There is Light...There is Hope:-)

https://www.behance.net/gallery/154422/Light-of-Hope

I watched X-Men the other day...hmm with the permission of my dear husband.  It's one of my favorite movies ever since.  And I was able to capture the line stated by the older Charles to the younger one "Just because someone has fallen does not mean they have no chance at getting up".  I do hope i stated that right.  Why am I sharing this?  I just met four people that have become signs of God's hope for me today.

First was my professor whom i approached for the reason that i have lost all my notes and that i was full of fear i might not be able to answer the questions during my exam.  She just told me to browse the net and look into anything that i could read about the topic.  That was quite a relief since that was what i did for the past days already.  I felt so relaxed after that.  Thank you God for that expression of hope.

Second was I met one of the Canteen's staffs that i thought i accidentally talk with after years not seeing her.  She expressed that she could not have a baby.  While conversing with her, I surprised myself sharing that she could expect so much from God's provision.  "God is so generous.  The strong and deep faith of man is God's weakness. And the thing that He could not resist and could not do is to stop loving us".

Truly I said that line with deep conviction.  I felt His presence wanting to be felt by that person through me as His instrument.  I have almost forgotten being an instrument.  Hmmm that experience was a great comeback.

I met the third person when I was about to go out of the canteen.  He was asking me where I am now working and how i have been doing.  As I was answering him, I remember how swift and natural I was and the peaceful feeling that where I am is where I should be.  I strongly felt that hope and light.

I met the last person when I was about to walk out of the campus, right in front of the Chapel (place of worship).  He was my colleague in the previous school where I worked for 10 years.  It was great recalling the many sacrifices, graces and growth in ourselves despite the many challenges.

Yes there is light...there is hope.  Like Wolverine from movie X-men when he almost drowned at the end part of the movie yet was saved and ...I assume X-men series continues after that...Hmmm Light...hope ...that is how i feel right now...And i move on with head up high to the heavens...:-) Amen

Simplify...Simplify...And Refocus

Why the repetition of the title?  That is a cry from inside.  That is my greatest desire at this time.  I have so many things to do...being a wife (hmmm most neglected part...forgive me hon), mom (consumes most of my day), work (summer is almost ending and we are asked to report to work to do some cleaning and planning in school), my comprehensive exam in my post graduates studies which will happen this weekend and the following week and the writing of the dissertation research soon with perhaps some teaching load in the graduate school.  

Am I crazy? hmmm crazier? I feel choked at times.  We don't have anyone to assist us in the house and now I am doing so many things at the same time.  I remember one time when i fed my daughter, i just allowed myself to cry while she was watching her ABCD and number videos.  She might have felt my sobs in between  that she checked on me and gave me that cute grin while i stopped my sobbed and dramatically changed my facial expression into a huge grin as if nothing happened.  

I told my husband about it after that.  And i just told him that i just wanted to cry to ease out that emptiness and tiredness that i felt. within.  

While writing this, i am in the middle of the great plunge of digging my notes for my comprehensive exam.  But since writing is theraphy for me, i hop from my notes to writing.  And it SIMPLY made me relaxed...

Why am I into these things? I really trim down my engagements.  Perhaps i could postpone dissertation or just write slowly while i enjoy the greatest part of my joy and happiness...MY FAMILY.  I love my family so much.  When things get complicated, i could always trace my eyes to that part of my life that gives a lot of meaning to what i am doing at the moment.  A great inspiration at that.  I could value less the others, desire to simplify and do something about it because i have a family to take care of.  I want my heart to refocus.  And that all others in my life are just decors.  They don't really define me.  I am just me...and I have a family to go home to.  That is what I am thanking God for at the moment:-)

Dealing with My Child's Tantrums and the Different "Varieties" of Crying

google.com temper tantrum photos

I and my husband are not experts in handling the topic.  When I gave a parenting seminar, one of the questions was on dealing with tantrums.  It was so easy for me to answer that time since, it was just all readings and sharings from others such as the word...IGNORE.  

Now that our daughter Maria Mikaela has reached the stage approaching toddlerhood, she displayed some bouts of it especially during meal times or teething discomforts.  What did i do when this occurs.

I rambled too inside.  I panicked. I did not like seeing her in pain or experiencing discomforts.  Of course as a mom, i want to see my daughter well, smiling, giggling, posing her charming grin and giving me that wonderful hugs and pat on my back.  But then, she just went wild with her wailing.  When i learned and told myself not to panic, i had to observe and sense what was the discomfort all about.  I would check her diaper, temperature and if she was hungry.  If it's about teething, then i would place a gum jell to ease her pain.    If she's full, mothers can sense the difference among different tempo and pitches of the cry.  I can.  That's the wonder of it.  Thank you God.

