Taking An Unpopular Path

It has been almost two weeks since I practically stopped working from my full time job as Training Officer in a company.   It was not an easy exit though but I had to as agreed  upon (between me and my husband).   My resignation was supposed to be effective on  May 31,  but I was requested by the top management to extend by the end of June.  

 But then again, I could no longer hold myself over some situations (hehe)  that I had to  request for my doctor’s intervention regarding this matter (good thing my doctor understood me full well) and I gloriously got my full term’s rest…that would mean, until I deliver my baby (but that doesn’t mean going back to my previous company). 

What’s for me at this time?  Being alone in the house lately and having a lot of time to figure out how things would be at my end,  gives me the most of freedom to explore where I am.  I tried looking back and counted my blessings of the past 4 years that I was out in the academe (which I thought at first I would regret for the rest of my life :-) ). 

Blessings such as :

1.       Went to US twice, met people (different kinds of people) and got so exposed with a of things

2.      Worked in the corporate twice

3.      Had the opportunity to lead at least for the majority of the four years ( at last I was able to conquer my fear in leading)

4.      Had the privilege of being assisted by two great Jesuit priests  (Fr. Norlan and Fr. Frank) who opened my doors  to my life’s passion (writing)

5.      Opened this blog site as my self expressions and was able to extend myself at least and in the little wisdom I gathered from experience to friends and even to beautiful guests from throughout the world that hop into my blog site (thanks so much to all of you…I feel so honored and humbled at such gesture and initiative of your visits).

6.      Started an Advocacy called Joyfully Hopeful supported by a Jesuit priest Fr. Frank now shared between me and my husband through the shirts and other products (though this one has not really moved forward yet at this time yet…I can see its future:-) )

7.      Explored and started to venture into business 

8.      Got married  last year (at last hahahahah) despite the many challenges

9.      Now nearing my 7^th month of pregnancy ( a little girl due by September)

10. Miracle of all miracles, I have started compiling some of my most read blogs – from the funniest to ….what would you say…the most heart breaking moments of my journey and put it into a book (actually I did not really think of these until some readers have noticed its impact and have started “tempting” me to publish them:-) ….this one keeps me really "crazy" on top of my keyboard lately putting things together plus another book on career taken from my journey with different employers).

11. I have intruded lives two probable editors …you see I have the tendency to overwrite.  I need that doze of downsizing with words.  I really want it sound conversational and with personal touch’

12. It is by grace that I do not worry if people will buy it or not.  I could worry less of that.  You see, when you get to receive an invitation to write from the heavens (I hope I listened right hehehe), you could worry less or not worry at all about people buying it.  I consider it already a grace to be able to share myself:-) )… 

I just don’t want to live  a life with regret in the future carrying the thoughts “what if I published it?  What if I had done this…so many what ifs”…I don’t want or need that anymore (and I could worry less about what people would think of it”.  That thing is …I just want to go crazy with letting it out and have fun that my books are out there… with the thought that “at least there may be one soul today that may be touched…that is heaven for me already”…  there is no hurry at all…(life is just too beautiful to rush right? :-)

13. A confession though…  I am not really totally unemployed, as I was taken by a Medical laboratory as Psychologist working part time  so  I need not be in the office unless special cases would require my presence.  All other things such as test administrations are done by a  Psychometrician and I love the freedom that this job is giving me.  

14.  Now a wife and soon – to – be mom,  I have a husband that is so “obsessed” with taking good care of “us”  -  I and the  little girl in my tummy.  I just feel sometimes like having a bodyguard keeping watch with what I eat, vitamins that I take in and the daily routine walk that we do take together (I mean the three of us hehehe).  

Well did I mention already a negotiation that took place between me and my husband?  At least with his support, he promised that I could get back on course including my Post graduate studies.  But even then, I am very open to whatever movements and direction that the decision I made  would take me.  I feel confident of the promise that I took before God as to taking care of my family  ....balancing it with career… I just want our beautiful gift – little girl (hopefully by the name of Maria Mikaela) be taken cared of in the next 3 months in my womb and have her come out by September.

Huwwwooooosh…I need that doooze of breath and strength to push hahahhaha …God is with us:-)

Insecurities Will Bring Us To Naught

http://myxsummerxrain.deviantart.com/art/Masked-Insecurities-134851559

Let me look at myself to start this writing.  Security for me was having money that I needed not worry about food, clothes to wear, shelter,  be with someone that’s firmly grounded and would not just drop me off somewhere when situations get tough.  Security for me also was having  my family around.  I just wanted them near me.  In fact leaving for or staying in another country made me sick and so insecure at not being with them. 

