was somewhere else that time and I was alone.  He did give me a call and told me “why did you not greet me Happy Father’s Day hon”… Ouch …strike one hahahahha and I enumerated my reasons which he did not believe….wheheheheh so sorry my honeybear hhehehe

"Amphie"

I hacked my friend's facebook page without her knowing it...ambushed:-) heheh

This would come as a big surprise to my friend Amphie.  I never mentioned of anything like this but through the years being my friend I have seen her passion with life.  We worked in the same school (less than 10 years together).  She was then a simple Math teacher, skinny like me…I mean sexy with great taste for clothes and everything about her life – choice of a man to marry, desire to finish doctorate in education, get married, be a great wife and mom.  She got all of them. 

I was not close to her at first.  She had her own circle in school.  But since she was a class moderator in the year level that I handled for counseling, we got quite often together during meetings, retreat and recollections with students.  I dropped by her table at the faculty room from time to time also for some small chats until it became longer.  And the good thing  was I found her very sensible to talk with …so exact opposite to the first opinions that I heard about her.  She was that kind of person that you can’t just label by merely looking at  her stern facial expression (pretty face though heheh).    She had (has) such a big heart.

One experience of getting down into the most intimate knowledge of her person was when we joined that silent retreat together for eight days.  My God… she was so brave at being alone in her room while I had paraphernalia of Bible, crucifix, bonnet to cover my head and mind you my small container where I would urinate (so that I did not have to march down that eerie passage towards the restroom...sooo very crazy of me ).  But I would hop in her room from time to time to talk even with the strict command to be silent.   From there I learned that she was getting married soon (and I felt so left alone)  and that she was anxious with the idea of it.  She even thought of trying religious life (ohhh I was thinking of Benjan’s long wait and sacrifice…thank you God it did not push through hahahhaha… obvious anxiety  prior to tying the knot...right?). 

Moving away for a while and a little from that retreat encounter, I knew then  also  that she was up to something related to her career.  That was …success in her field.  She really pursued her doctorate without being distracted with any other opinions that held contrary to where she was.  I admired her for the focus and passion she had with her craft.  She just went straight with it aside from the responsibilities she held in school and being the eldest in the family. 

She was into so many things and I wondered that time how she was able to manage everything (including getting enough sleep haahaha).  Even her wedding was set while she was in her doctorate studies.  She continued studying while she was pregnant.  This one thing I remember she said something like this…. “I don’t want my baby to feel in my tummy that mommy stopped her career because of me”.   Wow…she  just wanted to go straight ahead with her plans regardless  and despite of.  With her very supportive husband, I knew then that she would make it.

After her doctorate, I felt saddened that she had to leave the high school for a much better offer in the college department.  I felt also that she had to do that.  Better challenges for her given her qualifications.  We rarely met but when we had time, she would run through everything she did and the very high motivation she had (even up to the present) to affect lives of students.  She was so open, innovative,  an epitome of motivation and passion with her field.  At her young age getting that doctorate and really using it for service sake is  exemplary.

As a wife also and mother, I knew that she made waves too.  She and her husband Benjan have two kids now and I know that they are doing well as to affecting lives of their children.  The latest that moved my heart and really led me to write this article is the “Smile at the Pediatrics Ward Project”   that they have had ( for the second time) at the hospital  where from what I read with her posting at facebook was the idea and initiative of their daughter that they just supported.  Splendid mother, wife and …family as a whole...great model to families:-)...

And oh, I will never forget to mention this.  You see when I and my husband was into the preparation stage of our wedding, we carefully selected people that would join us in our intimate ceremony.  And we decided to really include Amphie and Benjan for our sponsors.  Reasons are obvious right (aside from the intention of getting Amphie as our wedding singer este …emcee hehehe).  We found them both  great models for the family that I and my husband would like to build up.

Character is all that is that would thrive in life.  This is what I got from my friend.  Amphie’s success in her field would have been nothing without her heart that radiates its beauty and splendor with whatever she touches and treads.  I salute my friend for that and I would say, Amphie is one of the best gifts I have received in side of the journey ...:-) 

Thank you my friend …you are someone I look up to as I continue "knitting" my life  by God’s grace and intervention... long way to go for a newbie...like me:-)  Please don't be pressured (char lang...as if gaka pressure imo beauty hehe)....just continue to be my model...ohkiehhhh? heheh mwah mwah....