I would start to observe manipulation when she cries and then checks on my reaction from time to time.  If she senses my panic she makes it much louder.  Oh smart girl.  I won't do anything with that.  Most of the time she stops. 

When I feel that she has been awake for much longer time, then it must be that she's sleepy so i put her to bed.  But when it is a cry of pain, even if i put her to bed she still continues to cry and so i find a way to check which is the cause or what caused her pain.

Oh mothers...mothers have gifts at sensing these things.  I feel that tantrums and other varieties of crying can be dealt with accordingly if "use" we mothers will use our "extra" sensing power. Again thank you God.

With our daughter...hhmmm i and my husband have lost our patience several times.  We did not want her hurt herself.  We explain to her that it pains us to see her in pain.  Even if in her young age she might not understand the entire conversation, we just want to communicate to her that she is loved. 

Ohh I feel that our little girl is smart.  I feel that she is listening yet she is just so "gifted" with some of those strategies that may manipulate us.  Though a lot of times, I find it cute but she can't be reinforced and pursue with such behavior.

Tough times....great learning for new parents like me and my husband.  Still there is a lot of rejoicing to being a parent.  A piece by piece to learn each single day despite this challenge.  Thank you God ...Amen.

MOTHERS’ DAY - MY LOVELY DATES and MORE:-)

May 11, 2014…mother’s day…I was at first not so motivated to go out of the house not until there was the brown out.   Hmmm we had to do something.  I and my husband decided to hear mass at the mall after which we can bring our daughter to a play house where we could roam around and play with her. 

It was kind of tough though bending our bodies and go through some passage only fitted for kids.  But still we had to accompany our daughter.  We alternated roles.  I go up with Mikaela while her dad stays down and catches her.  We did slides, rode cars, threw balls and we allowed her to explore her way and check toys which she may find new to her eyes.  She was so curious and wanted to explore more.  Yet we had to limit her time. That was her first time in that huge play room. 

From the play room, we paced through a Japanese restaurant and ate our early lunch so that we could bring Mikaela home for her solid food lunch.  We brought her milk though for an initial intake.  She cant starve while we ate our lunch.  It may be a big discomfort for all of us.

I was just so glad, everything went well.  All of us had fun yet I sensed my husband profusely sweating in the playroom for lack of airconditioner.  Yet I saw how happy he was observing our daughter tracing her steps everywhere. 

Looking at my dates – my husband Michael and MiIkaela made me feel how God has provided has so well.  I feel so blessed with having a husband that’s really a great partner in everything while I saw my daughter fulfilling such a great desire of a mom.  She is such a gift…a beautiful gift to us.  She is  the greatest symbol of God’s generosity in our life as a couple.  She taught me everything about valuing life, formation of our character as a couple including guarding our own actions / behavior for they may negatively influence her.  Things are not perfected though yet, as a mother, it is a uphill downhill and up again.  The most important thing is I never stop myself from learning despite the many flaws and faults.

Thank you God for making me a wife.  Thank you for making me a mother.  Thank you God for making things happen for me, for making me a mother to your beautiful angel by the name of MARIA MIKAELA.

HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY TO ME….AND TO ALL MOTHERS IN THE WORLD:-)

My Taste of the "Summer Sun" of 2014

A moment ago, I felt that I must be lost somewhere not being able to start writing for almost a month.  Uninspired …that’s how I call it.  Yet looking back, there have been moments of it that I did not dare capture.  Either I became too lazy or that I may be thinking too hard that none of them seem to matter at the thought level.  At this point, I still feel the same.  But why am I writing?  It is for the reason that, I feel empty, lost and unable to define my situation. 

Is there something wrong with me?  That was my latest question?  Did I care so less at the moment?  Since summer vacation has started, my world has become “I, my daughter and my husband” .  But I do admit, my husband has been most of the time off the picture since I feel so much weight and demand from my daughter especially during her most painful teething moments.  When she just cries or wails in the middle of the night because of the discomfort. 

I feel her pain.  I struggle seeing her that way.  While we try to comfort her and apply honey and lately the gum gel to soothe  and comfort her, I feel really challenged in terms of patience.  While my daughter was in her bouts to recover and doze off to sleep.  Sometimes she sleeps in my arms from where I find her much heavier than the previous months.  Even then, the thought of enduring it with the statement “ mothers don’t just give up, they stand up for their children”.  And I get to remind myself that one. 