Furthermore, security for me was like being "sealed in all four walls" that I would feel safer from  any other harassment outside of it  (where I could care less since I felt so protected with where I was).  But really,  the desire for security from experience is a product of great fear to be rejected, to lose something  like job or any possession or lose someone like when my mother died in an accident. 

From and among those that I feared is to lose someone I love most especially members of my family which was triggered by my mother’s death.   But then it is a reality that I or all of us cannot escape.  Life presents the natural process of birth and dying and even dying to self from any other attachment. 

Why am I saying this?  I just heard two individuals giving comments like “this person is insecure that’s why she’s doing this”.  Thus, I would deal with man’s insecurities in this article. 

What does insecurities look like?  For a boyfriend, insecurity can mean fear of losing his girlfriend for another guy.  For a mother can be  fear of losing any member of her family.  For a worker or employee can be fear of losing his job putting it as an example as the downside of insecurities. 

Thus, an insecure person may do  “crazy” things to protect himself from any of the dangers of losses by putting up his armory of defenses as if in battle.  In the battle field, he focuses his eyes to any movements of threats of the enemy and brings himself to “action” by calling “fire” to signal the attack.  This can happen in real life taking as an example the workplace setting.

An insecure employee is closely guarded.  Anyone that would bring in threat to his  position would be his “enemy”.  And so he devises strategies for the attack either upfront or underground :

1.     Upfront “Attack”

This may include embarrassing the person during meetings; giving feedback through the “attack” of harsh words  to the victim in front of everyone in the office or during the occasion when everyone can hear them;  “washing hands” when confronted with failed projects and points  the responsibility of failure to the victim other than the self all for the purpose of putting up a clean image to everyone and the top management 

2.  Underground “ Attack” 

This may include giving false reports and accusations to top management without the person’s knowledge; devising strategies of putting the image of the person in bad light in front of the boss; sabotaging reports; claiming accomplishments and projects owned by the victim;  Insisting that he knows more than the other person bringing in more pressure of proving the self and worth to others

Insecure individuals are rigid per behavioral observations.  They have the look in their eyes of suspicion and as if sizing you up when you are able to present something beyond what they imagine you could  do.  They seem to be in hurry of putting you off your speaking grounds afraid that you may say something right and of sense and so leaving them behind and unnoticed. 

If they could just put a bandage on your mouth so that you won’t speak up, they would do that to you.  Ultimately, they would make every effort they can to get you out of the way.  Either get you get kicked out or  ultimately you leave your job. 

Really, I am not just writing this for no reason at all.  I am doing this since I have experienced how man’s insecurities may lead to a great havoc in a workplace, to a relationship with friends, family members or in a boy-girl relationship.  Every piece of such insecurity is an issue deep down in one man’s soul that has not been confronted and accepted that at certain point in his  being himself…  The truth is we are limited in a lot of ways and extent and the reality that there is someone much better and  “Someone” up there is in control at some point in our lives.

We cannot do everything in our lives to carry that “canyon”, "bombs", "missiles", just to secure ourselves with any threat that would attempt to “harm”  as we perceive them to be.  There is that fact and truth about us that we need to accept.  Again, we are limited and our acceptance in that level gives us that solemnity and peace of our humanity that we cannot pretend that we can do all things to protect our own worlds which we thought are so big.  We carry within us the truth that each of us has our own small worlds and we expand this "smallness" by reaching out and allowing others’ capacities to come in so that we grow in knowledge, wisdom and grace before everyone.    In this manner, we would be able to eliminate that fear of losing. 

We can simply LET GO and ACCEPT…  that WE ARE LIMITED …and we NEED OTHERS to extend the LIMITS of space in order to have a much bigger and freer world.  Oh, I tell you it is more relaxing not to compare what I have with what others have.  And it is quite a peace to realize that each of us has his own unique self to contribute in this so big world of ours (as I see it).  

Let us all continue to build and re-build ourselves every single day:-)  God bless everyone:-)  

My Job With Its Simple Joy

She came by after lunch time at the office and approached me immediately with her sad goodbye.  Marilyn, that's her name.  She said that that it was her last day at work and had to leave the company to join her sister in another place and eventually leave the country for a job offer.  

I felt sad knowing that we would loose another committed front liner worker at the shop.  But the other thing was that she remembered coming back for the goodbye with a big hug, "thank you" and a packed spaghetti meal.  She did melt my heart...Oh ...oh ...I held myself from tears while she had some (huh...i would miss my job, too...as i thought of leaving mine...)

