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| http://www.genistra.com/blog/2008/04/08/happiness/ |
I spent a lot of internal "seeing" in a day. Being left alone in the house most of the time (este with my dog Tobby and my little girl inside my tummy) and having that "full" time of self- check, I realize how blessed I am being given such privilege to break away for a while from routine of work. And I always get to utter "Thank you Lord for this space, the sense of inner freedom, the sense of peace, the sense to just be myself and the sense to keep in touch with what I love doing at this time...writing...writing...writing...(hahah obviously, I get to do that a lot at this time...halleluiah)
Let my run the above piece by piece...:-)
1. Space
I have been working for more 10 years already. Day in and out, i got to face people, "grind" with work from being a teacher, guidance counselor, human resource practitioner, with some part time works as trainer, etc...so many things. I missed so much that time when i stopped working 2 years back and I just had to deal with "me" and check on what has happened with my life and everything else was like a re-alignment with the person that I was and am now.
At this point, I want you to journey a little with me. Visualize with me a space...empty...nothing in it and you are just allowed to stay at the center. What do you think would you see? Nothing? Definitely the description is empty. What would be your first feeling upon visualizing an empty space?
At my end...perhaps at first i would be frightened. You know why? When i see space, i would visualize lots of things to put in it? I would want to organize them. To look neat. I want them to appear pleasing. Emptiness is kind of frightening.
But here is the challenge...never to put anything in that space that i want you to visualize... just nothing...can you relax with me in that? hehe great job...
Let's move forward...
2. Sense of Inner Freedom
Now...here is a continuation to item 1 activity. You are in that space ...empty space...can you sense ...that you are free...so that you need not put anything in that space to make you secure? Right now I am visualizing my own bedroom such that my security can mean...putting a bed in it, closet with lots of clothes, air-conditioned, with all sorts of beautiful beddings, comforters, blankets, pillows, etc.
Or you could imagine your own office ... yes where you are working... Can you see it empty? NO? Perhaps you would see your table, with your name in it? With your cabinets filled with props, books, and anything you need for the work. What is the general feeling seeing this in your imagination? Does it evoke certain feeling like you want to stay overtime or a feeling that you want to vomit (hehe sorry for the term...I did feel that a lot of times), or calmness while you stay in that environment?
But that is not my challenge here... What i want you to do is to put it off... to flush everything that you see in this space for a while... to clean up ...your reality may be that you will go back to it...but as of now ...i want you to set them all aside and get the feeling at not having them in your... space...
Oh,
it feels so good to be free. To be free for a while from all these...Just try it...for a while...
Breaking away from my last full time employment
just gave me the sense of freedom from any attachment. I did not mind
losing the regular pay. I just wanted that inner freedom back. I felt some "cry" inside at not having to go back to my space and clean up the "mess" with some of my daily engagements.
Here is another thing though...I always get
to remind myself though that there is no real freedom in the strictest
sense. When I was in high school, I was not really free to go out of
the house to spend time with friends or to fool around or do some crazy
things that would make me express my young "wild" imaginations. I
refuted "freedom" at first. Until it reached to a realization that true
freedom is felt within in the context of following that "inner voice"
that would lead us to doing the right thing.
Inner
freedom for me is following that "Inner Voice" that leads us to the
ultimate good without the bother of conscience through some sleepless
nights, wrecked mind, stares at blank walls, empty looks, lost and so
lost decisions...etc. Inner freedom for me is not being attached with anything that others define as "havings" of the following:
- houses
- cars
- titles
- lots of clothes
- traveling to prestigious places
- pursuing wealth for personal satisfaction
But do you think that I like to have them too ( ohhh i do heheh no denying)... but...attachment is different... such that you cannot live life without them... that is such a constricting...enslaving thing to one's soul... hahaha really if you want to be lost... go for it...
3. Sense of Peace
There was this quote that ran like this "Peace is not the absence of chaos...etc". The quote was written on a photo showing a heavily flowing water falls from behind it is a nest of a mother bird with her nestling (baby birds that has not left the nest yet..i presume hehe).
In my "abundant" and lavish private moments... a lot of things not so good things are going on in the world - even at my own place in Cagayan de Oro City but it still leaves that inner feeling of peace and contentment at the simplest things I get to knit everyday in my life - peaceful acceptance at the waiting for the delivery of my little girl come September, do chores, take care of my husband also (as he takes care of me heheheh and argue, discuss, deliberate with him too) experiment in cooking (not really new to me), attend with my part time job, write a lot, pray a lot and a dozes of sleep during the day (wow this...thing I missed so much when I was a full time worker).
Peace really comes with joyful acceptance. Peace comes with letting go, embracing each moment without question and just allowing things to unfold during the day. Peace comes with enjoying moment by moment and to care less and be anxious of the future. Peace come with the simplest of things... not from the grandiose display of any attachments...:-)
And the next activity would be beyond my control... you know why? However you cooperated with the first two activities from the above ...the fruit of it ...from my experience is Peace... hey ...try it...
4. Sense of being with myself
This is my other product from the above activities. The sense of being myself is like being"home". I get to feel the "no faking thing" about me. As I experience peace...i experience being at home with everything about me...self-expression with not being afraid of unrelenting opinion of others. To truly focus my energies at what I am capable of doing at this time. To keep myself in a relaxed mode without participating in the "haunt" and competition there is in the world. Ahhhhh it is so beautiful to be just so at home with myself. I could just ... care less...at anything related to ego...and be self - less...:-)
5. Sense To Keep In Touch With What I love doing
Writing is what I really like or love doing at this time. For me this was like a product of the "unskinning" (if there is such a word) with my self from the trappings of my ego... And I just get to write everything about my experiences... again without the cares of what others may say... Hmmm crispy and yummy:-)
Oh...Gratefulness...this is what this writing is all about... :-)
Again...perhaps...you could try the above by yourself...:-) Have a wonderful weekend:-) May God's peace reign in your hearts:-)
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