Huh…I almost forgot that it is summer vacation of 2014.  If others have shed off some skin at the beach or roaming around the mall or have some vacation somewhere else, I decided to stay close with my daughter.  I only get the shades and spread of sunshine from her beautiful charming smile when she got over with her discomfort.  And a lot of times, she gives me her hugs, touch on my face with her tiny hands and sometimes she pats my back.  Hmmmm mommy getrs defeated with that.  That is my weakness.  A spark of the sunshine of relief from her face after her discomfort.  My taste of the summer sun of the year 2014…all from my daughter’s charming smile and cute way of comforting me. 

Thank you God….And thank you for my ever dearest very patient husband:-)

Perfect Match?...Made for Each Other:-)

I and my husband?  Ahhaha we are such a perfect match.?????? In that I meant that we complement each other in so many ways except that we are at par in terms of our intensity and assertiveness including temper.  And we both admit that to each other. 

When I was yet an adolescent with the dream and idea of a perfect match, I thought it exist.  Perfect match that time meant that you perfectly match in everything from character, personality, likes, dislikes, etc.  But I see it as an illusion of my younger years.  There was no such thing as that.  When I met my husband, I felt our differences and the more when we lived together in one house after the wedding. 

There was no faking.  There was only the natural day to day shedding off and of ourselves from where I felt more challenged to accept and go on loving.  Everytime I struggle with the reality of our differences and felt like giving up, I would always pray and look back to the time when I decided to marry him.  And one day, I just told him that” even if we say sorry to each other, there is no guarantee that it won’t happen again.  But i still love you despite of all the flaws that we have to each other and as a couple.  We are such a perfect match made for each other ...and especially crafted by God”. (ssshhh the last sentence is only an addition which I thought of adding for all of you and of course for my dear husband to read). 

Motherhood and the Seed of Heroism

 

http://www.hammondgower.co.uk/piano/magnet-mothers-are-super-heroes.html

It is almost mother’s day.  May right?  I thought one time “would I get to be acknowledged for my heroism?....hmmm being a mother to my daughter?”.  Mother’s heroism is unsung.  Mothers don’t shout out at the top of their voice and to the world what they did to their children or even to their husbands. 

I thought the same to my own mother.  She was a simple, mostly silent woman.  She took care of 6 of us including our father.  I remember seeing her so skinny at our eldest grade 6 graduation.  She must have struggled and sacrificed so much for us.  Furthermore, I could not recall any moment when she asked for recognition.  I just remember her one time when she angrily shouted at us while we were fighting that she was so tired already and that one day she would leave all of us and never come back.  I never thought death would one day meet that wish. Or that God may have wanted us to learn our lessons  by giving our mother the biggest break of all…that is to join Him in heaven (hmmm that was so beautiful God but not to us that time huuh).

Anyway,  now that I am a mother myself,  I understood full well the sacrifice and the most painful cry of mothers not being noticed in their sacrifices and not really being understood in those moments when even the bouts of temper are being thought of as harsh and difficult. 

I do understand now why mothers are afraid when any member of the family get sick or when some members come home late or do not give due notice when they can’t come home earlier or when they don’t eat much or when mothers become too paranoid to imagine why some members are not home yet  or when they get so angry at some things and so many more.

Mothers just want their family to be well.  You know why?  It is too much a struggle to see any member of the family suffering in any way.  It would slowly kill the mother inside.  The emotion can be too excruciating.  Mothers though may appear strong  when and in times of crises for they have to remain steadfast when the rest of the family members may be struggling.  They silently suffer inside.  There are times when and even the describing the pain cannot be defined by words.  Thus mothers stay still until such time when she feels ready to share its depth. 

You may be wondering why I am able to write this.  I went through majority of what I have written here other than what was being shared to me by mothers themselves.   And I feel the heroism of mothers and motherhood.  I feel it to its depth and the strength that I felt everytime I decide to just surrender to God  and to allow the experience to take its shape and just to undergo and let the experience be or let my daughter just feel her pain while I stay close and make her feel that I was and am there for her.

Thank you God for the strength of being a woman.  Thanks for planting that seed of heroism inside every mother’s heart.  Thank you for giving me a husband who despite his questions and not fully understanding some parts of our journey as a family  stays and firmly stood still.  Amen.