Thank you so much Marilyn.  You are one of the best crew the company had. 

PS...One of the characters i described in my previous blog entitled "When Work is No Longer Work" - November 2011 is Marilyn...truly she is worth emulating as a worker.

Grandma's Love at First Sight

 http://www.picturesof.net/pages/090802-141119-064042.html

I was with a proud young grandma the other night.  She went so ecstatic describing how she journeyed with her daughter from pregnancy, delivery, and up to the present when her grandson is already 1 year old.  I saw the bliss in her eyes up until she declared..."what i had was a love at first sight with my grandson" (wow so there is such a love at first sight with grandchildren).  I wonder how it was with my own mother with my nephews and nieces.  

While she continued with her story i was laughing with her plus the giggles in between. Wow again, that's how it would be with a grandmother.  And, I could recall my dream of my own mother the previous night holding my baby with that big beautiful smile on her face.   I was almost in tears recalling that brief dream and the encounter I had with that beautiful young grandmother leading to the message that I got...my own mother is as happy and proud as that grandmother in front of me. 

Oh I miss my own mama (that's how i called her) so much.  She must have felt the joy of a grandma while I and my husband joyfully waited for our own "love at first sight" moment with our baby come September of this year.

Hmmm....grandmothers...they are just simply lovely and adorable, too:-)... (I still miss my mama).

Precious Words for My Dearest and Most Special

I scribbled some words the other night until i reached with some small pieces of writing that i would want to tell my baby while he / she is in my womb.  As I read each piece to my husband, i saw him just smile with that look of awe in his eyes.  Here goes...

Facing Challenges Head On Through Meditation

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I read one blogger a while ago and I saw how she struggled with expectations of others while she insisted on strongly affirming with life listening to the movements of her heart.  I do admire her for that.  At times i get to stumble with expectations even when I was a child up to the present.  From within, I see the strength at battling against expectations despite that it weakens me sometimes.

I cry at the truth that i strongly uphold.  The truth,  that i carry within me such strength of a woman that is so ready to face challenges.  I don't want to say "i do not know where I get this" since i know full well at how i go back from time to time to my Source - God.  Fueling and re-fueling myself.  

One of the latest influences I had in facing challenges head-on is my husband.  He shared with the latest book he browsed on meditation and tried it himself.  He discovered how the precious 10-minute venture he had in it revitalized his energy.  This one precious 10 - minute did create miracle and I did try it myself.  It helped me to refocus and clean up some mess and clutters including the influx of perceived expectations from others in all sorts.  Huh... I just want some breather. 

I wanted so much to go back to it from time to time to re-fuel. Thank you dear husband...Thank you God.

My Mothers' Day - May 13, 2012

http://media.photobucket.com/image/mothers day

I woke up today not really expecting so much. I just told my husband to accompany me in (the latest) daily routine walk around the subdivision.  I even forgot that it is mothers’ day.  After we had our hot drinks and pandesal,  I blurted the greeting “happy mothers’ day to myself hon”…to my husband’s shock…  He forgot just like me and he was all laughing about it.

Of course he greeted me after that.  I admit this is so new to me and to him, too.  Not even formally and officially a mom since my baby has not come out yet.  But I do feel like I am a mom, mama or nanay already.  It may be a little awkward for both of us to declare that but life is growing in my womb and there’s the three of us already.  Again, I feel like a mom, already.  Seriously, this being a mom thing has not really sank deep yet. 

But as months passed and I became used to having someone within me everyday, I feel like I am bringing with me a part of me and my husband.  Someone so special and fresh that I / we need to introduce to the world that we are in.   And so when we decided to hear mass at the mall, I felt like the entire family’s going there.  What I usually do is to get to talk to my baby in my womb with anything including the plans for the day.

At mass I got to meet my old classmate and friend Nina with her daughter.  We sat beside each other…I mean in between us was her beautiful daughter and I got a  glimpse of both of them and the growing excitement within me.  I felt the beauty of motherhood during the celebration as the priest acknowledged moms to go the front for a blessing.  I and Nina did not go though but I felt the blessing from God as I caressed my tummy imagining God blessing us also with my baby and my husband.  But wow, my country value so much family and roles of parents. 

As I searched around for moms with their sons and daughters - babies,  kids and older ones.  I saw so much of the strength of the women delivering all these children.  There were families that had more than one kids and I realized how God had chosen women to bring out these  children to the earth. 

Joking aside, I did ask my husband many times why it has to be women that has to carry the child and why not them.  He really took me seriously with his answer that genetically it is not possible and that our bodies from the very beginning was really designed for such purpose. 

