FAITH, GENEROSITY AND TWENTY PESO BILL

It has been my hobby lately to pick up stories to write. It does not really happen outright for there are a lot to choose from. And so in my search for the "best" to share, I ran across two friends. One shared on an old love story and the other one that revealed an obvious manifestation of faith and sacrifice. I had my heart on the second. Here goes the story...

My second friend related of an incident that happened over the weekend. Due to a financial need of a member of the family, he withdrew everything he had from his salary and gave it up for them. Little did he know that he only had P20 bill left in his wallet. He did not even panic though...just a little worried since he had to support himself for another week (before the next salary for the month is due). But he started looking for options on where he could get such money...(i thought he would rob a bank hahahahha). But he thought of pawning his other cell phone. From where he is and the pawnshop, he spent P6 fare deducted from the P20. Just when he had to do that, a member of the family called him up informing him that she would send him P500.

Wow...Faith and P20. That's what I thought. Actually, I could not afford such small amount in my wallet. I would panic. I will not tell you how much i keep (hhahahhahaha) but ...part of my security is to have such amount (higher than P20 ...cguro P20.50 heheh joke lang) for me to satisfy my endless "what ifs".

The "what ifs" are those stuffs that I need to prepare. In case I would get sick, I have Philhealth or some extra health insurance. I have to have my food supplement or vitamins to prevent me from sickness. I have to have enough savings in case of some other emergencies. In short, i need some amount, if not sizeable to prepare me with life's contingencies. Or I need to spend overnight to prepare for a big presentation such as trainings and proposals for the company. Wow...ever ready soldier hahahha believe namo?

Well, I have not shared yet how I feel about the future...about why prepare so much. I prepare so much and really sweat it out for the following reasons :
1. I don't want really to accept responsibilities that i don't give my best...call it burning the midnight candle for certain big projects (pride is so strong ha heheh)
2. I want to relieve myself with too much of anxieties for the "what ifs" of embarrassment and failure or others would not trust me anymore
3. hehe magpa believe lang jud (bongga diva if you get the appreciation from a job well done

I am also a planner. I keep with me a notebook where i could list down all the things to be done in a day. Check at the end of the day and carry over the following day what needs to be done. I go over my work tirelessly in order to produce a good (hehe excellent diay) result. It seem to be then that I am always in command.

But hey, i forgot...this was me... I should have not used the present tenses hahahhaha. Meaning i have become aware of my own insanity. My own illusion of perfectionism that i thought i am heheh. It was an illusion for i ended up drained and tired and realizing, i work to prove something to the world. I competed with others and criticized those that is not at par my standards. I was bitter... oh my.

I appreciated my friend that shared his simple story ...displaying his strong faith and generosity. He just gave without realizing how much was left. Imagine having only P20 bill and you are staying in a city. It takes a leap of faith to transform a P20 into as huge as P500.

Well a priest shared his story during his homily last Sunday. He mentioned giving up a P500 bill for someone in dire need and only leaving $1 and P20 bill in his wallet. But he said he gave it up because he was secure of the availability of his savings through an easy access of the Automated Teller Machine (ATM). But then he felt blessed when somebody knocked at the convent and had his brand new car blessed. As a way of thanking him, he received P5,000. He stressed on the blessing he received through a gesture of generosity. Imagine a P500 bill turned into P5,000 ...that is like much more than 100% increment from a gesture of generosity ( you know what i am thinking? ...to start a business out of this...i just realized hahahha).

Thus, in this article, I am showing images of 3 people : My own image that is ...so insecure of the present that I have to secure my future (forgetting generosity...i did not mention the giving right? hehe), the priest who tried to give but at least he thought of a security of his savings and my friend who just withdrew everything, totally forgetting himself just to respond to the need.

Faith and generosity ...oh my. Those that I related about me is not totally in the past for i still forget and cling to it sometimes. Being aware with what I am and how I am makes the difference. I get reminded by situations when they hit me. I wanted so much to be in control. But faith demands letting go and not being attached so that I can give more and so I tried. I did struggle with getting over with the past but it is worth the effort.

The reason why i am braver enough to write this? It is because i learned about being faithful, generous, and to simply allow "P20 bill" moments to come just to feel and see how it is to simply trust and let go. The thing is ...it is in those moments when I don't have anything that I feel the most of God's generosity. That was how it was with my friend. With the priest, I really do not know him but for sure he has his moments too.

And with me? I am still a work in progress...got lots of "doing" to be done...:-)