It was such a wonderful celebration.  The Eucharist was like a refreshment for me – for my soul, my relationship to God and my husband and oh ..i will never forget … our beautiful innocent baby in my womb. 

Before the mass ended, I had some small talks with Nina updating a little of each others lives.  After which, I and my husband just roam around the mall.  After lunch I noticed some rehearsals going on with kids’ doing some ballet dancing.  I lingered a little while I waited for my husband doing something.  I was curious of kids and their behaviour on stage. 

Meanwhile, I also saw parents particularly moms proudly looking at them performing.  And I had lots of those thoughts going on such as :  What talents would my children have?  Would I expose them  to something like this?  There are so many of them on stage…  Would I want my children to be like them? 

Until,  I reached the question… Would I want my children to be like everyone else?  …and… Will this be the kind of exposure that they may have to make a difference in the world? (very odd mom that I am...right?).   Silently, I was in tears with this question leading me to pull out at one side to sit, think and feel the moment as I watched my husband trying to finish some forms to fill up at a counter. 

I admit that growing up with five other siblings in the house was quite a “cumbersome” childhood for  me.  I felt not much of attention was given to any of us seeing our parents so engrossed with providing us financially.  It was a childhood filled with experiments of everything at my end since I realize that “no one was really watching”.   

I had to try on clothes that would best fit with me, chose my style of shoes, sang any song,  tried sketching,  tried dancing and imitating some students doing ballet at a ballet class in our place (I guess mama would rather save up for our tuition in school than sending us to ballet class).  

I read books.  I tried writing too but when I saw someone writing beautifully with some words I could not really understand, I got discouraged (good writer for me that time meant having heavy words to say not understandable by many …huh …and whoa…I got to say wowwww if I read writings done in that manner). 

I tried imitating but that led me nowhere.  When I started something, I would stop and tried new one.  Until I realized that I had to be “me” in order to find myself.  And there is no other way that I would be able to reach out to my future children except by being themselves. 

Since from my search and journey towards “home” …that is myself…I realized …there are a whole lot of resources and gifts that needed to be out in the open, I feel the same to my future children.  They can go where they want to go.  But there is one thing that I would tell them in the earliest part of the lives… that I listened to my heart and I was guided by it.  I was guided by God’s voice in it.  

And so they can do the same…explore their passion, listen to their hearts…to that Voice that would lead them to where they should be.  And all we could do as a couple is to support them and pray for them.

Really, there were times when I got to laugh with my husband how we argued on how we would raise them and I would cut it by saying…”what about focus on nurturing them with our love than arguing right now on things that are not there yet”.  Because I do believe that if we start with nurturing them with our love the earliest years, they will find their own way by themselves.  Love will find its way when children are led by it in the earliest part of their lives.

Did I say so much?   Here's to close.... My mothers’ day ended beautifully with a beautiful gift from my husband (aside from his material gifts to me for the day and doing some chores in the house…great husband) – with the realization -  my strength as a woman is being complimented by the strength of character of my dear husband. 

HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY TO ALL MOTHERS AND ASPIRING MOTHERS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD…MY PRAYERS GO WITH YOU ALL:-)

I Call this "Somewhere In Time" with My Beautiful Friends At Work

With Albert, Emmylou "Micmic, Evelyn and Allan

 
The year was 1997.  I was a fresh graduate then in college and barely learning proper methods of teaching. I was not trained to teach.  My course was BS Psychology and i felt at the first sight of my first job that it may lead me to where i should be ( I was hoping it would despite of ).  I was told by my employer to do counseling for students yet, the same "put" me in teaching six sections of  fourth year students. 

I was groping in the dark.  I needed so much of help related to the job assigned to me  but had not much of it except the consoling and beautiful individuals that became my solace in my desolate and frustrating situation. This was rather heavy or shall i say "harsh" description of that situation.  But i was like a crawling turtle everyday, dragging myself every morning to perform the tasks of  a teacher. 

So how was it with friendship?  I met few individuals who were being hired the same year that i got in as a teacher.  Emmylou, Rizza, Albert, Maurice and Hazel...  That's their names.  We lived in the same boarding house except Albert who was / is a resident of Cagayan de Oro.  

In school, we had our separate departments (Emmylou and Hazel with Science, Albert with Social studies, Rizza with English and Maurice and myself with Values Education department) but at home we were bunch of inseparable people filled with colorful life stories.  We shed off  lots of ourselves from beautiful to worst.  We spent some late nights out of the house, cried over desires and painful love stories of each other, traveled to Camiguin to just be "lost" for a while, got drunk with myself being helplessly assisted by one of us (plus i rolled on the floor laughing). 

Added to that, i think it would add up more meat if i would describe the "jewels" of each one:

1.  Emmylou was the petite "chinita" pretty face, intelligent (magna cum laude in Education) with a wonderful singing voice, straight white legs  and a handsome boyfriend.   She was a great Science teacher too..this one i won't miss to include (this one cannot be refuted being awarded in her current job in Texas as an Outstanding teacher and competed in her district too in the same state...so proud of her with tears and tears heheeh):-)

2.  Rizza was the disk jockey of the group. She was my roommate and i discovered how in old cassette recorder, she just mumbled words like that of a DJ which made me realize how smart she was at being fast at capturing right English words to say.  Well i won't forget that she graduated Magna Cum laude too..:-) and she had that golden heart.  I felt how her beliefs and faith has formed her conscience so well that she feared committing sin or mistakes.  I was an eyewitness to how she knelt down on the floor in remorse for something she did and i learned a lot seeing her that way ...such faithfulness to God.

3.  Hazel was the "motherly" figure of the group.  She can wake up very early to prepare for everyone's food which made me ashamed at how she was able to manage being a great eldest sister in her own family and acted the same to all of us.  I was just so heart broken when i had to witness her shedding buckets of tears over a beautiful love "wasted".  But she rose up strong with the decision to move on with life.

4.  Albert may have not lived with us in the house but he had that soft heart too when i shared my painful and lost stories with my "love affair".  What was most unforgettable was when he wrote in several pages of yellow paper his own desires and dreams for my and Mike (my husband) who he knew way back in college.  My strong attachment with him is beyond compare too, owing to the fact that everything that he desired for me and Mike came true (i could cry and cry for this).

5.  Maurice ohh...this one may be a shock.  When he expressed his "like" ...hmmm i mean...admiration with me, it did not change a bit at how i looked at him and our friendship and my high regard and respect with him.  In fact Maurice with his emotional overture and support with me as his friend really led to a beautiful friendship that made me support his courtship with another woman who became his better half.  I hope i did my "job" well at pointing him to his "true north" (char lang...).

I could call that,  a one package of a school year and the last grip that i had with our friendship was the memory of a meeting with two of them ...Emmylou whom i (and all of us friends) now call "micmic" cute heheh and Albert last April 29, 2012.  Micmic came back for her mom that passed away due to cancer (so sorry for that friendship) and Albert joined us with two of their friends and colleagues in the same school Allan and Evelyn.  It was such a wonderful brief looking back and "how's life" with each one.  Wow.  I felt that was so short a time to spend together but better than not seeing her and Albert for years.

At present:

With Pretty and Cute Emmylou "Micmic"

1.  Emmylou "micmic" is married and so stable with her job being a Science department teacher and head in one of Texas' high school. Still cute and pretty, sings and now desiring to have kids with her husband Bembot ( You have my love and support friendship...way to go with our herbal therapy and prayers).  I couldn't desire anything less than the desire of micmic to have their "little ones" someday which i deeply believe in my heart God sees that too. 

More than anything with micmic, there is just one thing that so much admire with her.  She has gone high and far with her achievements as a person but has never put so much of that "ego" with herself.  She emulates humility and simplicity through the years.   When I met her last April 29, 2012, she was still the person that i knew - giggles, laughs loud with me ( i guess gakatakdan lang siya sa ako ahahha), and no air of anything from where she came from.  

She connects with us friends from friendster to facebook and even long night talks when i was in US.  She was the same from the tone of her voice to meeting her personally.  It was always from her initiative to gather us friends which started during her wedding and up to the succeeding years when she comes back here in the Philippines.  She never forgets her friends.  That's one of the bests she has (thanks so much mic:-)).

2.  Hazel is now a Principal in a charter school in California.  I couldn't really write much in here as we have no any direct communication except that of Micmic's update that she is so into her career and has set aside getting too personal with her life including getting married (i hope one day she will find her man:-)..miss her so much too). 

3.  Albert finished his law school and as far as i know works as history department chairperson of the school where we worked together years back.  I guess he is still figuring out if he stays in the country or seriously consider going out.  That one i learned during our last date with Mic2.   He stressed that a lot of people pushed him to do that already. I believe he will have his place wherever he is meant to go.

4.  I have no any update with Maurice except that one day in the past, he gave me that treat for dinner with the announcement that he was getting married and he was doing well with his work in the pharmaceutical company as medical representative (No news at present with his whereabouts...asa na man ka ga tago tago mau mau?).

5.  And of Rizza...este Zardings...she got married of course with her beautiful hubby and baby.  Really when i saw how beautiful her family was / is, I had that growing desire to build mine in partnership with my husband.  She inspires me so much.  And i guess she has finished her doctorate too (rights bako zards? heheh).  

And so at my end, I may not be able to totally fathom God's mystery of crafting and shaping certain experiences of bringing people together  leaving a beautiful, memorable imprint.  Such one school year bathed with the grace and wonderful friendship will forever be in my heart.  To Emmylou "micmic", Rizza "Zardings", Albert, Hazel "Asyang", Maurice "Maumau" ... Thank you for the beautiful friendship we had... You just don't know how much I miss US together...:-) My prayers and love go with all of you wherever you are:-) 

with Evelyn, Albert and Allan at Starbucks, CDO

With Albert, Emmylou "Micmic", Evelyn, Meeh Baby (check my pointer finger hahahah)

Kids' Stuff Site Coming So Alive

After the longest wait of longing and desire in my former single life, to be a mom someday, the opportunity just came last January of 2012.  God's wonderful opening of the year for me and my husband is the gift of "new life" in my womb.  The photo at the left side was my evidence when i was teased by some officemates as "ambisyosa".  I just giggled and laughed with them though but hoped in my heart when i ran the initial test of my pregnancy.  

( continue reading in my KIDS STUFF BLOG SITE...:   http://dang-kidsstuff.blogspot.com/2012/05/kids-stuff-site-coming-so-alive.html )

A Short Recall On My "Passion" History

 

I could put much of the credit to finding my passion to the late Mrs. Maritza Taleon.  She was our department head way back in college when I plunged into the course BS Psychology after that long bout to "free" myself from the expectations of my parents.  While i was engaging myself with the course, Mrs. Taleon gave me that opportunity to facilitate a workshop to / with college students from another school on her behalf.  Well she was supposed to give that workshop but i did not know what gotten through her when she just entrusted such task to a college student like me that time.  I guess she saw something in me that might have thrived  with training when perked.  Thanks to my "guru" of trust.    

What then after that?  I found myself giving talks to my Catholic Christian community, college students to the university where i graduated, workshops to many groups after that.  Since I was employed in the same university where i graduated particularly doing counseling with high school students, the "mission" kept pushing me in that direction - facilitating trainings.  I felt that it was no longer by chance that the invitations to facilitate came.  I felt some hand guiding me in that direction and when I was in it, I felt that soaring fire, excitement, feeling "lost" in the process of just engaging myself without being conscious of who my participants were. 

Looking back, I could not really imagine at a much younger age that i would be giving trainings to deans of colleges, school administrators or to give training side by side in a hotel conference room with the country's president of the organization of Guidance Counselors.  

Looking back, I thought of the courage I mustered within me and the grace to inspire many participants as I received positive feedback from the participants during evaluation time.  Time came when I became restless  being contained in a counseling job for 10 years.  I left it with thought of vague possibilities ahead.  I just felt that i had to do that for something else unknown but with certainty that there was something "more" for me.  

And i was right.  At present, I am into my most passionate tasks of putting that passion together.  First I landed a job in Human Resource which led me to another job being a Training Officer.  What I was putting together for the past years in training is slowly in shape through this job and I am currently expanding my horizon that is pushing the consultancy business that I conceptualized in 2009 called Triune Consultancy, Trainings and Counseling.

With the skill to facilitate side by side with it was and is the skill to write training modules particularly suited to the needs of my clients.   I have accumulated a lot already and these have become my "buckets" to stay on "fire"  with Training whether i would stay with my current position or pull out later for wider and bigger field to till. 

Going Back...To Find The "Treasure" of Family

http://stjudedamilag.org/default.htm_files/Page2692.htm

Holy Thursday morning and i felt agitated and irritated. I had from minor to major complaints. I was not able to frankly tell my husband how i felt. Instead i asked for his permission that I would sort of hybernate at the beautiful mountains of Bukidnon. I wanted so much to go home. I gathered all my courage just to get that "yes" from him. To simply put it, I needed the space for myself and my tiny growing baby in my womb.

I thank God for giving me an understanding husband. He really noticed the uphill climbs and downs of my emotions. I guess he just wanted to give me that rest. Thank you God. I opted to stay with my older sister's family. My other sister and her family were there already and I felt the guilt of not bringing along my husband. I reminded myself that I needed that "space" hoping that i would reap better insights when i get back to our home in 2 days time.

The first thing i did, i ate lots of vegetables. Then i slept the entire afternoon and went to the Church with my sisters' families. Oh i missed my husband so much. Where was I? I admitted I never felt so lost in years. Not like this. As i was skirting myself during the Eucharistic celebration, I felt the calmness of the reality of the strong foundation that families build such that the community that i visited - Damilag Bukidnon prioritized formation of families. I touched my tummy from time to time trying to communicate that love and mentioning my husband during my prayer time.

What more did i hear after that? My brother in law and sister mentioned to me the leadership of their parish priest and i was simply astounded at how such one person could have made so much difference in the lives of the people in their community. This dedicated priest was able to lead their community into the following :

1. Children's mass every Sunday (3pm) - this priest distributes "goodies" to kids when they are able to answer his questions during mass. He also gives assignments to kids -bible verses to read and ask questions to them. Kids also receive coupons when they go to mass. They present these as "passport" during Fridays - except first fridays for movie watching. Films according to my brother in law are filled with good values for children to emulate.

2. Basic Ecclessial Community (BEC) - divided each sub parish into BEC involving families (i knew also that the priest himself involves in this. He has his own group too)

3. Project 2BC - raising 2 million in 2 months for the baptistery. A baptistry is that small pond (sorry for the word) filled with blessed water where baptismal rites are held in the olden time. This priest just wants that tradition come alive. I like it very much. I saw this in old Catholic Churches and it seem to have no use anymore...(just a thought)

4. Parish website - you may take a look at the first ever parish website in Bukidnon (http://www.stjudedamilag.org)...hmmm i dont know if we have any in Cagayan de Oro City.

5. The Parish was awarded with GOOD GOVERNANCE in Mindanao as he is able to organize the parish well and the people and able to maintain a good relationship with the Barangay and established good linkages with them.

6. Encouraged gardening of families in their yards (this great priest leader has his own too at the Church yard).

7. "Lingaw Lakaw" (Fun Walk) was a project headed by the priest himself where people in the barangay walked together to pick litters and trashes

8. Kwarenta sa Kapilya (40 for Chapels) - where each family prepares empty can and drops any amount for 40 days to a help a chapels in the barangay with whatever needs they have

9. Kwarenta sa Trahedya (4o for Tragedy) - each family prepares and empty can and drops any amount for 40 days to a help victims of earthquake in Negros).

10. 40 Words for 40 days - this project I witnessed myself when i visited my sister's subdivision chapel where 40 words are placed on 40 separate small rolled sheets of paper. You pick one and you get your message to live by. My message was "Envy" (hahahha it seems like the heavens just poured fire on me...thank you God for purifying me).

11. Instead of 7 last words in the afternoon of Good Friday where only few are present and some present obviously were bored with those words rolled over and over again every year, this priest initiated a more engaging activity by holding a synchronized Basic Ecclesial Community sessions. This one i guess is more interactive, participative and would be able to bring in more involvement of families. I have nothing against the 7 Last Words of Jesus... It is just that i would rather have it translated and that people could relate with it with their own lives ...making it come alive with them than just simply listening a one - way delivery from a speaker that may have rehearsed it so well but would not know what's in the mind and heart of his listeners. This initiative of this priest is outstanding.

12. Newsletter - with the so very busy schedule of this priest being a province Chancellor to the Bishop (i hope i got it right), he is able to produce a weekly newsletter called "Paglaum" (Hope) discussing weekly theme and any other parish updates.

13. Bible Study every Saturday at 6pm - there is no other best teacher and translator of the word of God but through someone that has gone through the arduous theological studies. A priest can do this. Though some lay people may have gone through this Pastoral study, but the initiative of this one pries even for just an hour in a week may make such huge difference in the lives of families. This program is participated in by families. My sister's family- husband and kids do join this one and i tell you, it was such a good sight for me seeing my 2 nephews so active in other Church activities other than this.

14. Strengthened different church organizations by giving formations / workshops / seminars

15. Segregation of garbage

16. St Jude Shrine at the Parish Church

17. High regard and support with Church organizations

As I was spending some time reading story books under nearby tree, i felt the calmness of the moment spending some time with myself and my "baby" (strange mom that I am). And as i gazed the trees, I had a passing thought of the "Wow" feeling of one priest that take his vocation so seriously doing so much. Did i mention his name yet? He is Fr. Bobby V. Cena. I got his full name in their website (hehe i hope i won't be penalized for publishing his name here without his permission).

Why am I putting this together here? When I went to visit my older sister, I was searching for myself. I thought of something that would just relaxed my nerves and soul. I wanted some nourishment to that extent of diving into the risk of "leaving" my husband for 2 days to get to the heart of my search. I prayed for God's guidance. When I went back home, I told the good news to my dear husband of the need of strengthening our family values and prayer so as to build up that family modeling Christian values.

I had such wonderful time with my husband discussing the "treasures" i found with my apologies for insisting on being "alone" for a while which for me reaped a great "harvest" of realization. Together, we were able to celebrate our simple family "resurrection" through the following:

1. Continue to pray together as a family.
2. To ask for guidance to be able to join a Christian community that would strengthen family relationships
3. include Bible sharings in our family time at night rather than indulging in our favorite hub ...the internet and books.
4. Find time to do things together
5. Not to be carried by the temptations of materialism (we simply decided to continue to share and to live simply even in abundance...hehe we are not rich but we feel so blessed despite many challenges)
6. To be more patient with each other
7. Stay healthy and take care of our upcoming baby
8. To model good values as future parents
9. To stay and stick together as a family
...and a lot more...

One last thing. I thought that priests can do so much like that of Fr. Cena. Sadly, it is my first time to see such kind of priest so "madly" involved in the lives of his people in the parish. I hope and pray there will be more of them. One thing that i saw when he raised the cup during the mass...he was simply "lost" in his singing and praise that i saw him in tears. Wow...he must have that strength of his spirituality that he is able to sustain and get so much strength, nourishment and protection in his ministry.


Oh my...we lay people...our families...need a good shepherd in our parishes...we need great Help....this one i realize to be an urgent need of our time. Priest leaders...with strong spirituality...we need to protect our families... through the help of these men of God...

Dear God help us...

PS...I never thought God would just lead me back to my old place to be able to pick up this wonderful story to share and get so much strength in my own family journey. Thank you God:-)

The Warrior Is A Child

http://www.zazzle.com/children_playing_in_leaves_card-137769287620218702

I have special love and attention with children. When I get tired and I become so busy with my daily engagements or when my world becomes so complicated, I talk to children. You know why? They are no fake. You ask them any question and you get their honest answer. You would even get honest answer that they don’t know the answer.

The song that I quote below was sang by Gary Valenciano entitled The Warrior is the Child. And why in the world would I go to children when it’s from them that says in the song “Warrior”. Well I am going to illustrate in here a different warrior (not the brutal warrior).

In my previous blog, I wrote that inside us is the spirit of a child that was born in the past. It became "contaminated" through the years that led to putting on masks  to give in to the world’s expectations that led to suppressing the child’s spirit in us.

Why am I sharing this one here? Lately, I was into making another major decision involving my career. Inside me I was grueling and pressing myself so hard about which I value the most between career and facing my responsibilities of motherhood and being a wife. Though my health may be well but I knew also that I could not go on performing so many things at the same time. I may appear strong and sturdy but at times the child within gets to stumble on her knees with that loud cry for "help".

So I see myself “winning battles left and right”… I feel success with a lot of things that I do. But I feel such emptiness at times. Something that I could not understand with success leading me to question its true nature. Success I guess without the feeling of fulfillment and meaning is nothing for me.

“They don’t know that I come running home when I fall down”. You know what? I am smiling while I encoded the previous line. Simply because…if before, I fear so much failure and falling. Now no more. Falling for me is learning and re-shaping for new things to come in. It takes a lot of humility on my part to embrace the reality that I do not really control everything that happens around me. Acceptance keep me on my feet. Acceptance for me equals going home…face my God in humility and say “I am just me God”. I really love it that way. No faking…flaws laid down… with my beautiful relaxed smile…hmmm… establishing that long term friendship with Him keeps me so assured with that Love…

And oh…when I am on my knees I just know in full confidence…the warrior inside me…holding on to that fight…so positive and poised with all the challenges… “He just picks me up when no one is around”. And I dust myself, clean up, put on new set of clothes, put on my new set of armor, sharpen my sword, more prepared for the next battle ... great wow.

Children just remind me so much of just being like that of kid's heart that just cares so less about the opinions of the world and looks up to just ONE PERSON that says with truthfulness that I am His daughter with a promise that He will be with me all the way.

Just read on the lyrics of the song below…feel it …you may see yourself going through the same journey. My thanks to all my children friends that remind me always to stick with being a child inside despite the dragging and temptations of the world.

Come “children” sing with me: 

THE WARRIOR IS A CHILD

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

Chorus:

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while (Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)
Unafraid because His arrow is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing [ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/warrior-is-a-child-lyrics-gary-valenciano.html ]
I never face retreat, oh no But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

Chorus:

They don't know
that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while (Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while (Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)